Friday, October 26, 2007

Freemasons

FREEMASONS, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason.

2007 Update: One of the countless cabals, collusions and conspiracies usurping the right of the unaffiliated to enjoy majority rule.

20 comments:

AP3 said...

First!

TLP said...

You can find free masons at any yard sale. It's almost impossible even to give away used canning jars.

TLP said...

Dagnabit! That AP3. Beat me out for first.

AP3 said...

Good one, TLP!

You and Ambrose both made me laugh today, Doug.

Have you hear the Freemasons' recent radio ad? "Is there greatness in you?" Pretty goofy.

G said...

You know I'm still not clear on the whole Freemason thing. I thought it was an economic way to repave my driveway.

Jamie Dawn said...

TLP and ap3 think alike. They must be related.

Freemasons are aliens from the planet Kroff. They mean us no harm.

I don't quite get your comment from yesterday. I'm thinking you're on the road for work or something, and eating fast food along your journey. If that's the case, have a double double for me, and ANYthing from a Jack in the Box, since they don't have those here.

Mutha said...

The freemasons were a mystery to me and I was fine with that, I guess -- until the already mentioned radio ad started running, featuring a badly performed Ben Franklin. I wonder, does anyone get paid for the right to represent themselves as old dead Ben? In any case, there is a website called askafreemason.com --

freemason: a breed so close to extinction that they must beg the help of long-dead members to persuade the young. See Cult.

pia said...

Some men who will wear no jewelry at all proudly wear their FreeMason ring though lately many have been taking them off...something about ruling the country, churches and other things

quilly said...

Before I join your campaign to free Mason, I must first know why he's being held and if there's been a conviction.

tsduff said...

I put my white lightning in the free mason jars I found in the basement of my grandma's home...people think it is my earthquake emergency water supply.

Nessa said...

Shhh...what's wrong with you people...don't you know that talking about the Freemasons will get you tasered...(oh, man, I think they're listening...)and with all of Doug's yelling yesterday, we'll be easy to find.

I wish to thank TLP for coming to my defense (even though you did eventually buy Doug's lame negation) and Quilly for having my back.

So, does this mean I'm allowed to talk durty, now?

the amoeba said...

OK, hands up. When's the last time you saw a mason working for free? Isn't there a lawyer around here willing to sue the Freemasons for false advertising?

Hey buddy, can you spare a dollar?

Doug said...

AP3, how did you know when I'd be posting. Another widow's son?

TLP, I bet you could sell them when you lived in Alabam.

Aral, they don't advertise here. I do remember being in Salinas, Kansas, a fairly small city and there was this one gigantic building I saw from distance that turned out to be the Masonic lodge. Ain't that sumpin'?

G, it's better for wallpapering your money.

You thought, right, JD. I drove from Sacramento to Rancho Cucamonga and then up to Santa Clarita. Whenever I pass your old neighborhood I think of you. Well, and almonds.

Well done, Mutha!

Yeah, Pia, that whole trilateralcomissioneldersofzionfreemason thingamabob. How come the Klan never gets implicated in running the government and banking a system. I bet they control the media.

Quilly, he put a lizard in your apartment. Have you no compassion?

There ya go, Terry. Do-it-yourself temblor.

Nessa, my brothers in the Mujahadeen and I were just talking about that.

Bingo, Amoeba. I'd have lost my house if you hadn't come up with that link.

Doug said...

OK, Nessa. There was an exclamation mark so I relent and apologize. To the extent there are rules here these are they:
1. I prefer no vulgar words, and "sonofabitch" has been the standard for vulgarest word allowed.
2. Innuendo and double-entendre are allowed.
3. All comments are subject to mockery including this one.
4. Quilly always did it.

Jamie Dawn said...

Yep, you were right in our old stomping grounds.
Those hills always look so nice from I-5 with all the citrus trees. It was a very nice place to live.
The I-5 drive from Newman/Patterson to South Pasadena got very old, very quickly. I drove it many times over the years, and those 4 1/2 hours seemed like days sometimes. If you ever have extra time, take the Newman exit and drive towards town. Take a right turn at the cemetery which is only about 1 mile after you turn off the interstate. Stewart & Jasper almonds will be on the right hand side of the road about a mile or so after you make that turn. They have a nice store there, and they just hired a good friend of mine to work in the store. That company has nice people, especially my momma. :-) Oh, I told my mom that you put a link to the company on your blog. She said that was very nice of you. I haven't even done that!!

I have a cousin who named her son Mason.
Freemasons reminded me of him too, also, in addition, as well.

Minka said...

free mason,n. a bachelor brick-layer with a strong foundation

quilly said...

Doug -- that can't be. Nothing I do is my fault. Blame it on OC. (TLP said it so it must be true.)

the amoeba said...

Way to go, Doug. Quilly's got it in for your neck of the woods now. Picking on your neighboring counties - where you won't find many freemasons. Earthquake country's hell on masonry.

And that's not my fault! So there.

Doug said...

Jamie Dawn, I know that exit. I just might drop in in November.

And a mighty mortar, Minka.

You're doing it again, Quilly.

Amoeba, the neighboring counties are LA, too. We're very metropolitan.

cooper said...

You continue to further my education.
I'm totally ignorant of freemasons?