Friday, April 27, 2007

Eloquence

ELOQUENCE, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

2007 Update: The gift of startling those not listening without waking the audience. Growling in iambic pentameter or grumbling in 3/4 time.

39 comments:

ariel said...

the only piece of art that was born to misdirection.

the amoeba said...

Definitely a case of conference overload.

ELOQUENCE, n. Preaching from a platform, as opposed to preaching about one. Observed in New York, Chicago, Tokyo ...

quilly said...

eloquence -- a ballet in which words do all the dancing

ariel said...

WOW Quilly! *pulls out violin*

Harry Heuser said...

The recycled ribbons of rhetoric used when corporate gifts are repackaged as environmental policies.

I Dive At Night said...

Eloquence: Sorta when the words make good meanings in a goodly worded way. Like when you got something that needs saying, and you say it, and people get it, because you say it better than other ways you coulda said it. You know? Kinda like this, but completely different way.

The Old Mule said...

Eloquence: The scene were Dirty Harry asks the guy if he feels lucky.

ariel - "art...born to misdirection", may I steal that?

Logophile said...

The ability to utter sunshine and insert it without paining the recipients.

Mutha said...

Dang, those offered are already too good. Logo gets a gold star from me.

Oh crap -- I'll go anyway. But only if I can be afforded a massive cultural generalization.

Eloquence: The quality that flows in the Irish at the same rate that the pint is downed.

Minka said...

eloquence: Since I find myself incapable for contributing to this rather fine discourse as of yet, I´ll restrict my remarks to the weather: &%6cccguiazgrumof%$##!!!

Much obliged, I am sure!

quilly said...

eloquence having the ability to tell someone to ‘go to hell’ in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip.

I'd like to tell you whose quote I just mangled, but the original was labeled "unknown."

puppybrose said...

*clears throat*

er...um... well i, uh... d'oh!

puppybrose said...

Eloquence: ability to wrassle out of a tied tongue -- in order to lasso your audience with a dazzling display of verbal rope tricks.

yeesh. as you can see, with so many beautiful offerings above me, i'm feeling more than a little tongue-tied, myself...

al said...

Eloquence: A common compensation adopted by those afflicted with indigence.

And Minka: its &%6cccguiazgrumof%$## here in New York, too. Weekend forecast calls for acattered &%6cccguiazgrumof%$, too.

AsianSmiles said...

stylish reprimand and rumor mongering.

as always, the 2007 update is awesome doug.

G said...

Eloquence:

Often found in my head
In front of a crowd
I look with dread.

Diesel said...

A Cockney greeting reserved for a group of five siblings who were born in the same litter.

You've been tagged, Doug.

Jamie Dawn said...

Eloquence: Delivering bad news in a tutu

My dad is thinking up a definition for me to put here.

Here is his definition:

Eloquence: The God given gift of golden-throatism bestowed upon a wretched, fortunate few

The Old Mule said...

where / were we, I rather, (see mule above) not eloquent.

I hope everyone has a wonderful...

puppybrose said...

too, same you to, Mule. too, same you to. ; )

the amoeba said...

Quilly, I've seen that quote variously attributed, but I've been able to trace it (so far) back to Brooke Westcott in the late 19th century. But for all I know, somebody could have said it about Daniel Webster. Ah, my home town ...

ariel said...

Old Mule, this is the very first time a poet wants to steal words from me. I'm so...

puppybrose said...

Once there was an eloquent,
Who tried to use the telequent.
His purty talk was smelloquent,
His ass in now in helloquent.

did i mention the fact that words fail me today? does it bear repeating?

Jamie Dawn said...

My dad was wanting to see if you wrote anything back to him or us.
He likes your blog. He fancies himself a wordsmith of sorts, and, like you, he is quite witty too, also, in addition, moreover, as well.

puppybrose said...

"...IS now in helloquent". yeesh. see what i mean about my brain and/or inability to express myself today? oy.

Doug said...

Great definition, Ariel but I'm not sure "only" is right.

Amoeba, that's why the best speeches are delivered from the scaffold.

Quilly, a fine pas de deux.

Ariel, play softly so no one trips clumsily over their adverbs.

Knota bene, Harry. Elegantly tied.

I hear ya, Morgan.

Mule, while we're on Eastwood's eloquence how about "Crows gotta eat, same as worms. *ptui*"

Ouch, Logo. (but well done)

Mutha, if only the kegs could keep up.

Minka, Eloquent, adj. Translated from the original German?

Quilly, it sounds like Larry McMurtry to me.

Neva, a deftness for twining ropes of metaphor into noodles for soup?

Al, then why do acknowledgements of the poetry of poverty always come just before the copying and pasting of gibberish?

Asiansmiles, you are such an objectivist!

g, When stage fright has you for a time,
And thoughts that once sprung from your mind
Ooze cold and gelid down your spine
Recall that meaning means less than rhyme.

Diesel, tagged in cockney doesn't coun't.

Blessed are the hoarse, Jamie Dawn, for they shall tell be happy vocal guinea pigs. Tell your dad I like "wretched fortunate few."

Mule, starting early is starting well. I hope that's true for your

Neva, Eloquence, n. A wink after stuttering.

Professorial, good amoeba, is not eloquent.

Ariel, it's nice when they aren't after your soul for once, isn't

Neva, at least he was in his element. (I still love that poem.)

Jamie Dawn, it's great that he's here and please tell him welcome. Let him know I'm usually more here than this. I expect your father to be witty, although I also would have expected him to be old once.

Minka said...

Neva, I feel your rhyming verse should have elephant in it. I really do!

neva said...

Minka: okily dokily, i'll give it one more try...

Once there was an elephant,
Who thought he could be telequent,
No no I mean a telequane,
Who did his best to be profane.
Oh my, the word was elequone,
Now shot to hell via telephone.

sigh. it's dinner time... that's the best i can do on an empty stomach. ; )

Tom & Icy said...

My bark is more eloqent than my bite.

TLP said...

Hello.

(I'm out of oily smoothness. Used it up just today.)

Alberto Gonzalez said...

I have no recollection in my mind of this word, but if it WAS used, I can assure you that it was Mr. Sampson's word and did not come from the White House.

Doug said...

Or an elephone, Minka.

Neva, I hope you've eaten.

Icy, Willie would say the same and Walela the opposite.

Brava, TLP! Brava!

Mr. Gonzalez, would you say you prepared for that comment.

Alberto Gonzalez said...

They prepare me--I mean, I prepare--for ALL my comments!

nelephone said...

elephino what you people want. i give and i give...

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to be most eloquent,
Oh no, I mean an elephone,
Who got a brand new cellophone,
How 'ere it 'twas the elephee,
Was stuck inside a telephee,
And now he sits, and there he'll stay,
To elephone another day.

The End.

tap tap, no erasies. *sighs* i'm certain all this will look better to me in the morning...

Jamie Dawn said...

I'll pass your comment along to my dad.
He's in slumberland already and I'm heading that way now. We've got an early run to make to the airport in the a.m. so he can get back to CA.

BTW, I showed him what you've been doing here on the weekends with the continuing saga of Diogenes. He thinks it's great and very witty. When he retires (hopefully by year's end), he plans to start blogging again, and I can guarantee that your blog will be one of his regular visits. :)

Now, as my Grandpa used to say, "I've got to go get this frame horizontal."

cooper said...

eh it's after two in the morning I will have to come back in the morning .
I am not at my competitive best.

Doug said...

Alberto, don't worry. Under the fourth amendment, the body is yours.

Neva, *clap clap clap*

Jamie Dawn, happy horizontality. I look forward to your dad joining our family.

Me either, Coop. See ya later.

Minka said...

Neva: *claps excitedly* I am very fond of your silliness! Thank you!

Elbot said...

Eloquence: The ability to make aluminum foil look like gold plating.