Friday, July 25, 2008

Limb

LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.
'Twas a pair of boots that the lady bought,
And the salesman laced them tight
To a very remarkable height —
Higher, indeed, than I think he ought —
Higher than can be right.
For the Bible declares — but never mind:
It is hardly fit
To censure freely and fault to find
With others for sins that I'm not inclined
Myself to commit.
Each has his weakness, and though my own
Is freedom from every sin,
It still were unfair to pitch in,
Discharging the first censorious stone.
Besides, the truth compels me to say,
The boots in question were made that way.
As he drew the lace she made a grimace,
And blushingly said to him:
"This boot, I'm sure, is too high to endure,
It hurts my — hurts my — limb."
The salesman smiled in a manner mild,
Like an artless, undesigning child;
Then, checking himself, to his face he gave
A look as sorrowful as the grave,
Though he didn't care two figs
For her paints and throes,
As he stroked her toes,
Remarking with speech and manner just
Befitting his calling: "Madam, I trust
That it doesn't hurt your twigs."
—B. Percival Dike
2008 Update: A branch correctly attached to the torso of a beast or the neck of a reformer.

13 comments:

the amoeba said...

LIMB, n. Date, especially a blind date; hence, "going out on a limb". LIMBER: Dating service, so called from its weight and expense, and its unfortunate ability to blow up on you without warning.

B. P. Dike Bonus Definition: FOOT FETISHIST, n. One who takes inordinate pleasure from the agony of defeat.

Jamie Dawn said...

High-lacing boots are so racy. I'm sure they led to open-toed shoes and other debaucheries.
Many a high-lacing boot salesman has been ripped limb from limb by jealous men who did not want their woman's limbs fondled.

TLP said...

LOL. Oh, my.

At first I thought that your update read,"attached to the torso of a breast... and I thought that was just about all you guys look at: Legs and boobs.

pia said...

Thanks for going out on a limb for me Doug. Clichesh but true sentiment

quilly said...

LIMB n.
[slang] male member of the family tree

I have pruning shears. Go ahead, ignore me again.

[woman scorned and all that]

Anonymous said...

Lol-a bob-bit joke,would rather be torn limb to limb.................

quilly said...

Doug -- just to clarify -- the limbs I'm threatening would be your arms -- or the little twigs on the end of them that some call fingers - cuz if you aren't using them for typing, what good are they?

Doug said...

Ah, Amoeba, the old agaony of de feet pun. Are you a part time revivalist now?

JD, I thought turnover was high because of hygiene.

TLP, we try to consider the whole.

Thanks for thanking me, Pia.

Quilly, a man failing to notice a new haircut or comment is on a shaky branch, apparently.

A bob-bit joke, Bear? Feel like sharing?

Leave me the middle one, OK, Quilly? It's still useful.

cooper said...

That was almost steamy.

Limbs: utilitarian part of the human body often severed by serial killers , placed in trash bags and found later in their freezer.

Ariel the Thief said...

I prefer round numbers.

Doug said...

Cooper, that's so 90's. Now it's all about the classical reference.

Ariel, two-faced leg?

weirsdo said...

Bierce is pretty funny. Reminds me of the Victorians putting skirts on piano . . . limbs.

dr. schitz said...

Well, in my lab it might also be the branch of a woman or the leg of a tree! I can work wonders with DNA, you know.