Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Chimpanzee
CHIMPANZEE, n. A species of pansy cultivated in Africa.
I am quite sure everyone will go Ape over this gay little anthropoid :) There is a botanical pansy cultivated in Iceland, very hardy......just had to get another Iceland Saga into the fray.
CHIMPANZEE, n. A member of the family of Great Apes, often disgruntled; one that might chomp on your hand and make you feel like a chump. Which is also how Jane Goodall will make you feel if you don't champion the chimp.
gosh, I'm having a hard time thinking of something nice to say, I've erased my comment three times. All I can think of is how good it is that the chimps bred with us and got some brains into our gene pool.
Anyway, I shall leave here, smiling at the visual of Jenna shaking her booty and several guys, with knuckles dragging, trying to keep up with her. Have fun you wild woman!
I think it was 3 in a span of 30 minutes, downed, fast...
Oh my! Methinks I have said too much! Well, that's never stopped me before soooo... let's just say that a spectacle was made and many strangers recognized me on the street while I had no recollection of their existence.
Chimpanzee noises in the middle of a noisy bar in the heart of the flameco district of Madrid can do that to you... although I do wonder about that owner. I went to apologize a couple of days later, I did leave quite the mess in his women's bathroom I hear, and he offered me a drink!
When they remade "Planet of the Apes", I remembered an interview with the director in which he said (according to animal behaviorists, or maybe something he just made up) that gorillas got the bad rap and that it was actually chimps that were the ones to fear. He claimed they could not only be agressive, but have the intellectual capacity to pull off some serious retaliation. My thought: well...wouldn't you if people dressed you up in a diaper and made you wear roller skates?
Ariel, we must be right if you think our hearts are deep.
It's ok, Pia, we'll call you a flirt instead.
Brian, I'm pretty sure the first thing that popped into your mind was up to our standards.
Miz B, I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as too much information in your case. My shock is well-calloused.
Cowgirl, if you can imagine that you'll have done enough. I can't look. OOOOWWEEEEE BOHEMIANS LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE DRUNKEN GYPSIES!!!!
O Ceallaigh, I agree with Kyahgirl. That was beneath you, but it's Friday. Have a great weekend.
Oh, I don't know Still Life, she loves to call him incurious or did when I could still read her for free. As far as I'm concerned you coined it and are due a respectful nod. And probably indulgence about posting, but I miss your poetry.
And when you get down to it, Mutha, who understands the simian mind better than a hollywood director.
mutha, that director spoke sooth. Gorillas do have various sins on their consciences, such as infanticide, but they're almost entirely vegetarian, and their societies tend to be arranged in low-aggression family groups. The chimp, however, is a meat-eater and hunts in packs - in other words, it has a higher-order social structure, with all the things (like reward and punishment) implicit in such a structure.
Geez I love a guy who quotes Madagascar, Jake. Unfortunately my friend's two year old's eyes got all twinkly and I pointed my finger at him and say "Don't even think about it, bud." I was very concerned about the state of my friend's house when they returned from their weekend away so I never turned my back on him.
My trip to the zoo was called on the account of massive napping. I woke up with The Unicorn song in my head with all this talk of chimps:
You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born You're never gonna see no unicorns
We've all heard that a million chimpanzees banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet and Doug's blog, we know this is not true.
Oh, Jenna, thanks so much for the ear worm. I needed that. NOT.
jenna- oooh oooh ah ah! that's me singing the unicorn song in chimpish.
i love a girl who can actually refresh my memory as to which animated film it was... however, you weren't clear on the 2yo ... is he a chimpanzee? or was he simply threatening such behavior? either way he deserves a banana.
Cowgirl... after you down 3 in 30 you need someone to bark like a dog first... apparently the barking is essential in order to unleash your inner chimpanzee... then you must shriek chimp style at the top of your lungs until everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, in the bar has eyes only set on YOU. Then you move on to the bathroom where you will let it all out while your flamenco dancer of a friend holds your hair back while holding back the fat lady who keeps banging at the door... I will spare you the trip home. I figure that'll get you started.
I'm the first monkey here today.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteChimpanzee: The once adorable creature now subjected to comparisons of likeness with Dubya.
ReplyDeleteDoug: Your definition might not be too far off...
ReplyDeletebreaking news
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! That was interesting Indie. Are you gonna testify?
ReplyDeleteI am quite sure everyone will go Ape over this gay little anthropoid :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a botanical pansy cultivated in Iceland, very hardy......just had to get another Iceland Saga into the fray.
Yeah what Sar said...
ReplyDeletechimpanzee, n.incurious George W. and his father in the striped Uncle Sam's hat
WE WANT YOU
Mark Twain once said, "Our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey." We done God proud.
ReplyDeleteCHIMPANZEE, n. A member of the family of Great Apes, often disgruntled; one that might chomp on your hand and make you feel like a chump. Which is also how Jane Goodall will make you feel if you don't champion the chimp.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling I will be seeing quite a few of these tomorrow night when I'm shaking my boogaloo. They'll be the ones hitting on my married friend.
ReplyDeleteHm. I have the sudden urge to go to the zoo this afternoon.
I wondered if you had seen that article about human/chimp relations when I saw what today's word was ...
ReplyDeleteChimpanzee: the cuter actor in Bedtime for Bonzo
gosh, I'm having a hard time thinking of something nice to say, I've erased my comment three times. All I can think of is how good it is that the chimps bred with us and got some brains into our gene pool.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I shall leave here, smiling at the visual of Jenna shaking her booty and several guys, with knuckles dragging, trying to keep up with her. Have fun you wild woman!
I’m a caterpillar
ReplyDeleteI’m a caterpillar
Crawling for your love
Crawling for your love
Crawling for your love,
For your love.
I’m a butterfly
I’m a butterfly
Flying for your love
Flying for your love
Flying for your love,
For your love.
Well, I’ll be anything that you want me to be.
Baby, I’d even would be climbing up your tree.
I’m a pterodactyl
I’m a pterodactyl
Dying for your love
Dying for your love
Dying for your love
For your love.
I’m an abominable snowman
I’m an abominable snowman
Calling for your love
Calling for your love
Calling for your love
For your love.
Well now baby, I’ll be anything that you want me to be,
Baby, a big monkey, a little monkey, a chimpanzee.
Oh now,
I’m a caterpillar
I’m a caterpillar
Falling for your love
Falling for your love
Falling for your love
For your love.
Oh my! Chimpanzee... the inner bohemian that dares shows its face after one too many vodka and lemons in a bar in Madrid oh so many lifetimes ago...
ReplyDeleteWell, that's what I was thinking, TLP, that women are superior creatures descended not from chimps but from shrews.
ReplyDeleteIndie, I hadn't seen that. This is a fortunate day for me. For us all.
Sar, I feel sorry for Spanky, too.
TLP, Indie's been trawling computers for evidence all day.
Mo'a, thank you for extending our knowledge of Icelandic flora. Speaking of, where's Minka?
Eep, eep, Brian
Still Life, is Incurious George from Maureen Dowd? Sounds like her. On a side not, you're posting soon, right?
Manchego, that would explain the dog.
O Ceallaigh, if only algae could poke you with a stick we'd probably all be driving hybrids.
Go, Jenna. It's good practice.
Dddragon, I hadn't. I must be on a wavelength with thos who study interspecies sexual relations.
Kyahgirl, this is the first time I've felt monkey-deficient.
Shayna, so good to have you back. Any song that works in the abominable snowman and a pterydactyl is alright with me.
Miz B, how many is one too many?
Chimpanzee: A monkey that lost its tail confusing biologists to no end....
ReplyDeleteyeah, TLP, deep in their hearts men are sure we are from another planet.
ReplyDeleteI missed "firtation?" I could be called a chimp
ReplyDeleteI think it was 3 in a span of 30 minutes, downed, fast...
ReplyDeleteOh my! Methinks I have said too much! Well, that's never stopped me before soooo... let's just say that a spectacle was made and many strangers recognized me on the street while I had no recollection of their existence.
Chimpanzee noises in the middle of a noisy bar in the heart of the flameco district of Madrid can do that to you... although I do wonder about that owner. I went to apologize a couple of days later, I did leave quite the mess in his women's bathroom I hear, and he offered me a drink!
NEWS FLASH!!. Sesame Street announces new series of animations to teach the alphabet to young monkeys!
ReplyDeleteChimp And A
Chimp And B
Chimp And C
...
Commonwealth-based websites are already said to be up in arms over yet another insidious attempt to Americanize the Queen's English ...
Big, big groan O'C, that is sooooo bad.
ReplyDeleteHey, is Maureen Dowd sampling my sarcasm? I was playing off of Curious George and The Man With The Yellow Hat -- the children's book.
ReplyDeleteAnd Yes, I was visiting much too early, sidetracked from responsibilty. PLEASE STOP CALLING ME!!!
When they remade "Planet of the Apes", I remembered an interview with the director in which he said (according to animal behaviorists, or maybe something he just made up) that gorillas got the bad rap and that it was actually chimps that were the ones to fear. He claimed they could not only be agressive, but have the intellectual capacity to pull off some serious retaliation. My thought: well...wouldn't you if people dressed you up in a diaper and made you wear roller skates?
ReplyDeleteIdiot, that could describe any of us.
ReplyDeleteAriel, we must be right if you think our hearts are deep.
It's ok, Pia, we'll call you a flirt instead.
Brian, I'm pretty sure the first thing that popped into your mind was up to our standards.
Miz B, I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as too much information in your case. My shock is well-calloused.
Cowgirl, if you can imagine that you'll have done enough. I can't look. OOOOWWEEEEE BOHEMIANS LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE DRUNKEN GYPSIES!!!!
O Ceallaigh, I agree with Kyahgirl. That was beneath you, but it's Friday. Have a great weekend.
Oh, I don't know Still Life, she loves to call him incurious or did when I could still read her for free. As far as I'm concerned you coined it and are due a respectful nod. And probably indulgence about posting, but I miss your poetry.
And when you get down to it, Mutha, who understands the simian mind better than a hollywood director.
mutha, that director spoke sooth. Gorillas do have various sins on their consciences, such as infanticide, but they're almost entirely vegetarian, and their societies tend to be arranged in low-aggression family groups. The chimp, however, is a meat-eater and hunts in packs - in other words, it has a higher-order social structure, with all the things (like reward and punishment) implicit in such a structure.
ReplyDeletei once pretended to be a chimpanzee amoung my friend's kitchen cabinets. my impression is uncanny, but you'll have to take my word for it
ReplyDelete"Well of course we're going to throw poo at them!" (Chimpanzee to friend about us humans)
ReplyDeleteDoug. You picked up my point...perfectly
ReplyDelete;)
Geez I love a guy who quotes Madagascar, Jake. Unfortunately my friend's two year old's eyes got all twinkly and I pointed my finger at him and say "Don't even think about it, bud." I was very concerned about the state of my friend's house when they returned from their weekend away so I never turned my back on him.
ReplyDeleteMy trip to the zoo was called on the account of massive napping. I woke up with The Unicorn song in my head with all this talk of chimps:
You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no unicorns
ook?
ReplyDeleteWe've all heard that a million chimpanzees banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet and Doug's blog, we know this is not true.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jenna, thanks so much for the ear worm. I needed that. NOT.
It saddens me that you do not recognize the late and great Janice Joplin... ;(
ReplyDeletewhat are we a bunch of chimpanzee’s down on our knees begging please... please...please forgive Miz Jop-lin!
Sorry... I'm a little delirious from all the drugs I'm taken... :)
Hey... i think I spelled everything okay...
jenna- oooh oooh ah ah! that's me singing the unicorn song in chimpish.
ReplyDeletei love a girl who can actually refresh my memory as to which animated film it was... however, you weren't clear on the 2yo ... is he a chimpanzee? or was he simply threatening such behavior? either way he deserves a banana.
Oooh a serenade. Chimpeze, English...it's all good. (fans self)
ReplyDeleteIf he eats a banana I'll be surprised.
TLP - glad I could plant the song (laughs evilly)
I used to play the chimpanzees in the high school band...you know, some people call them the kettledrums.
ReplyDeletenice to see everyone's swingin here
ReplyDeleteO Ceallaigh, whether or not infanticide is a sin is pretty subjective, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteRio, there's no film?
Jake, seems natural as drawing the next breath.
Sure, Idiot, but O Ceallaigh seems to stick from tool, doesn't he?
So how was the nap, Jenna?
Minka, I thought you were going to stop flirting.
TLP, I just need more monkeys.
Cowgirl, my wager is it makes everyone else more chimpy.
Oh, Shayna, it saddens me too. Must be the half moon.
Bananas for everybody Jake. I'm buyin'
Jenna, I suspect you're being naughty. You are aren't you?
Poobah, I always called them chimpanzees.
Personally, I prefer Sea Monkeys.
ReplyDeleteDoug...always naughty. Always. That's why I'm in the naughty aunt section.
ReplyDeleteCowgirl... after you down 3 in 30 you need someone to bark like a dog first... apparently the barking is essential in order to unleash your inner chimpanzee... then you must shriek chimp style at the top of your lungs until everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, in the bar has eyes only set on YOU. Then you move on to the bathroom where you will let it all out while your flamenco dancer of a friend holds your hair back while holding back the fat lady who keeps banging at the door... I will spare you the trip home. I figure that'll get you started.
ReplyDeleteGood times!
I am the apeman
ReplyDeleteI am the apeman
I am the Walrus...
Tx Mr. Dog that was real informitive!!!! I all way's like to lern about rellative's!!
ReplyDeleteWow, I've been a bad host. If anyone is still checking:
ReplyDeleteAral, Sea monkeys have always frustrated me. Love monkeys are the worst.
Jenna, I was pretty sure I had you placed right.
Miz B, couldn't you have told her sooner?
Cowgirl, a clogger will probably help with your inna gorilla.
Hahaha, Ginah
Pansi, and it's always nice for me to meet them.