Thursday, November 30, 2006

Story Thread

Please continue to write my story here. This is a simple instruction, I know you can do it.

Dejeuner

DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

2006 Update: Roadkill on the plate of a pretentious bumpkin. Properly enjoyed using the salad fork and buck knife, esp. on the morning of Dec. 3, 2006.

Joyeux anniversaire a Ms. Thing. Update: Happy Birthday also to Terry!

For fun with words, the great and good O Ceallaigh will be updating his New Millenium Devil's Dictionary for the next two weeks. Similar recipe, but boil the water first.

Oh, and from the department of "You got peanut butter in my chocolate," don't miss Minka at Sar's.

Au Revoir, y'all!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Russian Nesting Doll Wednesday

This week, my guest is Dewy Knickers.

Dewy was asked to define Manifest.

Good morning everyone, this is Dewy Knickers here on a very special day for me!!! As you can see, I have been asked to be today’s special guest. As far as I know, I am the first openly multiple multiple to be a guest here at Doug’s. What is a multiple you ask? Well, simply put, I am a woman who lives in a man, that man being Brian aka hummingbunny.

Doug gave me the word Manifest to define. Hmmmm. Manifest. Manifest? What is he trying to tell me? That this is my destiny? That I am a bill of lading? Perhaps I am just a bill of goods? Perhaps return to sender or collect on delivery? Is he saying that I am opaque? Not real or see through? It's clear to me that Doug wouldn't do that to someone that has a crush on him; now would he?

So let us manifest my birth. Brian started blogging in Feb/March 2006. By April 23rd, 2006 he had made several good friends, and the idea for the Hysterical Blogger News Network was born in an e-mail exchange. I was first manifested in print on June 14th, 2006 in a post called “Oh!Alberto!” followed up on June 28th, 2006 in “Fire Down Below”.

My next star turn was when for the entire month on July, I was manifest in my determination to cover the Tour de France and I did that so well, that HBNN gave me my own blog called “Get Your Daily Knickers” that debuted July 28th, 2006.

The first show I created was called “Blog Stew” on August 23rd, 2006 and also on September 23rd, 2006 I launched “Flashing Knickers With Dewy”.

Despite all my success, we were not yet ready to reveal ourselves as was manifest in the post on August 30th, called “What do You Mean I Am Not Real?” If you read the post carefully however, and the comments even more so, it was manifest that many believed that I was real and Brian’s protests were hollow. All of which leads up to November 18th, 2006 as being the day that all the hints and clues manifested themselves in our minds and it became clear to Brian that he was a multiple. November 24th, 2006 is the day we all came forward out of the darkness and into the light.


I will leave you with a question. Do multiples have souls?

MANIFEST, n. A lurker in life, a voice that has hid as a trait, but which slowly reveals itself to be real.

MANIFEST, n. A challenge to reconcile memory with the truth.

MANIFEST, n. The intersection between falling off the truck and do these make me look fat.

About Dewy: Well, let's see here. Dewy is a woman living inside the body and lambic region of Brian, who is Diane's husband. Don't arch your eyebrow like that at me. Right, like you're normal. Yes, Mother, I hear them. I'll try, Mother. What if I can't explain it? What if they won't listen? Yes, that would be unfortunate, Mother.

Anyway, as far as I have the story, Dewy manifested in the following fashion:

1: On June 28 of this year, Brian aka Hummingbunny let many of us know that he had posted the funniest post we would read this year. The post featured a character all of us, including Hummingbunny, assumed was fictional. No mother, I laughed but not at those parts. Not the dirty parts.

2: One lunar cycle and two days later, Dewy's success had prompted the start of her own blog, now on wordpress. It began with a commentary about the Tour de France, which seems to indicate that Dewy was still very much tied up in Brian's identity.

3. Over the next several months, Dewy posted on a variety of topics, primarily asking women about men, suggesting that Dewy had begun to separate herself from Brian even if that was a pretty male thing to do. No Mother, it's not dirty among girls. It was just talk. OK, Mother, I will.

4. Earlier this month when Diane and Brian (and Dewy, et al) took a vacation, Dewy announced herself formally as an independent individual living inside of Brian and self-identified as both fully female and entirely curvy. I can't, mother. She lives in a married man. Yes, I know you want grandchildren. What's wrong with the one I disinterred last month? OK, maybe something happened to his sister. Or might.

So there you have it. A woman, fully grown and entirely normal has manifested herself right before our staring eyes. I hope you all like her as much as I do. Thanks to Dewy for her guest post and welcome to the fresh air.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again. Waking Ambrose will be offline the next two weeks, so the next guest Wednesday, if there are volunteers, will be just before Christmas.

Oh, and Karma posted.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Evanescence

EVANESCENCE, n. The quality that so charmingly distinguishes happiness from grief, and enables us to make an immediate comparison between pleasure and pain, for better enjoyment of the former.

2006 Update: A tendency toward evaporation. The universal condition of eternal truths, absent from error.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Abacus

ABACUS, n. In architecture, the upper part of a column, upon which, in all good architecture, sits the thoughtful stork pondering unutterable things.

2006 Update: A tool for census-takers and tax-collector in ancient china and wherever ceramic disks are enfranchised and obligated.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Case of the Missing Moral

Story #72, a matter in which theft, autism and hippiedom play a role.

To hear the story, visualize world peace.






To read the story, click Arthur Conan Doyle who thought mormonism was troubling.

This week The Prattler, "The Reader's Digest Empire."

Reminder: Waking Ambrose will be on vacation December 1-14. Stories will return December 16.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Footprints

FOOTPRINTS, n. A pedestrians impressions of the country. A thief's assertion that he has gone over the ground is not open to conviction.

2006 Update: The evidence of the presence of the absent.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Forgetfulness

FORGETFULNESS, n. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

2006 Update: Gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Al Day Wednesday

This week, my guest is a blogger who sprang from the East River full grown. Ain't he purty? Here's Al. Al was asked to define Rookie.

ROOKIE, n. somebody who's new at something. Rookies are usually young, but not always. In fact, many bloggers don't enter the field until well after they've been diagnosed with advanced dementia.

In some endeavors, like professional sports, being a rookie is charming and endearing, therefore widely publicized. On the other hand, if you've been playing for two or three years and the reporters are still calling you "rookie", its probably because they can't get the phrase "this guy sucks" past their editor.

In other fields, like cosmetology and neurosurgery, a practitioner's rookie status is held in the strictest confidence, The customer (or next-of-kin) is always the last to find out, and then only under force of subpoena.

In uniformed service, one can usually spot the rookie as the guy who hasn't yet figured out how to wear his hat. With rookie cops, look for a gunbelt worn 'round the knees. With firemen, look behind the speeding red truck with the flashing lights. The rookie is the guy lying on his back in the street, screaming and flailing away under a full load of gear.

Rookies are often subjected to "hazing" by their more senior colleagues. Hazing is an initiation ritual best enjoyed when particularly abusive and embarrassing. It is in that spirit that I report here today, wearing my thick skin and hoping for mercy - but knowing better.

About Al: Al, we hardly know ye. But we're starting to. Assuming Pia relaxed and enjoyed a productive vacation, the second best thing to come out of Pia's guest-post-a-rama was many of us came to know a poor commenter without even a blog to call his own. Three short weeks ago, this homeless Manhattanite rectified the situation and, like all stalled gypsies, moved right into the penthouse suite. Al's site, Downtown: Up The Hudson with Gun and Camera has to be about the most professional looking blogger blog near Earth. With terrific graphics in the bag, Al started his site with a moving request for information to help identify the people in a photo found in the post 9/11 wreckage and moved right into an interesting and engaging conversation.

Al does conversation well. I haven't quite put my finger on what he's doing over there but it works. So far, his posts begin with an essay or report and end with a Q&A section seeking input from his blogging friends. Al gives good one-liner mid-paragraph. It starts fun and stays voluble. Not much is known about this guy so far so but with research and intentional distortions of his meanings I can offer the following assessment of the man's identity and character, based on his own reports.

Al is 56 years old, and a Sagittarius, and a computer consultant. He majored in psychology, minored in self-deception and claims to like both cats and dogs, suggesting he has fish. He claims to be originally from South Philadelphia, a former New Jerseyite and a current resident of downtown Manhattan. This is plausible as only people from those three places consider those to be three places. He has used the adjectives darling and lesbian to describe his wife. He also called Minka a valkyrie so I'm inclined to believe him about his wife, too.

Other than that, we know he's competitive to come in first, gracious in defeat through conditioning if not by nature, and a pleasure to have in the mix. Thanks to Al for doing the guest spot here and doing it well. When's the old lady coming by? And didn't I win her in a bet already?

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Troglodyte

TROGLODYTE, n. Specifically, a cave-dweller of the paleolithic period, after the Tree and before the Flat. A famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony consisted of "every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented" — in brief, all the Socialists of Judah.

2006 Update: A benighted creature who walks in a slouch with arms dangling and brow furrowed, knuckles dragging and feet shuffling while speaking in grunts, growls and groans beyond the next morning.
2. A satirical lexicographer in the sunlight.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Tariff

Tariff, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
The Enemy of Human Souls
Sat grieving at the cost of coals;
For Hell had been annexed of late,
And was a sovereign Southern State.

"It were no more than right," said he,
"That I should get my fuel free.
The duty, neither just nor wise,
Compels me to economize —
Whereby my broilers, every one,
Are execrably underdone.
What would they have? — although I yearn
To do them nicely to a turn,
I can't afford an honest heat.
This tariff makes even devils cheat!
I'm ruined, and my humble trade
All rascals may at will invade:
Beneath my nose the public press
Outdoes me in sulphureousness;
The bar ingeniously applies
To my undoing my own lies;
My medicines the doctors use
(Albeit vainly) to refuse
To me my fair and rightful prey
And keep their own in shape to pay;
The preachers by example teach
What, scorning to perform, I preach;
And statesmen, aping me, all make
More promises than they can break.
Against such competition I
Lift up a disregarded cry.
Since all ignore my just complaint,
By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!"
Now, the Republicans, who all
Are saints, began at once to bawl
Against his competition; so
There was a devil of a go!
They locked horns with him, tete-a-tete
In acrimonious debate,
Till Democrats, forlorn and lone,
Had hopes of coming by their own.
That evil to avert, in haste
The two belligerents embraced;
But since 'twere wicked to relax
A tittle of the Sacred Tax,
'Twas finally agreed to grant
The bold Insurgent-protestant
A bounty on each soul that fell
Into his ineffectual Hell.

—Edam Smith
2006 Update: The perfect gift of government to the poor and working people who have everything.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Unto The Next World

Story #71, A tale of dysentery.

To hear the story, listen to your inner parasite.






To read the story, click Percy Bysshe Shelley, that rascal.

This week in The Prattler, "Remembering Milton Friedman" to be published around 11 AM TLP standard time. You are all excused from class.

Oh, and an announcement: Waking Ambrose will be on vacation December 1-14.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Sardine

SARDINE, n. A small and very palatable fish to which many unpalatable persons hesitate to compare themselves.
I'm no sardine. The Roaring Gimlet
2006 Update: A skinned congregant, blessed salty and anointed with oil.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Salubrious

SALUBRIOUS, adj. The condition of a man who throws physic to the dogs.

2006 Update: Promoting good health as a physician's prescription for a man to a worm.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wednesday Echo

My guest this week is Danny Boy. Danny Boy was asked to define Blithe.

BLITHE, adj. From the Old English bliĂ¾e, “joyous or kind” and cognate with the Old Saxon bliĂ°i "bright, happy," and the Old Norse bliĂ°r "mild, gentle." There are no cognates outside the proto-germanic family.

A personality type characterized by lightness of spirit and an easygoing nature, often erroneously associated with being harmless, or blameless.

Blithe individuals are quickly judged by others, and may alternately be seen as:

Carefree/careless
Optimistic/simpleminded
Unburdened/uncaring
Cheerful/fatuous
Joyous/heedless
Happy/loopy

These varying opinions can unerringly root out the true personality type of the observer. For instance, a self-professed curmudgeon who is charmed by a blithe spirit is undoubtedly a closet romantic.

About Danny Boy: Danny has no blog that I know of. He does, however, have a past. Danny and I were classmates at Deep Springs College from June, 1985 until June 1987, two among twelve. Stephen, Danny's best friend in those years once referred to Dan's "blithe, bearded spirit," a phrase that captured Dan's personality so perfectly that twenty years after first looking up the word blithe there's no other word I could have assigned him.Except, maybe, bearded but a word like that can quickly go wrong.

In theory, I could use this space to tell embarrassing stories about Dan's late teens but I have, in fact, nothing on him and the converse is not the case so let's just say Dan is a good man: honest, wise and true. Maybe overwise, if anything. Dan came to Deep Springs having been a page in the U.S. Senate, which explains a lot, and a singer with a voice of gold, a silver ear and a rusty sense of propriety. A memory I have is sitting in a classroom where a guest lecturer, Giuseppi Mazzota of Florence, was discussing the verses in Dante's Inferno that describe Paolo and Francesca, flitting obliviously through hell aware only of their passion for each other, while Dan walked right outside the open classroom window crooning a cantata at full volume. "Dan's both in one" was the immediate thought.

Dan and I spent two terms together responsible for the college's milk cows and got along grandly as perfect opposites tend to do. Dan came to Deep Springs smart, well-read, intellectual, political, thoughtful, bearded and half-right about his orientation. His refinement can be seen in two entrance essays I stole photos of from his file last weekend, at right. These essays were about Alice Walker's The Color Purple and the death of Mark Rothko. I think the equivalents in my folder were entitled "Blade Runner: Fact or Fiction?" and "Why I may as well go to an all-male school." Deep Springs wasn't as selective back then as it is now and at 17 I was already furry enough for the plow.

Thanks to Dan for two decades of friendship, for a wily guest post, for voting with the minority (I think) on the Student Body motion to censure me and for guarding your tongue in the comments below.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Sorcery

SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naively asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it.

2006 Update: Breathing nature's wisdom into the still air of a human mind through the ear.

Speaking of necromancy, and we will, Karma has posted and you bet it's a funny one.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Sand

SAND, n. Something that writers of anonymous letters to newspapers do not possess.

2006 Update: To the surfer, wealth, and to the sailor, salvation; To the farmer, humility, and to the hermit, company. To the hungry, general relief.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Twist of Fate

Story #70. Even the fates suffer unforseen consequences.

To hear the story, consult the Moriae







To read the story, ask Diogenes a stupid question.

This week in The Prattler, "Hosing Off" to be published around 1 PM TLP standard time.

Then I'll be gone for the weekend. If you need me, turn East from Big Pine and listen for barking. Have a good weekend, all.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Hangman

HANGMAN, n. An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a populace having a criminal ancestry. In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered — the first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen.

2006 Update: The humblest servant of a pious people and shepherd to the gathering wool.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Habit

HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.

2006 Update: 1. An abrasive proficiency.
2. Confession.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Substitute Teacher

This morning, it's my pleasure to welcome Quilldancer as guest. You know you guys have been looking forward to this as much as I have. Quilldancer was asked to write a definition of Lecture.

LECTURE, n. Doug asked me to define lecture: a word that’s meaning changes with each stage of a person’s life.

To toddlers the word “no” is a lecture.

To elementary school children a lecture is a boring story about what life was like when Teacher was a kid.

To teenagers a lecture is every word their parents utter.

To college students a lecture is a class designed to ensure they get their sleep.

To adults a lecture is a gift of verbal wisdom better to give than to receive.

To senior citizens a lecture is a one-sided discourse about anything newfangled, like iPods or cell phones.

About Quilldancer: Quilldancer aka Quilly aka Tom and Cindra's Aunt Quill first showed up here this past summer and has been keeping the place toasty warm well into autumn. Since her arrival, two things in particular have been noticeable about her participation. The first is that Quill's humane spirit won't dissolve in the inhumanity of the host. The second is that Las Vegas schoolchildren must get frequent breaks to hit the slots and tip the cocktail waitress.

Quilly writes four blogs herself and one with friends who also have a problem. A Day in The Life is the central site, updated daily with poetry, thoughts and anecdotes. An artist with words who no doubt chose her pseudonym because she loves letters, the posts at A Day in The Life jumble together amusing anecdotes that are actually funny, touching anecdotes that actually move, random thoughts (which can be really random) and, bless her, Wordless Wednesdays. While I'm rambling on here, Quill is no doubt sleeping and later on, she'll download a photo.

Bits of me in poetry is her site with a title that rhymes cotaining verses most of which don't. Like A Day in The Life the poetry site comes from a lot of different parts of Quilly. A photograph and verses which can be haiku, or other short poetry, or fanciful formal poetry. Memories of her childhood fill the site with the best title on the internet, The Grown-Ups Wanted Us Dead. Those are stories told the good old-fashioned way with the vigor in the narrative and a light touch with the humor and emotion. I swear I'd delete this whole site in trade for having been the one to give that name to something.

Matthew 28:19, named for the great commission is a site in which Quill testifies her faith autobiographically. It's a blog Roberta Bondi would write or at least enjoy reading, I think, and I say that as someone with half a dozen of Bondi's books on my bookshelf. It's a site where Quilldancer's testimony is sharing herself, which is really the synopsis of all Quilldancer's sites and comments. She's that unusual soul who fully and without artifice inhabits all of her own words, whether she's making a joke, telling a story or recalling a past sadness. Quill's sensitive response to one of the darker stories on this site, inspired this one. We'll need women like Quill during the end times.

Thanks to Quill for being a terrific guest, teacher and friend. Oh, and folks, Quilldancer has warned us that it is dangerous to feed her ego so, please, no-one say anything nice.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Harangue

HARANGUE, n. A political speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

2006 Update: The mumbling of a quiet conscience, amplified through the echo-chamber of the soul and broadcast through a bullhorn to those with ears to hear.

An anonymous group, whose members already walk among us in different guises, have put together a new site to pursue peace and justice. While curmudgeons and lexicographers thrive on chaose, immorality and decay, I am passing this information along to you, the unaffiliated. The site has been designed for interaction and you can vote there on far more substantial matters than any of is likely to in our home precincts. The site is hereabouts.

Also

To my American brothers and sisters: It's election day, fools. I promised Mireille I'd wear the scent of her choice for a week if I don't vote. The rest of you will be wearing the scent of someone else's choice if you don't. /Harangue

Update: To my fellow Still Life fans, she posted, by golly!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Snowdrift

Story #69, in which a young Doug wanders a storm seeking new life and new civilizations.

To hear me drone, embrace the stillness.








To read the story, go where no one has gone before.







This week in The Prattler, "The Prattler exdorsements."

Friday, November 03, 2006

Genteel

GENTEEL, adj. Refined, after the fashion of a gent.
Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal:
A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel.
Heed not the definitions your "Unabridged" presents,
For dictionary makers are generally gents.

—G.J.
2006 Update: Patient, particular and polite, as a cannibal in a health-food store.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Genius

GENIUS, n. That particular disposition of the faculties intellectual which enables one to write poetry like Hector Stuart and prose like Loring Pickering; to draw like Carl Browne and paint like Mr. Swan; to model like the immortal designer of the Cogswell statue or the Lotta fountain; to speak like the great O'Donnell. In a general sense, any degree of mental superiority that enables its possessor to live acceptably upon his admirers, and without blame be unbrokenly drunk.

2006 Update: An individual of exceptional wit, as judged by a jury of peers.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Special Guest Misanthrope

Update: Happy birthday to Semisweet1!


This week, a hale and hearty welcome to Anomie-Atlanta. Anomie was asked to define Bonhomie.

BONHOMIE, n. 1. An attribute carefully cultivated by those whose livelihood depends on the good opinion of the ignorant masses (eg. politicians, homecoming queens, ministers.) 2. Urbanity for profit.

About Anomie: Anomie, recently Anonymous, is a clever blogger with a beautifully dark worldview who turns her jaundiced eye on her own life in my former hometown on the banks of the Chattahoochee. The home of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the capitol of Jimmy Carter needs its cynics and I'm confident I've left the town well-tended. Anomie's blog, False Consciousness, is currently on hiatus but there is plenty worth reading there so long as you don't need cheering up. An explanation for her pseudonym and the blog title is in her first post, here. At least one of her eyes and eyebrows is lovely. On the other side I suspect a patch as well as a bloody saber in one hand and a Ginsburg collection in the other.

Anomie first showed up at this site in May, and her career here has been marked by esoteric quotations and a willingness to make fun of the Waking Ambrose editor-in-chief delightful to contemplate and not too terrible to experience. Since putting her blog on hiatus she wears many shapes, like another famous misanthrope, but I'm usually pretty confident when an anonymous commenter quotes Émile Durkheim it was her. Between May and the temporaryish suspension, Anomie wrote not often but very well. Like many of us who take a dim view of our neighbors, she is often very funny (also here), surprisingly thoughtful and vulnerable, and very creative. Before any of you all go read any of Anomie's writing one warning: Anyone who has made fun of your host for using three-bit words will come back owing me an apology.

Now, a person has to ask themselves: Why would someone name themselves Anomie and then blog? I will make the case that Anomie is, in fact, a misanthrope worthy of her pseudonym.

1. She rarely responds to comments on her site but responds on other blogs.
2. Her non-fiction is compassionate and thoughtful but her fiction always ends with a corpse or a bleeding lover.
3. She finds neuro-scientists attractive.
4. She has her hair done by a Frenchman who despises Americans.
5. Anomie goes to IKEA for the same reason her hairstylist lives in Atlanta.
6. Anomie has suggestions for spammers.
7. She accepts career counseling from volunteer lexicographers.
8. Anomie prefers insomnia to dull literature.
9. She once had an argument with the late Noah Webster over the definitions of "Irritations" and "Alone" and shared.
10. In her profile she declares herself a paradox and then goes on to explain.

Thanks to Anomie for her continued participation here, for a perfect guest definition and for being above it all. Are you ready for your close up?

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.