Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Father
FATHER, n. A quarter-master and commissary of subsistence provided by nature for our maintenance in the period before we have learned to live by prey.
2010 Update: A vestige of man's antewikipedian evolution, functioning now primarily as a repository for jokes, the punchlines for which are held in a separate vessel.
FATHER, n. Family man - his principal contribution to that family being to stay as fa, fa away as possible. Lest he be driven away in the manner of the wild beasts, for whom a near father merely competes for scarce resources. The couch, for instance.
Father: male half of a set that exchanges all their money for diapers, baby food, school supplies, college, the list is endless. It's a wonderful life. Really.
The word father has as many different personalities as the men who bear it and any definition given to it is inadequate and subject to circumstantial change. In other words, what Nessa said.
Amoeba, the couch is precisely the seat of intergenerational conflict.
TLP, is there a better bargain than birth control?
Momma's baby, daddy's maybe, Ariel?
Good for you, Actonbell! Actually, I use the enlarged version that E.J. Hopkins put together by adding other definitions he found that Bierce had written. If I were using the original version, this blog would have ended more than a year ago instead of two months from now.
Yes, Saurkraut, but it's a grandfather whose time is spent watching the clock.
Sorry about that Nicole. I sometimes make them up, too, it's only fair to mention.
Karen, that is a fine news source.
Thom, you don't have to be much of a man to become a father, do you? Just FYI, you didn't need the asterices.
Karen, I'm sure that's what he meant.
Nessa, depends which truck stop you hang out at.
Quilly, the longer a definition gets the more it depends.
Thom, I used to agree with that but then I thought of it: nature will make a father of any fool can carry forward the information, who am I to argue? ;)
FATHER, n. Family man - his principal contribution to that family being to stay as fa, fa away as possible. Lest he be driven away in the manner of the wild beasts, for whom a near father merely competes for scarce resources. The couch, for instance.
ReplyDeleteFather: male half of a set that exchanges all their money for diapers, baby food, school supplies, college, the list is endless. It's a wonderful life. Really.
ReplyDeleteFather, always the question, huh?
ReplyDeleteLOL TLP!!
ReplyDeleteFather, a man of time.
ReplyDeleteSorry, can't comment, still looking up some words from this post in the dictionary,...
ReplyDelete;)
To hell with Ambrose Bierce. Now I only believe The Onion America's Finest News Source.
ReplyDeleteFATHER, n. - Some, mine at the head of the list, just are sp..m donors
ReplyDeleteSpasm?
ReplyDeleteFather: We must check with Maury, Jerry or Montel to really know for sure.
ReplyDeleteThe word father has as many different personalities as the men who bear it and any definition given to it is inadequate and subject to circumstantial change. In other words, what Nessa said.
ReplyDeletefather knows best
ReplyDeletemarried with children
leave it to beaver
all in the family
peace
Amoeba, the couch is precisely the seat of intergenerational conflict.
ReplyDeleteTLP, is there a better bargain than birth control?
Momma's baby, daddy's maybe, Ariel?
Good for you, Actonbell! Actually, I use the enlarged version that E.J. Hopkins put together by adding other definitions he found that Bierce had written. If I were using the original version, this blog would have ended more than a year ago instead of two months from now.
Yes, Saurkraut, but it's a grandfather whose time is spent watching the clock.
Sorry about that Nicole. I sometimes make them up, too, it's only fair to mention.
Karen, that is a fine news source.
Thom, you don't have to be much of a man to become a father, do you? Just FYI, you didn't need the asterices.
Karen, I'm sure that's what he meant.
Nessa, depends which truck stop you hang out at.
Quilly, the longer a definition gets the more it depends.
Bear, those are the only four kinds.
Doug, I reckon Thom didn't mean spasm. He quite clearly meant to say sperm.
ReplyDeleteThom, I used to agree with that but then I thought of it: nature will make a father of any fool can carry forward the information, who am I to argue? ;)
ReplyDelete