Wednesday, April 09, 2008

To Science

Science! Beautiful foundation grantee of Dale Carnegie!
Rationale for indignation and self-righteous anomie!
In our proud experimental delusional hypotheses,
All creation becomes as one as subjects for busybodies.

Compelled by reason and by want and by wish to make men see
By denial and by worry, that he by scheming comes to be.
And every adage and each platitude has a mathematic match
In the halls of law and folly each scientist seeks parity!

Oh, science, your many suns don't fly but orbit, measurably,
One astronomer's relevance and one more center of gravity.
Oh, all the arts and every method bows before your expertise
Until superstition is in turn practiced as effectively.

Global warming, air pollution, poverty we turn to thee
To solve each enduring worry that by your office came to be.
The lens of thy microscope we turn to for hope and the broad view
Pettiness and warlike nature, conquered by an emperor with Ph.D.

SCIENTIFIC METHOD, n.  The objective process of inquiry, observation, hypothesis, measurement, publication, quarrel and defunding by which scholars replace superstition with science according to ancient rites and customs.

Today marks another trip around the sun for our favorite phototrope, O'Ceallaigh.  Happy birthday, pal.

24 comments:

quilly said...

According to the scientist I live with -- he of the birthday today -- the opinion of scientists no longer carries much weight. Don't you know that the general public tend to think they invented global warning and other such woes -- when in truth it was engineers!

quilly said...

Oh! First! I suppose I should have left that honor for the birthday boy, but it is still 4:24 a.m. here, and he's sleeping. I deemed it a better birthday gift to let him snore, ahem I mean sleep.

TLP said...

Happy Birthday to Quilly's guy!

I'm kinda down on science since they can't do a d*mn thing for my bad cold and sore throat. Whine, whine, whine... Also whimper.

jenn said...

Science?? What the...

Happy birthday OC.

G said...

Happy Birthday OC! May you enjoy many more rotations.

Scientific Method: What I employ to confirm my suspicions that the cup sitting on the couch in Louie's spot was not left there by one of the kids.

Nessa said...

Science invent the Big Bang. How can you not love that?

Happy Birthday, OC.

the amoeba said...

[blush]

:) :) :)

tsduff said...

OC - How many revolutions around the sun was that? Have a happy birthday when you awake :)

Scientific method: The process I use to determine if my coffee is cool enough to drink - first a blow, then a sip - then a screech as I burn my tongue.

the fĂȘted amoeba said...

SCIENTIFIC METHOD, n. The use of fancy machines and abstruse logic to destroy your neighbor's prejudices, as opposed to other methods that use shouting to support your own.

And a sunflowery day to you, too, Dawg.

Too true, Quilly; thanks, love, and your time is gonna come.

I'd complain, TLP, but you wouldn't be able to hear it through my hacking and wheezing.

Jenn, what're you on about? Some of your, er, intimate descriptions are pretty scientific ...

G, it sounds like Louie needs to study up on the theory of spontaneous generation. Purely in self-defense, you understand. ;)

Nessa, if you liked the Big Bang, you'll be over the moon about the Big Crunch.

Terry, my scientific method informed me long ago that coffee isn't worth experimenting on. As for the revolutions, that's a trade secret. But the ant sank twice. Pardon my French.

Doug said...

Quilly, art and science come together in the naming of goats.

Feel better, TLP, and kleenex don't grow in the ground.

Jenn, I agree with the birthday. Nobody does anatomy like you do.

G, marriage and the scientific method share repetition as the central function.

Beats me, Nessa. Boom!

Amoeba, happy birthday, pal.

Terry, that's engineering.

Amoeba, I hope its a grand one. By the way, this may look like a poem, but it's a birthday song sung to the tune Ode To Joy.

Nessa said...

That doesn't sound as much fun. Mr. Birthday Boy.

Jamie Dawn said...

Happy Birthday, OC!!!
I wish you many more!!!!!

Is the Scientific Method better than the Rhythm Method?

actonbell said...

Happy birthday to O'Ceallaigh, who has taught me something:) I hadn't heard of the big crunch before. I think the word crunch sounds a little too comical for that scenario, but then, bang doesn't sound all that scientific, either. I'm not speaking scientifically, of course.

sauerkraut said...

That OC dude is one of the tweener's favorite websites. She doesn't even know it's a blog, but she sure likes all dem purty flowers and seaweedamajigs.

OC's like what these days... in dog years? 85 or so?


(running away quickly)

quilly said...

hint

speed limit

I think I've just exceeded mine

gotta go!

The OE said...

Scientific Method: A brand extension of all natural products primarily to geeks consumer constituencies and often sold at Target

the amoeba said...

Nessa? Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice ...

JD, that depends entirely on your choice of music ... and aromatherapy.

Who says you're not, Actonbell? After all, the people who gave us the Big Bang / Crunch are the same ones who chose to name the six flavors [sic] of fundamental particle "up, down, charm, strange, top, bottom". For no particular reason.

Kitty? Look out for that (ooof!) tree ...

You're dating yourself, Quilly. In two weeks, I will remember.

OE: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to identify and neutralize the person or agency responsible for making "scientific method" synonymous with "outlandish claim".

Thanks again, Doug. You're very kind to a squishy protozoon.

Doug said...

Nessa, not to fear. If the Big Crunch comes to pass it will make War and Peace a novella.

Substantially, Jamie Dawn.

Actonbell, you are absolutely right and universal symmetry is achieved because both terms measure exactly 12.2 amusemicrons wide.

Sauerkraut, I'm guessing somewhere in the mid 300s.

Quilly, the Iowa speed limit or the Hawai'i one?

OE, I have no doubt that organic scientific method is available at Whole Foods as well. I'm scared to check, though. Health food people are angry.

Amoeba, I hope you had a grand fift....birthday. I always like quark names.

Ariel the Thief said...

OC, hope you had a wonderful birthday! :-)

Doug said...

Ariel, I hope he did to. The rest of the year is apt to be miserable.

Minka said...

A belated happy birthday, OC.

Scientific method,n. giving numerals to existence, life and ego

Doug said...

In increasing magnitude, Minka.

weirsdo said...

Yes, Jamie Dawn, but it's not as much fun.

Cooper said...

perfect post for the birthday boy.

I'm catching up.