Thursday, April 12, 2007

Apostate

APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

2007 Update: A resurrected infidel who, despite initiation into great mysteries and all the evidence of faith, denies the divinity of the Bishop.

32 comments:

quilly said...

first?

*I feel faint.*

Pollos said...

vivan los perretes de california!

quilly said...

apostate every teacher escaping from the Clark County School District -- myself soon to be included

Mo'a said...

Apostate: Not me I am still a slave to your blog :)

The cowboy I was talking about has been fired...I don't think we have heard the last from him...he is still on the radio...I had not heard of him, before he put his foot in his mouth...just tired of the constant coverage of the story.

The Old Mule said...

apostate: going the way of the Tralfamadorians

Joel said...

apostate - See R.E.M.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

ap(r)ostate - A male organ capable of shutting off the supply of urine when someone is peeing all over a good idea.

Doug said...

Quilly, sometimes you just have to roll the dice or keep the faith.

Pollos, bienvenidos y cluck cluck.

Aaaah, Mo'a. That fool in a cowboy hat. I thought you meant me.

Mule, when this comment came in I wondered what Slaughterhouse Five had to do with today's word. Now I see, brother Vonnegut has come unstuck in time. Welcome to the Granfaloon.

Subtle, Joel. One who loses their religion.

Poobah, we should all have one of those.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

So, I gather it's not a punctuation mark?

hedqkbnb: some kinda strange head trip.

pia said...

apostate: a character in a tea cozy mystery who is both the rector and the villain

But might not be either the real rector or villain or any combination

Elbot said...

Apostate: a robot who denies the existence of programmers.

puppybrose said...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Apostate.

Apostate, who?

Isn't Washington the "apostate"?

sorry... i had a whole other bad knock knock joke for ya, but TLP beat me to the punch. heh. (sorry, in my head this was hilarious. not as hilarious as "lemming merengue", mind you, but still punny in it's own, pathetic way. oh, and Washington is actually the "Evergreen State", so this joke just gets lamer by the second. maybe it's time to toss my "knock knock handbook" out the window and/or into the bonfire, eh?)

G said...

Apostate: Why I resemble that remark.

G said...

By the way, that Bierce was really bitter, huh?

Doug said...

TLP, you might be thinking of "apostasy." It's an emoticon.

And the plot thickens, Pia.

Neva, don't you dare. If you stop telling knock-knock jokes on this site, I'll have to start and no one wants that.

That's true, isn't it G? And your son is named after a famous one. Yes, he was, although I've found sarcasm brings light to a dark soul, so maybe he was just a pre-Hallmark optimist.

Jamie Dawn said...

Thanks to Bierce for the use of turtles in his definition. :)
Too bad he had to mention that one was dead. :(

Apostate: Adults who no longer break Oreos apart and lick out the white stuff, and no longer buy Pop Rocks and Pixie Stix, and no longer use their pants for a napkin.

AsianSmiles said...

a loser in a divorce court.

ariel said...

Mule and Doug, so it goes.

Minka said...

What? Is that even a word?

ok then, if you are sure!

A post ate at least three of my postcards I sent from America. I don´t know what they did, but I am enclined to blame offices in Wyoming!

Minka said...

apropos:

who starts a state name with WY anyways???
Bunch of philosphers, I bet!

Minka said...

inclined, rather than enclined...bet you knew that though ;)

Ok, I am done now!

AP3 said...

You mean it's not a kind of cancer?

actonbell said...

I thought it was a brand of sportswear.



Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!
Kurt Vonnegut

Doug said...

J.D., it was probably the one on the fence post.

Asiansmiles, I can see how alimony and apostasy might go together.

Ariel, that's just foma.

Minka, why blame Wyoming. I bet they went to greenland where a puffin is laughing at them right now.

Aral, it kind of is on the body of the Church.

Actonbell, maybe on the body of a runner.

mireille said...

Well, it depends if it's a contraction or if it singular/ plural possessive. Can't stand misuse of it. xoxo

The ZenFo Pro said...

For some reason, as a lapsed Episcopalian, I keep thinking about schisms, African bishops, gay American bishops, and strange tales out of Canterbury not by Chaucer...

Doug said...

Actonbell, how did I miss that perfect and timely quote? Very well done!

Mireille, that's why we only use it within the bounds of a covenant.

Zenfo, it's good to see you back here and I hope you won't mind my asking but why would an Episcopalian bother lapsing? Don't like olives in your communion martini?

Sreekesh Menon said...

the state of the unbroken egg under the chicken.

IDiveAtNight said...

Apostate: In a perfect future.. G W Bush. I'd like to see him switch to a new (better) set of beliefs than what ever he's using now.

rmwac,
Morgan

Doug said...

Sreekesh, but a hard-boiled one can stand for itself, Encyclopedia Brown.

Morgan, I understand he's considering Zoroastrianism. Will that work for you?

IDiveAtNight said...

Compared to overzealous neo-con? I'd be happier if he declared himself to be the Gatekeeper for Gozer the Gozerian.

Doug said...

Morgan, I can see Rick Moranis playing him in the biopic.