Thursday, April 10, 2008

Shave

SHAVE, v.  To buy a teacher's warrant at 95 cents on a dollar.

2008 Update:  To civilize by reducing the value of a human pelt for the discouragement of hunting.  The practice is commonest in lands where the price of tallow is already depressed by oversupply.

16 comments:

Nessa said...

I haven't been first in ages.

Nessa said...

I do not get the first definition at all.

My husband wants to shave his head to hide the fact that there's no hair there.

TLP said...

Mmmmm....shave ice! Love it.

Little shaver:young woodcarver.

Jamie Dawn said...

SHAVE and a haircut, two bits.

:-)

tsduff said...

This morning I had a close shave in getting to work on time due to unfortunate animal circumstances. Doug, you are becoming more obscure (like Ambrose) every day.

quilly said...

SHAVE verb the daily ritual of manhood that involves running sharp knives over one's own face while whining about having to do so .....

Ariel the Thief said...

Shave, exposure of the truth. If you shave my hair, you'll be able to read the secret message written on my scalp.

the hirsute amoeba said...

Nessa, I can only assume that, in Bierce's day, the Authorities assumed, if you were old enough to shave, you were old enough to be thrown in front of a classroom, and they'd even shout you a discount on the teacher's license fee to get you to do it.

Kinda like what the Hawai‘i Department of Education is doing today. Except, the part of the anatomy shaved is generally different.

SHAVE, v. To remove, generally by scraping, a thin layer of matter from a surface. In humans, shaving is done to improve one's appeal, even though peeling is usually not part of the process, and is considered something of a disaster when it occurs. There is but little variation in the nature of the device used in shaving. But you'd never know it from the merchandising.

Tom & Icy said...

Just so dog hair coats don't get popular among humans.

actonbell said...

You fellas have no idea how lucky you are. And it's getting warm out there.

Jim said...

Shave: Jamie D. beat me by a mile, it wasn't even a close shave with that saying.

Teacher's warrants are no longer needed in Malta (2006). Those are cheaper than 95¢/$ now!
..

Indeterminacy said...

I don't know the meaning of the word shave!

weirsdo said...

Nessa and Amoeba: I think Bierce is saying most teachers are clean-shaven. In Bierce's time, they would have stood out.

I didn't think you were obscure, Doug. Loved the tallow line.

Doug said...

Nessa, I think Bierce was suggesting that a clean chin was considered qualification enough to teach. I think the 95 cents on a dollar is his way of setting the value on a teacher's license. Amoeba and Weirsdo have nother interpretations below.

TLP, it sounds so dirty when you say it.

Jamie Dawn, I should have seen that coming and known where it would come from. Ba----Bump!

Terry, the darkness is in the eye crow.

Quilly, I try not to whine with a blade to my throat. Of course, that's just my aesthetic.

Ariel, I bet it's a number. I'm think someone should shave your head before playing the lottery or the world ends.

Amoeba, you are so right. I've been using the same blades for almost a decade (which explains the stubble and flaps of torn flesh) but I still get this moment of excitement when I hear about a new razor with five (5!) blades. Then, the blessed "wait a minute!"

Icy, you better just hope white never comes back.

Actonbell, whenever I am tempted to complain about having to shave I try to remember that I don't know what a plastic applicator is for.

Jim, they may be required in California home schools, though. Expect a massive immigration of credentialed maltese scolds.

Indie, noted and not for the first time.

Weirsdo, I'd have to hide my herd like hermes to keep you from tracking.

Minka said...

I like the first part of your definition...the second is probable to do with economy and it doesn't do good to think about it!

shave,n. reminds us that there is a thin line between skin and your average carotid artery!

Doug said...

Minka, that's a perspective shared by your average nurse and Sweeney Todd.