Saturday, September 09, 2006

Joe Blow!

#61, in which Doug learns that after three weeks in Australia he's still not Steve Irwin

To hear the story, Say hello to my leetle friends



Minka, you still may not want to hear the story.




To read the story, give him a bath.

This week in The Prattler, a "Reliable and Probative."


Addendum (for AP3) below

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

it is a tradition. I can hardly wait!

Anonymous said...

Ariel

Minka said...

Crikey!

puppybrose said...

oh, so now it's "DST" is it? no matter... i, too, am looking forward to this, *whenever* it finds its way to this page. besides, with teh Penguin off hopping through a marathon, it only seems fair you wouldn't have your post up until she limps back to her computer (just sayin'...)

puppybrose said...

do'h! crikey, indeed! guess i spoke too soon!

AP3 said...

Looking forward to it!

AP3 said...

WOW. You have the most amazing stories! Thank goodness that mutha -- I mean mulga -- didn't get you!!

AP3 said...

Nice Australian accent, by the way.

ariel said...

"It is preferable not to travel with a dead man."

the snake would have known if you were one. welcome! :)

ariel said...

oh and the world hate Americans for their freedom, you didn't know?

ariel said...

not anybody can hold back angry sows.

Doug said...

Ariel, Aral, Minka and Puppybrose, apologies for the delay.

Thanks, AP3. God watches over fools and children. I was around 22.

Ariel:
1. Is that from Dead Man? Great Movie. Jarmusch is a Hungarian born in Akron, Ohio so we can both claim him.
2. Yes, Ariel, there's been some talk.
3. At least no one should and then go dancing.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Whoa!

Great story. Folks, be sure to both read and listen to the story. The written tale has details not in the spoken version.

I think your boss did hate you Dougie. Those Australians. You got all the shit jobs.

ariel said...

I know he is. I have seen movies.

ariel said...

LOL @TLP

nothing like a little encouragement from mom. :)

mireille said...

How did Ariel know the world hates Americans for their freedom? She's been watching Bush's press conferences, hasn't she? HASN'T SHE?????

And the face of the mulga bears a striking (get it?) resemblance to our leopard gecko Alphonse.

I love hearing how you've escaped dire circumstances all over the world, seeing as how you're a natural man and country boy an' all. xoxo

QuillDancer said...

We must now change your title to: Doug the Dawg, Idiot Australian Snake Wrangler

You do know why the snake didn't bite you? He recognized that your boss, an even bigger snake, already had you in his fangs.

Joel said...

i hate snakes.

Joel said...

...that said...great story Doug! I would have been out of the pit at first sight of the spider.

Sar said...

*not officially back from blog break, Sar tries to tip toe in, but quickly realizes walking on tip toes in stilettos is in fact redundant and winds up clickety clacking anyway*

Even though this story was really well told (you're right about the written version, TLP) and had me laughing, I'm not so sure this qualifies as an I Heart Danger story, Doug. I mean it's not like you hitchhiked with the deadly snake.

*tiptoes off exit stage left...clickety clack...*

I.M. Dedd said...

I have the creeps.

Of course, I had them before I stopped by here...

puppybrose said...

joel hates snakes. and he absolutely would have been out of the ditch after the spider encounter (how was i to know he'd beat me to a comment? and how was i to know he'd say what i was gonna say?)

great story, i'm sure your mother's going to love it. and then she's going to beat you senseless for once again putting yourself in such danger while on that Austrailian walk-about. but *then* she's going to realize it's too late, and she'll tell you she's sorry and bake you a kiwi pie or some such thing. but, trust me, she's never going to rest easy again. crikey! how could you do that to your poor mom?

oh, and who wound up killing that snake? (because i'm just sure someone did)

puppybrose said...

by the way, your experiece with those "angry angry sows" explains a lot about your "early onset curmudgeonliness". (just sayin'...)

Jenna Howard said...

eek!! Spiders!!

SNAKES!!!

Crikey indeed!!

dddragon said...

Serpentine: your journeys around the world, eh?

I have a feeling that you and Steve Irwin would have had fun together.

G said...

Wow I was in such suspense over the snake...then it dawned on me - "he writes a blog, he lived". haha

See, nobody ever explained that little nursery song to me until now:

Kookaberra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum drops he can see
Laugh Kookaberra, laugh Kookaberra
Save a few for me.

As I have asserted before - always an education.

puppybrose said...

Gonna tell a story, mornin' glory, all about the Serpentine Fire...

(great song by a GREAT band...)

ariel said...

lol, Dragon, I can picture Steve explaining Doug in his own special way, 'Isn't it a beauty? Now I am closing it, VEEEEEEERY dangerous, you Doug stay there and watch me.' And Doug nods and stays, his left hand in his pocket, and holds up a black mamba in his right hand. 'And what to do to this one, Steve?'

QuillDancer said...

Doug,

Excuse me, I have a head cold and am a little slow today, so it took hours -- and a bit of googling -- for me to pull this together. Were you Doug before you went into the pit? I ask only because yesterday's post was Greek Mythology and today's is snakes, which brought to my mind Teiresias (the googling was because I could not remember his name).

brian said...

I think the comments are more dangerous here than the story! LOL

Thanks Doug for commenting on my 9/11 tribute to Gilbert. I have collected over 50 tribute posts in my comments thus far. I am trying to read as many as I can through Monday.

As for the story, ignorance is bliss was never truer.

Have a great weekend in Elysium. :)

Doug said...

TLP, I'm pretty sure you're not wrong.

Ariel, sometimes you have to just let a man think he's smart.

Isn't he cute, Mireille? How could that little fella be dangerous?

Quilldancer, in my name the "Idiot" is silent.

Thanks, Joel. I admire a man with common sense. I never had a whit.

Sar, that was an awfully fine comment. Enjoy your break, but be sure you're missed.

Iggy, I was one provocation from your profession. Great to see you here, friend.

Puppy, Mom's in Argentina. Shhhhh.

Jenna, you must be loving that I can't quote from your story.

Dddragon, it might have worked. We're opposite kinds of goofball.

G, I was humming that song this morning. I've had the same experience by the way. Oh my, what will become of our narrator?

Puppy, can we get the 411?

Hahahaha, Ariel! Thanks.

Quilldancer, I could be hippocrates. By the way, you're going to marry your father.

Brian, I'm not quite dead yet.

AP3 said...

Hey, nice with the addendum!

QuillDancer said...

Doug, for something "silent" it sure makes a lot of noise.

AND, according to my students I HAVE married my father. Upon my divorce I took my maiden name back, but the kids insist upon calling me Mrs.

puppybrose said...

Earth, Wind and Fire ~ 1977 (i'm guessing you were never big on disco, Dundee.)

am i delirious, or did you change the title of the story?

Logophile said...

Wow,
so glad you didn't over react.

shayna said...

Note to Self: if I am ever with Doug in the "wilderness" don't trust him about his knowledge of snakes...

ariel said...

especially when he tells you to kiss his little friend...

Doug said...

Ta, Aral!

Hahaha, Quilldancer. You should have seen me at my meeting, yesterday. That was some noisy idiot. How's mom?

Puppybrose, I turned 10 that year but I love EWF. Best horn section in silk pajamas ever. And yes, when I recorded the song I originally meant to tell (the typed up version) there were three tasks but the recording was six minutes long and that seemed like a lot to expect people to sit through so I shortened the story and changed the title. "Joe Blow" was I what I thought the Kiwi called the snake. Don't listen to Ariel. She's a trouble-maker.

Yes, Logo. It's all about perspective. It could have been 10 asps.

Shayna, if you're with me in a North American wilderness, I think you'll be alright. In truth, though, some (most) lessons I'm slow to learn. When my mom last visited I used the phrase "just a harmless little garden snake" again.

Ariel!

QuillDancer said...

You refered to your mother as a harmless garden snake? Oh, my.

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child! William Shakespeare

Kyahgirl said...

Geez Doug. I don't know what to say. I'm beginning to get the idea that there is some kind of divine intervention going on in your life. You're like Dr. Doolittle and St. Patrick all rolled up into one.
Life must seem incredibly dull these days.

tell us what went through your head when you realized the significance of your find....

Jamie Dawn said...

There's this guy that's working on our house who finds great delight in picking snakes up by their tails. He does this with cottonmouths and copperheads. I think he's nuts!

At least you weren't trying to be stupid on purpose.

I'd say your snake identifier is a little off.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

You know, it's small wonder that you believe in God. What with you being saved so often.

But, someone like me wonders why, if there's a god, he/she/it put snakes, spiders, etc. on earth. Was it just to creep me out? Just askin'. Please get back to me soonest on that. Those spiders. They're everywhere this year.

Doug said...

Well done, Quilly! Mom if you're reading this I didn't. Perfect quote, though.

Kyahgirl, I can't tell you what I thought immediately after without breaking one of my blog traditions, but the next thought was probably "This will make a funny story some day."

At last, Jamie Dawn, someone I can call an idiot. I'm misty.

TLP, so I could entertain you. What joy is there in not being bitten by a bunny rabbit?

G said...

Ariel - That may be the boldest and best comment that I've read in these here pages!

What Doug, she gave very good advice.

ariel said...

for TLP: "The Creator of the Universe had put a rattle on its tail. The Creator had also given it front teeth which were hypodermic syringes filled with deadly poison..." Sometimes I wonder about the Creator of the Universe." (Vonnegut)

thanks, G!

QuillDancer said...

So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”
Genesis 3:14-15

O Ceallaigh said...

Doug, I can relate. I was in Oz in 1984-85, and having also learned the rules for distinguishing between venomous and non-venomous snakes in North America, I naively (but cautiously) inquired about the vipers of Victoria. (I was in Melbourne).

Thus I learned about tiger snakes and their kin, including the mulga (which doesn't get into Victoria, I guess). All of which are cobras without hoods. And look like all the innocent garters and racers and kingsnakes of home.

Thank gourds I didn't have to learn the hard way ...

Never learned enough Maori to translate "Joe Blow" ... if indeed it wasn't straight Kiwi English.

Anonymous said...

yeah, i thought the most dangerous snake in Australia was the Black Tiger snake but maybe it was because of where I lived.

I was never fond of snakes I'm not sure how apt they are to negotiate when you piss them off.
I'm happy you were spared - for greater things - this blog for instance. ;0
No forked tongue I promise.

. ;)

Minka said...

I feel they´re on me, take them off right NOW!

I just can't force my mouse-arrow to touch these "who shall not be named" thingies...

I´ll make Mom write me a note, to excuse me from this weekend´s lesson!

Doug said...

G, never mind.

Ariel, is that from Sirens of Titan?

Quilldancer, I'm awfully lucky to have found a pagan snake, huh?

Thanks, O Ceallaigh. Actually, I'm sure it was "Strine" slang because later on the Kiwi told another guy working nearby "Doug met old Joe Blow" and the other guy looked at me and said "Yeah? A Mulga?" I'm just not sure if I have the letters right. If this had all happened half a year later before I left I'd have understood but I was still catching up with the vowel migration at that point. I don't know the Maori spoke Maori, I just couldn't remember his name and wanted to distinguish between he and Kenny.

Cooper, is that you with the forked tongue?

Minka, you're excused. I thought this might not be a story you'd appreciate.

QuillDancer said...

The snakes suddenly have feathers ... my temperature must be higher than I thought ... going back to bed now.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

For Ariel: I just read Vonnegut's A Man Without a Country. He says a lot of funny things. (For the rest of you, I'm not crazy: this book is A Man..., not Edward Everett Hale's THE Man, etc. Okay so I am crazy...)

ariel said...

man of good sense of humour and no illusions.

Doug, that is from Breakfast Of Champions, his only book I have in English.

cheesemeister said...

Awww, aren't they cute?
Doug, I'm glad you're not Steve Irwin. Otherwise you would be joining us here in the Netherworld!I think Steve had nine lives, however, and he just used up his last one!
Many of my friends in the Netherworld are happy to have him on board!

cooper said...

always

Doug said...

Quilly, it's a natural evolution. Grow with us.

TLP, that book's on my shelf. Given time today it will make perfect 9/11 reading. I've given all the piety I had to offer, which wasn't much.

Ariel, I should have guessed. That was the first of Vonnegut's books I read, too. I think I found it on my parent's shelf when I was hungry. Over the next two years I read all his novels published to that date.

Cheesemeister, when you see him, tell him g'day mite from me.

Alice, thought so :)

Minka said...

awww............so cute. I LOVELOVE LOVE evolution now:)

I am thankful for many things :
a) that you changed the pictures *shivers*
b) that you tried to protect me from this story until this morning. Escaped a nightmare!
c) there was a turtle in there. I love turtles.

My eyes are spitting venom at you for utter stupidity! ´ I can tell venomous snakes from graden-crawlers´...my a**!
100.000 spermcells and you were the fastest? Miracles do happen...as your life continues to show!
*looks furious*

Anonymous said...

pretty snakes are gone.

Anonymous said...

Ariel

Doug said...

Minka, I think I used all my intelligence up in the first 10 centimeters.

Ariel, they're still on Doug Drones On.

tsduff said...

Aha! You thought because it didn't have the triangular rattlesnake head you were in the clear! You crack me up - and I admire your willingness to face all of those creatures - especially the centipede. Those creep me out a little bit too. I LOVE your Kookabura pics.

Doug said...

Terry, I knew a zoologist would understand or at least be understanding. I wanted to tell you, I hiked along with a scrub jay yesterday on the ridge above my home.

tsduff said...

You must have been walkin REALLY slowly for the jay to keep up (they have little legs)

Doug said...

He flew, the dogs hopped and I lumbered.