Friday, March 30, 2007

Calamity

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

2007 Update: Any result favored by probability, predicted by history, consistent with common sense but contradictory to the pride of the wagerer or idle spectator.

25 comments:

Joel said...

First?

pia said...

uh, the dreaded second place unless anybody has gone before me and after Joel

This is a calamity, but not as big as the one I just heard on the radio where Suffolk County (Long Island) is trying to ban ear and tongue piercing. I don't think they meant ear piercing unless the actual orifice as that would be a calamity of the highest order.

the amoeba said...

You mean, like Katrina, Doug?

CALAMITY, n. Mollusc mutual admiration socie ... Who put that extra A in there?!?

OK, OK, I'll go back to writing my seminar now ...

quilly said...

calamity what the amoeba is headed for if he doesn't learn to sleep when the rest of the people in whatever time zone he's occupuing does!

The Old Mule said...

Calamity: an event usually born of a wo(man) and some great idea.

Mutha said...

Does it involve a clam?

quilldancer said...

calamity a committee of mollusks

or

calamity a food spill in a seafood restaurant

What can I say, Spring Break begings at 3:36 p.m. and I am just a little giddy!

IDiveAtNight said...

Doug, I like your 2007 updated version. But honestly, does calamity get used in our modern world? Except for old-timey folk transported from the past, of course.

Although, teachers with poor grammar could be thought of as a calamity. Regardless of what other people does. :-P

amity said...

you called?

Miz BoheMia said...

Calamity... to be dragged out all the way to Barcelona to meet a supposed businessman who happens to be a fat mobster who is quite interested in using us as money laundering biatches (I added an a! That ain't cussin'!) who had previously promised a speedy transaction and a workable deal but who has reneged and wants us to join the dark side and so no go because we prefer the light, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder you know (SAD), and so yeah... house not sold I tell you but we did visit Gaudi's Casa Batllo and WOOH I say... WOOOOHOO!

Precioso!

Wait... what were we talking about again?

The Old Mule said...

Miz B: estoy de acuerdo - me encanta la obra de Gaudi..and that Casa B takes the clams out of calamity.

quilly said...

Morgan -- what is it you be implying? Suggesting be you that my grammar are less than perfect? Careful least somes calamity find you.

puppybrose said...

in keeping with the "clam" theme...

Calamity: "Universal" chowder.

what can i say? i had totally planned to go for something more "calm"-opposite, like, maybe, "Buddha in a blender", but that didn't seem right...

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Puppy, I love the "Buddha in a blender" line. But it's not exactly calming.

First thing I thought of was Calamity Jane and Doris Day. Boy. My shit is old. That movie was made in 1953...none of you kids was born yet.

puppybrose said...

TLP: *I* was born by then, missy. and i'll go ya one better (anything you can do, right?? heh) -- i thought about Calamity Jane (aka Martha Jane Canary-Burke) from the movie AND from Deadwood (sigh. some of us will never get over that show's cancellation...)

not only do i remember Doris Day, i can still sing all the songs... by the way, as it happens, her co-star Howard Keel was from my neck o' the California woods (jest sayin'...)

oh, and you absolutely got my "Buddha in a Blender" concept -- if that doesn't seem calamitous, i don't know what does. Ohm... ohm... ohmigod.... aieeeee!

AsianSmiles said...

For some, it is used to describe divorce. Yet for the smarter ones, it is used to describe marriage.

The Old Mule said...

Puppybrose! I mean what happened to Deadwood? That was the greatest show. I never watch the tube, but I was glued to those episodes. Man oh man.

Tom & Icy said...

The person who can laugh at their own calamity has found the true meaning of happiness

ariel said...

my little wise white dog! it's a hard lesson but makes you invincible.

Doug said...

Ironic, isn't it, Joel?

Pia, sometimes the response is worse than the calamity, isn't it? Or always.

No, Amoeba, I mean like Anderson Cooper reporting Katrina. The first of several clam jokes, you're a pioneer.

Well, Quilly, that's a calamity of a much higher magnitude than a fifth grade teacher mixing plurals and singulars.

Mule, I have to particularly admire your parentheses placement.

Mutha: A clam, a claim or a calm usually.

Morgan, the concept gets overused. I'm pretty sure the word is still relevant even if its obsolete. I hear you about the teachers. And people wonder why I can't write.

Neva, you geek!

Well, Miz B, every cloud has a silver filigree, often shaped like a beehive or tree root.

Mule, mi madre fui a las casas Gaudis y yo recibé solamente este blog estupido.

Quilly, I'm sure he mean a different teacher.

Neva, now you're over my head.

TLP, and none of us properly appreciate Doris Day. But we appreciate you.

Haha, Neva. Thanks for circling back for me.

Asian Smiles, thank you. That puts me in the smarter set for once. And it's good to see you back.

Mule, you just described my position exactly. Thirteen times/annum there was something on tv I wanted to watch. Now, it's Monk reruns and sour beer.

Icy, those are the words I've lived my life by. Avoiding calamity not being an option.

Ariel, well-put too.

Minka said...

calamity, n. when you wake up and you can't find the coffee filters, so you settle for tea...look at the stove and realize you have no clue how to operate it. And everybody who could help is unconcious, out of the vicinity or having a laugh!

*curls up in a corner and sobs, glares defyingly at the world at large*

IDiveAtNight said...

I just wanted to post this comment so I could repeat the phrase "Buddha in a blender". Priceless!!!

Minka, didn't you go to university? I thought we all learned there how TP could substitute for coffee filters?

blue man said...

Calamity - Nickname of famous Old West performer, of German orgin, from her unusual choice of drink with specific shell fish.

Doug said...

Minka, that sounds terribly traumatizing. You poor penguin.

Morgan, that's a fine, fine phrase and excellent advice.

Welcome, Blue Man. I had no idea that Jane was a clamato girl, but it isn't surprising.

Doug said...

And, Blue Man, are you B.E?