Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Positive
POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
2006 Update: Compliant with advice to the lovelorn, languishing and lost. Three days sober.
I can't be positive, but I think that's a picture of an eroded battery, but I have no idea what it has to do with today's word. Damn, I was so hoping to be first today... SC
Minka, on first quick glance, I was positive that image was a piece of vanilla cake with frosting in the same lightblue shade as the top I happen to be wearing today.
I think it's a corroded battery? Oh hey, there's a caption!
"It didn't take Sar long to realize charging the battery wasn't a piece of cake afterall."
Whatever, that picture is scaring me. I feel like I have to put on an oily overall and spit in my hands and take one of them screwy thingies and get to work. And I just washed my hair!
the sight of a horribly corroded battery has caused all positive thoughts to flee from my fragile little mind. i shall require copious amounts of caffeine before i attempt to neutralize the ensuing negativity.
I am having a positive day. Great walk, great weather, life is good today. How is YOUR day today, Doug?
BTW - I've invested in the Perky Bunny Chronicles. I highly recommend you buy a signed copy now,when he's famous you'll have to PAY him twice as much to come here to entertain. Hugs Love! D :)
Is it the positive part of the battery that's eroded? As in, not the negative? Usually, being positive means there's something negative you're trying to deny. xoxo
Never confuse the positive and negative posts on a battery when efforting to jump start a vehicle. Bad things can happen...at least that's what I've heard. It's a little like the 4th of July in America.
It is the positive pole of the battery that corrodes. Usually when that happens, it's time for a new battery. Just what the average cash-strapped car owner does not wish to hear.
Great caption, Sar. If this were a contest you'd be a finalist.
Brian, that's reasonable.
Minka, here's how you can clean that battery terminal without dirtying yourself. Bring two cups, one with a thin paste of baking soda and water, the other just water. Slowly poor the baking soda over the terminal followed by the water. For more thorough cleaning, you may use an old toothbrush (these can be imported) and the baking soda paste. You won't need old clothes, but this probably should be done very carefully if you're wearing a cocktail dress as the bluish-white powder is evaporated battery acid.
Thanks, Puppybrose. That's an x-ray of my heart. And by the way, you join O Ceallaigh as someone who writes definitions like Bierce did.
Diane, my day is grand, thanks, although kind of bright for my taste.
Zenfo, God can quit creating anytime he wants. Remember that.
Very good, Quilldancer. I think you're first to solve the pun. As you can see above, I'm a baking soda guy.
Not in my case, Mireille. I consider nothing more positive than to embrace and announce negativity.
Shocking, even, Minka!
G, I need a little help with TGSL.
Baking soda, Brian. Baking soda. No need to pay Duralube to mix it up for you, buddy.
Joel, a shower of sparks hardly ever kills anyone. I have a 1951 Internation Harvester pick-up truck which is positive-grounded rather than the more commonplace contemporary negative ground. It's also 6-volt. The generator went out in Arizona and I pulled into a big strip mall in Winslow and replaced the generator but needed a jump start, so I called a tow truck. The guy didn't believe me when I told him that the grounded terminal was the positive one and we argued for a few minutes before I said "OK, attach the cables however you think is right." Man, that was rough justice and good entertainment.
O Ceallaigh, that's a first rate contemporary definition. Of course, it will probably be out-of-date in less than a decade.
Your brother is a clever geek, Jenna. Never thought I'd say that.
Logo, see Quilldancer's comment.
Corroded, Icy? There, you're a god girl.
VI, that's the kind of positivity I sure like to see.
Love your definitions today Doug. And my oh my, that really was an interesting tidbit about your 1951 truck. I'll have to share that with Ron, who has a thing for old trucks(still driving his '78 chevy to work). See? I'm always learning new things here.
I think of 'positive' like a chemist of course. Its really quite romantic, in a nerdy sort of way. You know, the eternal dance of positive and negative, holding our molecules together, determining how things come about in the grand design. :-)
Thanks, G. Do people really know that abbreviation?
Kyahgirl, one of my favorite new phrases is "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." Tell Ron I hope to be buried in that truck.
Dddragon, I don't guess you can confirm that quote for us, can you?
Not since I was a kid, Jamie Dawn but I entertained the multitudes then. Are negative Nigels ok?
Joel, I enjoyed it a lot. I was still laughing even after I refilled the hole. Proofreading is like bread, worth life but rarely homemade.
Positive: Being CERTAIN that it goes with red. No black. No red? I mean, black? Wait, I'm pretty sure it's red...right? Heck, it's the reason for buying a NEW car the next time...
Speaking of bloodtypes, O Neg. here...I know it's not POSITIVE, but interestingly enough Negs can donate to Positives and not the other way around...does that make it betterr to be Positive or Negative? No need for you to respond to that question Pascover!
Kyahgirl, I think maybe that's too cynical for this site. I won't delete it, but you're warned. Nobody here but positive pauls and patties. Jamie Dawn said.
Then make it two, G. Or TTGSL.
Masil, or the state of being delusional.
Actonbell, I think you could taste the difference.
Thanks, Quilldancer, I'm positive I'm grateful you joined the fun.
Jamie Dawn, ever lick a car battery?
AB+, K. I can't help, but I can take anyone else's. I find it peaks in flavor around the 18th year.
Kyahgirl, a left-handed O+? What a freak!
Poobah, point me to the flame war. And be well, friend.
Squaregirl, we universal receivers can afford to be flippant, if that answers your question.
POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
First, at leats I hope so.
ReplyDeleteand not to be negative or anything, but what is that picture to the right of? Looks like a ocuple of metal rods in lightblue ice-cream.
I can't be positive, but I think that's a picture of an eroded battery, but I have no idea what it has to do with today's word.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I was so hoping to be first today...
SC
Minka, on first quick glance, I was positive that image was a piece of vanilla cake with frosting in the same lightblue shade as the top I happen to be wearing today.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a corroded battery? Oh hey, there's a caption!
"It didn't take Sar long to realize charging the battery wasn't a piece of cake afterall."
Whatever, that picture is scaring me. I feel like I have to put on an oily overall and spit in my hands and take one of them screwy thingies and get to work. And I just washed my hair!
ReplyDeletethe sight of a horribly corroded battery has caused all positive thoughts to flee from my fragile little mind. i shall require copious amounts of caffeine before i attempt to neutralize the ensuing negativity.
ReplyDeletenice update.
positive: the charge of optimistic thinking and/or static cling
ReplyDeleteI am having a positive day. Great walk, great weather, life is good today. How is YOUR day today, Doug?
ReplyDeleteBTW - I've invested in the Perky Bunny Chronicles. I highly recommend you buy a signed copy now,when he's famous you'll have to PAY him twice as much to come here to entertain. Hugs Love! D :)
Oh lord, three days sober is a bit of a positive. Of course, by the seventh day, even God needed a cocktail.
ReplyDeletepositive n. Richard Simmons
ReplyDeleteOh! And as to the battery pic -- it is the positive post, of course. Doug, if this is yours may I suggest Coca Cola, or perhaps a bus pass?
Is it the positive part of the battery that's eroded? As in, not the negative? Usually, being positive means there's something negative you're trying to deny. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh my!
ReplyDeletesizzling stuff!
Hahahaha Sar - good caption. You should start a contest...
ReplyDeletePositive: Yada yada, blah blah blah - do you have an extra TGSL Puppy?
Positive: Not negative. No, never.
ReplyDeleteA word of advice apropos Doug's picture today...
ReplyDeleteNever confuse the positive and negative posts on a battery when efforting to jump start a vehicle. Bad things can happen...at least that's what I've heard. It's a little like the 4th of July in America.
POSITIVE, n. Norman Vincent Peale does Baghdad.
ReplyDeleteIt is the positive pole of the battery that corrodes. Usually when that happens, it's time for a new battery. Just what the average cash-strapped car owner does not wish to hear.
All this positivity is making me tired.
ReplyDeleteMy brother has a saying for car batteries. Darth Vadar wears black and he's a NEGATIVE force hence...black to negative. He's quite clever.
What is that pic suppose to mean?
ReplyDeletePositive = acidic?
That looks like how I have been feeling lately, except not positive in my case.
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything worth a grain of salt, I am positively disgusted.
ReplyDeleteMinka, Miz B is ok, though, right?
ReplyDeleteSolace, you're an honorable second and right.
Great caption, Sar. If this were a contest you'd be a finalist.
Brian, that's reasonable.
Minka, here's how you can clean that battery terminal without dirtying yourself. Bring two cups, one with a thin paste of baking soda and water, the other just water. Slowly poor the baking soda over the terminal followed by the water. For more thorough cleaning, you may use an old toothbrush (these can be imported) and the baking soda paste. You won't need old clothes, but this probably should be done very carefully if you're wearing a cocktail dress as the bluish-white powder is evaporated battery acid.
Thanks, Puppybrose. That's an x-ray of my heart. And by the way, you join O Ceallaigh as someone who writes definitions like Bierce did.
Diane, my day is grand, thanks, although kind of bright for my taste.
Zenfo, God can quit creating anytime he wants. Remember that.
Very good, Quilldancer. I think you're first to solve the pun. As you can see above, I'm a baking soda guy.
Not in my case, Mireille. I consider nothing more positive than to embrace and announce negativity.
Shocking, even, Minka!
G, I need a little help with TGSL.
Baking soda, Brian. Baking soda. No need to pay Duralube to mix it up for you, buddy.
Mutha, not never negative. Well done.
ReplyDeleteJoel, a shower of sparks hardly ever kills anyone. I have a 1951 Internation Harvester pick-up truck which is positive-grounded rather than the more commonplace contemporary negative ground. It's also 6-volt. The generator went out in Arizona and I pulled into a big strip mall in Winslow and replaced the generator but needed a jump start, so I called a tow truck. The guy didn't believe me when I told him that the grounded terminal was the positive one and we argued for a few minutes before I said "OK, attach the cables however you think is right." Man, that was rough justice and good entertainment.
O Ceallaigh, that's a first rate contemporary definition. Of course, it will probably be out-of-date in less than a decade.
Your brother is a clever geek, Jenna. Never thought I'd say that.
Logo, see Quilldancer's comment.
Corroded, Icy? There, you're a god girl.
VI, that's the kind of positivity I sure like to see.
Saying with confidence: "I'm SURE I turned the coffee pot off"...
ReplyDeletePositive: ironic lab result [see also: testing for pathogens, allergens, and/or pregnancy]
ReplyDeleteguess i should have included "battery acid" above, eh? that said, i am positively *blushing* from your compliment... (that was a compliment, right?)
Positve: The outward show of pessimism.
ReplyDeleteSo if I follow Quilldancer, a corroded battery is your "definition" of a positive post? Well then, that's an improvement in outlook I guess.
ReplyDeleteTGSL: I should have known that was one language you didn't comprehend - triple grande skim latte. How Starbucks of me - so sorry.
Love your definitions today Doug. And my oh my, that really was an interesting tidbit about your 1951 truck. I'll have to share that with Ron, who has a thing for old trucks(still driving his '78 chevy to work). See? I'm always learning new things here.
ReplyDeleteI think of 'positive' like a chemist of course. Its really quite romantic, in a nerdy sort of way. You know, the eternal dance of positive and negative, holding our molecules together, determining how things come about in the grand design. :-)
"Wasting time is negative, but there is something positive about idleness."
ReplyDeleteJ. Russel Lynes
Bierce's definition is superb today. I bow to his excellence.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever put a battery (AA, AAA, C...) against your tongue to see if it still has some juice left? YOWZER!
Stay positive!! Negative Nellies are a drag.
Doug...thinking you enjoyed the fate of the untrusting tow truck operator's a bit too much, eh?
ReplyDeleteJamie...we used to test those transistor radio batteries (forget their letter designation) that way...a real buzz!
make that *operator not operator's...the value of proofreading demonstrated once again.
ReplyDeleteTerry, so your definition is pre-housefire?
ReplyDeletePuppy, you earned the compliment again.
Indie, the opposite of a clown's tears, then.
Thanks, G. Do people really know that abbreviation?
Kyahgirl, one of my favorite new phrases is "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." Tell Ron I hope to be buried in that truck.
Dddragon, I don't guess you can confirm that quote for us, can you?
Not since I was a kid, Jamie Dawn but I entertained the multitudes then. Are negative Nigels ok?
Joel, I enjoyed it a lot. I was still laughing even after I refilled the hole. Proofreading is like bread, worth life but rarely homemade.
How about this one, I saw in a friend's office:
ReplyDelete"If you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the pavement!"
Positively cynical that!
Gets me what I want in the morning.
ReplyDeletepositive-the state of being closely associated with delusional.
ReplyDeleteI am positive this is one of my favorite places on the net. Everybody keeps my brain popping.
ReplyDeleteNo, negative Nigels are NOT okay!
ReplyDeleteJoel and I think you need to zing yourself with a battery on the tongue, just for old time's sake.
I am POSITIVE it will bring back fond memories.
just to let you know in case i need blood, i'm O+tive. batteries not included
ReplyDeleteykidn: you're kiddin
hey karma, nice to see you. I'm an O+ too :-) but that's where the similarity ends....obviously you have a much nicer butt hahahahaha
ReplyDeletepositive - The opposite of me today I'm afraid. Too many flame wars, too much work, too much, well, too much.
ReplyDeleteI'm positive of that at least.
Tomorrow will be a better day (repeated over and over until hypnotized)
Positive: Being CERTAIN that it goes with red. No black. No red? I mean, black? Wait, I'm pretty sure it's red...right? Heck, it's the reason for buying a NEW car the next time...
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of bloodtypes, O Neg. here...I know it's not POSITIVE, but interestingly enough Negs can donate to Positives and not the other way around...does that make it betterr to be Positive or Negative? No need for you to respond to that question Pascover!
when you multiply 2 negative numbers the product is always positive, so i was just wondering... does that mean cynics produce optimistic kids?
ReplyDeleteKyahgirl, I think maybe that's too cynical for this site. I won't delete it, but you're warned. Nobody here but positive pauls and patties. Jamie Dawn said.
ReplyDeleteThen make it two, G. Or TTGSL.
Masil, or the state of being delusional.
Actonbell, I think you could taste the difference.
Thanks, Quilldancer, I'm positive I'm grateful you joined the fun.
Jamie Dawn, ever lick a car battery?
AB+, K. I can't help, but I can take anyone else's. I find it peaks in flavor around the 18th year.
Kyahgirl, a left-handed O+? What a freak!
Poobah, point me to the flame war. And be well, friend.
Squaregirl, we universal receivers can afford to be flippant, if that answers your question.
Apparently not, Puppybrose.
Postscript:
ReplyDeleteThink negative and all your tests will come up positive.
Right Indie. Think negative and you can usually skip them.
ReplyDeleteYou got it!
ReplyDeleteBy the way Puppybrose - so far, no.
ReplyDeletePositive, adj. Poorly informed.
ReplyDeletePositive: socially acceptable.
ReplyDeleteG, thanks and from this distance Tali seems sweet as pie.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, yup.
Weirsdo, not in a room full of anti-social people. I like the new avatar.