Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm proud to have First Nations as my guest. Or maybe I'm hers now that I think about it.

First Nations was asked to define Indigenous.

INDIGENOUS, adj.
1. All living things inhabiting a planet
2. Those who have accepted an assignment of identity and made it their native land
3. The people who were there when you got there and who are still there but no longer are the bosses of 'there'. i.e 'the losers' (direct equivalent in popular usage, see
-American Heritage Dictionary def. 1, 2, and 3.
-Wikipedia article)
4. One who blooms where they are planted. "Radix Sustensat Arborae." See also Autochthonous.
5. The opposite of 'Sui Generis' i.e.FirstNations

About First Nations: First Nations writes the funny, wild and blue Paul. Because Paul is a good name. Paul is an awfully funny blog and I think First Nations may be a world-beater in both the important words-per-week statistic and the closely-watched Profanity Index. First Nations nears her peak of humor when she embarrasses her 21-year-old daughter, who seems to have turned out ok somehow, and hits it revising history and scripture. Some examples are here, here, and here. A cautionary advisory: You may wish to avoid her site if you are Catholic, Mormon, otherwise pious, patriotic, puritan, un-tattooed -sued and -blued or if the image of skinny guys naked but for tiny latex wrestling suits and helmets creeps you out as much as it did me.

First Nations is wife to The Yummy Biker, a full-time grandma to a goonybird, and a woman in her 40s who doesn't watch her weight. She is not a baby-boomer, she'll have you know but is mother to the Stainless Steel Amazon Woman, an engineer and cannibal. Oh and if you're one of her neighbors and you're reading this, get your act together. She shares a state with Masil, Mireille, Logo and the Village Idiot, a mouth with Miz B and somehow, someway she's a friend of our elegant and refined friend Kyahgirl. Thanks to First Nations for being a guest and classing up the joint.

Happy Birthday to Alice aka Cooper aka Jane Henry!


How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

55 comments:

dddragon said...

First?!

dddragon said...

Indigenous: those that think they are first; but truly, there is always someONE or someTHING that was here before that. Right? (or is that the chicken and egg definition?)

O Ceallaigh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
O Ceallaigh said...

Let's try this again. Not only does this comment box need an edit function, it needs to figure out what's gone wrong with the link function. grrr. Thing's going to land me in purgatory for sins of wrath.

INDIGENOUS, adj. The bullseye for the invasive species. See STARLING, HOUSE SPARROW, KUDZU, EUROPEAN.

Welcome aboard, First Nations. That's some tattoo. In New Zealand, sausage on a stick is known as a hot dog. Gives Doug's "have a hot dog" salutation on Monday a whole new thrust. What am I saying??!? Don't let Jenna see this, she's too innocent.

Happy 21st, Alice! Orange juice. No vodka. That comes later. :)

Kyahgirl said...

Yay, First Nations! Welcome and I'm glad to see you here.

When you're not being funny and blasphemous as possible over there, you're being a fascinating storyteller too. Your gardening posts are just as interesting as your renditions of history!

Ever thought of a second career as a Catechism teacher?

And Alice!! Happy, Happy Day to you.

Minka said...

I am indignant that my indigenous place as First from yesterday as been taken today. :)
I don´t wanna play, now! Can I have another word please?! Oh- and I would like to buy a vowel as well! I don´t know what for, but you can´t have enough of them.

Happy Birthday to Alice!

Kyahgirl said...

Oh, and Doug?

Elegant and Refined? I like it!!

*preens*

:-)

Sar said...

Well done and nice to meet you First Nations!

Jeesh OC, stirring up trouble so early in the morning. Hat tip!

Happy Special Birthday Special Coop!!!
I tried to comment on your site but your birthday post isn't up yet. Must have been some b-day partay! :)

Sar said...

Oh, I neglected to say greetings Doug! And congrats on not only winning the Caption Contest last week, Doug, but also on making it to the Final 5 again in this week's Caption Contest! :)

Jenna Howard said...

Gasp! I am called innocent?!? *swoon* That's a first around here.

Not sure how I feel about that. Hm. I must think on this.

G said...

I like your definitions First Nation, particulary #3. I did go to the first linked post and LOL and walked away with some good parental advice for future use on dealing with inappropriate friends, "try to be friendly and hope they don't steal anything". I love it - best damn partenting advice period.

Fred said...

Welcome, First Nations. Usually, people are heard screaming when they run from Doug's blog, but I see that you may be tough enough to stick around.

I'll visit your place next.

Doug said...

Dddragon, it's truth but also the chicken and the egg.

O Ceallaigh, beg pardon! Kudzu is indigenous to hell.

Haha, Kyahgirl. She'd make a great catechism teacher. I didn't come across the gardening posts, I'll have to look harder.

Minka, your word is POUT, v.i.

Woof, Kyahgirl.

Sar, my sneaker runneth over.

Little Blue Pill, I'm sure he didn't mean it a bad way. Probably the sense of untouched. At least by him. So far.

g, she's a three-alarm riot, isn't she?

Hold on there, Freddy-boy. It's my vicious readers that frighten people off.

pia said...

Hello First Nations

I'm sure Alice is indigenious to something. Just nothing that I know of yet

The Village Idiot said...

indigenous: to break the word down

genous -- suffix meaning producing or generating.

indi -- obviously means independent

So to put the word back together and determine its true meaning..

we have

indigenous - An independent film producer. Usually the first to turn a bad idea into a cult film.

Oh and Doug -- come on over I put up a special dirg list just for you. Everyone else can chose five work songs.

Jenna Howard said...

Oh. "untouched". Let's leave him his dreams, hm.

Phew. That innocent comment freaked me out!!

Cowgirl said...

Wonderful job, First Nations. Kyahgirl has excellent taste.

I am indigenous to the Corn Desert. Explains alot. Not too hard to be a genius here. ;)

Logophile said...

I didn't realize First Nations was another local!
We Washington bloggers are just the best, aren't we?

Great definition and definitely another blog worth reading, plus,
if my big sister/twin likes, how could I go wrong?

Minka said...

As Duke Ellington suggested:
I will take the energy that it takes to pout and transform it into writing blues.
I should have my CD out in no time!

The Village Idiot said...

Ahhh Poor spelling will be the death of me yet

dirg +e

ariel said...

"Or maybe I'm hers now that I think about it." LOL!

Happy Birthday, Alice! yours was one of the best Waking Ambrose stories ever. cool.

puppytoes said...

distinctive word, distinctive guest, distinctive fodder for discussion... hmmmm. clearly, the word "distinctive" is indigenous to this blog. (those more articulate than I might suggest a more fitting descriptive term, but, for the moment, "distinctive" will have to suffice!)

and thank you for introducing us to First Native... tho', she claims she's not a boomer? i beg to disagree... i believe you actually do fall within the age group, First Native! ("boomers" = those born from 1945-1964). take it from one older than you (who also has tattoos)... there are worse things than bein' a boomer! ("republican" comes to mind) : D

puppytoes said...

Oh, and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Alice! tho' I don't really "know" you... I do know manymany folks think you're mighty special--which means, of course, that you are!

Hope you have a wonderful day! : D

ariel said...

"4. One who blooms where they are planted." I loved this one.

Jamie Dawn said...

Hello to First Nations!
My son and I have been drowning in Geometry hell, so I am happy to break from it and go visit your blog.

From Doug's descirption of your blog, I can't WAIT to visit!!!!!

Doug: Thanks for having a guest that spices up the joint a bit.

Doug said...

Funny, Pia. Fame?

Idiot, you really want the beanie back, don't you?

Jenna, let your soul be at ease. We know you're a tart.

Haha, Cowgirl. Amen. I've known some brilliant people in the corn desert but they were all west of the big river.

Logo, you can't. All your worst appetites will be fed over there.

Minka, I'm signing up for my copy right now. I'm especially looking forward to "Parking Meter Blues."

Idiot, I suspect carpentry will but we'll see.

Nice, Ariel. Thanks.

Puppytoes, set 'em straight.

Nice again, Ariel. They're wrong about Hungarians.

Jamie Dawn, you'll have a blast.

G said...

BTW - have never seen Noah depicted quite like that. That's what I like Doug - always an education!

mireille said...

Is that a corn dog? *hi, First Nation! I'm part Cherokee* I love corn dogs. In theory, I love them. xoxo

Whinger said...

I've always wondered what the lovely woman is gripping in that tattoo....

Neurotica said...

my ma is a classy lady. she definitelty adds a little something to this joint, but I'm sure a little penicillin will take care of that in two to three weeks.

Hugs and kisses,
the SSA

Kyahgirl said...

Isn't that a cat tail?

Anyway, for any of you who haven't gathered why I suggest a career as as catechim teacher for FN (even though the Noah's Ark post is pretty dang good), here is a link to another bible story.
I think this is the first post I ever read on First Nation's blog. I had seen her around on several of the UK people's blogs but none of the links seemed to ever work... Anyway, this is a good one. All the usual warnings, earlier stated, apply :-)

ariel said...

I thought that's a bamboo.

ROTFL @Neurotica. did I try to talk like that of my mother in her presence... :O

Doug said...

Yes, g. Please revise your bible accordingly.

Mireille, all useful information about you.

Whinger, I was surprised by the whole thing when I saw it full-sized. Serves me right for waiting until the last minute.

Haha, welcome to the Stainless Steel Amazon. Try not to eat the readers.

Kyahgirl, I think it's a totem for an honest people.

Ariel, yes, a bamboo symbolizing fertility.

G said...

Okay, Kyah, now I am LOL. Now I realize why your style is vaguely familiar First Nation, no not catechism. No. It reminds me of a sacrilegious Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or 2000. Is anyone else getting that? You know First Nation in the darkened theatre as the bibilical pictures flash and her voice narrating - too funny!

Suspicious how this guest followed purgatory. Oh you are cold and calculating Doug.

Miz BoheMia said...

Oooooh! I'm not Catholic, a Mormon, pious, patriotic, a Puritan but I don't have tattoos so will 8 piercings do?

First Nations, you intrigue me, INTRIGUE I SAY so I will come over (unfortunately for you I am afraid!) to see your world fo sho!

Doug, she shares a mouth with me???? Ooooooweeeee! Me like! Like always, great taste in friends hermanito!

Indigenous... hmmm... well, I know I am indigenous to this planet but try to pinpoint it and I shall be confused, CONFUSED I TELL YOU!

There, some drama and off I go!

mireille said...

d, I have a secret crush on MizBohemia. She always knows the right thing to say. Just needed to share. and I guess cattail makes more sense. xoxo

Miz BoheMia said...

*Blush* That is the best thought to take with me to bed you fragrant goddess you! It is known in the land o' bohemia that a crush from a woman is just way more scintillating to yours truly than any from a man and a crush from you well... WOW!

Oh my...

May I be so bold as to have a crush on you too? It will make my life all the more exciting!

Dawgy Doug, 'tis official and it happened here first!

WOOOOOHOOOO and OFF I GO for a 4:30 am wake up call awaits!

Neurotica said...

It's a corndog, not a bamboo reed or a cattail. No, it's not her tattoo...just her totem. Very white trash for a Native broad.

D, I am not going to make any promises about eating people. But that's a discussion for another venue, y'know? Yeeeeeeah.

Kyahgirl said...

corndog? Good call mireille! xoxo

puppytoes said...

mireille, kyahgirl: i thought it was a corndog, too... i think that's because all things "dog" seem indigenous to this blog, as well! (or to my brain... you decide...)

actonbell said...

(It does look like a corndog.)

Hi, First Nations, it's great to meet you! I didn't know about the Flatbutt Tribe--how fascinating:)

Happy bday to Alice, too.

First Nations said...

okokokok.
It's a corndog.
It's a girl and her corndog. a special relationship to be sure.
It is NOT my tattoo.
I chose it because...
1. it's supposed to be betty page, but ended up looking like diane downs
2. she is wearing
the exact pair of slippers that my grandmother owned
3. she has one boob hanging out
4. she likes corndogs
5. she looks just about as native as i do
6. some drug addled youth in the heartland of america is stuck with this thing on his leg for life. exactly the type of mistake i make.

you are very eloquent and wicked group of folks. i think i like it here! thanks, doug! and thanks y'all!

Minka said...

pout you say? Interesting!
I am sure good at that, works wonders on my dad!
But I have decided to follow the words of Duke Ellington and:"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues."
Expect my CD in the stores at the end of this year!

Doug said...

g, you have no idea.

Miz B, you'll love. I think the two of you should have a cussing contest. A smack smackdown.

Sure, neurotica, let me know where. Ladies first, ladies first.

Puppytoes, it is. Someone got that at a county fair I just bet ya.

Actonbell, the scalping was less painful with them.

First Nations, thank you. I think we'd all love to see you and the SSA around here.

Minka, I think I already have your recording.

mireille said...

HAH! First Nations, you're fun. xoxo pssst, MizB: *MWAH!*

AP3 said...

Another fine guest and definition! And I'm quite relieved that that tattoo is NOT on FirstNations!

cooper said...

I'm late but nice to meet First Nation. Her definitions were grand.

I know not of indigeious........... except that the spiders under my bed claim to be.

Doug said...

Isn't she, Mireille?

Yeah, AP3 but I bet she's got some doozies.

Cooper, you think you can just sneak in here and pretend it isn't your birthday? Happy birthday, again!

AP3 said...

RABBIT, RABBIT!

Jenna Howard said...

Few my tartdom is safe.

I have a healthy respect for a tattoo chicky grinding a corn dog. It appeals to my sense of humor. I find it even funnier that there is some guy out there with this tat etched forever in his leg.

Dude 1: "Dude? What's that?"

Dude 2:"A corn dog, dude."

D1: "She grinding a corn dog. Dude, what were you thinking?"

D2: "Dude. OC passed some of his "hemp". The rest is history."

D1: "Duuuude."

I write the best dialogue huh? This is why they pay me the big bucks. Snort.

actonbell said...

Rabbit, rabbit!

Doug said...

Rabbit, rabbit! ARal and Actonbell. Actonbell your timing was perfect. I was just about to publish without that.

Jenna, I promise if anyone disparages your tartdom again, I'll defend your honor.

O Ceallaigh said...

"Hey dude, we've got competition!"

"I don't think so, dude. I mean, 'Dude 1' and 'Dude 2'. How lame is that?"

"Huh? Weren't you the one who was complaining about this dude thing not being discriminatory? You'd prefer Strongylocentrotus after all?"

"Don't get prickly, dude. Especially not over a chick who can't spot irony when she sees it."

"Irony? I don't reckon she's ironed anything in her life. Waxed a few things maybe."

"In your dreams, dude. And probably hers. Now saddle up that walker and come get your medicine. Your little blue pill awaits."

MJ said...

Hi Doug. Enjoying your blog.
*waves to First Nations and fellow Canuck Kyahgirl*

Doug said...

O Ceallaigh, and a special bonus Dude and Dude dialogue. What a day!

Hey, MJ! Welcome back and thanks!