Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Merchant

MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

2007 Update: A thief whose victims choose the time, place and amount of their loss in exchange for goods, services and piety of equal or greater value.  The criminal culpable for the illegal immigration, outsourcing, price inflation, wage stagnation, mortgage crunch and cost of lunch connected with our shopping habits.  Merchants are best denounced wholesale as "corporations," as they are more avaricious in bulk.

28 comments:

Minka said...

There is one in Chaucer's Canterbury tales!

See how I brought this comment section up to a high literary status???

What are you gonna give me for it?

TLP said...

Mer-chant: A song sung by mermaids to lure sailors into the sea to drown. Like consumers drowning in credit debt.

Love your update.

The Old Mule said...

merchant: a pirate with an ace up the sleeve and an adding machine.

Mo'a said...

Does anyone need a "Red Paperclip"?

Minka said...

Red paperclip?

Is it me or has this comment section gone bananas?

I'll give you two oranges for it!

ariel said...

Merchant, n, lover.

ariel said...

A banana and two oranges? Do you mean the fruit?

Nessa / Goldennib said...

tlp beat me to the mermaid song.

I didn't know I needed them before, but now that you mentioned them, I'll take the red paper clip, the banana, the two oranges and some whipped cream just for good measure.

Doug said...

Minka, for bringing this blog up to the airy standards of the literati? A suitable punishment shouldn't be hard to think up.

TLP, that was clever punning!

Mule, ain't nuthin' worse than a pirate who adds, I tell ya.

Mo'a, that's over my head.

Minka, it's me too. *scratches scalp* Hey! I found a red paperclip!

Ariel, you win today. And I hope that's what they mean.

Nessa, I'm impressed that you were on that wavelength. I'd gladly have been second there. You are still talking about fruit and office supplies, right?

jenn said...

I got nothing. So I'll probably shoplift a definition.

tsduff said...

I think Minka would prefer a red herring.

There is a "Merchant in Venice", a Shylock character who demands no fruit, but a pound of flesh...

puppybrose said...

Merchant: one who leaves behind 9,999 maniacs in order to find personal fame and/or fortune?

what? Minka made a grand literary reference, surely there's room in this comment section for at least one related to music, Shirley. ; )

the amoeba said...

MERCHANT, n. One who has signed up for the Venetian weight loss program, Terry.

Now Antonio is the kind of merchant to whom I can relate. For every Kyle, there's got to be an Antonio, or a me, who would start with a house and wind up with a red paper clip.

How Willie, that prolix old penny-a-liner, could possibly have let Antonio get the girl is just beyond me. In the natural order of things, she'd be leaving the merchant m├ęchant. Not to mention significantly lighter.

;)

Doug said...

Jenn, and to think Terry beat you to the Merchant of Venice after this. if I were a pouter, I'd be pouting.

Terry, great penguin humor.

Neva, it took me a minute, but having got it, every Natalie and I sing your praises in a froggy voice.

Amoeba, from what I remember, Antonio didn't get the girl and wouldn't likely want her.

ariel said...

True, Pascover, even though the girl had more balls in her courage than what pretty Bassanio kept hidden in his pants. She wore the trousers and not for one day only, I believe. :-P

Jamie Dawn said...

You threw me with the word "avaricious."
You and your fancy talk!!

Merchants are sellers looking for suckers.

quilly said...

The truest, wiliest merchants are those who can get you to work for them and pay them for the privilege. In my job search I have gotten many, "Pay me $xxx.00 and I'll hire you," type offers. I find myself singing the refrain of a song from one of my gram's favorite songs, "I owe my soul to the company store."

the amoeba said...

Doug, you're right. Bassiano got the girl. Antonio already had enough trouble with ships and moneylenders. Moral: Be careful what you wish for ... and be careful about trying to quote Shakespeare from memory before caffeine.

TLP said...

Okay Nessa, I'll give you a used bike for the red paper clip, the banana, the two oranges and the whipped cream. It just suddenly hit me that I have to have them. I'll throw in the practically new training wheels.

Logophile said...

I just know I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
:p

Doug said...

Ariel, I suspect she wore the beard for more than a day, too.

Sorry, J.D. In Arkansawyer "avaricious" is close in meaning to "Yeehaw hyick yick"

Quilly, that sounds like a 16-ton load to me.

Amoeba, I'm leery of quoting Shakespeare at all and impressed with your courage.

TLP, you really are a merchant.

Logo, have you considered a career as a home-school teacher/blogger?

Nessa / Goldennib said...

Doug, could I possibly mean anything else? ;)

cindra said...

Oh, I always get here so late that it is pointless to even try to be witty cos' I am tired and can't find anything very original...so HELLO!

actonbell said...

About how many merchants does it take to fill up a penis mall?

ariel said...

ROTFL!! Actonbell,you are a sniper.

Minka said...

It takes one big Ego, actonbell!

Doug said...

Nessa, of course not. Who ever heard of a dirty butterfly?

Howdy, Cindra!

Actonbell, would it make a vast difference?

Ariel, aren't you afraid you'll encourage her?

Minka, a big ego in a white sweater?

weirsdo said...

In THE GRAPES OF WRATH when the Joads pass a sign to a Service Club, Tom thinks how whenever he hears about these clubs he thinks of cows and a bull and wonders who's getting "serviced."