Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Lord

LORD, n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, Lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, of 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence. 
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
Wedded a wandering English lord —
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's — 'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell — suffering Caesar! — in love with her dad!
—G.J.
2009 Update: A man placed by birth above his fellows, the symptom of foreign tolerance for tyranny according to Miley Cyrus.
Wherever you perambulate
Prepare to genuflect
For foreigners in native state,
Wait keenly to detect
The too proud Yankee who bows too late-
And stands too soon erect.

And when you, at last, repatriate
And hear liberty's bell ring
Freedom from prince and potentate,
Our hard-won and glorious thing,
Launch your stride both proud and straight
For each of us is born a king.
-Alastair Bake.

13 comments:

karma said...

Good Lord, I'm first!

bratesse: a small training garment for growing girls

Nessa said...

Lord: Every American would sell his Father and give away his Mother to be one.

sauerkraut said...

Lord: the guy you pray to when you want a Mercedes-Benz.

jenn said...

Oh Lord, I never thought I'd see Miley Cyrus mentioned here.

actonbell said...

I like Alastair Bake's poem. Lording things over other people is so borish.

Lorna Doone said...

Tamer than a laird.

Ariel the Thief said...

Two nice long definitions. If you have something you can be the lord of that. If you have nohting, you need to steal someone else's somehting first.

TLP said...

Lords of London insures the Lord of the Flies and the Lord of the Rings against the loss of flies and rings. They won't help the Lord of the Dance on accounta you can't really lose a dance.

Jim said...

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?
I’m counting on you, Lord, please don’t let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?

Everybody!
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

That’s it!

[heh heh[, by Jim]

A tribute to one of my homie friends (departed, from Texas).
..

Jamie Dawn said...

I have a habit of saying "My lord!" which is a habit I inherited from mi madre.
I say that out loud when I'm frustrated about something, and whenever Keith hears it, he always says, "Yes", as if I'm addressing him.
I don't think hoods can be lords, but I may be mistaken.
:-)
Three weeks and no chocolate truffles at all.
My lord!! I'd kill for one!

the amoeba said...

LORD, n. English translation of Hebrew Adonai, spoken in place of the Divine Name (YHWH), which, in traditional Judaism, is too sacred to pronounce, and is rendered in English as I am what I am.

Which means that God is a skinny able seaman with bulging triceps. No wonder ...

myclatin - there's a new drug out there for something every day.

cooper said...

I'm sorry I'll be right back I have to look up Miley Cyrus.

Lord, someone likely to say
"never take sides against the family"

Doug said...

First looks good on you, Karma.

Nessa, I suppose I can see the benefit of hereditary titles, then.

Sauerkraut, do you suppose Janis Joplin is sober in heaven?

Jenn, I surprised myself, too.

Borish and boorish, A-bell.

My regards to Ned Kelly, Lorna.

Right, Ariel, or post two definitions.

Just an audience, TLP.

Remembered fondly, Jim, as far away as California.

JD, as long as Hoods defend Crown Jewels, they're lords of a sort.

Amoeba, seafaring never led to places as strange as etymology does every time its tried.

Riiight, Cooper. Your definition can apply to trailer court citizens as well.