Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Mine
MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or see it.
Mine, n. Explosive device spontaneously generated by disputes over ownership or governance of territory. The spontaneous generation is proved by the failure of any of the disputing parties to acknowledge ownership of the bombs, which usually survive long after the dispute is patched over, and not infrequently start the whole thing over again. If the phrase used to disavow possession rendered the devices ineffective as well as orphan, everybody'd be a lot happier.
Back in the days when the hulls of ships were as wooden as the heads of the admirals commanding them, a mine was called a "torpedo". When military science made some torpedoes move under their own power, a committee was formed to make a distinction between the motile and nonmotile widowmakers - a forerunner of committees that came up with terms like "collateral damage" and "mutual assured destruction". When a volunteer was sought to take on the task, the punster on the committee said "That's mine". You know the rest.
And thanks to Doug, an old Jerry Reed song is going to be bouncing around in my head all day:
Well, I guess it was back in ’63 When eatin’ my cookin’ got the better of me, So I asked this little girl I was goin’ with to be my wife. Well, she said she would, so I said “I do”. But I’da said I wouldn’t if I’da just knew How sayin’ “I do” was gonna screw up all of my life! Well, the first few years weren’t all that bad – I’ll never forget the good times we had ‘Cause I’m reminded every month when I send her the child support. Well, it wasn’t too long till the lust all died, And I’ll admit I wasn’t too surprised The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin’ out on the porch. Well, I tried to get in – she changed the locks! Then I found this note taped on the mailbox That said, “Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!” Mm-hmm… So I decided right then and there I’s gonna do what’s right – give her her fair share. But brother – I didn’t know her share’s gon’ be THAT much! She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine! I got the shaft. I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, And then they give her the better half. Well, it all sounds sorta funny, But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
Wise Icy says, "I used to be greedy and protective about what was mine. But now I leave a little food in the dish for the cats. I figure that more than what I need doesn't need to be mine."
1st place!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's mine, all mine, mine, mine!!!
Mine, n. Explosive device spontaneously generated by disputes over ownership or governance of territory. The spontaneous generation is proved by the failure of any of the disputing parties to acknowledge ownership of the bombs, which usually survive long after the dispute is patched over, and not infrequently start the whole thing over again. If the phrase used to disavow possession rendered the devices ineffective as well as orphan, everybody'd be a lot happier.
ReplyDeleteBack in the days when the hulls of ships were as wooden as the heads of the admirals commanding them, a mine was called a "torpedo". When military science made some torpedoes move under their own power, a committee was formed to make a distinction between the motile and nonmotile widowmakers - a forerunner of committees that came up with terms like "collateral damage" and "mutual assured destruction". When a volunteer was sought to take on the task, the punster on the committee said "That's mine". You know the rest.
Happy Birthday Actonbell! It's mine to forget such things ...
ReplyDeletean empty mine is the devil's dictionary
ReplyDeletehip hop happening birthday, actonbell!
Happy Birthday Actonbell!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks to Doug, an old Jerry Reed song is going to be bouncing around in my head all day:
Well, I guess it was back in ’63
When eatin’ my cookin’ got the better of me,
So I asked this little girl I was goin’ with to be my wife.
Well, she said she would, so I said “I do”.
But I’da said I wouldn’t if I’da just knew
How sayin’ “I do” was gonna screw up all of my life!
Well, the first few years weren’t all that bad –
I’ll never forget the good times we had
‘Cause I’m reminded every month when I send her the child support.
Well, it wasn’t too long till the lust all died,
And I’ll admit I wasn’t too surprised
The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin’ out on the porch.
Well, I tried to get in – she changed the locks!
Then I found this note taped on the mailbox
That said, “Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!” Mm-hmm…
So I decided right then and there
I’s gonna do what’s right – give her her fair share.
But brother – I didn’t know her share’s gon’ be THAT much!
She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
I got the shaft. I got the shaft.
They split it right down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, it all sounds sorta funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
It's not yours...it's mine.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to Actonbell.
Wise Icy says, "I used to be greedy and protective about what was mine. But now I leave a little food in the dish for the cats. I figure that more than what I need doesn't need to be mine."
ReplyDeleteMine is a magical word, it can turn the best things into nightmare.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Actonbell! One cannot have enough good wishes in this cruel world. ;-)
ReplyDeleteepzlmpj - Ed please come out of my pajamas
Happy day to that little girl of mine.
ReplyDeletebrilliant verifier, ariel! ... and i thought the title of Queen of Verifiers was mine *sigh*
ReplyDeletenoipsec: noisy Pepsi
mine hat
ReplyDeleteit has
three corners...
three cor-ners has
mine hat...
ps
mine
aim
zzzz
lee
sah
nothing is mine.
its easier to let go
that way.
kinda.
hpy brdy actnbl
Mine: Daffy Duck's favorite word - as well as the one word repeated by a flock of hungry seagulls in "Finding Nemo"...
ReplyDeleteMine: The mine is willing, but the flesh is weak
ReplyDeleteMine: The Mine is a Terrible Thing to Taste (album name)
Mine: The mine is everything; what you think, you become
Mine: Arn't ya glad I got mine straight, the mine is hard for me to say anything clever about
..
Looks like someone's posts were not really theirs afterall... I know they weren't mine.
ReplyDeleteKarma it is out of question, 1) because verifiers have one queen and it is you, 2) because mine is nothing. :-P
ReplyDeleteThose comment deletions were not MINE.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Actonbell.
You got it, Sauerkraut.
ReplyDeleteAmoeba, I still find it startling that you're a professional botanist and an amateur historian.
Karma, excellent.
Quilly, that's one I can about do from memory.
Enjoy it, then, Jenn.
Icy, you're a communist.
Ariel, perfect.
TLP, I second the motion for a second round.
Karma, you are the queen of verifiers. Ariel's the count.
JJ, rhetorically for sure, leezaa.
Terry, I learn so much about nature from you.
Jim, I'd buy that album, maybe. By the zombies?
Sauerkraut, I got them on eBay.
Very gracious, Count Verifier.
Nope, Cooper. I know the culprit and it was...
Our honor, A-bell. I hope some time was yours yesterday.
ReplyDeleteAdjectival pronoun denoting possession, as if by demons.
ReplyDeleteIts Mine! I caled it first!
ReplyDeleteSomeone deleted MY comment:
ReplyDeleteMine: Adjectival pronoun denoting possession, as if by demons.
Mine: Adjectival pronoun denoting possession, as by demons.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't I add MY comment?
ReplyDelete