Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Phonograph
PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
2009 Update: A relic useful to demonstrate that evolution and obsolescence begin about the ears.
PHONOGRAPH, n. The winner (see GRAMOPHONE in the very first gadget platform competition (see also BETA vs. VHS, MAC vs. PC, CD vs. BLU-RAY, etc.). A device useful for inflicting songs about Kodachrome on the household or neighborhood.
(We pause briefly while the twentysomethings - Cooper excepted - perform websearches on Beta, VHS, Kodachrome, and Paul Simon.)
Phonograph: my first was red and made by Disney By the time I got my first "good" stereo (not Panasonic) in 1980 I didn't even have a phonograph. Had to give up records as I had room for books or them. Tapes seemed easier. Then came....Last week I got my new edition Ipod Nano so I can video anti "liberal" activities here. Not why I bought but it sure would have come in handy
The phonograph was my first love. I remember it's scratchy voice well. For many years it provided my only escape from Lawrence Welk and Porter Waggoner.
Is Lawrence Welk even around any more? I had to "perform a websearch" on P. Wagoner. He was a C&W singer. Did you know his song, “Misery Loves Company” was #1 on the charts in 1962 and “The Cold Hard Facts of Life” was #2 in 1967?
When I was young I was given a Kenner Close N'Play. It was red and snazzy. It had to stay in Dad's radio shack because I was in the habit of getting up to mischief in the middle of the night. My Suzy Homemaker oven stayed in the radio shack too. However, I do remember stealing away late one night, to bake a cake for Dad while I played records. I got tired and fell asleep. The Close N'Play stayed, the Suzy Homemaker went away forever.
Some bands, of the alternative music persuasion especially, are defying evolution. They continue to issue vinyl records and few self-respecting alt Seattle hipsters can do without a turntable. The jazz nuts usually have them too. I bet the Village Idiot has one.
Actually Acton, there were orginally some kind of styluses for those records. But it was impossible to get them for that old wind-up phonograph player. So we let you guys use nails. It worked.
When I first saw that word I got it wrong too. I thought oh no(!), Doug's feeling us out on possibly blogging on the "R" side! Or "X" rated? But not our Doug, he has respect for person and decency. Thank you much, Ariel. The jury is still out on my poetic works. ..
Heh, Jim, you just described what ran through my mind!
Karen, what does it mean to be loud about a word? My English is not very good, and sometimes I cannot translate a sentence even though I understand each word. :)
"Speaking of..." Am I a harpie of a fellow in your ship?
ReplyDeleteI need a phono graphed right into my head, as my ears don't hear so well no more.
That's twice in a row I was first. Must be my prize for showing up again. :)
ReplyDeletePhonograph: the grandfather of cassette tape players.
ReplyDeleteTaylor bought a record player at our local flea market. Funny how things come back around and are somehow cool.
phonograph: An ancient contraption capable to reproducing the sounds of a now-defuunt style of music called "disco". Also see polyester.
ReplyDeletePHONOGRAPH, n. The winner (see GRAMOPHONE in the very first gadget platform competition (see also BETA vs. VHS, MAC vs. PC, CD vs. BLU-RAY, etc.). A device useful for inflicting songs about Kodachrome on the household or neighborhood.
ReplyDelete(We pause briefly while the twentysomethings - Cooper excepted - perform websearches on Beta, VHS, Kodachrome, and Paul Simon.)
An unfortunate thing about phonographs is that they play broken records. You hear that same tune over and over and over again.
ReplyDeletethe amoeba has forgotten the 8-track tape.
Phonograph
ReplyDeletestill kicking my butt
auction on cold snowy day
Edison went cheap
..
"Edison went cheap", Jim you are a poet today! That was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful thing when I was young.
ReplyDeletePhonograph: my first was red and made by Disney
ReplyDeleteBy the time I got my first "good" stereo (not Panasonic) in 1980 I didn't even have a phonograph. Had to give up records as I had room for books or them. Tapes seemed easier. Then came....Last week I got my new edition Ipod Nano so I can video anti "liberal" activities here. Not why I bought but it sure would have come in handy
The phonograph was my first love. I remember it's scratchy voice well. For many years it provided my only escape from Lawrence Welk and Porter Waggoner.
ReplyDeleteIs Lawrence Welk even around any more? I had to "perform a websearch" on P. Wagoner. He was a C&W singer. Did you know his song, “Misery Loves Company” was #1 on the charts in 1962 and “The Cold Hard Facts of Life” was #2 in 1967?
ReplyDeleteYou're always so funny, Quilly!
When I was young I was given a Kenner Close N'Play. It was red and snazzy. It had to stay in Dad's radio shack because I was in the habit of getting up to mischief in the middle of the night. My Suzy Homemaker oven stayed in the radio shack too. However, I do remember stealing away late one night, to bake a cake for Dad while I played records. I got tired and fell asleep. The Close N'Play stayed, the Suzy Homemaker went away forever.
ReplyDeleteSome bands, of the alternative music persuasion especially, are defying evolution. They continue to issue vinyl records and few self-respecting alt Seattle hipsters can do without a turntable. The jazz nuts usually have them too.
ReplyDeleteI bet the Village Idiot has one.
So does that make them throw backs?
Actually Acton, there were orginally some kind of styluses for those records. But it was impossible to get them for that old wind-up phonograph player. So we let you guys use nails. It worked.
ReplyDeleteNow that was a phonograph!
There so big --- like a piece of furniture! That's kind of exciting in it's way.
ReplyDeleteI am at loss on this one though I've seen them. At Auctions and estate sales.
ReplyDeleteMy master's voice.
ReplyDeleteIcy has no master ( well, besides T& ) > He is free to terrorize the countryside with his charm & goodwill !!
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who comes here, looks at the word "pornograph", and for half a second she has no idea where she is?
ReplyDeleteAriel. I don't mean to be rude or over-comment, but I'm guessing not everyone here is so "loud" about the word "pornograph".
ReplyDeleteI mean really.
When I first saw that word I got it wrong too. I thought oh no(!), Doug's feeling us out on possibly blogging on the "R" side! Or "X" rated?
ReplyDeleteBut not our Doug, he has respect for person and decency.
Thank you much, Ariel. The jury is still out on my poetic works.
..
Heh, Jim, you just described what ran through my mind!
ReplyDeleteKaren, what does it mean to be loud about a word? My English is not very good, and sometimes I cannot translate a sentence even though I understand each word. :)
As rich a prize as there is to be won blogging, Nessa.
ReplyDeleteThat is funny, JD. I've got a heck of an LP collection, and no player. Which is good because I still think they'll play.
Ha, Poobah. Had to take us there.
Probably ought to add Evolution to your list, Amoeba.
Karen, we all tried to forget 8-track.
Sure did, Jim. Think of what we'd spent buying environmentally correct lights all these years.
I agree, Ariel. You're a good audience.
We must have been young at the same time, TLP.
Pia, seriously? For the House Anti-liberal Activities Committee, Steny Hoyer presiding?
Quilly, it provided Dolly Parton's, too.
Karen, Brer Welk has gone on to the great bubble machine up yonder.
Tilden, that was some spectacular nostalgia. My sister had an EZ Bake.
Actonbell, that sounds like Roman technology.
I'm pretty sure, Logo, yeah.
What were the disks made of, TLP?
Absolutely, RC and welcome.
Haha, Cooper. Every 40+ on this site just cussed you but we'll forget soon.
Icy, no! Icy, no! Icy, no!
Karen, Icy's a she. We think Tom might be a he.
Ariel, maybe, but you're also the only one using a vixen avatar.
Karen, I think that was an indoor voice.
Not me, Jim. Sonofabitch or milder has been the standard and will remain the standard while this blog continues. Tuesdayish.
Ariel, you sure translated "phonograph" quickly.
Karen, you don't have to say you were first just because you were. It's alright.
I've melted a few records on one... literally in the sun!
ReplyDelete