Thursday, November 15, 2007

Scrap Book

SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:

Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That's made of you;

Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;

Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face —

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I'll list
The daily drubbings you'd have got
Had God a fist.

2007 Update:  History as written by the losers.  A collection of misrepresentations, pieties, cherished irrelevancies, leaves of odd paper and assorted detritus gathered to answer future inquiries as to who, while begging the question why.  A blog manifest.

18 comments:

puppybrose said...

if i kept a scrap book in order to document every time i'm first around here, it'd be, like, 4 pages. maybe 5.

just saying...

FIRST!

for the record i lovelovelove this post. ; )

puppybrose said...

and by "post", of course, i meant your definition. seriously Doug, good one.

TLP said...

Huh! Ya know, some blogs are scrapbooks. But not yours.

Scrap-book: Menu at a cheap diner.

jenn said...

Scrap book...what I do with bad writing.

weirsdo said...

Bierce's anti-Semitism is unfortunate.

Scrap-booking: Trendy hobby for soccer moms; religious rite for descendants of heroes of the Confederacy and other lost causes.

Doug said...

Thanks, Neva. The problem would be the acid-free paper.

Nice punnistry, TLP.

Jenn, bad ewriting you can just delete.

Weirsdo, it's a suspicious use of that word but among Bierce's crusades was opposition to the anti-semites in San Francisco. Although he did sometimes crack wise on stereotypes, he was very popular among the Jews, Mormons and Chinese in 19th century San Francisco who had almost no one else in the mainstream media standing up for them against the populists. His racism towards blacks was unfortunate, though.

Jamie Dawn said...

Aren't people who keep scrapbooks about themselves the same people who write "I was here" on bathroom walls and carve their names in trees or spray paint it on overpasses?

I have scrapbooks of my kids with pics of them and some of their various scraps of accomplishment and cuteness over the years. I'm sure that comes of NO surprise.

the amoeba said...

Bierce was a man of his time. And enlightenment, in all times, shines only as brightly as the money it makes.

One of your best definitions, IMO. Tell me again why we're here ...?

ariel said...

LOL Jamie Dawn! You took my comment of public restroom walls.

Nessa said...

Scrap book = currently a high priced piecing together of odd bits of punchouts, doodads, stampings and rhinestones containing very few actual memories.

actonbell said...

I second Nessa--Hallmark jumps on everything, don't they?

Minka said...

scrapbook,n. unpublished novel with fading color

Kyahgirl said...

Doug, you made me laugh out loud at this one. Your update is brilliant of course. "history as written by the losers" aka "bloggers". Love it!

piaSavage said...

I am a scrapbook
know it's late and most people won't be back tonight, but TLP, I have learned the hard way how many people still today are anti-Semites

Jim said...

Scrap Book:

Scrap book!
Burn book!
Trash book!
Tear (up) book!
Dump book!
Die book, die!

Dead book!

Why?

Long live Internet blogs and on-line missives!
..

quilly said...

A collection of ... assorted detritus gathered to answer future inquiries as to who, while begging the question why. A blog manifest.

You're right. And I'm off to delete my blog now.

Doug said...

Nope, no surprise, Jamie Dawn. I bet they're wholesome scrap-books, too.

Amoeba, we're here to keep glue from ruining our pants.

Figures, Ariel. The bathroom wall is a bad place to try and be original.

Nessa, I don't even remember when they contained memories.

Actonbell, no entity as cheerful and sympathetic as Hallmark could possibly not be satanic.

Good definition, Minka.

Kyah, in the house of mockery, there are mirrors everywhere.

Pia, that was Weirsdo and as far as history can tell us Bierce wasn't an anti-semite. Just a racist and misogynist.

Jim, that was a grand one. Dr. Seuss, the censor.

Come on, Quilly, you're in it with the rest of us.

tsduff said...

JD and Ariel - that was Kilroy.

Doug - Bierce is a bit harsh - although I must say I've never been a scrap booker. Your update is good. Is detritus like duff?