Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Groan
GROAN, n. The language in which a Republican Federal officeholder expounds his view of the political situation.
2007 Update (as if necessary): Punditry by other means.
"A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his Typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp."
Why?
No reason...but I think the groan of laughter balances the pain of stupidity :)
sigh...i feel like such a novice, and i'll probably never try this again, because it hurts my brain too much, but here's my pathetic attempt at fitting into the mold:
groan... the sound a mother is heard to produce when she tries to accept the fact that both her children now tower over her... "my, how you've...groan?"
groan... what everyone's flowers in the neighbourhood gardens have done, except for yours...?
Quilly, and yet I expect there will be a 250 word post when I get to your site later.
Joel, the Dodger's are doing very well. In every season there are times like this. Even when the White Sox WON THE 2005 WORLD SERIES, the last month of the regular season was abysmal. GROAN, n. A cordial answer to a platitude.
Icy, Willie and Lela are lucky I can still hop.
Minka, a lion once ate a political columnist who had gone on safari. The lion's wife asked him why he did it and he answered "Why not? My stomach was already grumbling."
Mule, a linguistics gag, yet! What can't you do? Oh, right.
Neva, "sighin' of the times" was very clever. I'll save the groan for someone else.
Hermana, no se pero creo que hay algones aci en California por qual quejarses.
So, Amoeba, a belch made from hot air instead of methane?
JJ, that was good for my purposes. Not so tough?
Mutha, let's say it was "cat."
G, I suspect a dirty joke but I'm sure I don't know.
So, Ariel, I guess a groan is the punctuation at the end of a lifelong complaint.
Indie, you're politer than I am.
TLP, you're exactly right. A tummy ache is so much more manageable than a headache.
Al, I hear you friend, but I hope the length isn't your problem.
Correction, Theresa- a sound men admit when they read a joke about getting hit in the... No groan horse jokes?
Knock knock Who's there? Neva Neva who? That neva stopped you before!
hey Puppy, one good turn deserves another...glad to be a decoy. hopefully, it shall afford you time to heal from previous mockeries. and thank you all, G and DD (Dry Dog) for kindly sparing me, this round...
ewww. well, what if he's still alive? that might be politically incorrect. you can be alive and very dry, you know...i'm living proof. menopause hasnt helped. (ewww.)
If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here If the felsh that i fight is at best only light and momentary, then ofcourse I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn Mercy comes with the morning I will sigh and with all creation GROAN as I wait for hope to come for me
Am i lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way? is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive? Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
Speak to me in the light of the dawn Mercy comes with the morning I will sigh and with all creation GROAN as I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you Hope is coming for me
Hurt, huh?
ReplyDeletegroan the only intelligible sound I am able to make after two days of packing and moving someone else's library.
ReplyDeletegroan - The sound that escapes my mouth when any politician opens his or hers.
ReplyDeletegroan - My reaction upon learning that my favorite baseball team has just lost its fourth straight - why do they have to suck?
groan - My every morning reaction upon realizing it's not Saturday.
The noise I make when I have to get up from my favorite spot on the floor to let the humans walk past.
ReplyDelete"A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his Typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp."
ReplyDeleteWhy?
No reason...but I think the groan of laughter balances the pain of stupidity :)
groan: the gasp guttural of 2007
ReplyDeleteGroan: a whine and/or sighin' of the times.
ReplyDeletei know i know...
*groan*
Groan... what bohemians do best due to all things Spain... I tell you, I look forward to the elation that is to follow all things San Francisco!
ReplyDeleteAs for now, *groanetty, groan* FO SHO...
GROAN, n. The audible symptom of a badly-digested figure of speech.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do with an arctic Penguin?
What do you do with an arctic Penguin?
What do you do with an arctic Penguin?
Early in the morning ...
sigh...i feel like such a novice,
ReplyDeleteand i'll probably never try this again, because it hurts my brain too much, but here's my pathetic attempt at fitting into the mold:
groan...
the sound a mother is heard to produce
when she tries to accept the fact that both her children
now tower over her...
"my, how you've...groan?"
groan...
what everyone's flowers
in the neighbourhood gardens have done, except for yours...?
(please be gentle with me, you brainiacs...)
"pundrity" threw me. What was the word again?
ReplyDeleteApplause for Java Jazz! Very punny - nicely done!
ReplyDeleteAnd I assure you this definition has nothing to do with yours or anyone else's entry:
groan: that was not a groan, I was just clearing my throat.
groan, old ladies' favourite weapon.
ReplyDeleteGroan: The sound that occurs when you hit the "publish your comment" button and you find out you mispelled the word verification.
ReplyDeleteI am NOT going to be the first to state the obvious groan. Well, okay. I am. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteGroaning is best done in bed.
Groan: See "Prattler."
ReplyDeletegroan: A sound that escapes most men when hit in the...well, you know what.
ReplyDeletegroan up: is an adult who whines a lot.
home groan: complaining done at home.
i was SO gonna toss out a couple of knock, knock jokes today. that is before Java Jazz swooped in and snagged my puns.
ReplyDelete*moans and groans*
ah well, at least she saved you the trouble of having to mock me this time around. well done JJ, well done! ; )
Minka, (insert wookie groan)
ReplyDeleteQuilly, and yet I expect there will be a 250 word post when I get to your site later.
Joel, the Dodger's are doing very well. In every season there are times like this. Even when the White Sox WON THE 2005 WORLD SERIES, the last month of the regular season was abysmal. GROAN, n. A cordial answer to a platitude.
Icy, Willie and Lela are lucky I can still hop.
Minka, a lion once ate a political columnist who had gone on safari. The lion's wife asked him why he did it and he answered "Why not? My stomach was already grumbling."
Mule, a linguistics gag, yet! What can't you do? Oh, right.
Neva, "sighin' of the times" was very clever. I'll save the groan for someone else.
Hermana, no se pero creo que hay algones aci en California por qual quejarses.
So, Amoeba, a belch made from hot air instead of methane?
JJ, that was good for my purposes. Not so tough?
Mutha, let's say it was "cat."
G, I suspect a dirty joke but I'm sure I don't know.
So, Ariel, I guess a groan is the punctuation at the end of a lifelong complaint.
Indie, you're politer than I am.
TLP, you're exactly right. A tummy ache is so much more manageable than a headache.
Al, I hear you friend, but I hope the length isn't your problem.
Correction, Theresa- a sound men admit when they read a joke about getting hit in the... No groan horse jokes?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Neva
Neva who?
That neva stopped you before!
Doug - oh my G-d! I'm blushing - now I see the dirty joke staring me right in the face (so to speak)!
ReplyDeleteOy vay on a PG-13 blog no less.
*GROAN*
ReplyDelete...and laughing at G. ; )
oh G, with every word you add it's getting more hilarious... :)
ReplyDeleteAriel ~ G's pretty good at putting her, um, foot in her mouth, and keeping it there.
ReplyDeleteno... wait. i'm the one who does that. heh. either way, you're SO right -- her line gets funnier with each reading and/or comment! ; )
hey Puppy, one good turn deserves another...glad to be a decoy.
ReplyDeletehopefully, it shall afford you time to heal from previous mockeries.
and thank you all, G and DD (Dry Dog) for kindly sparing me, this round...
Javajazz, when the Dog gets dry enough, can I please get his skin? the children would love it in their room!
ReplyDeleteewww.
ReplyDeletewell, what if he's still alive?
that might be politically incorrect.
you can be alive and very dry, you know...i'm living proof. menopause hasnt helped.
(ewww.)
Sure g. You're as innocent as a curmudgeon.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining me, Neva.
Ariel, don't encourage that foul-minded lampshade-headed vamp!
JJ, we're simple farmers. Peach cobbler?
That's more like it Ariel.
JJ, I live online. Dryness is good.
Groan is what some types of humans do when they are kicked in the groin.
ReplyDeletegroan away - when you leave home for several years to come back only when you're much older.
ReplyDeleteOUCH
Groan: what I know I am about to do when I scroll down there and see that word verification, miss it twice and have to so it a third time.
peach cobbler
ReplyDeleteis deeper than it appears.
in terms of being dry,
it really comes in handy
sometimes.
(and no, i have no idea
what that meant, either...)
If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
ReplyDeleteI can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the felsh that i fight is at best only light and momentary,
then ofcourse I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation GROAN as I wait for hope to come for me
Am i lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation GROAN as I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Man, I missed a go around or two tonight... And a fine lot you all are with the puns, cracks, driest of humor... JJ, you fit in so well here!
ReplyDeleteI like the groans made by the high branches of a hoary oak rubbing together, as I walk along beneath it in the light breeze of the dawn.
Amoeba - I especially enjoyed your rendition of Drunken Sailor - although skewed :-D (groans)
ReplyDeleteTo think, Actonbell, all those years we thought our folks wanted us to complain. Wasted!
ReplyDeleteWhich types, TLP? OW!
Cooper, you're still not that much older.
JJ, I think it means "Got milk?"
Shayna, I've missed that. And a particularly fine lyric, too.
Terry, have you noticed that every newcomer walks in coy and winds up dancing in public? JJ will do fine here.
Oh...then meow.
ReplyDelete