Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Mad Chemist of Calgary

Story #62, in which a soft-spoken scientist takes her revenge.

To hear the story, ask the chemist if she takes cream.

For the silent version, ask Maria if anything's the matter.

This week in The Prattler, "Restoration."


ariel said...

I was just going to suggest to make bets if there will be a story or a note of a story to come first today, and look, here's the story. maybe next Saturday...

ariel said...

it's very funny, I laughed so much. and listened to the last speech several times. hoh, daddy!

Kyah, you rock!!

Anonymous said...

I like the way that you included Kyahgirl and "simply said". The chemistry story was really funny, especially the part when the guy said that they were all women.

Thanks for the story.


G said...

Kyah for Prime Minister! That was a great story, something to inspire us on to violin school this early am. I loved this on so many levels and had a smile on my face from the first line.

Then again, I expect nothing less from a story about my bud Kyahgirl.

dddragon said...


Yes, Kyah for PM! (no pun intended)

shayna said...

Wooo Hooo... LOL! I need a great laugh... thank you!

puppybrose said...

HOORAY for Kyahgirl!! this story was absolutely FABULOUS! (not unlike your muse for this tale.) i started laughing the minute i saw "Calgary, suburban United States of America"... oh, and a pink fizzy concoction that smells of roses? perfecto.

i'd say more... but, well, it doesn't seem right. instead i think i'll go back for another listen. Thank you, kind-yet-curmudgeonly sir, for such a wonderful start to the weekend!

G tell Talimuffin i think her new moniker is *beyond* adorable

Doug said...

Ariel, I should have taken that bet. Thanks.

Talimuffin? Oh boy. And thanks :)

G, I'm glad you enjoyed it. You two have fun at violin school. Did you remember rosin?

Thanks, Dddragon.

You're welcome, Shayna, and thank you.

Thanks, Puppybrose. I agree, "Talimuffin" is well past cute.

Anonymous said...

I loved the story...kinda. Yay! Kyah!

You mention MY city but NOT me? Sigh.

This pink fuzzy concoction sounds an awful lot like the Tab Energy drink. Pink. Fizzy. Made me talk and talk and talk.

Vinegar and castor oill *snicker*

Logophile said...

I read the print version and when I got to the end I knoew I was going to have to hear it too.
So I rummaged around for headphones and got the whole thing set up just so I could hear Doug say,
"Hoh, daddy!"
It was worth it.
Fabulous story about my absolutely fabulous Canadian twin.
Tiramisu for breakfast, mmmm.

Jamie Dawn said...

Excellent story! VERY funny.

Hooray for Kyahgirl!!!!!!!!!!

Creating messes, then cleaning them up, that describes politics today, except that they take a much longer time and a whole lot more money to find solutions for those messes.

The weather is very nice here today, and estrogen makes the world go 'round.

QuillDancer said...

Thank you so much for sharing Kyah's story, Doug. It is wonderfully funny informative all at once. I am thinking that there's a lady where I work who must have been visiting Calagry that day. She stayed only long enought to drink the water, but never received the antidote.

Castor oil and vinegar, you say? I'll drop some in her coffee cup on Monday. Even if it doesn't shut her up, at least it will keep her in the bathroom so my friends and I can eat our lunches in peace.

Don't worry, Doug, I'll be very discrete about where I learned the antidote -- unless, of course, I get caught.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

You've outdone yourself! VERY funny.

mireille said...

I tell you the problem is estrogen! Could this BE any more perfect??? I submit to you, it CANNOT!!! Not only is it about Kyahgirl's ability to change the world, but SHE ALSO INCLUDED A DRAM OF ROSE OIL!!! It doesn't get any better. WHAT A STORY!!! Doug, every time I think you've bested yourself, there you go and DO IT AGAIN!!! I love this, absolutely love it. *quick, hand me the antidote* ♥ to you and Kyahgirl! xoxo

Doug said...

Not mention you? Jenna, you were the intern from Lega. That's a very important role.

Logo, glad you enjoy ed the "Hoh, Daddy" Who would have guessed Kyah was the evil twin.

Thanks, Jamie Dawn, and you're right about the role of government. I'm surprised NIH hasn't invented yammergenasone to treat hyperpoliteness disorder.

It's absolutely worth a shot, QUilldancer.

Thanks, TLP.

1 flask, coming right up, Mireille. xoxo

Minka said...

I think listening to the story is an absolute must. You are coming out of your shell...any chance you´ve been drinking water imported from the Rocky Mountains?
I loved the different voices, your attempt at foreigner´s speeches and the story itself. The odd eclamations where a riot too.
Can´t wait to see what Kyahgirl is gonna say when she sees this :)

Kyahgirl said...

My own story?? Thank you, thank you, that really made my day. ♥ I always wondered who stole that picture of me in the lab :-)

Its kind of ironic that you made me part of the 'peace and quiet party' when I made more comments here yesterday than I have in months! I must have accidentally ingested a bit of yammergenasone while I was synthesizing it!
The rose oil is a nice touch and Casper is honoured to be included....I especially liked 'and Casper was still chattering away with a strange look on his face' you've capture 'dog bafflement' to a T.

I know you've said before that you don't like to listen to yourself Doug but I sure do!

Look at me yammering away here..I'll stop now. Thanks again. I loved it! xoxo

Doug said...

Thanks, Minka, and nothing brings a shy boy out of his shell like having it pointed out to him. But I'm happy you're enjoying it.

There she is! Hey, Kyah! What's more ironic is that I wrote this midweek and since then not only did you make more comments than usual and put up your shipwreck post but yesterday even threatened to take over this site by describing the weather. Honest to Betsy the similar line in the story was already there.

Mistress Anna said...

Blah Blah Nag Nag LOL.

Kyahgirl said...

oh Doug, I have no doubt its that dog telepathy happening again :-)

ariel said...

hey Doug, for a shy boy you are pretty out of your shell on Waking Ambrose. keep it up, I am bringing some lemon...

FelineFrisky said...

Marvelous! Bravo, take a bow! Story is excellant, characters wonderful - but the story telling, Doug - just too much, have i used fantastic yet? D

brian said...

Natter, yammer, gobbledygook. You know Doug, great story as usual, but I can't but wonder. Since almost all your audience is women, don't you think you should treat them with more respect??

I mean come on, women don't run on... Feline!!! Will you be quiet, I am trying to listen to this story!

ariel said...

"Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?" (No Doubt, Bathwater)


Miz BoheMia said...

Oooh! Cackling? A Kyahgirl after my own heart FO SHO! FO SHO!

Oh Ariel! Funny how you should say that as Loverboy and I were just discussing that yesterday! You are funkified lady! FUNKIFIED!

Y hermano... tu historia, precioso!!!

mireille said...

You know, Doug. Brian's right. There's many, many women in your base. Maybe you should start playing to it. Already. Heh. xoxo

Joel said...

Great story Doug and a fine choice of central character! Go get'em Kyahgirl!

Doug said...

;-), Mistress Anna

Must be, Kyah. I'm thinking bone, you?

Castor oil, please, Ariel.

Aw, thanks Diane.

Brian, we should have never left the caves, brother.

Ariel, it's a good question. I hope no-one ever answers it.

Come siempre, querida Hermana, gracias.

Because, Mireille, then I'd have to charge. XOXOXO

Thanks, Joel. No one does evil lilke Kyahgirl.

Anonymous said...

I'm the intern? Sweet!

brian said...

Hi Doug
get up now
out of cave
angry women
say bad things
take out trash
mow lawn
must flee

ariel said...

LOL Brian! but that poem is unfinished. how it went after that? pretty please? :)

Minka said...

brian, Feline sure runs a tigth ship!
*hands him some water ...donæt worry it´s been tested!"

Minka said...

Oh, I forgot to say...lovely Sunday morning to you all!

O Ceallaigh said...

Michael Crichton is quaking in his boots ...


AP3 said...


We ♥ kyahgirl!

Doug said...

Jenna, you bet.

Brian, they'll never take me alive.

Ariel, I hear barbecue was invented.

Happy Sunday to you, Minka!

O Ceallaigh, he should be. I think he got the written version of yammergenasone.

We sure do, AP3.

cooper said...

super story

your wit never fials to astound me

Anonymous said...

"fial" in Hungarian means farrow or litter but we use it with money too, like someone's forints fial well.


Doug said...

Thanks, Cooper. It astounds me when I'm witty, too.

Ariel, I did not know that, somehow. Here I thought Cooper had made a typo. Turns out she was just blending in perfect Hungarian. I'm not surprised.