Monday, April 17, 2006


HOSPITAL, n. A place where the sick generally obtain two kinds of treatment- medical by the doctor and inhuman by the superintendent.

2006 Update: A veterinary establishment to which illness, insurance, science and public policy can be brought for care. A saloon for the anti-social.


Miz BoheMia said...

Hospital... akin to a deathchamber for bohemians... *shudder*... in Spain, an establishment where accidental death by epidural may be attempted on grandmas 3 times...

ariel said...

some kind of amusement park where people can try their fitness. typically visited by the old and sick, that often fail.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Hospital, n., A prohibitively expensive, full-service hotel, where witchcraft is practiced. The room service is generally lousy and the food is tasteless when you're lucky.

All in all I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

Logophile said...

I thought hospitals were just for prime-time drama nowadays!
Seems we always end up in a store front "Walk-in Clinic" right between the grocery store and the video mart. At least one of you can wait for a Nurse Practitioner while the other procurs the groceries and entertainment.

word veri~ Uslofvqa
Didn't they recently apply to join the EU?

O Ceallaigh said...

It really is a dog's life, eh, Doug?

HOSPITAL, n. A word derived, in a much mangled condition, from hospitality. A calumny on the memory of the "last Crusaders". In French, hôpital - a bitter irony.

okyeo - a cowboy in Japan.

Cowgirl said...

I like your definition Doug. There is actually a hospital about an hour North of here that is referred to as "The Vet Clinic."

The vet clinics around here, especially the university, are outstanding. The human hospitals pale in comparison.

It is harder to make it through vet school than medical school.

Doug said...

Geez, Miz B, you'd think professionals could get it right the first time.

Ariel, I guess it's more fun than shuffleboard.

TLP, a hospital in Philadelphia would make a poor grave, I guess.

Logo, great job on the verifier. How could I miss the filmset gag? Well done!

Sure is, O'Ceallaigh. That's an interesting history. Thanks for the link.

Well, sure, Cowgirl. If human patients wore steel shoes I bet the standards for physicians would rise.

The Village Idiot said...

Hospital n. A loose federation of small fiefdoms each run by a demi-god

word veri --vqtmj ---no its just too early for that

karma said...

the place where they come back to twist the knife they stuck in your back

fhcozyrl: a warm, comfortable place inside a frill

Cowgirl said...

That was too funny Doug. You are right again.

Aluminum shoes hurt just as bad as steel, lol. And barefoot seems to leave a nice mark.

barefoot_mistress said...

Hospital: A place where a box of tissues costs &17.95.

Anonymous said...

Hospitals are where little writers and her brother spent copious amounts of time and are known by their first names: him from sports injuries and her because she's very graceful.

star firstbaseman said...

You're a smarter man than I... ;-)

Doug said...

Village Idiot, no lords and ladies?

Karma, nicely jaundiced.

Cowgirl, I have no experience with the aluminum. Western cowhorses are lucky we can't make shoes out of granite.

Haha, Barefoot Mistress. As distinguished from the space shuttle where they're $1723.57 and probably worth every penny. Welcome!

Jenna, my father's like that. I learned to drive taking him to the emergency room everytime something needed fixing. I learned to flout speed limits and respect hammers.

Only because I recognize my gender, S.F. Glad you're back.

still life said...

hospital (n) autobody shop for humans

services ranging from collision damage and engine failure to repriming, painting and detailing.

Tom & Icy said...

They just won't let well-enough alone! They wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

actonbell said...

hospital-a place I have never stayed overnight, and hope I never will. It's bare-bones hotel management at a high price, where there might be blood and gore and cold floors and needles.

Logo™ said...

Doug, The poem is up, if you'd like to stroll on over and take a read.

word veri~ uzbloadr
man, I am getting good ones today.

Doug said...

Still Life, I sure appreciate you. That's too funny. I need my steering wheel and brakes looked at.

Icy, I remember that actually.

Actonbell, must you make it sound so unattractive?

Oh, good, Logo! I'll be right there.

ariel said...

"They wake you up to give you a sleeping pill." - LOL!

The Village Idiot said...

Hospital -- A monastery filled with Hospitaliers.

Alternate definition.

A monastery filled with the sworn enemies of Future Masons

The Village Idiot said...

Minka is not here should I attempt 11?

O Ceallaigh said...

Doug & Co., I'm going to be on the road and may not be checking in regularly until I get back to sunny [gag] california in ten days or so. Look here for an explanation if you can stand the thought.

Be well, and stay out of hospital.

pyrgolh ... no, that's a chemistry joke. I'll let it be.

Kyahgirl said...

A good hospital is the nearest thing to heaven, when the people in it have just saved the life of your child :-)

Other than that, one of the most aggravating places on the planet to hang out.

Doug said...

Ariel, listen to Icy. She knows things.

Village Idiot, that may be too esoteric for me. I suspect there's something pretty funny about the freemason joke made all the better because I don't get it. Let Minka keep the record until she gets back to defend herself.

O Ceallaigh. Safe strip and I wish you good times with your scanning electron microscope. Sounds like a four-alarm riot.

That's the thing about hospitals, Kyah Girl, you sure are greatful when you need them, but you'll crawl out on your belly once you're stable.

~Daydreamer~ said...

Hospital : A big house of illness that smells like spilled medicine everywhere, full of people dressed mostly in white moving around, asking questions and acting like they know it all.

Jamie Dawn said...

Hospital: Usually you go in there to have something removed. In my case, they are always putting stuff in.
Overall, I'd say to avoid going there if you can.

Logo™ said...

Doug, the idiot refers to the knights of templar and those darn crusades, he is being obscure again, he is in plagued with it, get him to a hospital, or a nunnery, oh...wait.

The Village Idiot said...

I pefer to be obtuse but then again...Logo, I am partial to the castle Anthrax and its grail shaped beacon.

Obscurity is the bane of my existence..

no ...wait oh look..a chicken

Doug said...

Daydreamer, someone should point out that if they know it all, they shouldn't have to ask.

Jamie Dawn, it's the putting in that scares me.

Yeah, Logo, I got the Hospitaliers and the crusades, I don't know the relationship to the masons. Not that I need to...

Well, V.I., the Pezes will catch you every time with Monty Python.

The Village Idiot said...

Doug...there is speculation is some quarters that the Free Masons trace their origins back to Templars on the Run. When they were all rounded up on Friday the Thirteenth, some got away, made their way to and through England. The speculation is for that many to disappear, there was some sort of secret order....Born in Blood is an interesting book.

Logophile said...

aaaw, looky there, he is a well read and occasionally well spoken idiot. He is spelled everything right in that post.
I feel so proud.

Logophile said...



it is catching

cooper said...

Not that much experience with them but I know that they have their own very special form of bacteria and if you are in one long enough you are bound to become infected with their own special gift or something.

Comfort Addict said...

A hotel with horrible food and strange room service where "check out" takes on a whole new meaning.

shayna said...

La la la la la.
We are jus ta sexual making me an alcoholic relation.
Words hit much harder than bullets from a gun,
a shovel to the skull, a stab in the spine.
Be my valentine, you don't have to say much.
This machine is so mature, it's so much your type.

(boy) "You be Betty!"
(girl) "I'll be Betty!"
(boy) "I'll play Joe!"
(girl) "You play Joe!"
We'll crawl out of my window, honey,
and in the morning I'm out of my head,
I wish I was sleeping In your hospital bed.
Give me some time to get on your mind.
La la la la la.

Hey, come on down to my world.
The memories enhance the way that you feel.
I wanna get right back down but you're moving so fast,
and I wanna be everywhere twice.
This machine is so mature, it's so much your type.

(boy) "You be Betty!"
(girl) "I'll be Betty!"
(boy) "I'll play Joe!"
(girl) "You play Joe!"
We'll crawl out of my window, honey,
and in the morning I'm out of my head,
I wish I was sleeping In your hospital bed.
Give me some time to get on your mind.
La la la la. La la la la.

And in the morning I'm out of my head,
I wish I was sleeping In your hospital bed.
Give me some time to get on your mind.

Doug said...

A Village Idiot, interesting theory. Have you heard the Francis Bacon one? It has him responsible for the Rosicrucians as well.

Logophile, I cover my nose when V.I. posts.

Yeah, Alice. Hospital cooties are supposed to be the worst. I avoid nurses all together.

Haha, Comfort Addict. Nice addition.

Shayna, that's a new one.

ariel said...

AND doctors, Doug, and doctors...

Sar said...

Hmmm aren't there usually posts here by now? Combine hospital with our host here being MIA, and it's too ominous a combination for me, frankly. Hurry up & post, Doug, you're impeding on my worry-free vacation here! ;)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Yeah. What Sar said. Ain't you awake Ambrose?

Doug said...

Oh, right, Ariel. Yeah a doctor's almost as smart as a little white dog.

Sar and TLP, yes I'm around. I'm not sure baseball games should happen on weeknights but I needed to see Greg Maddux pitch one more time.