Vegas' Trail

Story #75, one last true story.

To hear the story, call Vegas.









To read the story, cozy up.

One last matter, during my recent reincarnation, I've noticed that I also lost the list of who has agreed to read for the stories next year. I more or less think I remember but if you volunteered and don't yet have your episode, please email me again so I can make sure I haven't forgotten anyone.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here:

Minor

MINOR, adj. Less objectionable.

2006 Update: n. Anyone not yet of a responsible age or their children.

Monument

MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

The bones of Agammemnon are a show,
And ruined is his royal monument,

but Agammemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its reductiones ad absurdum in monuments "to the unknown dead" — that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory.

2006 Update: Stone or metal chosen to durably recall achievement and dependably forget motive.

Wednesday of The Bohemian

My guest this week is la hermana del mundo, Miz Bohemia. Miz B was asked, with every sincerity, to define OCDish.

OCDish, n. partial abbr. When the desire to run straight to bed after a rendezvous with the toilet (with no distractions along the way as distractions are not in the master plan and will make one run right back to the toilet for things to be done right, as they very well should, and that being that from said rendezvous with the toilet you go straight to bed dammit or else hyperventilation, heart attacks as well as panic attacks shall and will be in order I tell you) is faced with a flawed and foiled reality called life (and that being one of turmoil with the backdrop that are two shrieking and verbalicious lil' bohemians) where compromises must be made for the sake of peace and sanity to reign (if ever such a thing is possible, let alone plausible, in a bohemian household), thus adding on an -ish to the much cherished-and-so-why-can't-I-hold-on-to-it label of OCD...

So yes, listen up cause it's all in the -ish...

Yes, you heard it here first...

About Miz Bohemia: Miz Bohemia is the beautiful-like-an-old-statue-of-Venus-but-not-so-quiet-even-though-she-lives-in-a-Mediterranean-paradise-with-a-beautiful-family-and-might-be-happy-but-can't-be-quite-because-of-Spaniards-and-she-really-wants-to-be-in-San-Francisco-which-is-Spanish-but-not-Spanish-sister-of-mine-adopted-formally-by-my-father-having-earned-our-affection-with-this-post-and-having-already-been-a-generous-host-to-this-rogue.

Since her guest appearance here, Miz B has pushed the envelope (I bet when she needs to mail a letter, it has to be hand delivered each time) by making a practice of video blogging. In her videos, we've had the privilege of meeting the woman behind the hyphens. It turns out her fabulous knock-off handbags have the job of accessorizing true beauty. If you keep up with her videos, you have met her whole family including her husband, Lovaboy, her daughter, the talented artist, Lil' Bohemia, her son, Lil' mischief (who earned his name eating pasta, it seems to me,) and the family's pets, a cat and a spider.

So, take my advice. Invite Miz B into your home, but not onto your hearth. Gracias a mi hermana linda en España. That's all you get.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Meekness

Meekness, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worthwhile.

M is for Moses,
Who slew the Egyptian.
As sweet as a rose is
The Meekness of Moses.
No monument shows his
Post-mortem inscription,
But M is for Moses,
Who slew the Egyptian.

-The Biographical Alphabet

2006 Update: A king's reluctance, a pauper's repentence, the mask on an assassin, the tail on an ambitious dog and the satisfaction of a serpent.

Malthusian

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. One of the most practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though all the famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking.

2006 Update: Among family.

A curmudgeonly Christmas wish to you all

Special Delivery

Story #74, in which lists are made.

To hear the story, ask Santa for directions.












To read the story, tell Santa you "want some stupid story for Christmas."

Now, about Prattler. The same catastrophe that made today's story late means Prattler will have to be rebuilt from scratch. Anyone making a site on iWeb should email me for advice on how not to end up old, bitter and drunk like me. Prattler will be back but I don't know when.

Debtor

DEBTOR, n. A worthy person, in whose interest the national finances should be so managed as to depreciate the national currency.

2006 Update: A victim of the imperialist strategies of the Chinese, national policies that favor multinational corporations and commercial propaganda broadcast through the plasma television over the bathtub.

Domestic

DOMESTIC, n. A person whom one employs about the house to exercise the functions of master or mistress.
adj. Appertaining to the household, as a domestic husband, who loafs aboute the house making love to the female domestics. The domestic husband is commonly what Artemus Ward said the Prince of Wales was-"A good prpvider." That is to say, he commonly provides good looking kitchen maids.

2006 Update: adj. Locally labeled.

Special Guest Elf

From the North Pole, via Iceland and New Jersey, my guest this week is Mo'a. Mo'a was asked to define Puppet.

Puppet, n. Middle English .....poppet = doll
.....possibly from Anglo-Norman....poppe = doll
French.....poupee = doll.....German.....Puppe = doll
French....pupille = pupil
German... Pupille = pupil

Pupil.....Middle English......from old
French......pupille......from Latin.....pupilla =
little doll, pupil of the eye (from the tiny image
reflected in it) = doll

So no matter how you see it, we all have dolls in our eyes.

About Mo'a: According to my thumbnail math, Icelanders are .05% of humanity but based on my anecdotal survey, they make up roughly 10% of the blogosphere. Mo'a came to the U.S. for college and was persuaded to stay, somehow. She is an artist/sculptor and mainly a doll-maker. Here's my Christmas tip to all of you: Do not confess to not owning any art and look at her professional website while you still feel badly about it. Her figurative sculpture and dolls are all dipped in a thick solution of magic and enchanted with Icelandic witchery. The pictures in this post are all from my current collection of Mo'a originals. The Jolasveinar currently featured on her blog are traditional mischief-makers who nicely compliment the iconoclastic ones that also live here. Her Gryla is someone I could bring home to meet mom. I should confess, I bought her Jolasveinar to be Christmas present for the kids in my life, but they fit in here so well, I've changed plans. Sure hope Payton, Jake and Stevie like coal.

Mo'a's main blog, Leikur Og List(?) presents Moa's love for her art and other artists. She almost makes a fella wish for talent. If you look back, the same magic she puts in her dolls also goes into her woodwork. And into her relationships with other artists and bloggers. Mo'a plays well here, there and everywhere she goes. She didn't get to be one of Santa's elves for nothing. Thank you, Mo'a for gracing this blog and this house as a guest, and for having just enough edge on your humor to make me believe once more in Santa's helpers.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Demented

DEMENTED, adj. The melancholy mental condition of one whose arguments we are unable to answer.

2006 Update: Corruptible at too high a price. Feverishly unmoved.

Distress

DISTRESS, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

2006 Update: The erosion of hope by anticipation of a future discovery.

What Really Happened

Story #73, the true tell-all story of Doug's vacation.

To hear the story, wander down to Barr, a winemaking village below the Vosges.

To read the story, stop in Prague, birthplace of Franz Kafka..

Prattler will return next Saturday. To read the other version of my vacation, click on the photo of Budapest and the Danube, below.

Homesick

HOMESICK, adj. Dead broke abroad.

2006 Update: The yearning for restoration as an abuser of foreign riff-raff.

Home

HOME, n. The place of last resort--open all night.

2006 Update: A half-acre elysium where our failures never age, old follies never die, no lie is ever forgotten and every pet's a king. The smaller the home, the more inhabited.

Here is Walela's announcement:

We return to our regularly scheduled program...

Tomorrow, Waking Ambrose will return in the normal format. In the meanwhile, here are a couple photos from the trip and Walela has an announcement. Thanks to everyone for the story. I threw out my back acting it all out, but enjoyed it nonetheless. Thanks especially to those of you who protected my virtue. Click on Walela for the announcement.


Thanks to Ariel for showing me Budapest. This is a picture of us (right) looking down towards the Danube.





This is Strasbourg (above, left) from the roof of the Cathedral. Thanks to Maclean for not using the word "gauche" after four years living in France, especially with reference to his big brother who can still lift him over a Cathedral wall but preferred not to.


Finally, here's Prague.

Not that anyone asked...

...But here are six things weird about me. There are more. Thanks to Minka and Terry for not tagging me, you guys know me well. Or have forgotten that I was ever born. Either way, thanks. I'm not sure if the game below made for the two weeks of gleeful good times I had hoped for, although if it's still being played, play on. The puppet show continues two posts down.

Apostasy, n. Faith without ambition.
Curmudgeonliness, n. The love that dare not eat its prey.
Furry, adj. Overdressed for the beach. Well-suited for the company of wolves.
Insomniac, n. Someone who thinks when they should dream and dreams when they should turn left.
Social Phobia, n. An architectural defect of living rooms, ballrooms and bars diagnosed by the lack of alcoves, closets and coat racks.
Stillness, n. The evidence of depth, nobility or absence.

On other blogs this is a meme. Here it's more like self-love.

Couldn't stay away, could you?

OK, then let's play a game. This is, more or less, a backwards treasure hunt. The object of this game is to lead people back here to learn what's happening after confusing them so here are the steps:

1. Pick five sites in the blogroll to the right, whose author has left no comment on this post.
2. Leave the prescribed comment, with no explanation.
3. Come back and replace the prescribed comment in the comments below.

The idea is that people will see a nonsensical nonsequitur and react to it. As they browse around, they may see the same comment from you or a different one from someone else. Over time, if they are sharp, they'll realize that all the strange comments are coming from the Waking Ambrose community and being made on blogs in the Waking Ambrose community. If it works, when they get back, they laugh and join the game.

To keep it fun, the strange comments should change. So, if there are no comments below, you are first and your job is to leave the comment "I just saw an elephant fly" on five blogs. Then come back and leave a comment with a new sentence for the next person to leave somewhere. If there are comments below, use whatever sentence the last commenter left.


On Etiquette: Just in case some of y'all are of the unholdable tongue variety, if someone asks you what you mean by whatever you said, just keep still. You don't have to answer every question someone asks. Ask TLP. Also, if you're already playing and someone leaves a weird comment don't say yeah, I saw that on Waking Ambrose. It's a game. When I get back we all get to laugh at whoever received the most of these comments without leaving one here.

Sound good? OK, get to it. I'll be watching.