Thursday, April 19, 2007

Divorce

DIVORCE, n. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
2. A bugle blast that separates the combatants and makes the fight at long range.

2007 Update: The last in a string of punishments inflicted for infidelity to bachelordom.

34 comments:

Minka said...

divorce,n. disillusion of marriage

ups: dissolution of marriage, my bad. It was an easy mistake to make!

al said...

Divorce: 1. The inevitable consequence of lengthening human life expectancy; 2) Part of the process of trading in your old soul mate for a new, better soul mate.

al said...

Divorce: 3. The same outcome, but less efficient and more expensive than beheading.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Divorce: Divison by force.

The Old Mule said...

well, well. what can I say about this?

divorce: re-instituting the reign of Merle Haggard.

ariel said...

divorce: changing one's mind.

the amoeba said...

Minka! Careful, Sigmund, your slip is showing.

DIVORCE, n. Death. Well, isn't it? Isn't that nasty little line "'til death do us part"? Just another trick in the bag of The Great Barber, I guess. Parting is such sweet sorrow. 'Cept there's nothing sweet about trying to part my hair. Or do anything else with it. I guess I should be glad I still have some.

quilly said...

divorce the disolution of a marriage resulting in either: 1.) the release from an emotional prison; or 2) the beginning of a longer and ever more biter seige

quilly said...

bitter -- though it does bite

mireille said...

well, you certainly have been semper fi, haven't you? xoxo

Kyahgirl said...

Divorce: get out of jail!

Doug said...

Minka, "Disillusion of marriage" is unbeatable.

Al, regarding your first definition I suspect it has less to do with longer lives and more to do with fewer weapons. The second definition is nice and bitter. Thank you!

TLP, as opposed to union by farce?

Mule, I'll never sing Kern River, again. Just so's we're clear, I'd take a bullet for Merle Haggard.

Ariel, or growing one?

OC, Divorce, v.t. To sue for partable hair?

Quilly, how about making room for a single-celle organism?

Mireille, you make an honest woman by marrying her and an honest man by leaving him alone.

Kyah, collect $200!

Minka said...

divorce, n. when people finally understand each other

puppybrose said...

Divorce: been there/done that/got the tee-shirt (and the kids)/don't expect and/or plan to do it again...

puppybrose said...

by the way Minka ~ my version of your grand definition would be:

Divorce: when two people finally understand each other... and/or themselves. ; )

Mutha said...

Divorce: Quitting when you are under the impression that marriage is a job.

Joel said...

Divorce: The punchline of almost all Hollywood marriages.

Miz BoheMia said...

Divorce... powerful word to be tactfully and carefully used at the appropriate time during a spousal tiff for a grand and much desired dramatic effect... often met, however, by laughter, when used too much, especially when it is preceded by the ever predictable and, by now, totally scripted "You don't appreciate me! You just don't appreciate me! You don't love me! I don't love you either then! That's it! We're getting a divorce!"

That's pretty damn powerful if you ask me! I don't get why your brother-in-law laughs!

Oh well. Maybe I need to bulk up and intimidate him with muscular power instead...

I changed my mind! It's a damn useless word if you ask me! Hmmph!

gprsukpc- Girl power sucks political correctness... just don't say PC or you shall be called a neocon. Take it from me...

Ok, ok... I am off... it has been an uneventful day and you get my blah, blah, blahbetty blabbing blahs I am afraid! Ay dios mio!

I Dive At Night said...

Divorce: Man putting asunder what no god apparently deemed worthy of blessing.

---
Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it!

:-P

Jamie Dawn said...

Common thing said after divorce:

"We're still very good friends."

Those who truly achieve that status are the lucky ones.

I've seen some NASTY divorces!

Minka's "disillusion" definition is the BEST!!

Doug said...

Minka, another good one. You have to admire a woman so clever about divorce while unmarried.

Neva, that's good. Don't be greedy.

Mutha, it doesn't sound much like play.

Joel, I don't get it.

Miz B, maybe set the house on fire?

Morgan, we put asunder what's blessed just as often.

J.D. I think the standards for love fall after marriage and friendship after divorce. Of course, I'm just speculating.

tsduff said...

I would say that your update is very much male-sided. I applaude Bitter Bierce #2.

Minka said...

Doug, admire away!

Jamie Dawn, thanks...as soon as it popped into my head, I knew it was rather good and I couldn´t wait to see the verifier kick in and display that stroke of brilliance in FIRST position. God knows, it was due from my side!

I Dive At Night said...

Doug, too true. Most of us so often do.

Mutha said...

Doug: If neither participant is funny, that may be true.

actonbell said...

Divorce: when death won't come soon enough.

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.
Lauren Bacall

quilly said...

Doug -- that was just a happy side-effect. At the time I actually filed, as far as I was concerned all men were ... well, let's just say that even several years after, that single celled organism wouldn't have gotten the time of day if I'd have had any inkling he was interested in more than conversation.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

cooper said...

divorce:

my brain from the words uttered or the typed..........sometimes.

quilly said...

Okay, Doug, there has been this ancient Tammy Wynette tune playing in the back of my mind all day. Make it stop!

Doug said...

Terry, you're right. Go with Minka's first one.

Again, Minka? Sheesh.

I'm as bad as the worst, Morgan. Or at least I strive to be.

OK, Mutha. I'll give you your distinction. I suppose if porcupines can mate, funny people can probably marry.

Actonbell, thanks for the Paradise By The Dashboard Light earworm! You had to love Lauren Bacall. At least for awhile, I guess.

Quilly, that's true and I don't blame you. Hear that, Amoeba? Don't bring judgement on us again.

Cooper, just type 'em.

Quilly, I take no responsibility for that. Talk to George Jones.

Hobbes said...

The calm after the storm.

Doug said...

Or the I that's left when the rains stop, Hobbes.

ariel said...

aren't you always crying for rain, Pascover?

Doug said...

Not at all, Ariel. It's raining today so I'm crying for snow.