The Reformation of Wolfshausen

We're back to a late post today. My intentions were good, though.

Scarabeus

SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

2010 Update: A symbol of the sun, found in a mound of dung. The more plausible easter egg.

Scimitar

SCIMITAR, n. A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth century.

When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!

"Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged monarch. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off by the public executioner at three o'clock? And is it not now 3:10?"

"Son of a thousand illustrious deities," answered the condemned minister, "all that you say is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The executioner appeared with his bare scimetar, ostentatiously whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck, strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable and treasonous head."

"To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweledcaitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.

"To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh — I know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi."

"Let him be brought before me," said the Mikado to an attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the Presence.

"Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!" roared the sovereign — "why didst thou but lightly tap the neck that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"

"Lord of Cranes of Cherry Blooms," replied the executioner, unmoved, "command him to blow his nose with his fingers."

Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close, without incident.

All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled and his breath came in gasps of terror.

"Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried; "I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimetar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office."

So saying, he gasped his top-knot, lifted off his head, and advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.

2010 Update: A sword curved to rest gently along the throat. Civilization without the scrawl.

Temptation, and its causes

Temptation holds a pride of place

In man and his endeavors

Gold and flesh e'er turn our knobs

And pull on all our levers.

In youth the shining, soft or certain

Drives the young to draw the curtain

And conspire against the very things

To which our hearts appert'in.

And then as we grow sad and wiser

Eternity inspires the miser

To prepare a lasting legacy

As life churns him to fertilizer.

But with my youth by now gone by

Through older eyes I see,

A sinful motor may turn my eye

But the devil driving is irony.

-Cyrus Moody

TEMPTATION, n. The nearest thing out of reach.

Safety-Clutch

SAFETY-CLUTCH, n. A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.

Once I seen a human ruin
In an elevator-well,
And his members was bestrewin'
All the place where he had fell.

And I says, apostrophisin'
That uncommon woful wreck:
"Your position's so surprisin'
That I tremble for your neck!"

Then that ruin, smilin' sadly
And impressive, up and spoke:
"Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,
For it's been a fortnight broke."

Then, for further comprehension
Of his attitude, he begs
I will focus my attention
On his various arms and legs —

How they all are contumacious;
Where they each, respective, lie;
How one trotter proves ungracious,
T'other one an alibi.

These particulars is mentioned
For to show his dismal state,
Which I wasn't first intentioned
To specifical relate.

None is worser to be dreaded
That I ever have heard tell
Than the gent's who there was spreaded
In that elevator-well.

Now this tale is allegoric —
It is figurative all,
For the well is metaphoric
And the feller didn't fall.

I opine it isn't moral
For a writer-man to cheat,
And despise to wear a laurel
As was gotten by deceit.

For 'tis Politics intended
By the elevator, mind,
It will boost a person splendid
If his talent is the kind.

Col. Bryan had the talent
(For the busted man is him)
And it shot him up right gallant
Till his head begun to swim.

Then the rope it broke above him
And he painful come to earth
Where there's nobody to love him
For his detrimented worth.

Though he's livin' none would know him,
Or at leastwise not as such.
Moral of this woful poem:
Frequent oil your safety-clutch.
—Porfer Poog

2010 Update: An invention of Elisha Otis for the purpose that the descent of man not be accelerated by the descent of men.

Sacerdotalist

SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.

2010 Update: One who believes that, as the son of man was raised up, so must the priests be raised up- although on a stage rather than a cross. Sacerdotalism was fervently opposed by early Protestants who preferred a scaffold.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Achtzig

To listen, follow the Marburger soldier

Or, you can read from the apple tree.

The story so far is here.

Legislator

LEGISLATOR, n. A person who goes to the capital of his country to increase his own; one who makes laws and money.

2010 Update: A member of a legislature, and representative of the neighbor. The legislator may propose, oppose or dispose the laws authorizing, limiting and defining the tyrannical and inquisitive branches of government; may conspire or enter into conspiracies as the hours in the day and longevity allow; and may identify the conspiracies of others as necessary to promote domestic anxiety and explication. The third person of government and the plural.

Happy birthday to Mo'a

Leatherhead

LEATHERHEAD, n. Dr. Bartlett, of the Bulletin.

2010 Update: A sparkling wit out of earshot.

Returns

There are prices that never get bought

And wishes that never get caught

But old gamblers bet

That all their regret

Turns to chips in the next table's pot.

RETURN, n. The profit accumulated when a staggering fool meets a regimentary public.