Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Elijah of The Ozarks
Story #55, A prophetic retrospective.
To hear the story, heed Elijah.
To read the story, follow the signs.
This week in The Prattler, "The Economics of Envy."
one suspects Arkansas will never be the same once Jamie Dawn is through with it! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! for this wonderous tale AND for Jamie's ability to cut through the hitoneous aspects of life in order to save the souls and/or advise hapless hunters to bathe! i'm as happy as a Penguin on an ice float!
I'll betcha the possum found Jamie Dawn's sunflower hat fetching. Or is the hat helped fetch the possum. Hmmm.
And Doug, you went above and beyond with contribution towards the effort to add hitonious to Websters & Wikipedia. If there's sunshine everywhere today it's just a result of JD's reaction to your story and the redneck sign (I want one of those!).
I'm smiling from stem to stern and happy as the driven snow!!!!!!!! :) I LOoooVE MYyyy story! I am so glad I popped in here whilst I'm waiting in a sprarklingly clean house for my parents to get here. The woodland creatures that abide in the wood around my humble abode have indeed turned from their wicked ways and are on the straight and narrow. There is one errant squirrel I have to deal with, but he will come around eventually and turn from his debauchery. Praise Jesus!!!! My brother and I often email or talk on the phone using Biblicalese, much like your story. We add a few Selahs here and there and lots of Old Testament phrases like "THOU art the man!" and "Let my people go!" Fun, fun, fun stuff. I will show this gloriously short story to my kin when they arrive here in the state where dentist is a dirty word.
Hitonious rules!! Thanks for using my non-hitonious word. You, Doug, are most definitely NOT hitonious. You are hilarious and kind. Blessing be upon you and your household.
A story PLUS, in addition, also some wonderful compliments from some of my blog buddies. What a joyous day! I am aglow and my pearly whites are in full view because of my WIDE smile. :)
Jamie, THOU art the Woman! Great story about a woman of great strength (did you say clean house? *awe*) leading us all down the straight and narrow! (and I hope your folks have a good visit) xoxo
i my haste to leave a comment that may (or may not) have been as funny as the driven snow, i forgot to ask: were the "hitoneous hats" the hunter's original hats? or the trees that pushed them into their unintended-yet-well-deserved batisms in mud? in which case "hitoneous" would have been a play on words, i.e. "hit-on-yous" (work with me here). also, since possums *play* possum, how could anyone be sure they were really dead before deeming them dinner? (not that i would and/or do, but still...)
portent of nothing hitoneous(i hope), you got me thinking about all things Arkansas and/or the dentist...
as i just re-read my comment, i have one question: what the hell is a "batism"? something that happens in a cave? a cave with a floor of mud? in which baptism seeking hunters wear hitoneous hats with logos that look like trees and/or John Deere Tractors? sigh.
all i know is that this was a wonderful story. and you, dear Doug, have well-honored that ray of Arkansean sunshine we've all come to know and love (and/or laugh at/with when viewing pictures of her in funny hats)!
Doug - In case you're in need of Shakespearean insults, let me know.
Who is this prohpetess that you speaketh of, this Jamie Don? Oh! Jamie D-aw-n. You Californians and those lovely accents.
A Jamie Dawn by any other name would have a hard time living up to this prophetess. I mean putting them on the straight and narrow to the dentist no less!
Even with the psychedelic visuals, I could still picture the baptism by mud - hintoneous! Congrats Jamie Dawn on providing such inspriation (though I'm not surprised).
Hooray for Jamie Dawn and hooray for her contribution of a new non-word for me to use as those are my favoritists! That was a charming stroy Doug, I enjoyed it a lot!
and i'd be right behind ya, TLP! let's just hope this doesn't portend anything about the rest of the week! verily (still in Shakesnark modeth) that would be hitoneous! xo
To hear the story, heed Elijah.
one suspects Arkansas will never be the same once Jamie Dawn is through with it! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! for this wonderous tale AND for Jamie's ability to cut through the hitoneous aspects of life in order to save the souls and/or advise hapless hunters to bathe!
ReplyDeletei'm as happy as a Penguin on an ice float!
Jamie Dawn is awesome. Great story! Wonderful use of "hitoneous".
ReplyDeleteExcellent story and I believe have captured Ms. Dawn in her true glory! Now go and sin no more.
ReplyDeleteof course that was meant to read...
ReplyDeleteexcellent story and I believe YOU have captured...
Blog Rule #1 - Never blog through bleary eyes.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeletetasty treat,
great story.
When she is done there I believe there are several other states that could use her attention.
Thanks, Puppybrose. Jamie Dawn makes light where there is darkness.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aral, I'll be late to BASIP but haven't forgotten.
Thanks, Joel. I'll do my best.
Logo, 49 + puerto rico.
I'll betcha the possum found Jamie Dawn's sunflower hat fetching. Or is the hat helped fetch the possum. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteAnd Doug, you went above and beyond with contribution towards the effort to add hitonious to Websters & Wikipedia. If there's sunshine everywhere today it's just a result of JD's reaction to your story and the redneck sign (I want one of those!).
Yeah, Logo, Jamie could take that show on the road!
ReplyDeleteAh, Actonbell, you don't watch enough tv. Dr. Phil used to be a regular on Oprah's show ... that's how he got his own show.
Hmmm ... I wonder what would happen if you got Jamie and Dr.Phil together?
I'm smiling from stem to stern and happy as the driven snow!!!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI LOoooVE MYyyy story!
I am so glad I popped in here whilst I'm waiting in a sprarklingly clean house for my parents to get here. The woodland creatures that abide in the wood around my humble abode have indeed turned from their wicked ways and are on the straight and narrow. There is one errant squirrel I have to deal with, but he will come around eventually and turn from his debauchery.
Praise Jesus!!!!
My brother and I often email or talk on the phone using Biblicalese, much like your story. We add a few Selahs here and there and lots of Old Testament phrases like "THOU art the man!" and "Let my people go!" Fun, fun, fun stuff.
I will show this gloriously short story to my kin when they arrive here in the state where dentist is a dirty word.
Hitonious rules!! Thanks for using my non-hitonious word. You, Doug, are most definitely NOT hitonious. You are hilarious and kind. Blessing be upon you and your household.
A story PLUS, in addition, also some wonderful compliments from some of my blog buddies. What a joyous day! I am aglow and my pearly whites are in full view because of my WIDE smile. :)
Have a NON-hitonious weekend everyone!!!
If you're done with the possum, can I have him?
ReplyDeleteThis was a fantabulous story it's almost as good as mine. I looooove the graphic.
ReplyDeleteOooh I like the word hitonious.
Jamie, THOU art the Woman! Great story about a woman of great strength (did you say clean house? *awe*) leading us all down the straight and narrow! (and I hope your folks have a good visit) xoxo
ReplyDeletei my haste to leave a comment that may (or may not) have been as funny as the driven snow, i forgot to ask: were the "hitoneous hats" the hunter's original hats? or the trees that pushed them into their unintended-yet-well-deserved batisms in mud? in which case "hitoneous" would have been a play on words, i.e. "hit-on-yous" (work with me here). also, since possums *play* possum, how could anyone be sure they were really dead before deeming them dinner? (not that i would and/or do, but still...)
ReplyDeleteportent of nothing hitoneous(i hope), you got me thinking about all things Arkansas and/or the dentist...
The story is a BIG hit with the family! Well done, Doug!!
ReplyDeleteWe had a great laugh here at the AR Homestead thanks to you.
as i just re-read my comment, i have one question: what the hell is a "batism"? something that happens in a cave? a cave with a floor of mud? in which baptism seeking hunters wear hitoneous hats with logos that look like trees and/or John Deere Tractors? sigh.
ReplyDeleteall i know is that this was a wonderful story. and you, dear Doug, have well-honored that ray of Arkansean sunshine we've all come to know and love (and/or laugh at/with when viewing pictures of her in funny hats)!
Doug - In case you're in need of Shakespearean insults, let me know.
ReplyDeleteWho is this prohpetess that you speaketh of, this Jamie Don? Oh! Jamie D-aw-n. You Californians and those lovely accents.
A Jamie Dawn by any other name would have a hard time living up to this prophetess. I mean putting them on the straight and narrow to the dentist no less!
Even with the psychedelic visuals, I could still picture the baptism by mud - hintoneous! Congrats Jamie Dawn on providing such inspriation (though I'm not surprised).
Great story again Doug.
ReplyDeleteHooray for Jamie Dawn and hooray for her contribution of a new non-word for me to use as those are my favoritists! That was a charming stroy Doug, I enjoyed it a lot!
ReplyDeletewonderful tribute to JD! and wonderfully recounted, bringing a new meaning to hysterical, Douglas!
ReplyDeleteonce more you outdid yourself. maybe it's time to look for some competition beyond yourself? :P
adgooioc: O'C could do with an addition of goo
Thank you, Puppybrose. Batism is the cleansing away of sin through the jugular.
ReplyDeleteG, sowry abowt the aaccent.
Thanks, TLP.
Thanks, Squaregirl. I say at the September regional center meeting we agree to each use "Hitonious" once.
What do you have in mind, Miss K?
Excellent.
ReplyDeleteHITONIOUS - Love that word.
Well, I would be first on Monday, instead of last on Saturday, if you would get the heck outta bed.
ReplyDeleteand i'd be right behind ya, TLP! let's just hope this doesn't portend anything about the rest of the week! verily (still in Shakesnark modeth) that would be hitoneous! xo
ReplyDeleteCooper, it's a great word. I'm thinking Darfur, a Hitonious Hell on Earth.
ReplyDeleteTLP, I forget to carefully examine my alarm clock after a dogsitter used my room for a week.
Puppybrose, I bet you'll be first now. Thank me later.
Doug - you tawkin to me?
ReplyDelete