Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Flirtation
FLIRTATION, n. A game in which you do not want the other player's stake but stand to lose your own.
2006 Update: A harmless diversion with tragic consequences.
Doug, I'm amazed! You had well over a hundred people flirting with you in the last posts. What am I doing wrong? Maybe if I change deodorants I'd have more visitors flirting with me.
Flirtation... clever and fruitful strategy often used by a certain bohemian that renders quite the spectacular result, especially when paired with tight jeans, skimpy tops and heels... sizzlin'!
It's good to belong in the naughty section, good indeed!
And I forgot to mention that you look especially lovely today for an early-onset curmudgeon :)
I am willing to take the consequences for this one! According ti the motto:"Don´t do the crime, if you can´t do the time!" See it applies both to prison and flirting, which don´t necessarily exclude each other! ;)
FLIRTATION, n. The art of testing the waters to see if they're hot enough; of tapping Eros on the shoulder from behind, to see if he's awake. Incidences of flirtation are directly proportional to the youth, beauty, wealth, and unavailability of the object. Antonym: GLACIATION - the only form of the phenomenon known to this lexicographer.
FLIRT: to make a man feel good about himself. DATE: to sow the seeds of self-doubt. MARRY: to mature the crop; to induce the search for the means to escape the forest of his humiliation. FLIRT: to coyly flash the chainsaw, and ...
Flirtation? Hm. How to define flirtation...hm. (taps finger against chin)
Bummer on the Shark massacre, O. That was sad. So very, very sad. They flirted with the belief of going for the cup but Edmonton kicked butt. So close, yet so far.
Actonbell, I think in your case, the consequences will be untragic.
Indie, if you read them it's not me they're flirting with. Welcome to the latest singles scene for semi-couples. Maybe you should move your blog somewhere warm with palm trees.
And, Miz B, you belong there. Bohemians LOOOOOVVEEE being naughty.
TLP, I bet you can still talk your way out of a ticket. Just sayin'
Haha, Minka. You're good with a joke.
Kyahgirl, what is this cyber-flirting of which you speak?
Thank you, Minka. I'm letting my ears grow out.
Brian, if I may, the translators gift of receiving a glare with hopeful gratitude.
Karma, your place. I have guests.
Jodes, everyone who lives at the beach is. Cause or effect do you think?"
Cowgirl, is anything as expensive as nothing?
Sar, what is flirtation without mystery?
Lammy, you sweet little vixen. How's 7-ish?
Kyahgirl, I certainly bring out the most.
O Ceallaigh, so using your agricultural metaphor, the flirt is the hoe?
How very witty of you! As we all know there is no right or worng when it comes to flirting or loving, there are just consequences of your actions. When entering into a physical/emotional agreement with another human being one should always be prepared for three rings. Engagement-ring, Wedding-ring, and Suffer-ring! If you got those down to an art...flirt away!
You are so right Doug! I talked my way out of a speeding ticket in Tennessee in February. 'Course I had to tell the State Trooper that I was on my way to Scotts Hill to scatter my sister's ashes (which was true), but I did get out of the ticket.
I didn't bat my eyelashes once at him. Might have been gritting my teeth.
He wasn't handsome like you Douglas, doggie-boy. Your eyes are soooooo nice. Sweet.
Ah Doug, Tragic? Really? I don't know about that -- that's describing a brand of extreme flirting. (What about) flirtation: to take another's interest "around the block", to detect the possibility of a possibility, to try a mutual attraction on "for size."
Jenna, that still leaves me Samsonov. We have something in common. Your place or mine? Or do you only have eyes for that floppy-eared mutt?
Love life, Ms. Rowland? You lookin' at me? Look what I have to put up with with Jenna here just to get an eye bat (no relation to vampires - I hope). It's a good thing amoebae reproduce asexually.
Doug ... hoe, hoe, hoe. And you thought you could get away with that, Santa. Just don't let me catch you with Jenna rubbing your belly.
You spent three hours getting ready for the show Nothing on underneath and everybody knows Mama said wear a coat or catch your death of cold What's wrong with a little flirtation?
[Chorus:]
And then you smile at me Is that a wink I see? Did I catch your eye? Should I even try? Oh, My Margarita (Margarita) Like to meet you (Margarita) Margarita (Margarita) Think I need you (Margarita)
Take your time, dance real slow Remember that song from the radio Got your old man's, got a place to go Cause we all need a little temptation
why thank you Brian *wags appreciatively*, they are like satin to touch
(at this point, you have to really like flirting with dogs, because Kyah will begin to wiggle closer, covering you with hair and dripping drool on your feet)
Jeesh, Doug, you're missing out on an opportunity to cash in here. Most sites charge $4.99 the first minute and $1.99 each additional minute. Or so I've heard.
She's a good girl! I say in true you're a good doggie talk -rub, rub and a little back of both ears for good measure! I can flirt with dogs - don't have one, but that's just cause I flirt with the idea!
I am far to young and impressionable to be allowed around this sort of carrying on. I am shocked and appalled. Scuse me now while I go bat my eyes at some friends in a chat program.
Well I hadn't really considered the adam's apple thing...picks up picture of hubby that has been faced downward for purpose of this discussion, he may be a darker cuter Romanian Jewish version of Peter Tork
Flirting: A strategy used to seek out a potential mate. Primarly used by those incapable/unwilling (many reasons for this) to be verbally direct in matters of the heart.
Late again to the Waking Abrose chat room......party on people, never mind me in the corner winking at every dog that passes by....to no avail....I fear my flirtation technique needs work.
Thank you Doug for your good wishes. Mother is doing well and yes there are many good years left in the Saga.
Demonstrations? When do they start? We're talkin' all kinda different stuff, right? 'specially syngamy. (Don't get too clinical.) Otherwise, I'm not flirtin' in this chat room.
Douglas, you did designate this as a chat site, no? Seems to have turned into a hookup site instead.
Is it hot in here? And Kyahgirl...I don´t think so! You are not taking the host of this chatroom anywhere alone! We really have to come up with some sort of system. I get him on Saturdays and you can have him on Mondays and Karma on Sundays...it needs to be done, before we are all gonna be brawling here. Brian needs a devided fan base as well it seems. They are both just so georgeous and talented and caring and worded. Very hard to resist! And than there is the Village Idiot...I mean there are enough stunning guys around this place for us to have one each day??? I´ll put up a list later!
Wow these are some big words being thrown my way. Very big words. Too big. It's me, guys. Trollops don't do big words, we do um...*cough*. If I have to google the words to figure them out, I'm taking my flirting self elsewhere.
Anna came to play! (claps hands excitedly) Just remember, Anna, you're 25 and you can shake it.
Minka, whaddya mean I can have the dawg on Sundays? i'll have you know he's mine permanant, period. out of sheer generosity, i'll allow some harmless and occassional flirting here ... but wait a minute ... he's your brotha!
vxueznk: German for, 'vixens are useless, i think'
Wait a minute, Minka, Karma's right. I thought Doug was your brother! This has day has been a veritable orgy of surprise.
It would appear my intellectual playground has spiraled into a lascivious chatroom. So, was your update Flirtation: "A harmless diversion with tragic consequences." a definition or premonition, Doug?
Actonbell, by some oversight, ORGY isn't in Bierce's dictionary and I'm unlikely to attach it to any story I'm liable to tell. So your fine definition stands as the official Waking Ambrose Definition. In fact, let's call this your guest appearance. I can handle the frustration of flirting.
Karma, I don't think it's flirting when you bare fangs.
Pops, are you flirting with a married woman again?
A guy on the train flirted with me and then he made a phone call to ask if his buddy had the stash of good stuff then he sighed and stank like a brewery. Yes. So bad I could smell it on the seat opposite him.
Sigh. How do these guys find me?
What? No orgy?! Pfft. Just when I thought this place was getting super naughty. De-nied.
Of course I do know that youa re kidding sweety! And I seriously momentarily forgot that Doug is my bro. I really should avoid flirting, it makes all my senses go banana! Imagine if he would have acted upon it? Our own little Iceland we could create;)
76 comments:
Doug, I'm amazed! You had well over a hundred people flirting with you in the last posts. What am I doing wrong? Maybe if I change deodorants I'd have more visitors flirting with me.
Ooooweeee! This is right up my alley!
Flirtation... clever and fruitful strategy often used by a certain bohemian that renders quite the spectacular result, especially when paired with tight jeans, skimpy tops and heels... sizzlin'!
It's good to belong in the naughty section, good indeed!
Flirtation, n., How I avoided getting traffic tickets when I was young. Now, I'm very, very careful how I drive.
Flirtation is what caused Gnat's blog to be a saga.
“Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.”
Helen Rowland
FLIRTATION
The gentleman at the party, who was old enough to know better, turned to another guest, who had just paused beside him:
"Women are fickle. See that pretty woman by the window? She was smiling at me flirtatiously a few minutes ago and now she looks cold as an iceberg."
"I have only just arrived," the other man said. "She is my wife"
TLP-I sure like you, naughty AND wise! what a fun combo :-)
Your definition is good Doug, too often true.
How about for the new millenium: Cyber-flirting: v, the art of flirting in blog comments. Witnessed frequently in the blogosphere.
now, like Actonbell, I'm flirting with tardiness so must skedaddle (is that how spell it?-not sure)
Minka-loved your jokes :-)
And I forgot to mention that you look especially lovely today for an early-onset curmudgeon :)
I am willing to take the consequences for this one! According ti the motto:"Don´t do the crime, if you can´t do the time!" See it applies both to prison and flirting, which don´t necessarily exclude each other! ;)
FLIRTATION, n. The art of testing the waters to see if they're hot enough; of tapping Eros on the shoulder from behind, to see if he's awake. Incidences of flirtation are directly proportional to the youth, beauty, wealth, and unavailability of the object. Antonym: GLACIATION - the only form of the phenomenon known to this lexicographer.
Greetings from heaven!
You silly commenters... so much flirtation! GET A BLOG! I mean, go flirt on your own blog!
I'd invite you to flirt on my blog, but the comments have been disabled.
*batting eyelashes* why dougie-wougie pudding-pie, your place or mine?
very true. I am a great flirt. Ask my hubby. I have pics posted today of my brother.
Flirtation: I'm sure I have no familiarity with this word *she says sitting back, crossing her stiletto encompased, well-pampered feet*
And Doug, never did I think I'd see the day where a self-proclaimed curmudgeon would follow up 2 days of 100+ comments with the word "flirtation"!
Either you're not really a curmudgeon, or you really do like to flirt with danger, mister I HEART DANGER. ;)
Get a life, Dogface.
whoa, popping back in to see a whole lot of cyber flirting going on!
Doug, you ol' hound dog, you bring out the best in us.
Sar, I don't see how a sexy shoe like you could NOT flirt-its like your inherent nature or something-carry on :-)
Dear Ms. Rowland -
FLIRT: to make a man feel good about himself. DATE: to sow the seeds of self-doubt. MARRY: to mature the crop; to induce the search for the means to escape the forest of his humiliation. FLIRT: to coyly flash the chainsaw, and ...
:)
Flirtation? Hm. How to define flirtation...hm. (taps finger against chin)
Bummer on the Shark massacre, O. That was sad. So very, very sad. They flirted with the belief of going for the cup but Edmonton kicked butt. So close, yet so far.
(winks, blows a kiss and sashays away)
While actonbell and kyahgirl only flirt with being late to work, I am married to it.
xoxo,
Women know not the whole of their coquetry.
François Duc de la Rochefoucauld
xoxo
I think he means be careful what you wish ... in the event you actually get it.
Actonbell, I think in your case, the consequences will be untragic.
Indie, if you read them it's not me they're flirting with. Welcome to the latest singles scene for semi-couples. Maybe you should move your blog somewhere warm with palm trees.
And, Miz B, you belong there. Bohemians LOOOOOVVEEE being naughty.
TLP, I bet you can still talk your way out of a ticket. Just sayin'
Haha, Minka. You're good with a joke.
Kyahgirl, what is this cyber-flirting of which you speak?
Thank you, Minka. I'm letting my ears grow out.
Brian, if I may, the translators gift of receiving a glare with hopeful gratitude.
Karma, your place. I have guests.
Jodes, everyone who lives at the beach is. Cause or effect do you think?"
Cowgirl, is anything as expensive as nothing?
Sar, what is flirtation without mystery?
Lammy, you sweet little vixen. How's 7-ish?
Kyahgirl, I certainly bring out the most.
O Ceallaigh, so using your agricultural metaphor, the flirt is the hoe?
Jenna, this is why you're single.
Manchego, as long as you're happy.
Mireille, what would a frenchman know about it?
Dear Mr. Ceallaigh!
How very witty of you! As we all know there is no right or worng when it comes to flirting or loving, there are just consequences of your actions. When entering into a physical/emotional agreement with another human being one should always be prepared for three rings. Engagement-ring, Wedding-ring, and Suffer-ring! If you got those down to an art...flirt away!
best wishes of an active love life,
Helen Rowland
You are so right Doug! I talked my way out of a speeding ticket in Tennessee in February. 'Course I had to tell the State Trooper that I was on my way to Scotts Hill to scatter my sister's ashes (which was true), but I did get out of the ticket.
I didn't bat my eyelashes once at him. Might have been gritting my teeth.
He wasn't handsome like you Douglas, doggie-boy. Your eyes are soooooo nice. Sweet.
I am still waiting for the meds to kick in....
Flirt -- put your toes up to the edge of the pool and dance, hoping you don't fall in
Nope, the meds still haven't kicked in
I'm single because I'm waiting for you, Doug!
I shall use my feminine wiles Saturday night when I go shake my boogaloo.
Ah Doug, Tragic? Really? I don't know about that -- that's describing a brand of extreme flirting.
(What about) flirtation: to take another's interest "around the block", to detect the possibility of a possibility, to try a mutual attraction on "for size."
Idiot, may the meds not kick in, I liked that definition! Though, stilettos dancing at a poolside edge is downright precarious.
LBOS!! Are you a tease, or a flirt?
LBOS????!!!! Where? Where! xoxo
Doug ~ Why your haircuts aren't reaaaallly bad - bat of the eyelashes
Is Sar flirting with me?
Jenna, that still leaves me Samsonov. We have something in common. Your place or mine? Or do you only have eyes for that floppy-eared mutt?
Love life, Ms. Rowland? You lookin' at me? Look what I have to put up with with Jenna here just to get an eye bat (no relation to vampires - I hope). It's a good thing amoebae reproduce asexually.
Doug ... hoe, hoe, hoe. And you thought you could get away with that, Santa. Just don't let me catch you with Jenna rubbing your belly.
:)
hey, stay away, hussies, you're barking up the wrong tree! the dawg's mine
qwitbhsx: quit with the bull****, hurry with the sx
Woof Woof Karma!
Kyahgirl sent me here because the most recent post on my blog is about flirtation. Great minds, I suppose...
Thank ya kindly Cowgirl - not me! Why I'm a married woman...Doug, back to the haircuts ~
I'm gonna buy me a dog,
'Cause I need a friend now;
I'm gonna buy me a dog,
My girl, my girl don't love me nohow ...
Peter Tork lives! Mainly 'cause he's scared of going to Hell and spending all eternity watching his own reruns.
:)
mmlbpmrs - speak up Mom, I can't hear you.
No, no Karma. Today it's flirtation. Selfish was on Tuesday. ;)
O: you know you're the only one for me. So (twirls hair around finger) show me how you amoebas do this mitosis thing.
I give great belly rubs (just thought I'd put that out there...we trollops are notoriously fickle. Short attention span or something.)
I used to have a crush on Peter Tork growing up watching The Monkees - ahh silly youth.
Hey Bronwen came to visit. Hi Bronwen :-)
we're into equal opportunity, non-demoninational, cross species flirtation here. Pull up a chair!
You spent three hours getting ready for the show
Nothing on underneath and everybody knows
Mama said wear a coat or catch your death of cold
What's wrong with a little flirtation?
[Chorus:]
And then you smile at me
Is that a wink I see?
Did I catch your eye?
Should I even try?
Oh, My Margarita (Margarita)
Like to meet you (Margarita)
Margarita (Margarita)
Think I need you (Margarita)
Take your time, dance real slow
Remember that song from the radio
Got your old man's, got a place to go
Cause we all need a little temptation
why thank you Brian *wags appreciatively*, they are like satin to touch
(at this point, you have to really like flirting with dogs, because Kyah will begin to wiggle closer, covering you with hair and dripping drool on your feet)
;)
O Cealleigh & Jenna - get a room!
Brian & everyone - get a room!
Jeesh, Doug, you're missing out on an opportunity to cash in here. Most sites charge $4.99 the first minute and $1.99 each additional minute. Or so I've heard.
Who knew I had hit upon (no pun intended - I'm only flirtin") match.com!
*drools on cooper, sar, ginah, cowgirl and brian*
*dispenses a few pounds of undercoat*
*lays down and exposes the belly*
the time for flirtin' is done...come and rub my belly
So much entertainment at your place Doug! :-D
She's a good girl! I say in true you're a good doggie talk -rub, rub and a little back of both ears for good measure! I can flirt with dogs - don't have one, but that's just cause I flirt with the idea!
Ms. Rowland, bless you and thank you.
Very well, Ms. Pez. I'm going to let you go with a warning this time but be careful, I'd for you to miss one of these curves.
Ah, Brian, the point being the art of flirtation is the science of failure.
Village Idiot, and yet thirsty the whole time.
Jenna boogaloo-shaking is a good way to make the time pass, isn't it?
OK, Mutha, tell me what comes next?
Sar, only if you're trying not to fall in.
Dddragon, dead women don't flirt. Some say they tease.
Mireille, look up. No, really.
Gina, you're a married woman!
V.I. No.
O Ceallaigh, if they reproduce quietly I may convert.
Karma, but my ears are so big and floppy.
Haha, Ginah.
Welcome, Bronwen. Great minds may think alike, but the rest of us depend on statistics.
Well-mocked, Brian, and well-written. I may pretend the signal was garbled, though.
Cowgirl, *wags*
Right, Ginah, does it make me look stupid?
O Ceallaigh, if that's the first Monkees reference here, then bless you.
Jenna, my moment of glory was pretty quick, wasn't it? It usually is. Wise choice.
Gina, so you're an adam's apple gal?
Hiyya, Kyah.
Alice, you have no idea how attractive a silent wink is to me right now.
Brian, beagles are easy.
Bless you, Sar. That'll be $4.99.
Cowgirl, can you believe half these folks are married? If only we had a Christian in the White House.
Ginah, it sure wasn't what I was trying to set up.
Kyahgirl! Not in front of company! Go to your room and take Brian with you!
TS, it's usually very orderly. I'm sorry you had to see this.
Ginah, into the room with Brian and Kyahgirl. Anyone else?
I am far to young and impressionable to be allowed around this sort of carrying on.
I am shocked and appalled.
Scuse me now while I go bat my eyes at some friends in a chat program.
Well I hadn't really considered the adam's apple thing...picks up picture of hubby that has been faced downward for purpose of this discussion, he may be a darker cuter Romanian Jewish version of Peter Tork
Hey - a girl can have a little fun awright!?
What a great definition Doug!
flirtation-plumage puffing in high heels and lipstick.
Flirting: A strategy used to seek out a potential mate. Primarly used by those incapable/unwilling (many reasons for this) to be verbally direct in matters of the heart.
I dont no about harmless, but I am deffinately one of the diversin!!!!!!!!
Ok, I really can't let this go. I AM not going to my room and taking anyone with me Douglas.
Beagles may be easy but Belgians certainly are NOT!
Jenna, I'll demonstrate mitosis anytime you like. But are you sure you wouldn't prefer syngamy?
Late again to the Waking Abrose chat room......party on people, never mind me in the corner winking at every dog that passes by....to no avail....I fear my flirtation technique needs work.
Thank you Doug for your good wishes.
Mother is doing well and yes there are many good years left in the Saga.
Demonstrations? When do they start? We're talkin' all kinda different stuff, right? 'specially syngamy. (Don't get too clinical.) Otherwise, I'm not flirtin' in this chat room.
Douglas, you did designate this as a chat site, no? Seems to have turned into a hookup site instead.
Logo, so sorry to have offended you. Hey I liked your HNT post.
Nice swing, Cowgirl. Sounds Pia-like. Good job.
Gina, your husband sounds like big improvement. And, of course, in Kyah's room.
I don't know, Cowgirl. I suspect your flirtation with fun is because Trouble is your middle name.
Thanks, Masil. Yours too.
Anna, what do you mean? You like us?
Pansi, you sure are and I love the dress.
Kyahgirl, I was trying to keep drool off the couch.
O Ceallaigh, you should show her parthenogenesis. She'll love it. You know how to find her site, right?
Mo'a, try tying a porkchop to your ankle. It works for me every time.
No, TLP, I think you want Lava Life. It's down the hall to your right. I think you and Niks can register together.
Is it hot in here? And Kyahgirl...I don´t think so! You are not taking the host of this chatroom anywhere alone!
We really have to come up with some sort of system. I get him on Saturdays and you can have him on Mondays and Karma on Sundays...it needs to be done, before we are all gonna be brawling here. Brian needs a devided fan base as well it seems. They are both just so georgeous and talented and caring and worded. Very hard to resist! And than there is the Village Idiot...I mean there are enough stunning guys around this place for us to have one each day???
I´ll put up a list later!
Get a room people!
Doug- great site, found you through either shayna or cowgirl.
Wow these are some big words being thrown my way. Very big words. Too big. It's me, guys. Trollops don't do big words, we do um...*cough*. If I have to google the words to figure them out, I'm taking my flirting self elsewhere.
Anna came to play! (claps hands excitedly) Just remember, Anna, you're 25 and you can shake it.
Minka, we'll need a calendar for you too. And please schedule me a day to carb up.
Thank you Jake and welcome. Any friend of Shayna's and Cowgirl's is good people.
Jenna, it's not my fault. Someone brought up mitosis and the rest...just...happened. Anna's been here before, but always delightful.
If you do carbs and sugar, as in chocolate, then I'll take the "off day." I'm old. I won't touch you. You can trust me. I don't flirt. Much.
woof back at ya, ginah!
thanks, cowgirl!
Jenna, well said!
Doug, that was your ear? :P
Minka, whaddya mean I can have the dawg on Sundays? i'll have you know he's mine permanant, period. out of sheer generosity, i'll allow some harmless and occassional flirting here ... but wait a minute ... he's your brotha!
vxueznk: German for, 'vixens are useless, i think'
Wow. Anyway, you are all right, except you TLP. If you are old, I am old, and i refuse to be old - help me
Wait a minute, Minka, Karma's right. I thought Doug was your brother! This has day has been a veritable orgy of surprise.
It would appear my intellectual playground has spiraled into a lascivious chatroom. So, was your update Flirtation: "A harmless diversion with tragic consequences." a definition or premonition, Doug?
TLP do you trust young men who claim to be old?
Actonbell, by some oversight, ORGY isn't in Bierce's dictionary and I'm unlikely to attach it to any story I'm liable to tell. So your fine definition stands as the official Waking Ambrose Definition. In fact, let's call this your guest appearance. I can handle the frustration of flirting.
Karma, I don't think it's flirting when you bare fangs.
Pops, are you flirting with a married woman again?
Sar, clearly it was beyond my power to define.
A guy on the train flirted with me and then he made a phone call to ask if his buddy had the stash of good stuff then he sighed and stank like a brewery. Yes. So bad I could smell it on the seat opposite him.
Sigh. How do these guys find me?
What? No orgy?! Pfft. Just when I thought this place was getting super naughty. De-nied.
Jenna, I know the feeling. the only man has ever asked for my hand was dead drunk. makes me wonder what's wrong with the sober ones...
Minka knows i'm kidding, Douglas. right SIS? SIS! i'm being accused here
pwnejq: i'm just a pawn: envious, jealous and quirky
Don't feel bad, Jenna. Turns out, that's 100% of us.
Ariel, we have no brains without the bottle and our eyes are dim.
It's OK, Karma. Whatever you say, Karma. Don't bite me.
Of course I do know that youa re kidding sweety!
And I seriously momentarily forgot that Doug is my bro. I really should avoid flirting, it makes all my senses go banana! Imagine if he would have acted upon it? Our own little Iceland we could create;)
Furhter clarification on previous comment. I find flirting indirect. Hope that clears it up?:)
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