Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Monkey
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
2007 Update: A lesser, or average, primate. Homo Analogus.
Monkey: noun - a person hired to push buttons on a computer without any real understanding of what they're doing. e.g. The deadline is slipping, hire two more monkeys for the data entry.
monkey: my daughter's favorite animal since she was an itty bitty person
I cannot deny that there's some truth to the theory of evolution because my family tree bears proof of it. I have several uncles who are (I am convinced) part monkey. They are very jovial, somewhat intelligent about things that are of no importance such as baseball scores and vast memorization of dirty jokes, and they all have very long arms. They are also hitoniously hairy.
I'm wishing I was a Howler Monkey. Why?? Howler monkeys are the loudest monkeys. Their howls can be heard almost 2 miles through the forest and almost 3 miles over an open area. I could use some of their vocal power. My whining and bossing would make more impact.
JJ! :) I considered "anonomatopeia" as a handle, but everybody'd accuse me of being too noisy. And that's just not like a pseudopodial protozoon.
Speaking of monkeys, I've finally found something resembling an official explanation for the Google Exclusion System we've been plagued with lately. Look here.
i'd consider dating myself too, but i think i'd become bored.
meeba, anonomatopaeia is tres amusant...! as one of those, you're supposed to make noise, albeit squishy noise...wouldn't an amoeba sound squishy?...and now that you've worked me overtime in the dictionary, you probably couldn't make ANY sound because as a pseudopod, you've got false feet! that's right, false feet. and you probably dont even have knees to compensate for it...i'm way in over my head.
banana art. fun with bananas. brings so much to the imagination...
hm. Micki's, I mean Mickey's, Monkey? Per Smokey Robinson:
Lum de Lum de la iiiiii, (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii,) (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii, (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii,)
This cat named mickey came from out of town He been spreadin this new dance all around And in just a matter of a few days this dance became the new teen craze
The people see him dancin they begin to see See this cat do that monkey thing It's really something to see This cat named Mickey's doin that monkey
C'mon and do the Mickey's monkey Children, let's do the Mickey's monkey Let's do the Mickey's monkey Children, let's do the Mickey's monkey
Has someone monkeyed with "Doug Drones On"? Whenever we went there it switched me to "Blogexchange" or something. We enjoyed the new installment, but Weirsdo and I liked avoiding the crowd by going over there.
Hobbes, I was wondering about that, too. You can avoid that to happen of you click on the stop button of your browser at the moment "Doug Drones On" downloaded. (One has to be tricky around bears and monkeys.)
Jamie Dawn, threats and complaints grow powerful whispered. I bet ROP never disobeyed you his whole life long.
Anonamoeba, I did look there and in the settings for this blog didn't find the new option listed on that page. Maybe they just haven't got around to me yet.
JJ, there isn't much sense in dating yourself after your kids are grown.
Actonbell, they kill all the prophets, don't they?
Kyah, Bierce and I both have had many examples to anal-eeeeeeEEEPPP!!
Sis, where is that quote from? I love it. I kind of thought you might go the Hanuman route but a real Indian got here first.
Mireille, wonderful lyrics and a superior question.
Hobbes, I thought so and then Ariel left a comment there so I thought the problem was mine alone. Someone at Blog Exchange has to die. Deserves to die. Wait I just remembered something. OK, I think it's fixed. I knew "Blog Xchange" sounded familiar.
Ariel, you're too clever by half. I thought the problem was in my computer.
Cooper, another spectacular lyric. I can imagine myself singing that when I was a child of 30.
y'know, if i hadn't been suffering from the ole "Monkey flying outta my butt" syndrome yesterday, i'd a made it back in time to comment alongside the rest of the kids.
Monkey: verb - to make changes without understanding. e.g. Stop monkeying with that!
ReplyDeleteMonkey: noun - a person hired to push buttons on a computer without any real understanding of what they're doing. e.g. The deadline is slipping, hire two more monkeys for the data entry.
ReplyDeleteMonkey: a creature which is simian to a human. Not much difference at all.
ReplyDeletehomo what?
ReplyDeletemonkey: organ grinder's best friend.
many people are their uncles
ReplyDeleteiprtmmmk: printing ink tastes good
This monkey is going to boycott Blogger blogs as the apes who run Google are out to run the world
ReplyDeletemonkey - A device made to unlock the doors on Thelonious Monk's house.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to get that monkey off my back. Oh, it's the cat!
ReplyDeleteMONKEY, n. A rider on the last train to Clarksville. Speaking of lesser forms of life, Gus.
ReplyDeletei love that name anonamoeba!
ReplyDelete(off topic as usual, i know..)
pass the bananas, please.
monkey: God in some parts of the world (Hanuman)
ReplyDeleteMonkey see, monkey do. My nephew is apparently monkey...not sure what that makes me.
ReplyDeleteWait!
Don't answer that.
Monkey, who's left behind when the king is gone.
ReplyDeletemonkey: my daughter's favorite animal since she was an itty bitty person
ReplyDeleteI cannot deny that there's some truth to the theory of evolution because my family tree bears proof of it.
I have several uncles who are (I am convinced) part monkey. They are very jovial, somewhat intelligent about things that are of no importance such as baseball scores and vast memorization of dirty jokes, and they all have very long arms. They are also hitoniously hairy.
Morgan, I never understand what I'm doing. Ook!
ReplyDeleteTLP, I get it! Simian/similar. Chee ee ee.
Terry, Analog Man.
Karma, I'll be one.
Pia, I hope Google is hearing about this. It's irritating their customers and violates their motto.
Poobah, a Trinkle Trinkle trinket?
Natural mistake, Icy.
Amoeba, that's a Monkee.
JJ, you're only going to make art with them, aren't you.
Karishma, all the great religions make allowances for the simian sinner. Amen.
A trollop, Jenn.
Ariel, I think that is probably too clever for me this morning.
Jamie Dawn, my family tree puts both theories of evolution and intelligent design to some challenge.
monkey... those homo-sapiens not in a play
ReplyDeleteI love Ambrose's definition today!
I'm wishing I was a Howler Monkey.
ReplyDeleteWhy??
Howler monkeys are the loudest monkeys.
Their howls can be heard almost 2 miles through the forest and almost 3 miles over an open area.
I could use some of their vocal power.
My whining and bossing would make more impact.
Doug, you're dating yourself.
ReplyDeleteJJ! :) I considered "anonomatopeia" as a handle, but everybody'd accuse me of being too noisy. And that's just not like a pseudopodial protozoon.
Speaking of monkeys, I've finally found something resembling an official explanation for the Google Exclusion System we've been plagued with lately. Look here.
i'd consider dating myself too,
ReplyDeletebut i think i'd become bored.
meeba, anonomatopaeia is tres amusant...!
as one of those, you're supposed to make noise,
albeit squishy noise...wouldn't an amoeba sound squishy?...and now that you've worked me overtime in the dictionary, you probably couldn't make ANY sound because as a pseudopod, you've got false feet! that's right, false feet.
and you probably dont even have knees
to compensate for it...i'm way in over my head.
banana art.
fun with bananas.
brings so much to the imagination...
I laughed out loud at your reply to Jamie Dawn Doug!! oh man, if Papa Pascover drops by you are in so much trouble!
ReplyDeleteI think today's definitions are both brilliant. You and Ambrose seem to be on the same page when it comes to Monkey business.
Who you callin' a homo?
ReplyDeleteHanuman was my first thought too. Followed closely by, "If I had a million dollars... I'd buy you a monkey".
hm. Micki's, I mean Mickey's, Monkey? Per Smokey Robinson:
ReplyDeleteLum de Lum de la iiiiii, (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii,) (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii, (Lum de Lum de la iiiiii,)
This cat named mickey came from out of town
He been spreadin this new dance all around
And in just a matter of a few days
this dance became the new teen craze
The people see him dancin they begin to see
See this cat do that monkey thing
It's really something to see
This cat named Mickey's doin that monkey
C'mon and do the Mickey's monkey
Children, let's do the Mickey's monkey
Let's do the Mickey's monkey
Children, let's do the Mickey's monkey
How come we never talk about fruitbats? xoxo
Has someone monkeyed with "Doug Drones On"? Whenever we went there it switched me to "Blogexchange" or something. We enjoyed the new installment, but Weirsdo and I liked avoiding the crowd by going over there.
ReplyDeleteHobbes, I was wondering about that, too. You can avoid that to happen of you click on the stop button of your browser at the moment "Doug Drones On" downloaded. (One has to be tricky around bears and monkeys.)
ReplyDeleteI am a monkey I live at the zoo
ReplyDeleteIf you come see me I will entertain you
I like to swing from tree to tree
I wish you could come and play with me
I love bananas, I love how they taste
but the peel outside is such a waste
Here comes my boyfriend his name is Big Jim
I'm going to go monkey around with him
Hey quit watching close your eyes
or you may get a BIG SURPRISE
Mahfooz Ali
Monkey: A creature that is generally far smarter than the average human. And often better looking as well.
ReplyDeleteGet a million monkeys into the Internet, typing on blogs, and one of them will come up with a masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ariel. We will give it a try, but this kind of monkey business gives us a headache.
ReplyDeleteMinka, you mean the audience, like at the zoo?
ReplyDeleteJamie Dawn, threats and complaints grow powerful whispered. I bet ROP never disobeyed you his whole life long.
Anonamoeba, I did look there and in the settings for this blog didn't find the new option listed on that page. Maybe they just haven't got around to me yet.
JJ, there isn't much sense in dating yourself after your kids are grown.
Actonbell, they kill all the prophets, don't they?
Kyah, Bierce and I both have had many examples to anal-eeeeeeEEEPPP!!
Sis, where is that quote from? I love it. I kind of thought you might go the Hanuman route but a real Indian got here first.
Mireille, wonderful lyrics and a superior question.
Hobbes, I thought so and then Ariel left a comment there so I thought the problem was mine alone. Someone at Blog Exchange has to die. Deserves to die. Wait I just remembered something. OK, I think it's fixed. I knew "Blog Xchange" sounded familiar.
Ariel, you're too clever by half. I thought the problem was in my computer.
Cooper, another spectacular lyric. I can imagine myself singing that when I was a child of 30.
Cheesemeister, ook!
Elbot, I think you need, like, a billion.
Hobbes, hopefully the problem is now solved.
I almost forgot the "obvious".
ReplyDeleteMonkey: Something you never call an orangutang with magical training. Ook?
you make a good point, Dog...
ReplyDeleteOok, Morgan.
ReplyDeleteJJ, I make a better urn.
y'know, if i hadn't been suffering from the ole "Monkey flying outta my butt" syndrome yesterday, i'd a made it back in time to comment alongside the rest of the kids.
ReplyDeleteman, i hate missing out on a good word. ; )
Bro, that's from the Bare Naked Ladies song "If I Had a Million Dollars". You remember that, right?
ReplyDeleteAn earworm I had today (I blame you): "Shock the monkey!"