Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

Friends, this week I'm honored to present Em, Lucy M, and Rainbow Lotus, sisters under a single skin. She offers the definition of Retrograde.

First, as a public service, Em provided the dictionary definition:
1. Moving or tending backward.
2. Opposite to the usual order; inverted or
3. Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.
1. Of or relating to the orbital revolution
or axial rotation of a planetary or other celestial
body that moves clockwise from east to west, in the
direction opposite to most celestial bodies.
2. Of or relating to the brief, regularly
occurring, apparently backward movement of a planetary
body in its orbit as viewed against the fixed stars,
caused by the differing orbital velocities of Earth
and the body observed.
Archaic. Opposed; contrary.
And now hers:
Retrograde, n. the letter grade I allot to
past items, persons, trends, etc that have been
brought back to serve present times. (One must wait at
least 7 years before something can be referred to as

Example from the 2005 Retro Report Card:
Grunge Jeans: C+ (Now that stores are selling the jeans torn, it's just not as personalized and cool anymore)
70's Funk: A
70's Mega Afro: A+
60's Ponchos: A++
Yoga Popularized: A++ (the 60's megayogacraze returns)
Platform Shoes: B- (Minus since they are just ugly, but they are still more comfortable than stilhettos)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: A+ (even creepier Umpa-Loompas)
Vegetarianism Popularized: A++ (Hippies and Animals rejoice!)
VW Beetle: B (It WAS Hitler's brainchild... so I can'tgive it an A, but it is cute)
Unitard Cheese Rock: B (The Darkness needs to put out more videos of wearing unitards)
Dr. Who: A+ (That New series deserves the +)
A "George Bush" as president: F (Boourns... now I fear
public transportation and leaving my home 500% more..)

About Em And Friends: Em was born on my 13th birthday and has caught up nicely as an old soul and a youthful spirit. Em suffers from a complex of disabilities/illnesses which would limit most of us but which catalyze in her a cheerful outreach, meticulous study, a fascination with things and people and places and the generosity to share her teeming personality. Her collection of collections is as comprehensive as most folks' collections. I should mention that today she has a critical hearing to determine whether her disabilities meet the Canadian standards that allow government assistance and I hope all of you will join in me in prayer and/or positive thinking that the outcome is good for her.

Em writes three weblogs, The Adventures of Em, a broad diary which rockets from fibromyalgia to Furby, Dead Conversations about her experiences as a medium and a professional site about her work as an astrologer, medium and tarot reader. As an example of her proficiency, she did a reading for today's birthday girl.

To read an abridged version of the birthday girl's starchart, click her picture: >tlpdevil

Thanks to Em for a great guest post and Happy birthday, TLP, adored and revered Blog Queen, matriarch of pezes, poets, wits and wags. I hope it's a great one. Wishing Em success and TLP silliness on this auspicious day.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Ethnology, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

2005 Update: A canon serving atheists in place of religion, to assure of moral superiority and the perdition awaiting the unfaithful.

Announcement: Asiansmiles is co-moderating an online debate: "Does God Exist," described as a Critical Thinking Event. A dedicated atheist and a devout evangelical Christian will debate between now and Christmas. The format includes message boards on which the debaters will post their arguments and rebuttals, a space for the judges and moderators, and a "peanut gallery" where all are welcome to contribute. It'll be nice to have this settled before Lent.

Asiansmiles was kind enough to invite me to judge so we can be pretty sure there will be points for flippancy even though there aren't supposed to be.

You may join the conversation either here (theist site) or here (atheist site).

Look for the welcome message from the Moderators. Actonbell, you know you want to.

Monday, November 28, 2005


Intoxication. n. A spiritual condition that goeth before the next morning.

2005 Update: A temporary allocation of moral, rhetorical and political superiority. Distinguishable from election by the duration of elevation and consistency of cause.

Big News!!! Sar now has her own website, Belle of The Brawl. Kinda hafta love that name.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Command Performance

Story #20, in which Doug humbly offers a little story upon the request of the Pez sisters and Pia.

To hear Doug's humble offering, click on Pavarotti.
To read Doug's literary submission, stop the queen from killing her poor and noble servant.

The story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Weirsdo has a new audiobiography up as well.

Friday, November 25, 2005


Glutton, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

2005 Update: A farm subsidy program with teeth.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


Gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

2005 Update: The foam shed by a wave at the tidal edge of an ocean of gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving, glorious friends.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This week it's my pleasure to introduce Julie Goes To Hollywood. Julie has given us the following definition:

Studio, n. 1. A large, gated parking lot where there’s no parking and where movies aren’t made, since they’re outsourced to Romania so there’s enough money to pay Tom Cruise on the back end. Generally run by twenty-four-year-old executives who think Casablanca is a great pizzeria in the Valley, and owned by a soulless Japanese conglomerate whose number-crunching principals only tolerate the ever diminishing profits in hopes of meeting Julia Roberts over sushi at Koi. 2. Exclusive manufacturers of overblown, computer generated summertime blockbusters for the kiddies; gross-out comedies targeting males fourteen to twenty-five; and popcorn thrillers about women in peril starring Ashley Judd. 3. A small, windowless apartment where aspiring screenwriters are affordably warehoused until such time as they either begin writing suitable material for Vin Diesel or give up and go home to Umatilla and stage another tired community theater revival of My Fair Lady.
ant. Sundance Filmmakers Lab, the suburban backyard of Ed Burns, every film school in America or anyplace where two geeks with a camera phone can make meaningful, memorable films for the price of an I-Book.

About Julie Goes to Hollywood: Julie belongs to that great cast of Hollywood aspirants without whom all low-wage labor in Los Angeles would be done by immigrants. Unlike many of her fellows, however, she knows what she's sacrificed to place herself in that line. A former travel journalist with an international portfolio, Julie came to Hollywood in order to publish her own voice in her preferred medium. She attended a leading film school and now shares the period between preparation and discovery in her weblog, Things They Won't Tell You in Film School.

Julie tells us stories not just about her aspirations and the long road to their fulfillment but also the rented bungalow, her neighbors, her dogs, her past, her friends, her losses, snark and entertainments. She writes about the whole Los Angeles the way they did when they were writing for Bogart. I recommend her site as a special advance preview of coming attractions.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Just send me an e-mail at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. On a future Wednesday I'll email you with a word to define and a request for a graphic. You'll have until the following Saturday to return your entry. The only rule is no profanity please.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Meander, n. [SIC] To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.

2005 Update: v.i. To follow the path of a pioneer or public engineer.

To all my friends travelling this week, a safe trip. Remember, red lights are for the little people.

Monday, November 21, 2005


Accountability, n. The mother of caution.
"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes,"
Said the Shah: "I do--'tis the only kind
Of ability you possess."
- Joram Tate.

2005 Update: The concern of a candidate for the mischief of an incumbent.

Note: Weirsdo has a new audiobiography on Doug Drones On.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


Story #19, in which a country girl expresses herself.

To hear a farmhand's story you usually only have to ask (below)
To read, hop up on the John Deere 5220, as used in the actual story.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On.

Friday, November 18, 2005


Governor, n. An aspirant to the United States Senate.

2005 Update: A leader elected to inspire a reluctant and indecisive legislature.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

2005 Update: Civilization's herald trumpet.

News Item: Waking Ambrose reader gets good press despite association. Our own Pia was recognized by the (click) Long Island Press today.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Special Celebrity Guest

Today, I triumphantly announce that Alice from Wonderland or Not is my Wednesday guest. Alice defined:

Insouciant, adj. Description designated to someone who gives the appearance of casual disregard for the seriousness of life but in reality merely realizes the truth - that life is just a play and it matters not if the audience applauds or boos as in the end either way you go home eat dinner and grab a beer.

About Alice: Alice is one of the truly surprising characters on the web. I'm a little sorry I assigned her insouciant, because I'm not sure if I can describe her without it, but her writing proceeds from light, clever and cheerfully flippant to the crisis in Darfur without segue. She's a charming scold, a thoughtful coquette, a down-to-earth jet-setter and a pithy francophone. You kind of have to read it to believe it. I might have added Princess, but there was no ironic modifier and y'all know how I keep to a system.

A rare but favorite feature of Wonderland or Not are her photoshopped gossip pieces through which she's claimed Karl Rove as a father and Billy Joel, Bill Maher and this writer as older loser (musician/comedian/lexicographer, as appropriate) boyfriends. I think I got her because her father doesn't approve of musicians or comedians. Most of her readers enjoy the humor in these pieces but really just like seeing her picture. The negotiations for me to pose for the photos above went pretty smoothly once she dropped requirement I wear a one-piece swimsuit.

By the way, Weirsdo has two new Audiobiographies up on Doug Drones On.

How to be a Wednesday Guest:
Just send me an e-mail at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. On a future Wednesday I'll email you with a word to define and a request for a graphic. You'll have until the following Saturday to return your entry. The only rule is no profanity please.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Compliment, n. A loan that bears interest.

2005 Update: A caress offered the ego, spirit or belly, whichever is nearest the pocket.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Kindness, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

2005 Update: The inspiration for a troubled conscience.

Thanks, friends, for the big blog birthday bash. Which of you put laundry soap in the pond?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Not Quite The Christmas Story

First of all, Happy Birthday to Lucy Em aka Rainbow Lotus!

Story #18, in which the blogangels announce the coming of the Dork King.

For the raconteur, click Doug at his peak of sophistication and refinement.

To read the story, pull up with Andy (left) and me.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Semisweet1 also tells a story illustrating his nickname.

But wait, there's more! My sister emailed me a request to put up this link which I'm told links to a blogged birthday card. As of this writing, I haven't seen it so I reserve the right to come back and delete if it's too embarrassing.

Friday, November 11, 2005


Pedigree, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.

2005 Update: 1. The evidence supporting television as the determinant of character.
2. That which ordains succession in a monarchy and election in a democracy.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


Allegiance, n. The traditional bond of duty between the taxer and the taxee. It is not reversible.
This thing allegiance, as I suppose,
Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,
Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.
2005 Update: Expediency.

Happy Birthday to Actonbell's husband, Ekim Road Runner Pez.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I am honored to present two guests, Ariella and her Alpha Female, Logo.

Ariella defined:
Alpha, n. The first, and incredibly flawed, version of an item; something clearly needing to be updated or replaced.

Logo defined:
Roam, v. i. To wander aimlessly, can be done if you want to, all around the world, without wings, without wheels

About Ariella: Ariella is a young, female Portuguese Water Dog living north of Seattle. She initially listed "emotional center of my family" as her occupation but now lists "providing a reason for my people to live." Definitely a career girl. Ariella is notable among housepets because while her website is clearly a dogblog, she is so without ego that most of her posts are not about her but her family. Relatively new to blogging, she began her site in September, and is already a popular writer, photographer and commenter. Witty for a long-haired dog, her first post included this line: "Forget the call of the wild, the accomodations and catering SUCK!" Ariella must be the most responsive memee in the world and does it very well.

About Logo: Logo is the mother of two, wife of one and Alpha Female to Ariella. It is in the latter capacity that we know her and, by Alpha Female, I mean servant. What we know Logo is really limited to what Ariella cares to share. Principal among these things are the facts that she rides motorcycles, loves the beach, feeds her kids Nutella and has a realistic understanding of the relative merits of dog, family and herself. Logo and her husband have lived in Greece and in Italy. The latter time abroad was with their two children who I'm certain will nonetheless grow up to be good, proper and well-adjusted Americans who don't whistle or pinch.

It's been a real pleasure having Logo and Ariella around on the blog circuit, and I appreciate that they each took time to enrich this site today.

Happy Birthday, Masil! Yes, I'm pretty sure this time.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Email me at dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after putting up the current week guest post I'll email you a word to define and request your definition and a graphic representing either you or your definition by the following Saturday. No profanity, please.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Electioneer, v.i. To stand on a platform and scream that Smith is a child of light and Jones a worm of the dust.

2005 Update: To redistrict.

Editor's note: I'm a precinct clerk, which means I'll spend the whole day offline securing the election process by chasing away scoundrels once they've voted. Be kind to each other and, to my American readers, please remember, no political activity within 100 feet of a voting booth. It's the law!

Monday, November 07, 2005


Imperialist, n. A political thinker to whom neither a kingdom nor a republic offers the hope of political preferment or other substantial advantage.

2005 Update: The political equivalent of a crap-shooter who, short a die, believes he can toss a seven by adding tables.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

On The Road Again

Story #17, another hitch-hiking story in which Willie Nelson comes up.
To hear me speak, click on Willie (the other one).

To read the story, start in Big Pine. Don't worry, there's time.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Sissy of The Pansi Files will tell her own story sometime Sunday.

Special Bonus track: Doug sings the KIBS (From Ridgecrest to Bridgeport and all along the Eastern Sierra) theme song. Click here.

Friday, November 04, 2005


Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy. The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song. In the one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential prayer; in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing, beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one -- the knowledge and the dream.

2005 Update: An age of heroism preceding a moment of sloth which augurs the dawn of reward.

Speaking of Karma, there is a new story up on Doug Drones On.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Executioner, n. A person who does what he can to abate the ravages of senility and reduce the chances of being drowned.

2005 Update: In the complex of law, law-making, law-enforcement and judicial review, the functionary whose role is clear and whose product is clarity.

Weirsdo has contributed another audiobiography to Doug Drones On.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

It is my honor this week to offer the following definition by S.A.J. Shirazi:

Development, n. The gradual deviation from what has been tested and has been working fine. It is process through which we wear new face.

About Shirazi: Shirazi is a blogger from Lahore, Pakistan who writes Light Within where he blogs about blogging, conversation, plus some really spectacular travelogs, like this one, which, having read,always have me ready to trade in my stuff and go. Shirazi is a very open and inviting moderator and many of his posts pose a question after which he typically gets out of the way to let his global readership discuss the topics. Light Within is as close as I'll get to watching The View.

Another notable, although less universal blog he writes, Lahore School of Economics, discusses events at the graduate school and would be an excellent resource for their students. A while back, Shirazi wrote about a conference there on Development Economics. As a former Economics student, I appreciate the resource a downloadable friend can be.

S A J Shirazi is a writer, educator, linguist, translator and blogger. His writing on Information Technology, travel, heritage, behavioral sciences, political economy, environment, public relations and management practices appear in Dawn, the News, the Nation, Spider, BootsnAll, CISPacrossCanada and other publications. Shirazi holds an MBA and linguistics (Russian) degrees. He has authored two books (Izhar, Ret Pe Tehreer) and translated Din Mein Charagh by Abbas Khan into Light Within. Pretty august dignitary I brought home to y'all.

Oh, and Eid Mubarak (today or tomorrow) to Shirazi and Marwa and any other Muslim reading this!

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Email me at dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after putting up the current week guest post I'll email you a word to define and request your definition and a graphic representing either you or your definition by the following Saturday. No profanity, please.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Candy, n. A confection composed of terra alba, glucose, flour and premature death.

2005 Update: An effective decoy for affection but, sadly, not for conversation.

Happy Birthday, Semisweet1, purveyor of fine chocolates. Yes, TLP, I'm sure this time.