Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Liar
Liar, n. An attorney with a roving profession. A journalist of any occupation, trade or calling. See PREACHER.
2005 Update: An expert in speaking while on another topic.
Liar: SOME one who SAYS they care for me and THEN says its really their freind, and THEN says they are all better, and THEN says they still need help and THEN says Christofer is fuzzy and THEN says they are still Christinane and looking forward to seeing me in heaven like we planed and THEN says they REALLY have feelings for LESBOS (Little Everlastingly Soapy Bar of Soap) and THEN says Christoper is fuzzy again!!!!!!!!!
Tan Lucy, why would you see an elected official? They're all liars.
Planetmoron, correction: Anyone yet living.
Dddragon, you should have your husband vacuum like Actonbell. Then you could use Martyr.
Pansi, you seem very upset. Since my dream I feel like I've found real harmony. Christopher is fuzzy and you are beautiful I hope we can always be friends until I see you in heaven. Oh, and that thing with Soapy was pure physical lust, and has nothing to do with the transcendent intellectual compassion I have for you.
Liar: It all started with EVE and the first faked orgasm. Or was it with Adam when he said he had to work late and then came home with whiskey on his breath...? MMmmm...I need to Ask the Devil and get back to you. Sometime. Soon. You'll be too busy for this tomorrow, what with the story tellin' and all.
Tan Lucy, I accept your story and, based on what I read from Actonbell's link, I accept that it was necessary. First Faked Orgasm? Your granddaughter reads this site!!!
Actonbell, that was a great link. I have to bookmark that site, she's hysterical. Hoss sure knows how to pick his friends.
Gracious Sar, you're the best. I notice no-one challenged your list.
Sar, not by anyone who knows you. I have to say I feel protective of Condi, though. She's sweet in cut your heart out and eat in front of you kind of way.
Sinner: Pastor, do liars go to hell? Pastor: Yes, Of course. Sinner: Are you lying about that? Pastor: No, I assure you. Sinner: If you were lying, then that would make you a liar, and that would mean that liars go to heaven, right? Pastor: Uh... yes, I guess so. Sinner: I'm a liar. I lie all the time. So, are you a liar? Pastor: No, I am not a liar. Sinner: Does your wife know about that ministerial visit you paid your secretary at Willows Motel yesterday afternoon? Pastor: Ummm, Uh, yes, she knows the secretary and I were reserving a conference room there for an upcoming church event. Sinner: Praise God! I'm going to heaven!
PREACHER???? What filth you display here! Devil, get thee OUT!
ReplyDeleteLiar: someone who has stretched the truth a bit farther then its maximum stretching capacity.
ReplyDeleteLiar: If done by the normal human being an act of wrong doing. If done by the government: sound economics and perfectly ok.
ReplyDeleteHere's a neat parable about a preacher:
ReplyDeleteParable
Lie: An acceptable form of behavior if you become publicly "born again" and say you're sorry, after the lie is exposed.
Little Bar of Soap, I still fantasize about you.
ReplyDeleteGoa'uld, you are my Charlie Bucket.
Monika, is it true you grew up in the DDR? I think that's universal, though.
Indie, I like that parable. Thanks. What do you suppose the master would have done for a blogger? Christopher is fuzzy indeed!
liar, liar, pants on fire :P
ReplyDeleteIf Truth is Nakedness, we are all overdressed.
ReplyDeletePhew, Karma, I was afraid I had jock-itch.
ReplyDeleteYep, Sar, today should be fun.
Icy, change we to you and I'd want that on my tombstone.
Liar: Something everyone else is.
ReplyDeleteSee Elected Offical.
What I frequently am when asked if I vacuumed behind the couch.
ReplyDeleteLiar: SOME one who SAYS they care for me and THEN says its really their freind, and THEN says they are all better, and THEN says they still need help and THEN says Christofer is fuzzy and THEN says they are still Christinane and looking forward to seeing me in heaven like we planed and THEN says they REALLY have feelings for LESBOS (Little Everlastingly Soapy Bar of Soap) and THEN says Christoper is fuzzy again!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteTan Lucy, why would you see an elected official? They're all liars.
ReplyDeletePlanetmoron, correction: Anyone yet living.
Dddragon, you should have your husband vacuum like Actonbell. Then you could use Martyr.
Pansi, you seem very upset. Since my dream I feel like I've found real harmony. Christopher is fuzzy and you are beautiful I hope we can always be friends until I see you in heaven. Oh, and that thing with Soapy was pure physical lust, and has nothing to do with the transcendent intellectual compassion I have for you.
Glad I stopped by! ""liars!""
ReplyDeleteWhere? Did you see one?
Liar, n.
ReplyDeleteAn obviously incorrigible blackguard whose version of the truth disagrees with your own.
What I thought blue, you claimed as red;
My water, you called fire.
Where I am right, you disagree;
That makes you, sir, a liar.
You gotta look quick, Morningdew. They're rare and stealthy. Glad you dropped by.
ReplyDeleteJohn, Awesome. Is that an original lyric?
Liar, n. 1. Recreational evangelist; 2. Spontaneous or arbitrary fiction writer.
ReplyDelete)+(
Doug, my DH does 98% of the cleaning in our house. He even vacs the basement before he mops the floor.
ReplyDeleteAren't I ashamed of myself? No, but I try to look like I am.
(ooooh, I'm still a Liar)
a4g, I count three layers of irony there. You must be pretty good, yourself.
ReplyDeleteGabriel, you aren't speaking Ill of Indie, are you? I'll fight ya!
Dddragon, so you're pretty much in charge of vacuuming behind the couch?
Actonbell, you Pez ladies are scandalous! I'm going to have to sit down with Tan "The car drove into the garage door on its own" Lucy.
Couch? It has a behind?
ReplyDeleteStargate is on, please get out of the way ...
Sar I actually see it like this:
ReplyDeleteLiar: one who manipulates others in an attempt to make his verbal diarrhea appear feasible.
Liar: someone who poisons the truth to avoid confrontations and trouble.
ReplyDeleteRetardo is one (you know who that is dear Doug ;)
Thanks for everything :)
Sorry Dddragon, my comments will be continued.
ReplyDeleteSar, I think I have to go with Alice on this one. She's single and has a more diverse population to study.
Marwa, so good to see your name here! I'll see if "Lecher" is in Bierce's dictionary so you can mention M____t too.
Liar: A person who tries her best to protect her husband from tiresome truths. For his own good. Of course.
ReplyDeleteActonBell, you lost another one?? Good God Gertie, girl. Buy a case of them. Hide them over here. I can omit truths with the best of them.
Cute, TLP, but we still need to talk.
ReplyDeleteYou are all too clever for me!
ReplyDeleteAral, that's puck-y. Are you relieved or sad to be done with Goalie Camp?
ReplyDeleteOkay, Doug, let's talk.
ReplyDeleteLiar: It all started with EVE and the first faked orgasm. Or was it with Adam when he said he had to work late and then came home with whiskey on his breath...? MMmmm...I need to Ask the Devil and get back to you. Sometime. Soon. You'll be too busy for this tomorrow, what with the story tellin' and all.
And anyway that &*#$ car DID SO drive itself into the garage. I wasn't even in the friggin' thing...
ReplyDeleteThat's my story and I'm stickin' to it. ;P
Alice - Sure, I'll buy that. Those I reference are all master manipulators, suffer severe bouts of verbal diahrrea, and are hung up on appearances! ;)
ReplyDeleteTan Lucy, I accept your story and, based on what I read from Actonbell's link, I accept that it was necessary. First Faked Orgasm? Your granddaughter reads this site!!!
ReplyDeleteActonbell, that was a great link. I have to bookmark that site, she's hysterical. Hoss sure knows how to pick his friends.
Gracious Sar, you're the best. I notice no-one challenged your list.
Aww, thanks Doug. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for no challenge to my list, I guess that means I'm correct (lest I be referred to as right).
Lier's - they are not born, they are made.
ReplyDeleteSar, not by anyone who knows you. I have to say I feel protective of Condi, though. She's sweet in cut your heart out and eat in front of you kind of way.
ReplyDeleteSreekesh, they're not made, they're caught.
Yea! Stargate SG-1 didn't end with "to be continued"
ReplyDeleteHuzzah!
ReplyDeleteSinner: Pastor, do liars go to hell?
ReplyDeletePastor: Yes, Of course.
Sinner: Are you lying about that?
Pastor: No, I assure you.
Sinner: If you were lying, then that would make you a liar, and that would mean that liars go to heaven, right?
Pastor: Uh... yes, I guess so.
Sinner: I'm a liar. I lie all the time. So, are you a liar?
Pastor: No, I am not a liar.
Sinner: Does your wife know about that ministerial visit you paid your secretary at Willows Motel yesterday afternoon?
Pastor: Ummm, Uh, yes, she knows the secretary and I were reserving a conference room there for an upcoming church event.
Sinner: Praise God! I'm going to heaven!
Jamie Dawn, that's great. Bless you, child.
ReplyDeleteWelcome, bugbutt. I read your post on honesty last night. Hilarious. Plus, any friend of the Pezes is a friend of mine.
ReplyDeleteLiar-any person who states that they drink beer because they like the taste.
ReplyDeleteMasil, I'd have a response to your comment if I weren't trying to keep this site clean.
ReplyDeleteDoug:
ReplyDeleteAny verses I leave are my own creations, offered in the spirit of Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J., whose insightful verse peppered Bierce's original.
If you'd like something special for a particular definition, let me know. Always a pleasure :)
John, I think you just volunteered to be a future Wednesday guest, epigram and all. You're on the list, pal.
ReplyDeleteOne who sees truth and mendacity as tools which, like any others, each have their appropriate uses and misuses.
ReplyDelete