Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Law

LAW, n.

Once Law was sitting on the bench,
And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
"Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench!
Nor come before me creeping.
Upon your knees if you appear,
'Tis plain your have no standing here."

Then Justice came. His Honor cried:
"Your status? — devil seize you!"
"Amica curiae," she replied —
"Friend of the court, so please you."
"Begone!" he shouted — "there's the door —
I never saw your face before!"
—G.J.

2008 Update:  The scaffold on which the hypocrite stands in judgement above the coward seeking shelter as the neighbor dangles between.

When hominids first organized
And sought superiority to apes,
They learned to write, ennobling lies,
And made wine from sour grapes.
They began to sculpt and rhyme and draw,
To replace lost hair with religion.
Finally man created law
To keep down competition.
-Malathuselah

23 comments:

jenn said...

What's this? I am first?

Law a class in high school good for napping.

pia said...

Am I second?

Thanks Doug. I love Malathuselah's defintion
Law: people should be given tests before investing, buying a house or having kids--which is the opposite of everything I normally believe in, but...

TLP said...

Law: The ins and outs of life.

Nessa said...

Law = Rebel or Brat or Dictator, as in, "I am a law unto myself."

ariel said...

"To replace lost hair with religion." - I think, this is very funny and very true.

The Old Mule said...

law: the noose for our well supped necks; the shadows in Plato's cave.


note to self: there must be a god, because somehow I managed *not* to get in to fancy schmancy law school, and did real things instead.

Cheesemeister said...

Law: sometimes seen in the company of Order.
Brittney wants everybody to know that the frightful Icky Sticky Valentine Story Contest is here where you can win great prizes. She's pretty sure that everybody can write something better than our first entrant, Lyanne Sakks, whose offering resembles a very creepy but disgustingly amusing Penthouse letter.

Jamie Dawn said...

Malathuselah is not to be confused with Methuselah who lived to be 969 years old. That is a trivia tidbit I remember from my Sunday School years.

LAW is pronounced lawww, right?
Then why do so many people say loy-yer instead of law-yer??
My son, dad, and I say lawyer while my hubby, daughter, mom, and brother say loyer, along with the many other wrong people in this world.

sauerkraut said...

Law: what obama is gonna lay across hillary's rumpus if she don't quit having bill doing all her dirty work for her.

Otherwise, it's what the cat said to the mouse about the cheese.


meow

ariel said...

Law, the coherence among things. For example, if I spill your milk, the ground will soak it up. Etc.

Tom & Icy said...

I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy.

actonbell said...

I fought the law, and the law won.

Doug said...

Wow, Jenn. For me law was an after-school program.

Pia, I think that's how they do it Islam.

TLP, the ups and downs, I find.

And you definitely are, Nessa.

Ariel, thanks. Fur is tough for angels to dance on.

Amen, Mule. I love the idea of the law being the forms in Plato's cave, by the way.

Thanks, Cheesie. I'll check it out.

Good memory, JD. I'd venture to say he probably didn't remember Sunday school by 750 or so.

Meow, Saurkraut. Very cute. Can you leave the link to your site here, please? I misplaced it.

In other words, Ariel, crime?

Icy, Sheriff John Brown always hated me. I think I get it.

Actonbell, you must have played by the rules.

mireille said...

If justice is blind, the law is myopic. And a cynic's playground. xoxo

Minka said...

law,n. a key-holding chimpanzee outside a cage filled with a bunch of gorillas.

Franz Kafka said...

Before the law sits a gatekeeper. To this gatekeeper comes a man from the country who asks to gain entry into the law. But the gatekeeper says that he cannot grant him entry at the moment. The man thinks about it and then asks if he will be allowed to come in later on. “It is possible,” says the gatekeeper, “but not now.”

Doug said...

Mireille, I think if justice is blind, the law is an optical illusion.

Haha, Minka. And this is why the law works slowly.

Yes, yes, Franz. Your opening parable for The Trial was wonderful. I still think you could have written shorter novels.

G said...

In Judaism, you are married according to the laws of Moses and Israel, but they conveniently leave the in-laws out of the Ketubah. Smart.

tsduff said...

I like Mark Twain's musing

"If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around."
- Letter to W. D. Howells, 9/18/1875

AP3 said...

Ty Law and Lawyer Malloy used to play for the Patriots, who will go 19-0!

Doug said...

OK, G-elah, what's a Ketubah and how do I keep in-laws out of mine?

Terry, a great sentence but what did he mean?

AP3, maybe we should meet back up in March.

tsduff said...

That's the beauty of it... Twain's laws were far beyond the knowledge of mortal men.

G said...

A Ketubah is a marriage contract. Very simple - don't get married according to Jewish Law.

Next.