Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Kleptomaniac
KLEPTOMANIAC, n. A rich thief.
2006 Update: A revealed member of the tribe of Adam.
MANIAC, n. A resident of Maine. KLEPTOMANIAC: Maine resident who practices one of the rites allied to the sacred discipline cheating, which he is pleased to call commerce - that is to say, all of them. Ayup.
See STEAL in the New Millennium Devil's Dictionary (the story attached to it is way too long to post here).
Any Non Sequitur fans here? Wiley Miller is God. Sorry, Doug. :) He lives in Maine. He's a PFA (Person From Away), but so am I so I'll forgive him.
a trait that comes out in most girls i know when drinking at stranger's homes. also known as purse packing, i however find it silly, i have enough shit that i dont know where it came from. and spring break: a did a quick stint in san diego and partied like it was 1999 then realized walking in parks and holding hands was way better then having to charm mexicans so i could get to the front lines of concerts. and i didnt write one paper unfortunately im doing all that now.
Doug -- I returned inspired..the previous lack of inspiration was due to a dog with flu - like symptoms. Let me tell you, waking up to that is something to be experienced by everyone at least once.
Kleptomaniacs go into a store with a large, empty purse and leave with a purse full of stuff they never remember taking. There are classes of Kleptoes: 1. Lower Class - known to nab things like nail polish and mascara. 2. Upper Class - known to nab jewel-encrusted watches and expensive clothing. "Of course, I meant to pay for those things!" said innocent-faced Wynona Ryder.
Kleptomaniac... Seriously, what is to be expected when a teenage, seemingly goodie-two-shoes girl is given a large Levi's jacket with huge, and I mean HUGE inner pockets? Crap, they are still looking for me in Southern California? I don't know if I can go back to Disneyland yet.
PRICELESS, a4g! But it would be the larval stage, not the pupal. The pupal stage would be when he hires out the prestidigitation, rather than doing it himself.
this is a jolly interesting blog and a very charming idea, waking old Ambrose...I have this dictionary standing on my desk next to all my other 'normal' dictionaries....
"Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!""
Why? No reason! Just thought it was kinda cute and it has nothing to do with the word of today, except that I stole it from soem source on the world-wide-web.
Kleptomaniac - yeah whatever; I just had to appease my uncontrollable urge to nab me the coveted first comment here.
ReplyDeleteKleptomaniac, n. The European settlers of North America. (See slang term, "Indian giver" - HA!)
ReplyDeleteKleptomaniac... oh no! The folly of bohemians in their youth... but you did not hear it from me!
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I have this compulsive desire to steal Ambrose's definition today.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe I could tuck AP3's definition in my pocket too, ... oh, and I'll take Doug's while I'm here....
Sar, that's a good steal.
ReplyDeleteap3, thanks for remembering that. I'm so ashamed.
Miz B, everyone in Southern California is already talking about it. I walked into a store with my laptop and they made me close your window.
TLP, we're giving 'em away.
a person who steals the thunder from a sex maniac
ReplyDeleteoviizzrg: when not asleep, ova get organised
MANIAC, n. A resident of Maine. KLEPTOMANIAC: Maine resident who practices one of the rites allied to the sacred discipline cheating, which he is pleased to call commerce - that is to say, all of them. Ayup.
ReplyDeleteSee STEAL in the New Millennium Devil's Dictionary (the story attached to it is way too long to post here).
Any Non Sequitur fans here? Wiley Miller is God. Sorry, Doug. :) He lives in Maine. He's a PFA (Person From Away), but so am I so I'll forgive him.
Taking what is rightfully mine.
ReplyDeleteBlogger stole my first definition.
Harrumph.
I am not a crook....
ReplyDeletewait..thats not it.
I shall return
Man, the Village Idiot stole from Nixon AND MacArthur, I think he is my definition of a klepto
ReplyDeleteits not stealing..its re-use and in an object-oriented universe..re-use is highly coveted
ReplyDeletea trait that comes out in most girls i know when drinking at stranger's homes. also known as purse packing, i however find it silly, i have enough shit that i dont know where it came from.
ReplyDeleteand spring break: a did a quick stint in san diego and partied like it was 1999 then realized walking in parks and holding hands was way better then having to charm mexicans so i could get to the front lines of concerts. and i didnt write one paper unfortunately im doing all that now.
You are kleptomanic? Don´t worry, I am sure there is something you can take for it!
ReplyDeleteKleptomaniac -- A dyslexic Klimpt Art Lover.
ReplyDeleteword veri umpig..
what is it with pigs in word veri today, my previous one had diporci..dip and porci(ne) is someone(something) trying to tell me something?
Karma is that a nymphokleptomaniac or a kleptonymphomaniac. One steals a kiss.
ReplyDeleteO Ceallaigh, I think I read about that in Needful Things.
Blogger is a plagiarist, Jenna but you saved the good one. Well done.
Haha, Cowgirl, welldone.
Village Idiot, I agree with Logo. The next one oughta be original.
A recycler, V.I. You are a virtuous man, thief.
Rio, I didn't know that about women. Hey, have you seen my wallet? I had it at the park.
Oops...
ReplyDeleteMinka, Iron or lead supplements are supposed to work wonders.
V.I. I love that one. You get 5 fatuous ones.
Doug -- I returned inspired..the previous lack of inspiration was due to a dog with flu - like symptoms. Let me tell you, waking up to that is something to be experienced by everyone at least once.
ReplyDeleteNeedful Things ... so indeed you did, Doug, so you did. That's what I get for not properly keeping up with the doings in the Kingdom of Maine.
ReplyDeletekleptomaniac? I thought that was called collector.
ReplyDeletebeing a kleptomaniac is fun. it's only embarrassing when they recognize the scarf you give them for their birthday is the one they lost last summer...
ReplyDeleteariel, are you going to give me my scarf back? My birthday is coming up. Do you have Doug's wallet too?
ReplyDeleteI am going to give Doug's wallet to you! there was steak in it instead of money...
ReplyDeleteok great! steak, I love steak :-)
ReplyDeleteKleptomaniacs go into a store with a large, empty purse and leave with a purse full of stuff they never remember taking.
ReplyDeleteThere are classes of Kleptoes:
1. Lower Class - known to nab things like nail polish and mascara.
2. Upper Class - known to nab jewel-encrusted watches and expensive clothing.
"Of course, I meant to pay for those things!" said innocent-faced Wynona Ryder.
And here I thought it was a clutzy crazy person.
ReplyDeleteKleptomaniac... Seriously, what is to be expected when a teenage, seemingly goodie-two-shoes girl is given a large Levi's jacket with huge, and I mean HUGE inner pockets? Crap, they are still looking for me in Southern California? I don't know if I can go back to Disneyland yet.
ReplyDeleteWhat? Nothing. I said NOTHING!
Miz B got kicked out of the Magic Kingdom too????
ReplyDeleteThe pupal stage of the philanthropist.
ReplyDeletePRICELESS, a4g! But it would be the larval stage, not the pupal. The pupal stage would be when he hires out the prestidigitation, rather than doing it himself.
Kleptomaniac, n. A rich thief. A revealed member of the tribe of Adam.
ReplyDeletethis is a jolly interesting blog and a very charming idea, waking old Ambrose...I have this dictionary standing on my desk next to all my other 'normal' dictionaries....
ReplyDelete"Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!""
ReplyDeleteWhy? No reason! Just thought it was kinda cute and it has nothing to do with the word of today, except that I stole it from soem source on the world-wide-web.
Well there are worse kind of maniacs to be if I had to choose i'd be that one.
ReplyDeleterob me blind, dog! ;))
ReplyDeleteVillage Idiot, a dog with a flu is a wearying thing. Nice rally.
ReplyDeleteCareful, O Caellaigh. With the devil's as your neighbor, its best keep the lawn trim.
Hahaha, Ariel. Yeah, I hate when that happens. Keep the wallet, please return my steak.
Funny, Kyah.
Nice one, as ever, a4g. Bierce would be proud.
Jamie Dawn, are Senators in between?
Deft, Dddragon, but close.
Well, Miz B, Mickey looks a little silly with only one ear. Be a sport.
VI, with you that makes four including my sister and the Bishop's daughter but that's a different story.
O Ceallaigh, I'm starting to have mixed feelings about having a biologist on staff. Good addition, though.
Squaregirl, that's funny but it ain't theft when they give it away.
Antonia, welcome. I do to, but the regular ones are dusty.
Good joke, Minka. We'll take it with or without relevence.
Cooper, I doubt it's the one your readers would choose for you, but your will not ours.
Karma, never. A little at a time.
Actonbell, is that technically shopping?
Shoplifter, you'll never learn
ReplyDeleteWhen you commit the crime
Shoplifter, you're getting burned
And now you gotta do the time
It's a 1, 2, 3 on the felony
Well not everything is free
Now that you served the community
It's the life of a petty thief
It's not considered stealing
Unless you're getting caught
But you'll be caught stealing
Tryin' to take something you haven't got
Shoplifter, you'll never learn
What lies behind your back
Not a burgler or a bankrobber
Just a kleptomaniac
Haha, Shayna. *applause* There's always a bigger scoundrel. That lesson went hard by me, by the way.
ReplyDeletewell, you're still here.
ReplyDelete