Monday, November 03, 2008

Tail

TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in aworld of its own. Excepting in its foetal state, Man is without a tail, a privation of which he attests an hereditary and uneasy consciousness by the coat-skirt of the male and the train of the female, and by a marked tendency to ornament that part of his attire where the tail should be, and indubitably once was. This tendency is most observable in the female of the species, in whom the ancestral sense is strong and persistent. The tailed men described by Lord Monboddo are now generally regarded as a product of an imagination unusually susceptible to influences generated in the golden age of our pithecan past.

2008 Update: The speech apparatus opposite the tongue to which credibility is allocated. Woe becomes the species with tongue and no tail for such are never to be believed at all. 

15 comments:

Kel-Bell said...

Tailing behind: (See McCain)

Lily Strange said...

Tail is what Death Cheese frontman Axe Man is always chasing.

TLP said...

A man should never lose his head over a bit of it.

quilly said...

TAIL That which wags the dog.

Tom & Icy said...

It's the tongue that wags the human.

Jim said...

Tail: I say, "your father the devil...does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him Whenever he speaks a lie...for he is a liar and the father of lies".(John 8:44 N.A.S.B)

Tail: My devil always has a tail when I draw him (horns and tongue as well).

Tail: Therefore I would not necessarily believe a tailed species either.

Tail: Does the devil really have a tail?
..

Ariel the Thief said...

LOL Icy! You're brilliant.

Jamie Dawn said...

I don't agree with the portion of Bierce's definition where he talks about females having a tendency to adorn their bohunkuses. It may be true in the case of females with small hind ends, but for those of us with more than ample arses, we tend to try to NOT draw attention to them. We wear padded, push up bras and lots of lipstick so as to draw the eye up and away from the rear end. Putting a large bow on my butt would not be a wise thing to do, so I don't do it.

Tail: the end.

Jim said...

Tail: A bonhunkus, the end of the bod that females do adorn, quite nicely sometimes. I agree with you Doug.
..

actonbell said...

So, having a tail, these days, would be just a fluke.

TLP said...

Get off yours Douglas and get back in here.

tsduff said...

There is an old saying that if you pour salt on a magpie's tail
you will catch it.

“His intelligence is so good, that were you to come near him with soldiers or constables, … I shall answer for it you will never lay salt on his tail.”—Sir W. Scott: Redgauntlet, chap. xi.

Anonymous said...

oh the tales that could be told by those so blessed...the table tops that have been cleared in a single wag....but a tongue can make one come back to their senses.....Peace......VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!!!!!

Doug said...

Hey, there, Kelly! It's been a long time and I hope you're well.

Lily, you don't have to die for that.

TLP, good advice if only we could hear advice.

Quilly, Willy would argue that's sausage.

Absolutely, Icy.

Jim, I suspect antropomorphism. No tail.

He is, isn't he, Ariel?

You know, JD. I wondered why you weren't wearing a bow.

Jim, I thought you might see it my way.

Actonbell, there are few great puns in the world. That was one. Thank you.

Sorry, TLP. I'm not dead yet.

Terry, that sounds like the wisdom of the ages. If you can pour salt on a magpie's tail, you probably already caught her.

Bear, I vote with my tongue most of all. Cool if I just vote once today?

Hobbes said...

Speaking of tales, were you at the tail end of the mayoralty tale?