Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Pettifogger
PETTIFOGGER, n. A competing or opposing lawyer.
2010 Update: A trifler, such as an off-camera visionary or, presumably, an unclothed man of the cloth.
I shall never throw dust in a juryman's eyes Said I to myself, said I Or hoodwink a judge who is not overwise Said I to myself, said I
Or assume that a knave or a rogue or a thief Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief Because his attorney has sent me a brief Said I to myself, said I
In other professions in which men engage-- The Army, the Navy, the Church and the STAGE-- Professional license, if taken to far One's chance of promotion will certainly mar. And I fancy the same might apply to to the bar, Said I to myself, said I
The Law is the true embodiment Of everything that's excellent. It has no kind of fault or flaw, And I, my Lords, embody the Law. The constitutional guardian I Of pretty young Wards in Chancery, All very agreeable girls — and none Are over the age of twenty-one. A pleasant occupation for A rather susceptible Chancellor!
But though the compliment implied Inflates me with legitimate pride, It nevertheless can't be denied That it has its inconvenient side. For I'm not so old, and not so plain, And I'm quite prepared to marry again, But there'd be the deuce to pay in the Lords If I fell in love with one of my Wards! Which rather tries my temper, for I'm such a susceptible Chancellor!
And every one who'd marry a Ward Must come to me for my accord, And in my court I sit all day, Giving agreeable girls away, With one for him — and one for he — And one for you — and one for ye — And one for thou — and one for thee — But never, oh, never a one for me! Which is exasperating for A highly susceptible Chancellor!
Poor Jim got his feelings hurt over our indiscriminate lawyer bashing, so I have to say that I know several attorneys that I like very much and their services have been useful, valuable and much appreciated.
Well, thank you Nessa. My feelings weren't really hurt but, well you know, I just didn't have anything to add (of course). So I guess yesterday I was in a class with blondes, Pollocks, Aggies, and all the other joked about people. Did you know that lawyers tell jokes about doctors and accountants? ..
Someone who quibbles over trivia, and raises petty, annoying objections?
ReplyDeleteLawyers get together in secret and make deals and only pretend to compete. It's a conspiracy I tell ya.
ReplyDeletePettifogger: Ambulance chasers
ReplyDeleteIf a petticoat gets lifted in a fog, will anyone see it?
ReplyDeleteA carpet bagger by any name is still a pettifogger.
Any OTHER name. My bad.
ReplyDeleteI shall never throw dust in a juryman's eyes
ReplyDeleteSaid I to myself, said I
Or hoodwink a judge who is not overwise
Said I to myself, said I
Or assume that a knave or a rogue or a thief
Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief
Because his attorney has sent me a brief
Said I to myself, said I
In other professions in which men engage--
The Army, the Navy, the Church and the STAGE--
Professional license, if taken to far
One's chance of promotion will certainly mar.
And I fancy the same might apply to to the bar,
Said I to myself, said I
(from memory)
The Law is the true embodiment
ReplyDeleteOf everything that's excellent.
It has no kind of fault or flaw,
And I, my Lords, embody the Law.
The constitutional guardian I
Of pretty young Wards in Chancery,
All very agreeable girls — and none
Are over the age of twenty-one.
A pleasant occupation for
A rather susceptible Chancellor!
But though the compliment implied
Inflates me with legitimate pride,
It nevertheless can't be denied
That it has its inconvenient side.
For I'm not so old, and not so plain,
And I'm quite prepared to marry again,
But there'd be the deuce to pay in the Lords
If I fell in love with one of my Wards!
Which rather tries my temper, for
I'm such a susceptible Chancellor!
And every one who'd marry a Ward
Must come to me for my accord,
And in my court I sit all day,
Giving agreeable girls away,
With one for him — and one for he —
And one for you — and one for ye —
And one for thou — and one for thee —
But never, oh, never a one for me!
Which is exasperating for
A highly susceptible Chancellor!
He makes twelve men angry.
ReplyDeleteThe smoke in your eyes
ReplyDeletethe fog up your skirt
unclothed man of the cloth?
ReplyDeletenaked priest?
i slay me...
That is a new one to me....but that picture...those things were commonly made in china and sold in Russia...weren't they? Or were they made in Russia?
ReplyDeleteBuenas noches ~ dormir bien.
ReplyDeletedarn i say
ReplyDeletepresident
bless
Poor Jim got his feelings hurt over our indiscriminate lawyer bashing, so I have to say that I know several attorneys that I like very much and their services have been useful, valuable and much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Jim.
Well, thank you Nessa. My feelings weren't really hurt but, well you know, I just didn't have anything to add (of course).
ReplyDeleteSo I guess yesterday I was in a class with blondes, Pollocks, Aggies, and all the other joked about people.
Did you know that lawyers tell jokes about doctors and accountants?
..
My favorite lawyer jokes involve one getting to or in Heaven. There are a few (jokes) because people must think lawyers hardly ever get there.
ReplyDelete..
Why, yes, Karen.
ReplyDeleteI hear that all the time. Must be a libelous one, Nessa.
Sure, Thom. And bus drivers.
Oh, yes, TLP.
Impressive, Weirsdo.
Icy, and twelve angry men anger 144.
Rio, I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
You slay us all a little, Tilden.
Politicians, Actonbell. Pretty close.
Cooper, I think the matrushkas are Russian originally but, yeah, probably now made somewhere South of there.
Gracias og Merci, Karen.
Darn bless, Bear.
Nessa, I'm not sure what you mean but, of course, nobody meant any harm toward Jim, I don't think.
I was gonna say, Jim, "A lawyer went to heaven" is a good start for a joke.