Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Freshman
FRESHMAN, n. A student acquainted with grief.
2006 Update: In High School, a jaded lover and recovering alcoholic. In college, a dew-eyed innocent.
Welcome to college, Solace Cai. Best of luck and remember, books are for nerds.
You know, that one sounds more like you're picking on me *goes away to pout* anyway... Freshman: the new kids that all the upperclassmen see as useable. example: Freshies will do the work of an upperclassmen just to be invited to a party that turns out to be some lame excuse for a 4 year old's birthday party.
Quilldancer: You know I've thought about them from time to time over the years. I think the hazing gave them more character and some motivation! All that time stuck in a cramped locker they must have spent thinking of ways to be successful! :) I never spent time IN a locker, I had an older brother who was a senior and thankfully my sister and I were off limits. Those were the days!!
Freshman: A new opportunity to encourage Wild Boys to Take on Me because Girls Just Want To Have Fun and Some Like It Hot. It was Almost Paradise, but the any Smooth Operator ultimately found himself left On The Dark Side because I was Like A Virgin which was a Hard Habit To Break.
Freshman~ a crisp smack of a reality that was 500 students in this here new land as opposed to a class of 20 back in the old world... a baffling word and anxiety-inducing reality...
And to those who laughed at me when I walked around with a map I say PFFFFT! Well, that is the PG version otherwise I would say YOU MOTHA...
Ok, ok, relax hermano! I'll behave... a little... just for you... *sigh*
FRESHMAN, n. Relict species, persisting only in North America. Replaced elsewhere by the "first year", which, through a single serendipitous point mutation, has shed the parasite burden of both the gender cop and the punster.
We have no such word here, though going to college after school is a natural process.
'Fresh' is the feeling after a nice warm bath, then dabbing oneself with a big soft terry, using a nice deo and getting into clean clothes. I'm afraid I can't define 'man'
Nah, Solace, I chose the word in your honor and wrote the definition for the global audience it will surely find. What is an upperclassman doing with a 4-year-old kid? It should be 8.
CJ, that's not misfortune it's a choice. They're asking for it.
Puppybrose, that one's clever. Took me a minute but I'm a new kid.
Joel can I offer this? FRESHMAN SENATOR, n. Early contender.
Ha, FF! The good old days of hell is a great description.
Quilldancer, you promised you'd be back in an hour! What did I miss? Anything?
TLP, that explains the locker.
CJ, I wonder if my kid sister tells her story the same way.
Sar, who're you kidding?
Miz B, no need to behave. Explain maybe?
O Ceallaigh, to be honest, I don't remember freshman year too well.
Oh, Doug, was that "recovering alcoholic" line, um, autobiographical? I thought it was a generic reference - "recovery" is not the usual state of the bibulous first year, at least in my experience.
Tom, speak for yourself. Give me seniority and experience any day.
INNOCENCE, n. The doubtful bouquet of anticipation compounded with the reek of fear.
Excuse me, books are not for nerds. Just don't have time to read them anymore
Freshman: The worst time of my life in high school and best time in college: what I seem to be forever in life which is why I always need Doug's advice
Explain? *sigh* I guess the mystery will be gone then, huh? Oh well!
Simply put, in Spain there were 20 in my class and when we moved to the US, as a freshman nonetheless (a word, which by the way, puzzled me until someone explained to me what the hell it was!), it was a huge culture shock to have 500 people in "my class" and the school, by Spanish standards, was so big that without a map I would have been absolutely lost the first number of weeks...
... something which seemed to be quite the oddity and therefore a reason to pick on me, frizzy-haired-swollen-nose-awkward-chick-with-the-weird-accent-and-odd-ways girl that I was... but that did not last too long as I soon learned that befriending a football player or two worked quite to my advantage thank you very much!
I was a freshman at many things, not just high school American style! Dios mio que recuerdos!
"The kids" Quilldancer? Did you think I didn't recognize you? You carried that same stupid feather when you shoved me. *achoo*
By innocence, Icy, you mean silent delusions of grandeur? Good girl!
Jamie Dawn, I'm afraid I'm a mite too strong.
No lie, Anomie. "I sit in my cubbyhole. Waiting. Waiting." from Matt Groening's School is Hell.
Ariel, I think you might be thinking of a married pig.
Old age and treachery, O Ceallaigh. Take it every time.
G, you mean "Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin" or "For a good time call Gina?"
Mireille, you've been a Catholic, A Jew, a writer, paralegal, student, perfume afficianado, make-up maven, poet, bride, divorcee, bride again and Wednesday Guest. I'm guessing you're a sophomore.
Pia, I didn't mean your book. Back to work, would ya?
Brian, that one was especially good, nice irony at the end. We'll make a sarcastic sucker out of you yet. I hope Diane will thank me.
Claro, Miz B. I wondered which "here" you meant. You sure grew up pretty.
Pansi, I new it!!!!
Village Idiot, how is that different from VILLAGE IDIOT?
Speak of the Mutha and she appears. Hasn't that always been so. Sinister definition. I like it.
Doug, I rarely find it necessary to resort to physical violence. I learned quite young that the proper phrase administered at just the right time had infinately more power then even the most skilled punch. Only once in high school was I moved to physical violence. A certain young man took unacceptable liberties with my person and I had to teach him some manners.
I don't really recall what he looked like -- I mean, before he turned that funny purple color and toppled into that locker. Are you confessing to being that young man? Did they have to do surgery to remove my shoe? And by any chance do you still have it? They were my favorites.
VI -- I entirely missed the point of your explanation.
Actonbell, that brings back memories of almost getting run over thinking I was crossing a one-way street at Emory. Maybe that's what separates a Frosh from a Freshman.
Kyahgirl, I pity them really.
Cooper. I actually believe you outgrew your stubbornness after your Freshman year.
G, I know this is how the trouble started yesterday so I googled before saying "isn't that from sounds of silence?" Please don't take my Kodachrome away. And no lions, this time.
now see, there is laughter in my head, 'cuase I picture you bouncing up and down on that trampoline with no escape route, ´cause I tied a net all around it. *awwwwwwwwwwww*
Fresh and ready to embark on today´s word...
ReplyDeletebetter publish, before some will get fresh with me....
freshmen: as opposed to those who've gone stale.
ReplyDeletefire up the coffee maker...it's gonna be a long day
You know, that one sounds more like you're picking on me *goes away to pout* anyway...
ReplyDeleteFreshman: the new kids that all the upperclassmen see as useable.
example: Freshies will do the work of an upperclassmen just to be invited to a party that turns out to be some lame excuse for a 4 year old's birthday party.
freshman: the unforunate younger souls on a high school campus who can be found at times riding through the hallways duct taped to their skate boards.
ReplyDelete:) Oh how I wish I was a college freshman, those were the days!
freshman: cheeky fellow?
ReplyDeleteFreshman Senators - Usually irrelavent newbies who are, in most cases, years away from serving their state's interest, or more likely, their own.
ReplyDeleteFreshman Football Player - Often times one who wears a "red-shirt."
Puppytoes has it! lol I vaguely remember those days, pure hell. Ah, but those were the good 'ol days, sigh..... D
ReplyDeleteFreshman:
ReplyDelete1) a delusional state;
2) one who still has dreams and aspirations of changing the world singlehandedly
CJ -- we went to the same high school! (You suppose that little guy is still trapped in his locker?)
ReplyDeletepuppybrose -- your answer #1 was my first thought; but you forced me to work harder, Your answer #2 is perfect.
Fresh meat.
ReplyDeleteQuilldancer: You know I've thought about them from time to time over the years. I think the hazing gave them more character and some motivation! All that time stuck in a cramped locker they must have spent thinking of ways to be successful! :) I never spent time IN a locker, I had an older brother who was a senior and thankfully my sister and I were off limits. Those were the days!!
ReplyDeleteFreshman: A new opportunity to encourage Wild Boys to Take on Me because Girls Just Want To Have Fun and Some Like It Hot. It was Almost Paradise, but the any Smooth Operator ultimately found himself left On The Dark Side because I was Like A Virgin which was a Hard Habit To Break.
ReplyDeleteFreshman~ a crisp smack of a reality that was 500 students in this here new land as opposed to a class of 20 back in the old world... a baffling word and anxiety-inducing reality...
ReplyDeleteAnd to those who laughed at me when I walked around with a map I say PFFFFT! Well, that is the PG version otherwise I would say YOU MOTHA...
Ok, ok, relax hermano! I'll behave... a little... just for you... *sigh*
FRESHMAN, n. Relict species, persisting only in North America. Replaced elsewhere by the "first year", which, through a single serendipitous point mutation, has shed the parasite burden of both the gender cop and the punster.
ReplyDeleteRecovering alcoholic, Doug? Since when?
:)
We have no such word here, though going to college after school is a natural process.
ReplyDelete'Fresh' is the feeling after a nice warm bath, then dabbing oneself with a big soft terry, using a nice deo and getting into clean clothes. I'm afraid I can't define 'man'
xckiktv: dead cow kicked the TV
Minka, well done!
ReplyDeletePuppybrose, put something a little extra in mine.
Nah, Solace, I chose the word in your honor and wrote the definition for the global audience it will surely find. What is an upperclassman doing with a 4-year-old kid? It should be 8.
CJ, that's not misfortune it's a choice. They're asking for it.
Puppybrose, that one's clever. Took me a minute but I'm a new kid.
Joel can I offer this? FRESHMAN SENATOR, n. Early contender.
Ha, FF! The good old days of hell is a great description.
Quilldancer, you promised you'd be back in an hour! What did I miss? Anything?
TLP, that explains the locker.
CJ, I wonder if my kid sister tells her story the same way.
Sar, who're you kidding?
Miz B, no need to behave. Explain maybe?
O Ceallaigh, to be honest, I don't remember freshman year too well.
Karma, you have a strange and special talent.
Doug, I was too afraid of the kids who shoved you in that locker to let you back out. I asked CJ to do it! Blame her.
ReplyDeleteIt would be so nice to feel that dew eyed innocence of a Freshman one more time instead of the delusions of grandeur of a Senior.
ReplyDeleteFreshman: a just-showered male who smells of Irish Spring, and who is not sporting any stubble.
ReplyDeleteTom's (& Icy) comment is hilarious!!
ReplyDeletefreshman: man is right out of the shower.
ReplyDeleteOh, Doug, was that "recovering alcoholic" line, um, autobiographical? I thought it was a generic reference - "recovery" is not the usual state of the bibulous first year, at least in my experience.
ReplyDeleteTom, speak for yourself. Give me seniority and experience any day.
INNOCENCE, n. The doubtful bouquet of anticipation compounded with the reek of fear.
Freshman: Just being happy to be able to "read the writing on the wall".
ReplyDeleteI like OC's def of innocence ... we're all a freshman at something. xoxo
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, books are not for nerds. Just don't have time to read them anymore
ReplyDeleteFreshman: The worst time of my life in high school and best time in college: what I seem to be forever in life which is why I always need Doug's advice
Explain? *sigh* I guess the mystery will be gone then, huh? Oh well!
ReplyDeleteSimply put, in Spain there were 20 in my class and when we moved to the US, as a freshman nonetheless (a word, which by the way, puzzled me until someone explained to me what the hell it was!), it was a huge culture shock to have 500 people in "my class" and the school, by Spanish standards, was so big that without a map I would have been absolutely lost the first number of weeks...
... something which seemed to be quite the oddity and therefore a reason to pick on me, frizzy-haired-swollen-nose-awkward-chick-with-the-weird-accent-and-odd-ways girl that I was... but that did not last too long as I soon learned that befriending a football player or two worked quite to my advantage thank you very much!
I was a freshman at many things, not just high school American style! Dios mio que recuerdos!
Better?
Freshman... so much better than FROSH! Blech!
And the nose was swollen because of an annoying thing called puberty... so badly timed that! But I digress...
ReplyDeleteWhen don't I, I ask? *sigh*
otwatk- Ott wan that kid! Yaa, yaa!
"BOOOOks are for nerd's!!!" We are sole mate's!!!!!
ReplyDeletebeanie wearing student
ReplyDeleteMiss B...Be careful when you call out to "You Motha" because the real MUTHA may appear.
ReplyDeleteFreshman: All to gain and much to lose. Easy pickins for upperclassmen, roving professors, and philosphers just waiting to blow your mind.
"The kids" Quilldancer? Did you think I didn't recognize you? You carried that same stupid feather when you shoved me. *achoo*
ReplyDeleteBy innocence, Icy, you mean silent delusions of grandeur? Good girl!
Jamie Dawn, I'm afraid I'm a mite too strong.
No lie, Anomie. "I sit in my cubbyhole. Waiting. Waiting." from Matt Groening's School is Hell.
Ariel, I think you might be thinking of a married pig.
Old age and treachery, O Ceallaigh. Take it every time.
G, you mean "Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin" or "For a good time call Gina?"
Mireille, you've been a Catholic, A Jew, a writer, paralegal, student, perfume afficianado, make-up maven, poet, bride, divorcee, bride again and Wednesday Guest. I'm guessing you're a sophomore.
Pia, I didn't mean your book. Back to work, would ya?
Brian, that one was especially good, nice irony at the end. We'll make a sarcastic sucker out of you yet. I hope Diane will thank me.
Claro, Miz B. I wondered which "here" you meant. You sure grew up pretty.
Pansi, I new it!!!!
Village Idiot, how is that different from VILLAGE IDIOT?
Speak of the Mutha and she appears. Hasn't that always been so. Sinister definition. I like it.
Doug
ReplyDeleteOne is a student, one is a student sitting in a corner with a pointy hat.
And to clarify, That is a large, tall conical hat with one point, not a hat with many points
ReplyDeletejeez, you make it sound like a lot. all of a sudden, I have sophomore slump. xoxo
ReplyDeleteDoug, I rarely find it necessary to resort to physical violence. I learned quite young that the proper phrase administered at just the right time had infinately more power then even the most skilled punch. Only once in high school was I moved to physical violence. A certain young man took unacceptable liberties with my person and I had to teach him some manners.
ReplyDeleteI don't really recall what he looked like -- I mean, before he turned that funny purple color and toppled into that locker. Are you confessing to being that young man? Did they have to do surgery to remove my shoe? And by any chance do you still have it? They were my favorites.
VI -- I entirely missed the point of your explanation.
V.I., thank you. I was confused for a second.
ReplyDeleteNonsense, Mireille, although I think you should declare a major.
Sounds like me, Quilldancer. Did he have floppy ears? Yes I have your shoe and no way am I giving it back.
I love that shoe.
ReplyDeletewe don't use that terminology in the Canadian school system (just in case Minka was looking for more world knowledge)
ReplyDeleteFreshmen-those who became Frozenmen upon trying to get fresh with a certain Belgian sheepdog :-)
"(Freshman: Just being happy to be able to "read the writing on the wall".)" , but more often than not unwilling or unable to do so.
ReplyDeleteDoug: I was referring to the Kodachrome lyrics of Paul Simon, not some ancient Talmudic code nor ahem the defiling of my once good name!
ReplyDeleteOh in a freshman moment VI, I've just seen The Princess Bride (courtesy of Puppybrose) for the first time! Go ahead...
ReplyDeleteActonbell, that brings back memories of almost getting run over thinking I was crossing a one-way street at Emory. Maybe that's what separates a Frosh from a Freshman.
ReplyDeleteKyahgirl, I pity them really.
Cooper. I actually believe you outgrew your stubbornness after your Freshman year.
G, I know this is how the trouble started yesterday so I googled before saying "isn't that from sounds of silence?" Please don't take my Kodachrome away. And no lions, this time.
Freshman: all-year sucker
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks big bro! You are sweet, it is probably in our genes :)
ReplyDeleteI am off to bed now...putting ice packs on that foot of mine.
Iceland out!
Puppybrose, how is that different from Sophomore?
ReplyDeleteMinka, you limp back here this instant, young lady, I'm about to post.
you're right! i should have said:
ReplyDeleteall-day sucker that lasts about 2 years.
my bad : P
Don´t make me come over there!
ReplyDeleteThe other foot is in fine shape and has no problem with kicking of any sort, you insensitive little brat!:)
Morning!
Puppybrose, I'm sure the confusion was mine. I was a Freshman three times and a Sophomore twice.
ReplyDeleteMinka, I'll set you up some parallel bars to kick me from.
ok, let me call a handyman, so we´ll get the job done at some point this year!
ReplyDeleteThat's the last straw, Minka. I'm putting in a trampoline instead.
ReplyDeletenow see, there is laughter in my head, 'cuase I picture you bouncing up and down on that trampoline with no escape route, ´cause I tied a net all around it.
ReplyDelete*awwwwwwwwwwww*
You´ve met your match, Pascover!
We'll see, Minka. Even as we speak I'm sawing a hole in my roof to escape through. You'll never take me aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*splat*
ReplyDeleteFRESHMAN, n. ...not me :D!
ReplyDeleteNope, Goa'uld and you can read instructions unlike some people who haven't been Freshmen since 1986.
ReplyDelete