tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post116521791740151198..comments2024-01-31T00:52:30.471-08:00Comments on Waking Ambrose: Story ThreadDoug The Unahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753071669562594194noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1166296508322195172006-12-16T11:15:00.000-08:002006-12-16T11:15:00.000-08:00And, speaking of xoxo, Doug -- who mysteriously no...And, speaking of xoxo, Doug -- who mysteriously now sports long blond locks tied back with a blue ribbon, started speaking in tongues, or something like them, as he spouted:<BR/>"The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,<BR/>Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,<BR/>And burbled as it came! One, two!<BR/>One, two! And through and through<BR/>The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!<BR/>He left it dead, and with its head<BR/>He went galumphing back.<BR/>'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?<BR/>Come to my arms, my beamish boy!<BR/>O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' <BR/>He chortled in his joy."<BR/><BR/>He thought for a minute. "Oh, maybe not. I liked it better when I had a choice of getting killed or getting laid."mireillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02012296353550408831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1166248599428852222006-12-15T21:56:00.000-08:002006-12-15T21:56:00.000-08:00Okay, it's December 16, and I've finally gotten ar...Okay, it's December 16, and I've finally gotten around to reading this. I LOVE that someone (Al?) mentioned the Jack D'Johns, formerly featured in BASIP! How awesome is that? XOXOXOLilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12068609044580667767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165988010853045992006-12-12T21:33:00.000-08:002006-12-12T21:33:00.000-08:00"Oh there you are!" replied Sar as Doug re-imerged..."Oh there you are!" replied Sar as Doug re-imerged from wherever in the blogosphere he seemed to be drifting in and out of...<BR/><BR/>"But I don't want to go among mad people," Sar remarked.<BR/>"Oh, you can't help that," said the Doug: "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."<BR/>"How do you know I'm mad?" said Sar.<BR/>"You must be," said Doug, "or you wouldn't have come here."<BR/>Sar didn't think that proved it at all: however she went on. "And how do you know that you're mad?"<BR/>"To begin with," said Doug, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"<BR/>"I suppose so," said Sar<BR/>"Well, then, " Doug went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."<BR/>"But i thought you were a dog?" Sar asked perplexed.<BR/>"Of course you did. That's because we're all mad here. For example, here it's 42, not 47."<BR/><BR/>"What?!?" askd Sar. "42? Now that truly is madness..."Alanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03316244154670854155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165985552835703612006-12-12T20:52:00.000-08:002006-12-12T20:52:00.000-08:00"Why who else could it be?? Do you mean to tell m..."Why who else could it be?? Do you mean to tell me that you have OTHER stillettos in your blog's life??!!? DO YOU?!??? <BR/><BR/>Well if so, that's pretty swell and where are they?? I'd love to meet them and hang over and chat over a good glass of wine. Oh and hey I heard you came from G's...you must tell me all about her shoes while we discuss politics...and are you okay?? You are fading in and out of this reality ala the cheshire cat, I mean all I can see of you know is your teethy grin...oh wait! You don't grin...where are you going? I simple must hear about G's shoe....Dooouuugggg!!!"Alanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03316244154670854155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165971539665344422006-12-12T16:58:00.000-08:002006-12-12T16:58:00.000-08:00And he might have died, had it not been for that h...And he might have died, had it not been for that half-eaten burger he'd grabbed off the table at fake-G's house before being whisked away. <BR/><BR/>"Cold, but derishious" he said between bites.<BR/><BR/>"Believe it or not, that cheese you're enjoying so much is made of soy. And that burger? Black beans." Spinning around, Doug found himself standing nose to nose with another beautiful redhead, adorned in a broad-rimmed hat that looked suspiciously like a lampshade.<BR/><BR/>"Okay, before you take one more step, are you the *real* G or another fake G? I'm thinking "fake G", because the *real* G knows I hate veggie burgers."<BR/><BR/>"Doug. Douglas. Dougie. Dougie-boy. Oh Dougie-boy, the pipes the pipes are calling... Did I NOT just hear you pronounce that veggie burger you're holding in that unwashed hand of yours 'derishious'? Why yes, I believe I did. Face it, Bubula, you like it. You know you like it. Everyone likes 'it'."<BR/><BR/>"Wait. "It"? What are we talking about here? Sex? Something I might buy on eBay? Or is "it" this cold/crappy veggie burger I just ate by mistake? I'm confused."<BR/><BR/>"Confused? Or are you merely a sane man drowning in a raging Sea of Crazy? My friend, only you know the answer to that... answer to that... answer to that... answer to that... answer to that... answer to that..."<BR/><BR/>Doug watched in fascination as the Lampshady Lady repeated the same three words over and over and over until a tiny trail of smoke began to escape from between her parted lips. "Mmm mrt mrb. Mmmm mrt mrb!" <BR/><BR/>"Mrt mrb?? Mrrrrt murrrrrb? Oh!" A light bulb went off in Doug's head "Are you trying to say LIGHT BULB?" The silhouetted figure nodded vigorously, so Doug peeked under the shade and noticed that the bulb was, indeed, out. "<I>That</I> I can fix!" he said, producing a shiny new bulb from the pocket of his ratty/frayed robe, without once wondering how it got there in the first place. Carefully he removed the old bulb, replaced it with the new, and was delighted to note the spark restored to the real and/or fake G's eyes.<BR/><BR/>"What?" said G.<BR/><BR/>"What?" said Doug.<BR/><BR/>"What? What? What??" said G, with more force.<BR/><BR/>"Uh... what what, G? What now? What's up doc? What do I want for dinner?"<BR/><BR/>"WHAT???"<BR/><BR/>"I. SAID. WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT. CAN. YOU. UNDERSTAND. THE. WORDS. COMING. OUT. OF. MY. MOUTH?"<BR/><BR/>"Wha-a-a-a-a-a-t?" it was more of a plea than a question, and suddenly another bulb went off over Doug's head. "O-o-o-o-h... WATT."<BR/><BR/>The lampshade nodded several more times, and Doug realized he had used the wrong bulb. "I should have known better than to use a 60. She's much brighter than that."<BR/><BR/>The room fairly glowed as Doug gave the new -- and brighter -- bulb a final twist. "Alrighty then! Now, where were we, real and/or fake G?"<BR/><BR/>But before she could reply, a gloved hand reached around and smashed into the right side of Doug's face, sending our hapless hero flying across the room.<BR/><BR/>Moments later, the dazed young man tried to get up, but was prevented from doing so by something pressing down on his chest. Upon lifting his head to discern the cause of this new and terrible pain, he winced. It was the same reaction he had every time he encountered the business end of a 4 inch Blahnik stiletto. <BR/><BR/>"Sar?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165956994216472822006-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:002006-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:00Once at Sar's he had to jump through a ring of fir...Once at Sar's he had to jump through a ring of fire! He hit his head on the concrete sidewalk, after bouncing off that ladder that some fool had placed there.<BR/><BR/>Laid! I've got to get laid or I'll never see home again! But who? Where? Of course he forgot that there was another alternative: He could just die...TLPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02837578489728318423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165953419483055172006-12-12T11:56:00.000-08:002006-12-12T11:56:00.000-08:00"Now, Doug, I'd like to say something to you," sai..."Now, Doug, I'd like to say something to you," said G. "But I need your undivided attention."<BR/><BR/>Doug frowned a bit. "Okay...?" He said, haltingly.<BR/><BR/>"Now, Doug, I'd like to say something to you," said G. "But I need your undivided attention."<BR/><BR/>Doug stared straight into G's lampshade, obviously confused. "Well, what?" he asked.<BR/><BR/>"Now, Doug, I'd like to say something to you," said G. "But I need your undivided attention."<BR/><BR/>That was it. Doug now knew G had run off the rails, repeating herself this way, but he couldn't undersand why the Transylvanian and the violinist couldn't see it. He looked about the room, there was something wrong, but he couldn't...<BR/><BR/>"Now, Doug,", said G again. "I'd like to say something to you, but I need your undivided attention."<BR/><BR/>Doug ignored her. Looking into the dining room, he could see that something didn't add up. Something was out of place. But, what... Finally, it registered. There, on the dining room table, a half-eaten cheeseburger! "Kosher Alert!" he thought to himself, immediately realizing that this <I>couldn't</I> be G, and this <I>coudn't</I> be G's family!<BR/><BR/>He'd been kidnapped! And, with that, he jumped from his chair, as G said, "Now, Doug, I'd like to say something to you..."<BR/><BR/>His life in danger, Doug summoned the Spirit of His Beloved Ambrose Bierce again. This was not over! Not here, not now. He closed his eyes and shouted "BelleOfTheBrawl Dot Blogspot dot Com!"<BR/><BR/>Surely, Sar's would be a safe domain for him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165953306914395612006-12-12T11:55:00.000-08:002006-12-12T11:55:00.000-08:00...ah!ha! got you said BCLOACA.Doug blinked his ey......ah!ha! got you said BCLOACA.<BR/>Doug blinked his eyes and shouted "You again, is this Leikur og List" <BR/>BCLOACA laughed no this is <A HREF="http://toliveareativelife.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">To Live A Creative Life</A><BR/>Doug looked at BCLOACA and said "Am I in Kansas? Cincinatti?"<BR/>"No silly you are on my new blog"<BR/>Now Doug sniffed and said "I want to go home"<BR/>BCLOACA said "I like your haircut" <BR/>"I want to go home" <BR/>"You can't go home until you get either laid or killed"<BR/>Who says that and why<BR/>"You blog friends and family, and I don't know why. When they agreed on that I was Christmas shopping and making a new blog in blogger beta"<BR/>"I pick laid"<BR/>"Not here, lets see where can I send you for that? The as quick as a flash much to his relief Dougie baby found himself.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165947107699960962006-12-12T10:11:00.000-08:002006-12-12T10:11:00.000-08:00Okay, so I overreacted a little. And haha, did I ...Okay, so I overreacted a little. And haha, did I say my best addition? I meant er, best effort maybe?<BR/><BR/>Okay, well onward and upward or something. I wish I could edit some of that damn addition...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165946778780009042006-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:002006-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:00I see a couple of things that I'd like to edit abo...I see a couple of things that I'd like to edit above, but there it is at your mercy...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165946524420343072006-12-12T10:08:00.000-08:002006-12-12T10:08:00.000-08:00Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button fever...Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button feverisly!? <BR/><BR/>I just added my piece to the thread - the longest and if I may best (not saying much) of my additions thusfar and it's gone! Poof! And I selfishly worked it back to my blog!<BR/><BR/>Now what? Oh woe is me...<BR/><BR/>I suspect this has something to do with my beta status.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165946479081758172006-12-12T10:07:00.001-08:002006-12-12T10:07:00.001-08:00Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button fever...Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button feverisly!? <BR/><BR/>I just added my piece to the thread - the longest and if I may best (not saying much) of my additions thusfar and it's gone! Poof! And I selfishly worked it back to my blog!<BR/><BR/>Now what? Oh woe is me...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165946465262615952006-12-12T10:07:00.000-08:002006-12-12T10:07:00.000-08:00Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button fever...Now Al, do you see why I hit the post button feverisly!? <BR/><BR/>I just added my piece to the thread - the longest and if I may best (not saying much) of my additions thusfar and it's gone! Poof! And I selfishly worked it back to my blog!<BR/><BR/>Now what? Oh woe is me...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165946161970845712006-12-12T10:02:00.000-08:002006-12-12T10:02:00.000-08:00"Smacked" shouted G, "at least that's what they do..."Smacked" shouted G, "at least that's what they do in the movies when someone is dazed".<BR/><BR/>"G!" cried Mo'a "what are you doing here?"<BR/><BR/>"G!" cried Doug "remember I'm not the sick kind of serial killer, right?" Doug added weakly.<BR/><BR/>With that G threw a glass of water in Doug's face. "G?" Doug whined.<BR/><BR/>"I went easy on you, it could have been a smack." G said as she reached for a brownie. "Now, did you think I was going to let you head to another domain while you're so close by on the East Coast?" G continued, "besides I was right across the highway visitng my Mom when I heard that Doug was in town and attempting to sit on Paloma and you know how I feel about Paloma. No offense Doug".<BR/><BR/>"None taken" Doug muttered.<BR/><BR/>Doug mused that they all seemed so nice in the blogs yet each of them seemed happy to help him get around but he always ended up stranded. <BR/><BR/>"Now come on Doug, my NBFF is waiting in the car outside, we're heading to Queens in style."<BR/><BR/>With that, they made a run through some early season snowflakes and hopped into the waiting vehicle.<BR/><BR/>Neva turned around and smiled broadly "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes, but I lovelovelove that robe of yours! Where to?"<BR/><BR/>"Why to Queens Nevala, this guy needs a haircut and I have just the barber for him..."<BR/><BR/>With no special effects, they arrived in Queens in the front of the Lampshade Household in 39 minutes. That Snuppy! They told Doug to go in through the downstairs as they needed to see a man about a latte. <BR/><BR/>Doug walked forward but he was pretty sure it was not his brain commanding his body to do so. He entered into a lovely dimly lit room. <BR/><BR/>"Sit down" said a man with a Transylvanian accent as a violin played mournfully in the background...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165940718057143972006-12-12T08:25:00.000-08:002006-12-12T08:25:00.000-08:00........ and "google came up.... his eyes were fil........... and "google came up.... his eyes were filled with tears as he instead hit the letter L.....up came Leikur og List...”What the hell?” he said<BR/>“Leikur og List” “what does that mean and why would anyone name their blog that?”<BR/>Then as quick as a Santa on Christmas Eve, Doug found himself facing a blond curvaceous lady of an certain age :) “Am I home?” whimpered Doug<BR/>“No my dear” replied the BCLOACA “Sit down, pick any chair you like”<BR/>“OK!!!!” he said through his sobs.......and looked around......so many chairs......so many kinds all over the house......he picked a French style silver chair with red and black satin seat......he has come to like satin.....no matter what anyone says. He then said in the voice of a three year old “Where is Paloma?” “I want to sit on her and pontificate” <BR/>“She is outside in the garden, you are in no shape to pontificate”<BR/>“You are in a safe house now” said the BCLOACA “Tell me how are you feeling”<BR/>“Confused” replied Doug, as he took his thumb out of his mouth .......he then snapped to attention and said “You are not going to get me killed” then he hopefully added “Or laid”<BR/>“Doug, are you effing crazy?” “I am a married woman and I don’t even own a gun” Then she handed him a plate of brownies and said “Will you have some brownies”<BR/>Doug took three brownies and thought to himself at least I can get stoned.<BR/>The brownies had no effect on Doug......he thought"I am wasting my time here" and he reached for the computer and just then the BCLOACA caught his hand and said “Not so fast mister”<BR/>“Let’s talk”<BR/>Doug screamed at the top of his lungs “Words, words to many words” and then started crying again and said “Forgive me Ambrose Bierce”<BR/>BCLOACA shook her head and though to herself “Poor Baby, he needs to be...........Mo'ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10422933577473828675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165939231000675062006-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:002006-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00Of course the address bar suggested "google" since...Of course the address bar suggested "google" since he used that so often. Google! Not exactly what he had in mind! But then, who knows what evil lurks in the mind of ...TLPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02837578489728318423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165901139131052562006-12-11T21:25:00.000-08:002006-12-11T21:25:00.000-08:00he deperately reached around for his laptop (as a ...he deperately reached around for his laptop (as a blogger never goes too far without his/her laptop). He knew he needed to find another domain, yet the current situation was leaving him with very little time to type, yet he...must...escape...this ...situation (or musn't he?)...he made a desperate lurch for the keyboard and in one swift sweep, he typed simply, the letter "g"Alanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03316244154670854155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165887833180533552006-12-11T17:43:00.000-08:002006-12-11T17:43:00.000-08:00And that musky whiff triggered a reaction in Doug'...And that musky whiff triggered a reaction in Doug's brain. He remembered the advice he once heard from his hero, MacGyver, "Stay calm, stay cool and use what is at hand to escape." <BR/><BR/>Ignoring his sweaty back, Doug took the little grape peeling knife in his mouth and began sawing through his silk bonds.<BR/><BR/>He got his hands free and untied his feet. He wrapped a silk sheet around himself ("tingly," he thought.)<BR/><BR/>Just as he reached the door to escape, it burst open.<BR/><BR/>"No, you can not leave," moaned the blonde masked stranger.<BR/><BR/>"We need you to populate our new commune," said the redheaded masked stranger.<BR/><BR/>"I can not be a nameless, loveless donar," cried Doug, "I must have commitment."<BR/><BR/>Doug tried to break free of his mad captors but they grabbed him, announcing, "If we can not have you, then no one will."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165876512931944982006-12-11T14:35:00.000-08:002006-12-11T14:35:00.000-08:00"Oh boy," thought Doug, "I'm gonna get lucky.""Def..."Oh boy," thought Doug, "I'm gonna get lucky."<BR/><BR/>"Define <I>lucky</I>," whispered the lovely masked stranger into the Dawg's ear.<BR/><BR/>Realizing his thoughts were not his own, Doug tried to think of something non-specific. Something neutral. Something beige. The best he could come up with was a pair of khaki Dockers he wore back in college. <BR/><BR/>"Monsieur!" Hissed the stranger pressing a cup of warm tea up to his lips. "Beige is ze color of dullards. Certainement vous pouvez faire mieux que cela!"<BR/><BR/>Doug was certain, however, that not only could he NOT do better than that, he didn't WANT to. The silk sheets, while nice, conducted heat a little too well, and he soon found himself sticking to them like post-its on a TPS report. "What's a guy gotta do to get some real food and a fresh pair of socks around here?"<BR/><BR/>The masked strangers looked at each other, then back at Doug, that back at each other... and backed out of the room. <BR/><BR/>"Well that's just freakin' perfect. First you tie me up, feed me a few paltry grapes, give me one, maybe two sips of crummy lukewarm tea, and now you're leaving me here to soak back up the sweat off my back?? Come back here!" He laughed nervously, when he heard himself say the word "back" 3 more times, after seeing it written in the paragraph just above this one 3 times in a row.<BR/><BR/>Alone, Doug wondered aloud what would have happened had he instead conjured up visions of the paisley nylon shirt he wore out to a bar once, on a dare. <BR/><BR/>"Oh, monsieur..." came a deep voice from behind a velvet curtain in the corner of the room. "Paisley is ze color of amour. Préparez-vous au bâti!"<BR/><BR/>"Whoa!!! Hang on there, pardner...the only thing mounting at this moment are concerns! This dawg doesn't swing that way. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)."<BR/><BR/>The voice behind the curtain coughed and said, "Je suis désolé. Mon erreur..."<BR/><BR/>"Damn straight 'vous erreur'..." Several minutes of uncomfortable silence passed before it occurred to Doug that he was, once again, alone. "I have GOT to get out of this place... I don't know how things are in Denmark, but something's rotten around here!" Which he confirmed after conducting a quick "whiff check" under his own musky armpit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165872127391021952006-12-11T13:22:00.000-08:002006-12-11T13:22:00.000-08:00OK, GN, spill it. How much did Doug pay you to wri...<I>OK, GN, spill it. How much did Doug pay you to write this? (The Dawg's gettin' Lucky...)</I>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165871642930761382006-12-11T13:14:00.000-08:002006-12-11T13:14:00.000-08:00Doug awoke in a room with muted rose lighting, lyi...Doug awoke in a room with muted rose lighting, lying on a bed covered in deep purple silk sheets and feather pillows. The walls were festooned with forest green satin.<BR/><BR/>His arms and legs were tied to the bedposts with fuschia silk scarves but he wasn't complaining becasue he was being fed peeled grapes by two lovely masked strangers.<BR/><BR/>Doug relaxed, so to speak, for the first time on his journey.He could take whatever came next because of all of these luxuries.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165867504359170422006-12-11T12:05:00.000-08:002006-12-11T12:05:00.000-08:00Al, let's not rush into anything. I don't think w...Al, let's not rush into anything. I don't think we're ready to get him laid yet, perhaps killed...<BR/><BR/>The story resumes:<BR/><BR/>Doug stood staring at the pimento loaf for what seemed like hours but was actually just seconds. <BR/><BR/>What became very strange was he once again heard the "CHOOSE ANOTHER DOMAIN" command and thought to himself "Give me a break, if I don't eat something soon, I'm likely to perish".<BR/><BR/>At that moment, he wasn't sure if he was halucinating from hunger or the strange events that had become his life, but next to the "pimento loaf" were PEZ dispensers and the last he remembered before once again blacking out was reaching for the DDDragon dispenser...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165864494817376192006-12-11T11:14:00.000-08:002006-12-11T11:14:00.000-08:00Attagirl, puppy! (And I like pimento loaf; reminds...<I>Attagirl, puppy! (And I like pimento loaf; reminds me, I skipped lunch...)<BR/><BR/>Not much left to do now but get the guy laid and killed. We should be able to manage that by the 14th, no problem.<BR/><BR/>Anybody? First to volunteer gets to pick which one...</I>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165861129268774402006-12-11T10:18:00.000-08:002006-12-11T10:18:00.000-08:00"Well I never!" sputtered Satinlady sliding over a..."Well I <I>never</I>!" sputtered Satinlady sliding over and smoothing out the crease in her polyester pant leg.<BR/><BR/>"That's what we hear..." said Doug, winking at Actonbell, who continued to stare straight ahead, in hopes she might have a chance to wing a few co-workers on her way to the lunchroom. <BR/><BR/>It was then that our hero noticed a small bobblehead siamese cat perched on the dashboard. "Well isn't that <I>special</I>?" he muttered sarcastically under his breath, knowing full well the driver, should she hear him, might have a change of heart and dump him out on his ass before he had a chance to finally get something decent to eat. And based on the noises his stomach was now making, he knew he needed to eat. <BR/><BR/>Glancing sideways, he was relieved to note his lovely driver was focused on the task at hand, even as she swerved in time to send a large stack of Dr. Phil books flying in all directions. "Hah! Take that DR. Phil!" She cried, as she set the vehicle back on course, and sped towards the lunchroom. <BR/><BR/>"Here we are!" Actonbell finally announced to her passengers as she jerked the forklift to a stop, set the emergency brake and hopped down. "Everybody out!"<BR/><BR/>Because of the awkward seating situation inside the small cab, Doug climbed out on the passenger side first, then offered a helpful hand to steady Satinlady as she stepped down onto the concrete floor. "This will be the death of me, yet" snorted the cranky woman as she scurried ahead in hopes she wasn't too late to get a fruit cup.<BR/><BR/>"Hey, then you can finally use that plot you've been saving for all these years, right??" called out the precocious Actonbell as Satinlady disappeared behind the lunchroom door. Turning to Doug, she allowed a small frown to crease her brow. "Doug, I hate to break it to you, but I have to go out for a short run before I eat. Care to join me?"<BR/><BR/>"How short is short?" asked Doug, thinking anything over the distance from where he was and where there was food was all the exercise he could manage.<BR/><BR/>Bending down to tie the laces on her Nikes, the lean lady answered over her shoulder "Ah... 3 or 4 miles, tops. You in?" When she heard no reply, she looked up in time to see the figure clad in a fluffy blue bathrobe racing towards the sandwich bar as fast as his feet could carry him. No small task, as he was still without one shoe.<BR/><BR/>"Darn. He forgot to take TLP's GIANT handbasket. And, based on everything I know, he's gonna need it, and SOON." Actonbell gently shook her head and sighed, and then sprinted off in the opposite direction as fast as her muscular legs could carry her.<BR/><BR/>"Hot puppies, grub!" was all Doug could muster as he surveyed the splendid array of processed meats before him, stopping cold when he realized that, in fact, the only meat left was something that looked suspiciously like pimento-loaf.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11152564.post-1165859113749243362006-12-11T09:45:00.000-08:002006-12-11T09:45:00.000-08:00Where we're going is to hell in a handbasket. And...Where we're going is to hell in a handbasket. And Douglas and TLP in a handbasket takes a damn BIG basket. <BR/><BR/>When is that dog coming home anyway?TLPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02837578489728318423noreply@blogger.com