Thursday, December 31, 2009

Introduction

INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century, being, indeed, closely related to our political system. Every American being the equal of every other American, it follows that everybody has the right to know everybody else, which implies the right to introduce without request or permission. The Declaration of Independence should have read thus:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers."
2009 Update: The propagation of two new antipathies and three suspicions.

12 comments:

Jim said...

Don't got no antipathies and I just plain don't like those who do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DOUG!! AND DOGS!!
..

Tom & Icy said...

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship... dada de da, da de da... the end." --Casablanca

Thom said...

Introduction: Congress has the Declaration of Independence the way you wrote it down pat. Screw us! Hau’oli Makahiki Hou

quilly said...

INTRODUCTION, n. the old-fashioned way to build a "social network". (It's not what you know; it's who you know. You know.)

pia said...

OK Doug, someday, sometime when you least expect it--you will be enthralled (too enthused a word) by the wonders of modern introductions. Maybe....

Anonymous said...

INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.

TLP said...

Doug meet the New Year. New Year meet Doug. I hope the two of you are very happy together.

sauerkraut said...

You forgot that part which requires the unsuspecting person to shake hands with the introduced - even if that person just got done picking his nose.

What I'd really like to know is how the hand-shaking politicians never get sick whereas I get sick nearly every time I shake some strangers hand.

Doug said...

Me either, Jim. Antipathetic sobs, anyhow.

Icy, that's a classic. Good girl.

A promising start to the new year, Thom. Aloha.

That's what I hear from those I know, Quill.

Sure, Pia. If there's a dog at the other end.

Well quoted, Anonymous. Where did you find it?

Thanks, TLP. I didn't know you knew 2010.

Sauerkraut, that's the part I'm good for. After the handshake, I'm usually finished.

Cooper said...

talk about twisted.......

Doug said...

Well, yeah. I didn't mean it snoblike.

the amoeba said...

INTRODUCTION, n. The first step on the path to interdiction.

Happy New Year. Of course, if you got one of those calendars for Christmas, it'd be ...