Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Purgatory

PURGATORY, n. An uncomfortable sort of calaboose, where souls are locked up until some of their relatives bail them out.

2006 Update: Home in the afterlife for the devout sinner, well-gratified but incompletely graced. According to Dante, the liberation from the sins of the flesh takes much longer than the sins themselves or the liberation from the flesh, a fearful conclusion for an epic poet.

75 comments:

Minka said...

1st....!!!

Minka said...

purgatory, a reason not to be Catholic. Since in that belief everybody is born with the original sin, you can´t escape the fires of purgatory at the end.
If you´re bad you go to hell, there is fire there too...so why be good throughout life, if the outcome is the same regardless of behaviour?
I, myself, have always been more of a Pandemonium kinda girl :)

Minka said...

three times is a charm! :)
And I do feel generous today!

O Ceallaigh said...

PURGATORY, n. The price of indulgence - which, unknown to the purchaser, is usually well above market value. The state of a soul afflicted with bulimia. Real self-inflicted scourgings to propitiate a phantom hereafter.

There are no fires in purgatory, Minka. Those are restricted to the circles of Hell. Along with the ice - your favorite stuff. At least, that's what Dante tells us. He was Catholic. And his fantasy is no less credible than anybody else's. It certainly has sold better.

As for Catholics and original sin ... remind me to tell you about John Calvin sometime.

Minka said...

I will...I saw a picture about purgatory and the woman in it is surrounded by fire and praying to be admitted to heaven. I am sure that Dante´s idea is not the only possible imaginative interpretation of purgatory :)
And we can just replace "fire" with "suffering" and it would still have the same result :)

karma said...

King Bhagirath was in agony because the souls of his ancestors were trapped in purgatory (because of a curse) and they could not get to heaven.

After a lot of prayers and sacrifices, he was informed that only Ganga, a beautiful goddess who lived in heaven, could wash away their sins and release them by coming down to earth in the form of a river.

Unfortunately, her force as she fell would be so great, it would destroy the earth and everything in it.

King Bhagirath then meditated (quite possibly for 100 years) and prayed to Shiva - because if anyone could come to the rescue, it was Shiva, one of the Holy Hindu Trinity.

Shiva is easily pleased, and so he agreed to help. He would allow River Ganga (Ganges) to land in his matted tresses so as to take the impact and divert the force of her waters, which would then fall gently onto earth.

As so it was. Shiva is always shown with the Ganges flowing through his dreadlocks. And of course, King Bhagirath's ancestors' souls were released and they could all continue their journey to heaven.

From the source in the Himalayas until the holy town of Gangotri, where Bhagirath built a temple in her honour, the river is known as Bhagirathi, and from there on till it flows into the sea, it is known as Ganga or Ganges, the holiest of all rivers.

Miz BoheMia said...

*GASP* What if you are an epic ranter? WHAT THEN?

Purgatory... not knowing... enlighten me oh brotha divine!

Jenna Howard said...

Purgatory. Isn't that where trollops hang out? It's that sins of the flesh...gets us every time.

Jenna Howard said...

And I see Minka is first everywhere today...again!

Minka said...

jenna...I have a day off and the weather isn´t playing nice! :)

O Ceallaigh said...

Shiva had dreadlocks? With ganga flowing through them?!? Bob Marley Explained!

And may the hemp be with you.

:)

Doug said...

Minka, posting in triplets! Dante must be proud. Yeah, Pandemonium suits you better.

O Ceallaigh, I've always found predestination stangely relaxing.

Minka, the Hollywood version is the true one, I'm sure. You make a good point. Suffering is suffering.

Karma, thank you. That's wonderful.

Miz B, I think its OK if you cuss a lot.

Yes, Little Blue Pill, but only the ones with the hearts of gold.

Minka, then play here. Or, maybe, move somewhere not on the artic circle.

And also with you, O Ceallaigh. So you enjoyed UC Berkeley, I guess.

Sar said...

I've been thinking about my contribution for Purgatory but I'm afraid I'm just stuck here.

Kyahgirl said...

Karma, I loved that story. Beautiful

Being raised a Catholic purgatory didn't seem too bad. Better than going to hell but not as demanding as going to heaven. I could just relax and enjoy the process of getting purified. I'll meet you there Jenna. Minka?, care to join us? I think it might be a bit warmer than where you are!

Cowgirl said...

O'C...may the hemp be with you? I am so stealing that. Thank you for your contribution to my crazed vocabulary.

Ah, purgatory...if I was Catholic, I would be meeting Kyahgirl and the others there. We could hold a purgatory party.

karma said...

O Marine One, Shiva not only has dreadlocks, he drinks alcohol, smokes cannabis/hemp and dances like a madman on graves ... he's the original yogi, just my kinda guy ;))

thanks Douglas, k-girl

slvdjfzb: slave to a DJ with a fuzzy bottom

Sar said...

I'll make sure to wave hello to you all on my way down. Scuse me while I go pimp my handbasket.

O Ceallaigh said...

It's a gift, cowgirl. So's this. "I ain't gonna make rope no more ..."

(PS: I don't. Just so's y'all don't get the wrong idea. I'm already wacko enough. That you've doubtless figured out already.)

Cowgirl said...

Sar, can you pimp my handbasket too?

O'C...sure....really, me neither; but dude, that was totally awesome. Like, for real, man.

Dusty Doggy said...

The "Bardo" where you have a chance to beg forgiveness from other people you have offended and change the minds of those who have blackballed you from Heaven. Your negative thoughts about the bum in the gutter will send you straight to hell. "Love thy neighbor!"

Minka said...

O C, My bad! I just checked Dante´s Devine Comedy and it seems like you are right. I was thrown off by the first part of it called Inferno. However after he passes the fire of hell he enters Purgatory, where there truly is ice and stuff!
I stand corrected...
does that mean I have passed the fires of hell already? 'cause I sure got a lot of ice around me to show for it!

Lammy said...

Dusty is trying to replace Soapy's duties!

cooper said...

I'm afraid Sar is closer to the truth.

Doug said...

Sar, and you did well for that.

Kyahgirl, I want my "Purgatory for the climate" bumper sticker.

Haha, Cowgirl. No boys. Karaoke belongs there, though.

Irie Shiva, Karma

Funny, Sar

O Ceallaigh, I like that link.

Totally, Cowgirl

Dusty, I like the hat. So it's a twelve-step program? I think Dante had 33.

Actually, Minka the ice was at the lowest pit of hell with the traitors, Cassius, Brutus and Judas. Is there anything you'd like to tell us?

Lammy, someone really should.

Cooper, I bet your handbasket rocks, though.

O Ceallaigh said...

Hey Cowgirl, thanks. And remind me never to give any of your buds any unsolicited shoulder rubs. I like my ribs right where they are, thank you.

:)

Kyahgirl said...

Kyah is excited!! Look Willie, puppytoes...its another dog!!
Hi DustyDoggy :-)
*wag*

G said...

Sooo, so you think you can tell
heaven from hell...

Cowgirl said...

NO BOYS!? That's not purgatory, that's hell! Who am I going to flirt with?

O'C, I never kick my friend's asses. Just creeps.

Oops, can I say ass here? Did I just mess up my last chance at purgatory?

Doug said...

O Ceallaigh, you learn faster than the average midwest bargoer. I still keep a bail fund just in case.

Kyahgirl, I believe that's Icy's father.

Blue skies from pain, G? I'm glad you're here.

Cowgirl, you can say anything you want here. Just no boys at your purgatory party. You want to move up, right?

Jamie Dawn said...

Sorry to inform, but I got the last ticket to heaven. There are only tickets to Purgatory left, and the tickets to hell are free.
Curmudgeons go directly to hell, but all dogs go to heaven.

The Village Idiot said...

Hello, My name is Virgil...has anyone seen my glasses and cane?

G said...

Bravo! Maybe that would be purgatory - not being able to tell blue skies from pain. Glad to be here.

ariel said...

Can you tell a green fiiiiiiield... I'm too afraid Sar is too close to the truth.

Karma, I didn't know that story, so beautiful!

purgatory: proof that human race stem from traders.

Kyahgirl said...

oh man, no boys? I guess I better aim for hell then.

G said...

Actually in my own daily version of pergatory - traveling the LIE in rush hour, I heard that song this am, so it was a little bit of a cheat for me. Lo and behold, what was Doug's word for the day?

ysowoutc: yes - oh wow - u too cute!

Sorry Karma, I promise never to do it again and nobody does it quite like you. It's just so tempting every time I verify!

Jenna Howard said...

No boys?!? What the...who made up that stupid rule? Okay. Can I exchange my ticket so I can go where the boys are?

OC - pass the Cheetos dude. Sweet.

Cowgirl said...

I think the dawg's making the rules up...guess he isn't going to our purgatory party then.

Cheetos? Someone got the munchies?

G said...

He's making it up. Anyway girls, just do what I did - convert to Judaism - there'll be plenty of boys at my party!

G said...

I know a coupla nice Jewish boys for you :)

No problem - no purgatory!

Doug said...

Jamie Dawn, will you walk Willie and Walela?

V.I., you abanded them all when you entered.

G, I believe that's your second Pink Floyd quote here. I infer a couple things from that, you know. You'll be lucky to see Purgatory.

Ariel, you go to heaven. Unless you start a blog.

Kyahgirl, that's where I'd look.

I didn't say there wouldn't be any, just don't invite them to the party. It slows the process down.

Cowgirl, I'm just looking out for your immortal soul. Nice to be appreciated.

Oh, right, G. Like that will help. The Virtuous Pagan loophole is closed, by the way.

G said...

Just going with the flow of traffic officer.

BTW: Mazel tov on your fine finishing in the caption contest!

puppytoes said...

A.D.D. Purgatory: the time between now and now.

Sorry to be so late to the party... wish I had more to add to the discussion!


slhicx: slimy hicks (a.k.a. George Bush & Co.) sorry, Karma, I, too, shall refrain from this bit of letter play from here on out! (tho', on any given day, these freakin' verifiers really do "speak" to me, as well!) : D

Cowgirl said...

Doug, I do appreciate you. *pat, pat*

Jenna Howard said...

Oh (sags in relief) phew. There'll be boys in purgatory.

What I'll do at this party without boys though...hm.

Will there be dogs?

Minka said...

Doug, so I am really in hell? I have fire and ice and sometimes they are even side by side...I must have been quite a naughty girl in my life, ´cause I have been suffering Purgatory for 9 years now!
With my luck paradise is gonna be Greenland :)

And Doug, you know your ways surprisingly well around the pits of hell!

mireille said...

so. kind of a timeshare in hell for the soul who has not yet revised her resume? xoxo

LeesahEm. said...

purgatory-somewhere between Ohio and Tennessee.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Purgatory: The first 30 minutes on hold for tech help with AOL. After that you fairly quickly go to hell. There is no telephone heaven.

SquareGirl said...

Can someone explain to me what the differences between purgatory and what we are all currently doing on this Universe are??

And while your at it, could you provide me of an explanation of "heaven on earth".

This stuff gets confusing for me sometimes...

actonbell said...

Purgatory: an endless boat ride with Charon? (maybe the relatives didn't put coins on your eyes? Sounds like a nightmare, to me.)

Doug said...

g, what's Hebrew for "thank you?"

Puppytoes, that's a good one. By the way, I don't think Karma minds other people doing the verifiers, but I hope you aren't competitive. I gave up a long time ago.

Cowgirl, *wags*

Jenna, Jamie Dawn was right. You have to reach paradise for the dogs.

Minka, that was pretty clever. For the record, I'm pulling for Tahiti for you. And no comment. *snicker*

Yes, Mireille. After a certain point, piety is just a matter of formatting.

Masil, I used to have a friend who was stationed there. She's doing much better now, thanks for asking.

TLP, there is a telephone heaven. In Farsi, they call it "Badcellobad"

Squaregirl, let me see if I can evangelize you properly: The inferno is like an unsequenced set of random numbers, purgatory is a syllogism and paradise, ah, paradise is like the harmonic conjugation of a quadratic equation using irrational numbers. Sweet, huh?

Doug said...

Actonbell, I'll make sure they remember. See I view purgatory as an endless boat ride with a singing gondolier.

Mutha said...

I am late today because I was in purgatory: a 25 mile commute that takes an hour and a half.

actonbell said...

It depends on how good a singer the gondolier is, though, and how crowded the gondola. And the view. And how cold or hot it is in there, and how it smells.

Doug said...

Mutha, I have a 35 mile version of the same thing ahead of me. Sympathies.

Actonbell, it wouldn't be hard to design you a hell, I reckon.

G said...

to dah r'bah (transliteration) - thank you very much

puppytoes said...

Doug: competitive? me? aieeee! competition is my idea of Purgatory.

a4g said...

Purgatory, n. The 10 x 10 unventilated anteroom of heaven, where someone described as the "finance manager" has just a few papers for you to sign.

O Ceallaigh said...

CHEETOS, n. prop. Staple item of Purgatory diet for (a) food Nazis; (b) big game hunters and cat-house zookeepers; (c) adulterers.

Would this have had anything to do with "ignoble pelts", Jenna?

.

O Ceallaigh said...

the link is supposed to be to the Ig Nobel Prize. Damned if I know why, after three tries, it wouldn't bloody well work.

Jamie Dawn said...

I'd be happy to be your heavenly dog walker.
My doggie Simba will be there along with her late hubby, Gunther. I am certain Gunther is seated at the foot of the throne of God.

Purgatory is where cats go, by the way.. and turtles and other lesser creatures.
Hell is for insects and reptiles... and bad, grouchy people.

Jamie Dawn said...

O'Kelly: I strongly believe there will be Cheetos in heaven. They will taste every bit as good, but be calorie and fat free, as will dark chocolate truffles. :)

karma said...

g and puppytoes, now you are embarassing me ... no apologies required! ... and those were great! if verifying wasn't a free-for-all on this blog, i'd give the dawg hell

now someone pass me those Cheetos

cudbfe: could be fine, eh?

O Ceallaigh said...

Cheetos? In heaven?!? Then I ain't going. (Speaking of empty threats.) It absolutely has to be Cape Cod Dark Russet Potato Chips.

Doug said...

G, then to dah r'bah for the mazel tov and the translation.

Puppytoes, then have at it and have fun.

a4g, I hate when that happens.

Haha, O Ceallaigh. Darn, now I can't do that one.

Jamie Dawn, how grouchy are we talking?

Karma, you of all people know it's a free-for-all on this site. I sure wouldn't want my verifier gags next to yours, though. It's bad enough having my definitions next to Bierce's.

O Ceallaigh, I knew the Yankee in you would come through.

puppytoes said...

Doug: I agree with you, I wouldn't want my verifier gags next to Karma's, either... that said, I hate to break it to ya, but I happen to think your definitions look right at home next to those of Bierce. You're surprisingly humble, for a curmudgeon.

karma said...

puppytoes, there's one more thing to break to the dawg: he's next to none.

if not the Cheetos, someone gimme a slice of that humble pie

Jamie Dawn said...

O'Kelly: Heaven has ALL the snack foods.

Doug: You are too grouchy for heaven. Sorry. A self-proclaimed curmudgeon has no chance to get to heaven, except to become very nice while in Purgatory.

Miz BoheMia said...

Doug's the man fo sho! In my case, he's the brotha man! Ooooweeee! Indeedy!

Hey hermanito... then does that mean I get to go to hell, what with all the cussing?

xvvldej: Beats me! Karma HELP!

Miz BoheMia said...

Ooooh! I was comment 69 up above! KINKAY!

ariel said...

Karma, nobody does verifiers like you do. the rest of us keep trying like babies do.

Doug, does "It's bad enough having my definitions next to Bierce's." mean that you consider this blog your purgatory and plan to jump right to Heaven from your death-bed?

qlqns - quilting my clowns

Indeterminacy said...

Purgatory: Waiting for an inspiration.

Miz BoheMia said...

Hear ye, hear ye indeterminacy!

Doug said...

Puppytoes, I don't think a curmudgeon need to overestimate himself as long as he underestimates those around him.

Karma, I noticed that when I woke up.

That's OK, Jamie Dawn. Angels piss me off.

Hermanita, I'll give you a pass although it's only good at Fat Mama's Rib Shack.

Hahahaha, Ariel! Yes, my strategy is that next to Bierce I look kind of saintly. Uh-oh, K. You ready for Ariel?

Indie, you already have a muse! You're just being lazy now.

Miz B! Over yonder! A phallus!

weirsdo said...

My under standing is this is a Cathlick thing, witch I do NOT BELEAVE IN becuz we will not need to purge in Heaven cuz JESUS will make sure we all have perfect boddie's!!!!!
Congrachulaytion's on you're new book, P-Doggy!!!!