Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Wine
WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
2006 Update: A fruit juice fermented to make airs. Or heirs.
Wine is to a snob what beer is to the common man. Regardless, cheers! And many lovely greetings from Stockholm, Sweden. Guy with the cutest Irish accent just showed me how to use the computer at the airport.
There's a Medieval German saying about wine that I like quite a bit, which says, "Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved."
WINE, n. One of the original preservatives; used to pickle water, until its utility in pickling people was fully recognized. The reason why British and Commonwealth complainers whinge.
Protestants separated from Catholics over, among other things, whether a priest could literally turn the eucharist wine into blood. Once Protestants decided that priests could not do this, the substitution of other fluids for wine became permissible, even inevitable. Kool-Aid, for instance. The Protestant decision is fallacious. The ability of priests to turn spirits into blood has been an established fact for millenia.
Can't wait to see what the Village Idiot does with this one, the man loves his wine (and is pretty good a whine too), and may have used it to make errs, heirs, and airs.
Wine: lol I'm sure many heirs have been made under the influence of it but it's the fact that people feet have sometimes been all over it that makes it particularly disgusting. Merlot for me.......
Well, of course I did sing along with the 5th Dimension on Sweet Blindness
Down by the grapevine Drink my daddy's wine, get happy Down by the grapevine Drink my daddy's wine, get happy Happy! oh sweet blindness, a little magic A little kindness, oh sweet blindness All over me, four leaves on a clover I'm just a bit of a shade hungover Come on baby do a slow float You're a good lookin' riverboat And ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me.
ok not very good poem but is useful to know. it's funny when people are telling it to themselves trying to recall how it goes exactly and so whether they should avoid to drink beer after wine or wine after beer.
I'm sure that many of the heirs made in my family (particularly on my mother's side) have been conceived under the influence. Since most of my family on that side have drug & alcohol addictions (this is sadly true), I'm sure that there were more than a few Ooops along the way.
dddragon, they don't whine do they?....are we there yet? I'm hungry. You're a mean Mommy. How come she always gets a treat? When's Dad coming home? I don't want to play with Casper. I DID make my bed. I don't want to go to school. Is it a home day yet? I want to watch a different movie......
"Come, Noah, our great benefactor, said To be the first to cultivate the vine; Come, Lot, by darkness and strong wine misled To know thy daughters - through no fault of thine;"
My throat hurts this evening. So...I'll take a little wine with my whine after all. I don't know much about wine, so just make it something expensive, and I'll make do with it.
VIllage Idiot, you're over my head now, but it sounds funny.
O Ceallaigh, the Napa Valley Wine Grower's association told me to say thanks ever so much.
Jenna, like cheat at checkers?
That's good Cowgirl. I wish Monika were here to double check me but how's this sound: Wine after beer, I'll give you advice, Beer after I wine I'll let it be. OK, doesn't rhyme, but we're an inclusive site.
Avoid rabbits, then, V.I.
Absolutely, we needed that TLP. And I always did think I was kind of a cute riverboat.
Ariel, I suspect if you can remember that you don't need to know it.
Ariel and Cowgirl, the real party game is to drink whiskey and try to remember that poem, I guess.
Jamie Dawn, if it weren't for oops babies we still wouldn't need government or thumbs.
Dddragon, whichever you're under the influence of is fine.
Kyah, I didn't realize you knew Dddragon's girls.
Well, V.I., at least you didn't spill any.
Haha, Karen. I'm a sarcast not a oenophile. Spumoni's an ice cream, though.
Ariel, you know the funniest verses of perversity of anyone I know. You should teach a class.
Barefoot, that's ok, those weren't grapes.
Oh, too good, Actonbell. Having seen Sidewise I think you're a pinot noir.
Idiot, I really didn't.
No, Actonbell, you'll just complain. I'll go to the package store when I finish answering comments. It won't be out of my way a hair.
Sure, Sar. The bar's always open.
a4g, sometime you'll have to tell me what shame is like.
I lost myself on a cool damp night Gave myself in that misty light Was hypnotized by a strange delight Under a lilac tree I made wine from the lilac tree Put my heart in its recipe It makes me see what I want to see and be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think Do things I never should do I drink much more than I ought to drink Because it brings me back to you...
Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, like my love Listen to me... I cannot see clearly Isn't that he coming to me nearly here?
Lilac wine is sweet and heady where's my love? Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, where's my love?
Listen to me, why is everything so hazy? Isn't that he, or am I just going crazy, dear? Lilac Wine, I feel unready for my love...
Doug, that'd of course be a religious edication, as Villon, poet, thief and outcast on his own land from the XVth century took those pieces of information from the Bible.
WINE,n The enabling leg of the Trilogy, along with Women and Song, which provides respite for so many.
ReplyDeleteHi Doug....after you've had your wine, your airs, and heirs....you have more whine.
ReplyDeleteWine is to a snob what beer is to the common man.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, cheers!
And many lovely greetings from Stockholm, Sweden. Guy with the cutest Irish accent just showed me how to use the computer at the airport.
There's a Medieval German saying about wine that I like quite a bit, which says, "Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved."
ReplyDeleteDuxfine, well phrased, but I bet there's less respite there than advertized.
ReplyDeleteKyah Girl, I'll take your word and my instincts on that.
Ach, Freude! Nur neun tagen mehr!
Manchego, I love that. Thanks and welcome back.
WINE, n. One of the original preservatives; used to pickle water, until its utility in pickling people was fully recognized. The reason why British and Commonwealth complainers whinge.
ReplyDeleteProtestants separated from Catholics over, among other things, whether a priest could literally turn the eucharist wine into blood. Once Protestants decided that priests could not do this, the substitution of other fluids for wine became permissible, even inevitable. Kool-Aid, for instance. The Protestant decision is fallacious. The ability of priests to turn spirits into blood has been an established fact for millenia.
wine: How Pansi spells whine.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what the Village Idiot does with this one, the man loves his wine (and is pretty good a whine too), and may have used it to make errs, heirs, and airs.
ReplyDeleteWine: lol I'm sure many heirs have been made under the influence of it but it's the fact that people feet have sometimes been all over it that
ReplyDeletemakes it particularly disgusting.
Merlot for me.......
Good point, O Ceallaigh. Blood is easily made of wine.
ReplyDeleteHaha, Indie. It's funny because Weirsdo seems literatish.
Oh, Logo, I left out errs. I'm sure Village Idiot will offer some.
Alice, it's kind of doubly scary for people with germ phobias, isn't it. From foot to foot.
all that's missing is the loaf of bread and the book of verses.
ReplyDeleteto heir is human, Doug
wow, we posted at the exact same time. i need some air
ReplyDeleteAh! Cooper! Now I understand why you EWWWWWW-ed my tinto de verano suggestion! Dios Mio!
ReplyDeleteWine~ Definitely not Cooper's cup o' tea!
Ooooh! No bread? I just baked a fresh loaf of whole wheat bread so come on over for some Sangría! Olé y olé!
Doug, your definition was absolutely brilliant!
Karma, it's like we were moved by the same spirit.
ReplyDeleteIn Cowgirl we trust.
Olé, Miz B.
Wine is to port as mole is to Gorbachev
ReplyDeletecooper - are you impugning that unshaven barefoot grape treaders are part of our cultural inhairitance? That "nose" is perhaps a misprint for "toes"?
ReplyDeleteWaiter ...!
Wine? Doug has wine? Hot damn! Wine makes me do naughty things...
ReplyDeleteLike...
Oh wait...this is a family site. Never mind.
Being allergic to hops makes me whine in Germany however.
ReplyDeleteA toast to all of you that know about such things. I'm completely innocent of it.
ReplyDeleteWell, of course I did sing along with the 5th Dimension on Sweet Blindness
ReplyDeleteDown by the grapevine
Drink my daddy's wine, get happy
Down by the grapevine
Drink my daddy's wine, get happy
Happy! oh sweet blindness, a little magic
A little kindness, oh sweet blindness
All over me, four leaves on a clover
I'm just a bit of a shade hungover
Come on baby do a slow float
You're a good lookin' riverboat
And ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me.
We needed an ear worm here.
hey, Cowgirl, we have the same rule in poem, too!
ReplyDeleteborra sör
meggyötör,
sörre bor
bármikor.
ok not very good poem but is useful to know. it's funny when people are telling it to themselves trying to recall how it goes exactly and so whether they should avoid to drink beer after wine or wine after beer.
Doug: Heirs! GREAT definition!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that many of the heirs made in my family (particularly on my mother's side) have been conceived under the influence. Since most of my family on that side have drug & alcohol addictions (this is sadly true), I'm sure that there were more than a few Ooops along the way.
WINE: the tone of voice that parents hate to hear coming from their children.
ReplyDeleteoh - you didn't mean that wine.
dddragon, they don't whine do they?....are we there yet? I'm hungry. You're a mean Mommy. How come she always gets a treat? When's Dad coming home? I don't want to play with Casper. I DID make my bed. I don't want to go to school. Is it a home day yet? I want to watch a different movie......
ReplyDelete*thunk* Kyahgirl falls over from too much whine.
The wine in the rhine tastes fine...
ReplyDeleteI have too much time on my hands today. Although, I will justify this outburst as a bad chili from my lunch
Asti Spumante is my fav ... is that wine?
ReplyDeleteIf not, I'll have some cheese with my *wine*... {grin}
"Come, Noah, our great benefactor, said
ReplyDeleteTo be the first to cultivate the vine;
Come, Lot, by darkness and strong wine misled
To know thy daughters - through no fault of thine;"
Francios Villon
Did someone say "unshaven barefoot grape treaders"?
ReplyDeleteQuit talking about me like that! I shaved, I swear it!
I left out the errs/heirs/airs however, I did find hairs.
ReplyDeleteHi, My name is the Village Idiot and I err
I just started my first step on my journey to err free blogging....
and if you believe that, you have another thing coming
Besides, I am just busy expressing my humanity
ReplyDeleteWine - Why yes, I'd love a glass. Chardonnay?
ReplyDelete(Fantastic definition, Doug.)
My throat hurts this evening. So...I'll take a little wine with my whine after all. I don't know much about wine, so just make it something expensive, and I'll make do with it.
ReplyDeleteVIllage Idiot, you're over my head now, but it sounds funny.
ReplyDeleteO Ceallaigh, the Napa Valley Wine Grower's association told me to say thanks ever so much.
Jenna, like cheat at checkers?
That's good Cowgirl. I wish Monika were here to double check me but how's this sound: Wine after beer, I'll give you advice, Beer after I wine I'll let it be. OK, doesn't rhyme, but we're an inclusive site.
Avoid rabbits, then, V.I.
Absolutely, we needed that TLP. And I always did think I was kind of a cute riverboat.
Ariel, I suspect if you can remember that you don't need to know it.
Ariel and Cowgirl, the real party game is to drink whiskey and try to remember that poem, I guess.
Jamie Dawn, if it weren't for oops babies we still wouldn't need government or thumbs.
Dddragon, whichever you're under the influence of is fine.
Kyah, I didn't realize you knew Dddragon's girls.
Well, V.I., at least you didn't spill any.
Haha, Karen. I'm a sarcast not a oenophile. Spumoni's an ice cream, though.
Ariel, you know the funniest verses of perversity of anyone I know. You should teach a class.
Barefoot, that's ok, those weren't grapes.
Oh, too good, Actonbell. Having seen Sidewise I think you're a pinot noir.
Idiot, I really didn't.
No, Actonbell, you'll just complain. I'll go to the package store when I finish answering comments. It won't be out of my way a hair.
Sure, Sar. The bar's always open.
a4g, sometime you'll have to tell me what shame is like.
You deserve the best, TLP. and a sugar cube.
Airs, or heirs? Real Moma, I didn't tell, did you?
ReplyDeleteOK, now here's one of those giggly convent schoolgirl things:
ReplyDeletesay the following line over and over again really fast:
"Blood is wine"
I lost myself on a cool damp night
ReplyDeleteGave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more than I ought to drink
Because it brings me back to you...
Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
like my love
Listen to me...
I cannot see clearly
Isn't that he coming to me nearly here?
Lilac wine is sweet and heady
where's my love?
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
where's my love?
Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that he, or am I just going crazy, dear?
Lilac Wine, I feel unready
for my love...
The best kind comes from a box.
ReplyDeletePops, I never worry about how you conceived. I was hatched and replaced your biological son who grew up to be a transvestite computer programmer.
ReplyDeleteKarma, who are you calling a bloody swine?
Cowgirl, you made a hand. Nothing to thank me for.
Lilac wine, Shayna! That has to be a Shayna original.
Aral, I'd agree if I liked wine at all.
Doug, that'd of course be a religious edication, as Villon, poet, thief and outcast on his own land from the XVth century took those pieces of information from the Bible.
ReplyDeleteWine is fine, but liquor is quicker.
ReplyDeleteBut, of course, Ariel. That's what I meant.
ReplyDeleteHave some candy, Lammy.
Hahaha Doug...your def. is quite amusing.
ReplyDeleteIn vino veritas...a truthful saying I must say.
The original way to see life through Rosé-colored glasses.
ReplyDeletewine (n) a bunch of sour grapes
ReplyDeletethose who really didn't want to be a top shelf liquor anyway
sooo late but I just couldn't help myself!
Squaregirl, what were you drinking?
ReplyDeleteHaha, Comfort Addict. Someone needed to make a Rosé pun, by golly.
Still welcome, Still Life. I wanted to be top-shelf liquor but I kept getting dizzy and falling off.