Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Distress
DISTRESS, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
2006 Update: The erosion of hope by anticipation of a future discovery.
39 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Ouch, Doug. Your update is too accurate after spending a weekend angry at the cruelties parents visit upon their children.
distress that which we heap upon another in order to relieve our own suffering
This goes back to the guest post about ME!!! Well, the supposedly "collective" me which we all know was truly about me... because, hermano, look at the pattern... "home"... "homesick"... "distress"...
Admit it, it's still all about me isn't it, ISN'T IT???
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
But shhhh... I won't tell anyone else so that they can be happy in their own delusions while I, well, crsytal clarity be my middle name! FO SHO!
But I will humor all and play again in the spirit and honor of "Shhhh"...
Distress... state of being arising out of an experience known only as "Spain"... 'nuff said!
Distress - in rubber stamping, a technique where you create an aged/antiqued look using metalic colored inks and a flat tool used for creating worn edges to your paper.
Oooh! Puppybrose! eBay = great equalizer and eliminator of shopper's distress or I ain't a proud owner of Joie, Seven, Earl, and Cult jeans fo nothin'! K_KISH and K-POW!
Distress: Being at a big evening office function, wearing a dress that you like and paid too much for, and having two other women arrive wearing the exact same dress. Also see, distress makes me look like a fat-head.
Brian -- I hid the contraband food and beverages inside the children. Wasn't that clever?
Doug -- I'm laughing out loud again. Now I know you're home. Thanks for telling Brian to stay off the copy machine. I m sure that's where he was headed next.
Not to worry, Minka. There's no pressure. If you have so many things to do with people you like that you can't find thirty seconds to spend here, I'll wait patiently and uncritically until the next time you're bored.
39 comments:
Ouch, Doug. Your update is too accurate after spending a weekend angry at the cruelties parents visit upon their children.
distress that which we heap upon another in order to relieve our own suffering
First -- an honor I never planned fighting for because it meant being out of bed before the sun.
Ha, ha, ha, haaaa!
This goes back to the guest post about ME!!! Well, the supposedly "collective" me which we all know was truly about me... because, hermano, look at the pattern... "home"... "homesick"... "distress"...
Admit it, it's still all about me isn't it, ISN'T IT???
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
But shhhh... I won't tell anyone else so that they can be happy in their own delusions while I, well, crsytal clarity be my middle name! FO SHO!
But I will humor all and play again in the spirit and honor of "Shhhh"...
Distress... state of being arising out of an experience known only as "Spain"... 'nuff said!
distress: expensive design "element" [see also: $224 for a pair of JEANS??]
Distress: No time to comment now, it's bus stop time!
Distress: a haircut; a bad haircut
Distress - in rubber stamping, a technique where you create an aged/antiqued look using metalic colored inks and a flat tool used for creating worn edges to your paper.
D :)
DISTRESS, n. Man, it's a killer to be that tense. Almost like you're working with the children of deadbeat parents or something.
Distress: Closely follows the incessant beeping in your ear that signifies the start of another Monday morning.
what we damsels are subject to
Distress: Too many drinks taken, leads to this condition that causes you to distress and dance around in your underwear.
distress: When Christmas is a week a way and you haven't bought one present.
Hand me a candy cane...I'm off to the mall.
Bierce's, for this one, is superior, Doug. So's your update. Ignoring the distress caused by my certain failure to impress, here goes:
Distress: It isn't just for damsels any more.
Oooh! Puppybrose! eBay = great equalizer and eliminator of shopper's distress or I ain't a proud owner of Joie, Seven, Earl, and Cult jeans fo nothin'! K_KISH and K-POW!
OC -- somebody special talked me through my distress.
Joel -- LOL! My joy in your answer has much to do with two weeks off.
Brian -- spelling lessons are in order, besides which -- those of us who think in pictures could have done without that.
Mutha -- me, too!
Doug -- sorry, you can have your blog back now.
Distress: Unless it's the right fit, waiting for the other stiletto to drop.
Quill,
Since I don't drink, the distress I feel at your displeasure is acute. :(
How's this one.
Distress: The urgent need to return to the classroom and hide all the contraband food and drinks. :)
A condition used by women to test the chivalrous instincts of their men.
Usage: "Do I look fat in distress?"
Quill, you can't argue with what works, I guess. And well done, Minkolyte.
Hermana, there are those times in life where every word is a name of yours. Could have been "spider."
Puppybrose, isn't that the way. When jeans with a torn crotch are fashionable, I'll go back to cowboying to make my fortune.
Sar, stay on the curb.
Joe, you can actually build up a tolerance.
See, Diane? I had no idea!
OC, nouns don't have tenses in English.
Joel, it sure seems like Monday, doesn't it?
Karma, same with us dragons.
Brian, just keep off the copy machine.
Relax, Mutha, you still have a week. And you can always lower the performance evaluation for the kids.
Al, you're right. Distress is spread smoothly across society these days like a balm.
Miz B, congrats on your clever purchasing process.
Quill, the comments section is common property.
Sar, way to work in the shoes.
Brian, are you using or not?
Diesel, that's hilarious.
Distress: Being at a big evening office function, wearing a dress that you like and paid too much for, and having two other women arrive wearing the exact same dress. Also see, distress makes me look like a fat-head.
Distressed: High priced furniture.
Distressed: Britney Spears
flashing herself.
So many ways to use this word. So few blogs asking for it.
It is morning,
it is Monday,
gimme some tea.
Why are we being informed where Doug did NOT grow up?
Distress: a great look in furniture
OC, nouns don't have tenses in English.
That's dangerous verbiage, Dawg.
DISTRESS, v.t. To shave one's head.
Brian -- I hid the contraband food and beverages inside the children. Wasn't that clever?
Doug -- I'm laughing out loud again. Now I know you're home. Thanks for telling Brian to stay off the copy machine. I m sure that's where he was headed next.
TLP, you can always bring your distress her. And no one will notice if your boss' new wife is wearing the same one.
Logo, I didn't grow up everywhere I've ever been.
Pia, I didn't know that was a look in furniture. You think this is a distressed blog?
O Ceallaigh, I live on the edge. I mean, not the shave your head edge. Anymore.
Quill, kids are excellent hiding places.
See Quill! I knew you were teacher of the year for a reason. Clever idea, very clever. Now where is that copy machine?
Distress:When the local market is out of Coke.
distress: city cousin of distraught.
Back from the mall and feel much better.
Lesson: A well timed candy cane can go a long way.
distress - The state a man finds himself in when caught with his mis-tress.
Not that I'd know about such things.
Brian, that is a cruel fate. Not alcoholic, though.
Good one, G.
Mutha, that's a real important lesson.
Poobah, I guess Omnipotent can mean a few things, can't it?
Everyone beat me to the good jokes.
goldennib, don't be distressed. They beat me too.
Hi Doug :-)
I'm soooo distressed...no definition ideas. Sigh.
distress: realizing you totally forgot to comment the day before on WA and not being able to come up with a valid excuse.
If this ever happens again, I can safely say that I will be sick and/or have internet related issues :)
Goldennib, they beat me too and I got here first.
Howdy, Kyah!
Jenna, the hint is "Beta."
Not to worry, Minka. There's no pressure. If you have so many things to do with people you like that you can't find thirty seconds to spend here, I'll wait patiently and uncritically until the next time you're bored.
Distress: Reality check. Or balancing the checkbook.
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