Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Baptism

BAPTISM, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways — by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.
But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion
Let those immersed
And those aspersed
Decide by the Authorized Version,
And by matching their agues tertian.
—G.J.
2010 Update: A prophylactic against the punishment for sins still to be perpetrated.

16 comments:

TLP said...

I've heard that one can also be baptised by fire. That would not be my pick.

I was dunked when I was 12. So now, I can sin all I want. Sorta like wearing a condom, yeah, now that you mention it.

Word verifier: Jumbo. Honest to pete. I ain't gonna say nothin'.
(Except FIRST!)

Ariel the Thief said...

It was in the news the other day that a baby was drowned during the baptism in a church in Romania. A real good priest will go out of his way to keep you from sin.

sauerkraut said...

Good idea, TLP... gotta light my fire. But Jimmy Morrison won't be coming to my baptism.

C.J. Duffy said...

Not so sure I would be happy to wake up in heaven and I am sure that God and his angels would question my being there whilst they made a quick call to that other fellow to see if I had a reservation there!!!

karen a. said...

A Jesuit priest with vivax malaria on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

TLP said...

Gee Ariel, I guess if you drown during baptism you do get a free pass to heaven. Seems fair enough.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

BAP-tism - The loud sound made when a faith healer smacks one of his handicapped followers on the forehead.

quilly said...

Since a bap is a thump on the head, it is no wonder so many people refuse baptism. It's a shame though. There are lots of people I would like top baptize ....

actonbell said...

Baptism by liquor is more fun. I think. Never had that watery kind...

Cooper said...

Baptism: An inoculation one gets on the way to heaven.

karen a. said...

"Truth is so hard to tell, it sometimes needs fiction to make it plausible," said Sir Francis Bacon (at some point during 16th or 17th century).

@quilldancer Are you referring to a thump on the head (who drove a bus)'s next visit to Friday Harbor to go apple-picking with you and the #Amoeba?

Anonymous said...

an act of
fear
by those who
believe
they were born
wrong
hence the term
born again
yet some say
the third time is a
charm

Bless

w/v..ablerp
scripted birth

karma said...

*gulp*

kables: What pull you out of the water if you get out of kontrol

Doug said...

TLP, a wasted baptism would be a sorry thing.

Amen, Ariel. "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." MATT 19:14 KJV.

Sauerkraut, he is with the lizards.

C.J., I get that a lot at restaurants. Like McDonald's.

Karen, that's well over my head.

TLP, of such and so forth.

Poobah, I do miss Earnest Angley.

Quilly, it would be a kindness. Maybe baptize away the motes with visine.

Actonbell, In the name of the barley, the wheat and the fermented hop?

Cooper, that's clever.

Karen, Waking Francis?

Bear, a cat will triple that.

Karma? That you? Hot diggity.

karma said...

Indeed, Douglas

Doug said...

Well that's good news. I hope all's well.