Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Special Guest Dddragon

Today's special guest, fresh from a birthday and the reinternment of her daughters is Dddragon! (Aka Alled Mickey Mouse Pez.)

Dragon defined for us:
Animation, n. 1. A profession for people who don't want to ever grow up.
2. The industry whose philosophy is "If one picture is worth a thousand words, 24 drawings per second are worth thousands of dollars each."
3. The Art that Walt Made Acceptable.

Above, an animation storyboard by Dddragon

About Dddragon: Dddragon is a rennaisance woman in an era that's gone back further. She is a graduate of Penn State University and CalArts in Santa Clarita, California, the land of kings. She excels as an artist and muralist and, as we see above animator. What's more, she's raising two extraordinary girls, Goa'uld (aka Tak Simba Pez) and Bookworm (aka Haras Pickachu Pez,) whose developmental needs Dddragon exploits to go camping with other grown women. All of that is impressive but the ace kicker is the woman can grill an egg in its shell. I've seen pictures. Dddragon is also a conscripted band booster, a Church volunteer and an education student. In addition and to our benefit, she writes and illustrates a great weblog filled with art and thought and the creativity that comes with both. Recent posts on her site reveal that she's consulting a team of experts to investigate her sleep deprivation.

About the Pezes, part II: The first family of my blogosphere, the Pezes are the rare family composed coherently of diverse characters. They're all so different and so close that when you read all of their sites, and I do daily, it's like reading The Adams Chronicles and watching The Addams Family at the same time. For the record, I'm still hoping to add Bookworm, Actonbell, and Tan Lucy to my list of future guest lexicographers. No pressure. The names are all linked here so you can conveniently leave comments on their sites. Just sayin'.

How to be a special guest: Just leave a comment below or send me an email at dpascover @ and I'll add you to the list. Just please make sure I have your email address. Immediately after posting the Wednesday guest post, I'll email the next person on the list with a word to define. I ask for the definition no later than the next Saturday. And please, no profanity. I'm very sensitive.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Destiny, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure.

2005 Update: Doom in high heeled shoes.

Note, I turned on that verifier thingy. I don't like it so complain if you don't either.

Monday, August 29, 2005


Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

2005 Update: The day of the week on which labor begins and ambition ends.

Happy Birthday to Dddragon!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

All The Better

Story #7: In which Walela revises an old fairytale and tragedy is easily averted.

wolf_spying_on_little_red_riding_hood_md_clr To hear the story, warn Little Red Riding Hood.

To read the story, feed the wolf: wolf_howl_at_moon_md_clr

This story will be cross-posted at Doug Drones On.

The Waking Ambrose Podcast which repeats the audio version of these stories is now available as a free subscription through iTunes.

Friday, August 26, 2005


Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

2005 Update: The process of mining, manufacture and marketing vices in exchange for the satisfaction of our own.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Adipose, adj. Fat, ragged and saucy.

2005 Update: Untaxable.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

Today, I'm proud to have a contribution from my Uncle Mike, the first member of my birth family to play here. Uncle Mike offers the following definitions for Avarice:
Above, Mike's Brain on Drugs

Avarice, n. The presupposition of intelligence by a blithering idiot.

Avaricious, adj. Dark, creepy with no redeeming value. Presidential.

About Mike: You mean besides he's my Uncle? Mike was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio attended Ohio State University and is a Vietnam-era veteran of the United States Army. Mike has two sons, my cousins Brian and Robey, a daughter-in-law, Joanne and two Grandsons, Connor (via Brian) and Forest (via Robey.) He also has two nephews and a niece, but the less said about them the better if you know what I mean. Over his career he has been a salesman, roofing estimator and now is in the video distribution business. Put his resume with mine and we're the Village People.

Mike moved to California from Cincinnati (with a stop in Boulder) right after we came from Illinois and our families have been close, especially during the early 80s. Mike is a huge Rock n' Roll fan and some of my favorite memories come from a time when my family had moved 20 miles but kept me in the same school. Uncle Mike drove me in every morning and used to challenge me to name the artist for every song that came on the radio. I'm still pissed I didn't get "Eddie Money," by the way.

This Space Can be Yours: To write a future Wednesday definition, please either leave a comment below or send me an email at dpascover @ gmail dot com. When your turn comes, I will send you an email Wednesday with a word not in Bierce's dictionary. I'll ask that you write a definition and return it with a graphic by the following Saturday for posting tje following Wednesday. If you notify me by comment, I will need a working email address to contact you by.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Mouth, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

2005 Update: A conduit for the blessings of poetry, food and bile.

Monday, August 22, 2005


Senator, n. The fortunate bidder in an auction of votes.

20005 Update: 1. n. A legislative aide to the Executive Branch.
2. n (barely.) A diasporic chieftan who guides the party by announcing whether the course followed seems to have been clockwise or counterclockwise.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Battle of Bullfrog Meadow

Announcing a whole new way to "enjoy" these stories
In order to resolve technical problems, I will now be storing the stories on One result: The saturday stories are now a podcast. How cool is that?
I don't know, either.

Story #6, In which Doug and Craig learn proper roping etiquette.

To hear the story, click on Doug circa 1987.

To read the story, click on Craig as he appears today:

Note, I'm having technical problems recording which is why there's static and poor delivery this week and problems with hosting so previous weeks' stories are probably down temporarily. Hopefully I'll be well by Saturday.

Today's Story will be cross-posted on Doug Drones On.

Friday, August 19, 2005


Brahma, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva -- a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese, are holy and learned men who are never naughty.

2005 Update: A creative deity remembered in India, a nation of a billion souls adhering to countless religions in dozens of languages who have nonetheless become one people through a shared history of colonization. Esp. of Canada, the Caribbean and British Isles and the Internet.

Happy Birthday, Sonia!
(And apologies, somehow Bierce left out Guru Nanak Dev Ji)

Pansi's Audiobiography is now on Doug Drones On. Due to technical issues, the Saturday Storytelling may miss this week.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


Pessimism, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

2005 Update: The product of faith in one's clairvoyance, hope for one's neighbors and the charity of including oneself in the damnation imagined.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

Ave Caesar, Ave Indeterminacy! Indeterminacy offers the following definitions for this weeks guest-post. Showing off his chops, he gives us definitions for two words.

Expatriate, n. 1. A man who carries his country around with him in his head, rather than walking around in it with his feet.
2. A man whose mental state is dependent on the rate of exchange between the currency of the native country with the currency of the host country, decided finally by which of the two he's paid in.

Atonal, adj. A type of music for the deaf, or those suddenly wishing they were.

About Indeterminacy: Indeterminacy's website, The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy is patterned after work by Carl Jung and John Cage, two intellectual giants who are therefore beyond my scope to discuss. On his site, Indie, as his friends and family call him, posts a found photo for which he writes a flash fiction companion story. He then invites readers to write their own stories for the same picture. On weekends he asks readers to write their stories before he posts his. Reader entries for the weekend are posted up front on another site of his Indeterminacies of Synchronicity. Once a month (on average,) Indie choses a prizewinner for the best submission who receives an 8"x10" of Indie's own photography. Or so I've heard.

Indie, with his wife also have created a Polish Language version of his site which features fascinating patterns of letters.

Indie married a muse (and it shows) and has one son. He has lived in Germany since the 1980s.

I'll confess I think The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy is an absolutely brilliant accomplishment. Built from photography, spontaneity, literature and interactivity, The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy sets the standard for this new medium as an art form. It's where I first refer anyone who wants to know what a weblog is. The fact that his writing is terrific helps. His stories are fantastical and the last line is regularly astonishing.

Three of my favorite stories are here, here, and here.

In honor of the two influences that Indie cites, I am concluding this biography with a song I wrote just for him using images from my subconscious and set to the tune of Cage's famous work 4'33" (immediately below.)

How to be a Wednesday Special Guest: Every Wednesday, this site features a definition for a word not in Bierce's dictionary written by someone other than myself. If you would like to write one in the future, please send me an email at dpascover at gmail or leave a comment here stating that you would like to be added to the list. Expect two months or so between when I add you to the list and you are contacted to write. To the extent this all goes according to plan, I will send you an email with a word to define immediately after posting the current guest post and I ask you to send your definition and a picture representing you by the following Saturday.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


Overeat, v. To dine.
Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess,
Well skilled to overeat without distress!
Thy great invention, the unfatal feast,
Shows Man's superiority to Beast.

-John Boop

2005 Update: To prepare oneself for virtue.

Monday, August 15, 2005


Invasion, n. The patriot's most approved method of attesting his love of country.

2005 Update: The usurpation by one government of the crimes of another.

Happy First Birthday to The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy! Keep 'em coming, Indie!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Andy prepares for Manhood

Story #5, in which my father teaches my brother about manly behavior.

To hear the wise man pet his camel: wiseman_on_camel_searching_md_clr

To read the story, educate Andy: matthew_teasing_md_clr

This story will be cross-posted at Doug Drones On where I just bet this week someone will add a story of their own.

Friday, August 12, 2005


Homeopathist, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

2005 Update: A medicinal chemist who relies on the theory that like cures like and the assumption that the patient is a fool. The homeopathist, who also propounds the efficacy of extreme dilution and the memory of water is highly sought after for bartending.

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Idleness, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

2005 Update: The long road to urgency.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Special Guest Pez

My special guest this week is Aral Peppermint Patty Pez (Picture at right.) She has offered the following definitions for Hockey.

Hockey, n. 1: A good skate ruined.
2: A game played on an ice rink by two opposing teams of 6 skaters with 12 teeth between them.
3: Football for Canadians.

About Aral: Aral Peppermint Patty Pez manages an astonishing balance of privacy and access. Here's are some things she's shared: Her first battle with acid reflux, that she has a wife and used to have a husband, that she thinks she's fat, that she used to be like Valerie Plame only scarier and her lagophilia. Here are some things she's kept hidden: Her name, her face (but for the outing by her mother, Tan Lucy Pez,) and what she does for a living (some kind of ministry something.) Whatever she shares or hides, she writes and photoshops thoughtfully, humorously and like she's making a postcard for her best friend. As a consequence, many of us who read her have come to think of her as a best friend. The timing of her appearance here requires a comment on her recent posts about her brother who died by suicide. Aral, all of your online friends have shared your pain and your resilience and are better for it.
(Left) The love that dares not speak its name

About the Pezes: Where one Pez is, all the Pezes are so here's part I regarding her family. Aral was (as I understand) the first of her family to start a weblog. The explanation of the names is Here. Aral's sisters, Actonbell and Dddragon have signed up to write definitions for future weeks and I'm still hoping that her mom, Tan Lucy and her nieces Goa'uld and Bookworm will join them. For now I should just say that the Pezes started on the West Coast wound up on the East Coast and somehow picked up the warmth of the Midwest, the hospitality of the South and some all-American saracasm. I think all Pez readers read all Pez blogs and imagine themselves Pez. I call "Robert Morley Pez."

How to be a Wednesday guest: Just leave a comment here or send me an email (dougpas @ At present, the list is about 8 weeks ahead so be patient with me. I'm slow and its not my fault.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Baal, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians; as Belus or Bel he had the honor to be served by the priest Berosus, who wrote the famous account of the Deluge; as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his glory on the Plain of Shinar. From Babel comes our English word "babble." Under whatever name worshiped, Baal is the Sun-god. As Beelzebub he is the god of flies, which are begotten of the sun's rays on the stagnant water. In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom.

2005 Update: The name by which God was adored by the Baalites and Satan reviled by their neighbors.

Monday, August 08, 2005


Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

2005 Update: A person able to see the glass as half-shattered.

Optimist, Barbara Bava with Stevie who she thinks will grow up sweet after she raised three kids who aren't.

Happy Birthday, Mama! On your day, may Jenna forget where she left the kid.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Tony and The Bear in The Land of The Cockatoo

Story #4: In which Doug suffers an identity crisis and learns a lesson about male bonding.

Poke the bear to hear the story.

If you want to read the story instead, meet my leetle frien'

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On along with the first submission from a friend. Thanks, Tom.

Friday, August 05, 2005


Witticism, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."

2005 Update: A product of the mind and lungs more precise and efficient than opinion but less so than breath.

Happy Birthday to Actonbell!

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Allegory, n. A metaphor in three volumes and a tiger.

2005 Update: A symbolic expression of too great a lie.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

Before I introduce this week's guest, a warning: If it matters to you to dislike young, sexy, blond and brilliant party girls, do not follow the link in this paragraph. Rio ruined it for me.

Ballet, n. 1: the epitomy of turned-out perfection
2: Something the French are good at.

About Rio: Rio used to write another blog under her given name, with her memorable photo. In it, she described her life as a college student with the challenges and choices she faces in a fast modern life. You can probably see where this is going. The previous blog challenged my assumption that her kind of living was the product of thoughtlessness, venality or rarification. Well, I may have been right about rarification. Her observations are incisive and uncensored while the emotional consequences of her choices cascade through some of the most magnificent run-on sentences since Faulkner. She's still funny and lyrical, but on her new site A Girl Named Rio she seems wiser. This is only right because I'm down at least one bigotry. By the way, I do think you can love Rio while disdaining all the other blonde trollops and I'm holding the line there.

How to be a Wednesday guest: Just email me at the address in my profile or leave a comment on Wednesday. I'll add you to the list, which is running about 6 weeks ahead. Immediately after posting the Wednesday guest definition, I email the next person on the list with a word not in Bierce's dictionary to define. I ask the guests to send me a new definition for the word along with a picture by the following Saturday.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


Congregation, n. The subjects of an experiment in hypnotism.

2005 Update: A zoological garden of domesticated sin.

Monday, August 01, 2005


Moral, adj. Conforming to local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

2005 Update: Bearing a nobility sufficient for acquittal.