Saturday, November 06, 2010

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil F├╝nfundneunzig
To hear Actonbell read the final episode, gather up before the angel.

Or, you can read this episode among the Wisteria.

The whole kit and caboodle can be downloaded here.
This episode also concludes Waking Ambrose, with gratitude and appreciation for all of you who have participated and made this site so much fun for such a long time. Thank you all. Be well and be in touch.

TRANSFER, n. The opportunity to board a different wrong train.

Friday, November 05, 2010


DEPOSIT, n. A charitable contribution to the support of a bank.

2010 Update: A portion of there allocated to the establishment of a new here.

Thursday, November 04, 2010


DEFAULTER, n. An important officer in a bank, who commonly adds to his regular functions the duties of cashier.

2010 Update: A restitutionary revolutionary. The median American.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Advice to my nephew, Eamon, on the day after his third birthday

Mama's fine, don't mind the cracks
But watch where you put your feet.
A life is led in countless steps
And strangers you will meet.
Each one's a home and family
Each is a trap to bind your toes
Every place you go's somewhere you'll leave
And every path, to one more flows.
Nod your head at the lunatic
Hide yawns below the preacher
Hold the door for every girl your age
Whether you're glad to reach her.
Laugh with anyone who strikes you funny
Cry with everyone pathetic
Let every dream a dreamer shares
Be your own soul's diuretic.
For everything you say and write,
Each and every word
Will sound to you like heaven's voice
And to Uncle Doug, absurd.
Keep your feet beneath you-
Your day has come at last-
Keep one eye open, one hand held out,
And waddle forward to your past.

CORNY, adj. Avuncular

Tuesday, November 02, 2010


DEFAME, v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

2010 Update: To martyr without slaying, a shameful waste of piety.

And happy birthday to Eamon!

Monday, November 01, 2010


DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
A leaf was riven from a tree,
"I mean to fall to earth," said he.

The west wind, rising, made him veer.
"Eastward," said he, "I now shall steer."

The east wind rose with greater force.
Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course."

With equal power they contend.
He said: "My judgment I suspend."

Down died the winds; the leaf, elate,
Cried: "I've decided to fall straight."

"First thoughts are best?" That's not the moral;
Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel.

Howe'er your choice may chance to fall,
You'll have no hand in it at all.
2010 Update: To offer destiny a consideration.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Vierundneunzig
To hear TLP read this week's story, click on the angry man.

Or, you can read this episode with the adolescent novice at left.

The story so far is here.

And happy birthday to my separated-at-birth sister and TLP's separated-at-birth daughter.

Friday, October 29, 2010


PILLORY, n. mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction- prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

2010 Update: v.t. To redistribute disdain. To shield a pig with a goat.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians — who are Hogmies.

2010 Update: An economical race that grows smaller than the rest of its species. An individual smaller than the rest of its race may be known as a RUNT, BIGFELLA or GOSSIP.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Social Network

This world's become a narrow one,
A billion-thronged bar,
Where strangers meet for folly and fun,
Like clowns meet in a car.
There's little I can give or take,
Hear me now, old dudes,
You can't get from a bull or drake
But cowboy songs and attitudes.
I'm not too sure I like this world
(And wasn't so sure, then)
But now we can corral ourselves
Without need of a pen.

CORRESPONDENCE, n. An incursion by breeze, at times preferable to a siege.