Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year's with Friends

Right, an example of Pasadena area architecture.

Story #25 (Lordy, what an ego!,) or, A Night of Wine and Roses. In which Doug rings in a new year and learns the importance of old friends and new.

To hear the story, click on the Rose Bowl banner.

To read the story, point to the Soggy Bottom Boys.

Happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to you all.

Friday, December 30, 2005


Distillery, n. An institution for the facture and dissemination of the scarlet snout. It is to the distillery, also, that we owe that precious inheritance, the talking teetotaler.

2005 Update: A refinery which once served in opposition to the Church and its promotion of purity. The Church having entered politics, the distillery now has both refinement and purity of spirit to itself. Results can be seen here.

Thursday, December 29, 2005


Reckless, adj. Asking a San Francisco girl to take ice cream.

2005 Update: Driving sixty in the central city or eighty in the suburbs, over one hundred miles per hour across the desert or stopping in Nevada.

By the way, Tom's first mass media enterprise is up on Doug Drones On.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This week it's my pleasure to introduce Kay Richardson, who defines for us:
Emote? v.i.?



I know what an emotor is. It's a kind of car run exclusively on electricity. Emotor.

But 'emote'? It's all about expressing emotion. And what kind of person doesn't emote at least once a day? We all emote. Be it furiously in the bedroom, or calmly in the bath. That said, I once knew a girl who wouldn't emote. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing. We wouldn't get bogged down in conversations about how she felt/how I was a bastard etc ... but it did lead to her death eventually.

As an actor, I often emote on stage. Tip - to look angry, quiver your eyebrows. To look happy, open your eyes wider than you'd do usually. These are acting tips, Reader. Use them well.

Emoticons are rubbish, aren't they? :-) I hate them. They're contributing to the destruction of the English language. English is great too - you're reading it now. Imagine how great that is. Revel in your knowledge of the language. Hey, we can even laugh together at those stupid people that don't know English for we are brothers in tongue. Those others might be trying to read this now - not knowing that I'm dissing them. Stupid non-English speaking losers.

Emote.- to communicate emotion. I think poetry does this best. I'll end with one of my favourite poems. It's by Adrian Henri and its called 'Poem for a Motorway Girl':

I wanted your soft verges,
But you gave me the hard shoulder.

About Kay: Kay is an actor, director, writer, Brit, inspiration and apparently some sort of cad. He writes the darkly entertaining blog, Soul-thoughts of a Troubled Actor in which he shares the highs and lows of professional acting, cat-owning and ant-hating. Most of his posts express a bitterness I can only admire and applaud. He will be listed among my links in the section with the language advisory, not whimsically.

Kay reports recently having spent two unjust weeks in a detention facility as the result of a performance improvisation that injured a crowd of schoolchildren and is currently serving a one-week sentence with his family in the countryside. I feel applause and sympathy are warranted. He wants us to know that he was born on the coast and once sat on a bus next to Kelly Brook. I recommend his site as an entertaining read for those over 18 who like trouble and don't mind being offended. Considering that he was born and raised overseas in Great Britain, his English is remarkably comprehensible as well.

Thanks to Kay for his command performance and to Miz Bohemia who commanded it.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


Rogue, n. A species of vermin which is always plentiful where there is a good crop of fools, on which plant it feeds.

2005 Update: The aspiration of all the world's gentlemen.

Monday, December 26, 2005


Magic, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

2005 Update: The evidence of the impossible, trusted by a child hearing a fairy tale or an adult voting their conscience.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Lost Holiday

Story #24, A Christmas story taking place on New Year's Eve.

To hear the story, wake up Santa. To read it, talk to the old man.


Yeah, yeah, Doug Drones On, blah blah blah!

Happy Holidays to all of you!

Friday, December 23, 2005


Christmas, n. A day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, gift-taking, public dullness and domestic behavior.
What! not religious? You should see, my pet,
On every Christmas day how drunk I get!
O, I'm a Christian- not a pious monk
Honors the Master with so dead a drunk.
2005 Update: The last opportunity of the calendar year to prove one's wholesomeness and generosity before the New Year's bacchanal is followed by the season of tax fraud.

Thursday, December 22, 2005


Joy, n. An emotion variously excited, but in its highest degree arising from the contemplation of grief in another.

2005 Update: The sensation of having avoided detection. Often wished on that or those we could stand to hear less from.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Special Guest Maven

You know her, you love her, she loves you. My guest this week is the lovely and fashionable, Mireille.

In honor of the holiday season, Mireille has written this definition:

Mistletoe, n. A semi-sanctioned means of snagging some unsanctioned snog.

Mireille also offers the following Mistletoe history:
Mistletoe lore (with many thanks to Jonathan Briggs and The Mistletoe Pages):

• Hanging mistletoe and kissing loved ones, or complete strangers, beneath it is the pervasive Christmas custom defined above
• "The Ballad of the Mistletoe Bride" in which a Christmas bride plays hide and seek and gets suffocated in a trunk. *festive!*
• The 1948 Alfred Hitchcock film classic Rope uses the ballad as a plot base.
• Catching 'em and kissing 'em may be a remnant of an ancient fertility tradition: "European mistletoe, a parasitic plant growing on deciduous trees, can be seen as a symbol of the continuing 'life-force' -- vitality/fertility -- of the tree through the winter ... a fertility image completed by mistletoe’s shape and form: forking paired branches, paired leaves and berries full of white sticky juice hint of sexual imagery." *Have a Christmas cookie under that one*
• Druidic priesthood valued mistletoe as a peace symbol and in medicine. They harvested it with a golden sickle, never letting it touch the ground. Mistletoe on oak, the druids sacred tree, was especially valued.
• In Greek myth, Aeneas must search for his father Anchises in the abode of the dead. The Sibyl advises he must first seek and pluck the 'golden bough' (mistletoe) in the forest. Guided to the bough by doves sent by Venus, his mother, he found the branch, successfully visited his father, and returned.
• BUT WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE? *It's a stretch, but the word is from the Middle English mistilto, which has some relationship to basil ... so, like an herb? I doubt it.*

About Mireille: First, what's obvious- that Mireille alone is the reason that Seattle and not Saint Augustine is the warmest place in the United States. Mireille grips more people in a day on the blogs than the flu will all winter long. Let's see how many of us can hug her back just today. Mireille can handle it.

Her blog, C'est Chic is a place for five senses in a visual medium. Filled with scents and sounds and textures and memories, every post is an embrace. I suspect I'm not alone in admiring Mireille's eloquence, elegance and enthusiasm. For a guy who has a mnemonic that reminds him to use the pointy side of the comb, the perfume and make-up are just platforms for following Mireille's message that beauty belongs everywhere. xoxo.

How to be a future guest in this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Aesthetics, n. The most unpleasant ticks afflicting the race. Worse than wood-ticks.

2005 Update: A meticulously designed lens through which to view disorder.

Monday, December 19, 2005


Fraud, n. The life of commerce, the soul of religion, the bait of courtship and the basis of political power.

2005 Update: The substitution of perfume on the neck for a head.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Sleigh The Course

Or, Of Ice and Men. Story #23, in which three magi survive a Pennsylvania blizzard only to confront the rigid social norms of New Jersey.*

To hear the story, ask Santa for directions.

To read the story, check Santa's list.

*Preceding telic clause dedicated to Monika.

This story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On,

At Alice's request

Here is the van before we painted it red.
And, below, from the Deep Springs 1986-1987 Yearbook.

Top to bottom, Doug, Robert and Neal

Friday, December 16, 2005


Mercy, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

2005 Update: The appreciation of the strong for the simplicity of the eager.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A Curmudgeonly Christmas

T’was the night before Christmas and there at his blog
A misanthropist sat, just him and his dogs.
The houselights were dim with no sounds of labor
And a bucket of acid awaited the neighbor

The children nearby were locked up in their rooms,
To keep the old rascal from shouting their dooms.
And he sat by his keyboard putting out his seditions
Mocking all that was wholesome with new definitions.

Suddenly what in the sky did appear?
But a jolly old elf and eight flying reindeer.
The dogs caught the scent and ran outside barking
While the man inside shouted “A roof’s for hanging not parking!”

The intruder just laughed and took out a list.
“No whiskey, no laughter no women you’ve kissed,
No dancing nor prancing, no payments were late.
And your victims won’t read you ‘til they reach heaven’s gate”

“Your intent notwithstanding you’ve done little harm
And I brought you a present, here under my arm.”
But the sour homeowner stood up and protested,
“Reach into that bag and I’ll have you arrested!”

“I write for satire and mangle the words
And darkly imply that religion’s for turds!
I mock the well-meaning and demean them their stations
And make grammar complicit in great obfuscations!”

Gift is a noun that refers to the taking
of toys from the store shelves for children for breaking.
And while we’re on the topic one more thing I would say:
Jolly, the adjective, simply means 'Gay.'

“I’m pretentious, sarcastic and delphic in fact!
Self-righteous, self-centered and stingy with tact!”

But a present was left for the man with the glare,
Brightly colored with bows and a soft teddy-bear.
If ever it’s opened, here’s what is inside:
A Radio Flyer that's stable to ride.

Saint Nicholas shouted getting back in his sleigh
“Merry Christmas I bid you but have it your way!”

-Ambrose Bierce, appearing in a vision as The Ghost of Cynics Past.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Avoids Definition No More

This week, it's my pleasure to feature my friend, the beautifully miscegenated, generally elevated and reliably opinionated Miz Bohemia as guest. Miz Bohemia offers the following definition:

Multi-cultural, adj. 1. The creative interchange of numerous ethnic and racial subcultures. e.g. Grandpa BoheMia is Danish-Icelandic and he falls in love with Granny BoheMia who is Iranian with some ancient African-Iranian blood in her. They get married and have babies. One baby grows up to be Mama BoheMia who falls in love with Daddy BoheMia. Mama and Daddy BoheMia get married and have two babies, the first one being Miz BoheMia. What a true creative interchange of numerous ethnic and racial subcultures! Well done Grandpa and Granny BoheMia!
2. Strongly influenced by or having prominent characteristics of several cultural groups or peoples. e.g. Mama BoheMia leaves Daddy BoheMia as well as Iran when Miz BoheMia is all but 2-years-old. They move a lot. Miz BoheMia lives in Spain, Denmark and several US cities, travels extensively and attends Spanish, British, Danish and American schools. In her first high school, her closest friends are Armenian, Zimbwabwian and Vietnamese. She is accepted with open arms into the African American Community at her second high school and her closest friends are Slovenian and Mexican. By college, Miz BoheMia hangs out with Tibetan Buddhist Monks, dances her Sundays away at the local Hare Krishna temple, meditates with New Age Group Hippies, attends animals rights rallies with the likes of Def Leppard's Phil Collen, starts a chapter of Amnesty International at the college where she makes Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish and even Republican (gasp!!!) friends. Mama BoheMia! You have allowed Miz BoheMia to be strongly influenced by or have prominent characteristics of several cultural groups or peoples! Kudos to you!
3. Personal Definition: A term attempting to capture a cultural phenomenon born out of the mixing and intermingling of different ethnic and racial subcultures but that falls short of capturing the emotional, social and educational complexities that arise as a direct result of this phenomenon. e.g. Miz BoheMia is Iranian-Danish and raised between Spain and the US. She leaves out the Icelandic. Simplifying the long intro is best and she has had no Icelandic influences in her life.

Danish and Iranian... yes.

Spanish and American... yes.

Miz BoheMia has curly hair, hazel eyes, a normal stature, skinny frame and an olive complexion. She looks Iranian, Mediterranean in a petite Scandinavian frame, minus the height.

Looking the part of her Middle Eastern heritage, she speaks the language, albeit in an accented Farsi, and is mistaken many a time for the "real thing". This gets her in hot water friends for she does not cook, is not crazy about serving men, or anyone else for that matter, does not like boisterous family reunions nor decorum and ettiquette attached to words such as "tradition" and "obligation" and does not believe virginity to be a virtue. Yes, she looks the part of an Iranian girl but after that there is not much common ground for our Miz BoheMia.

She is liberal, mostly a loner unless the company she keeps is her choice, likes her space, her privacy, her activities, her schedule, her territory and her boundaries. Her actions and her petite frame are truly Scandinavian as are her liberal sexual views but the olive in her skin, the curl set against the backdrop of brown hair are typically met with resistance and her claims of Danish blood in her veins with skepticism.

Her looks and her accent fit right into the heart of her Spanish province but before there is a beginning we come to the end. With heavily pierced ears, a pierced nose, non-smoking, juice-drinking, veggie eating and yogic habits Miz BoheMia is out of her element in this smoker's, meat eater's, bullfighter's, heavy drinker's, non-exerciser's South.

Multicultural... often viewed as exotic, enriching, unique... all true. However, there is a reality of pain attached to being multicultural as it entails a constant need, by society, for a neat and tidy definition of what cannot truly be boxed into one word and set in stone. The multicultural individual is one who learns that nothing is 100%, that fitting in ain't gonna happen... multicultural... you know what, perhaps we should take another look at the word...

4. A term coined out of a need created by the cultural phenomenon born out of the mixing and intermingling of different ethnic and racial subcultures in order to create a much-needed and broad niche for those individuals that fall short of a definition. Multicultural... that's me.

About Miz Bohemia: See Multi-cultural. A mother of two, poet essayist, yoga instructor and purveyor of fine fashion accessories, Miz Bohemia has been a generous new contributor to the blogosphere. She is the author of Miz Bohemia's Rhapsody a site as well-traveled as its creator. Miz Bohemia excels at bringing an adventuresome spirit to an electronic medium, something not easy to do. Miz Bohemia also offers two fashion-sales blogs, BoheMian Funk, and BoHo BouTIQue on which she describes the purses and bags she sells, an ancient and honored tradition in the Persian-Danish-Icelandic-Spanish-Californian community. I very much enjoy her writing and think the products she sells are cool-looking. I admit, though, your humble editor is as fashion-backward as Miz Bohemia is fashion forward so judge for yourselves. Thanks to Miz Bohemia for being a guest here and for inventing Autobiographical Lexicography. Remember, friends, it happened here first.

How to be a future guest in this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Haughty, adj. Proud and disdainful, like a waiter.

2005 Update: Holding one's head catlike except in plummet.

Monday, December 12, 2005


Noise, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

2005 Update: An incoherent buzzing caused by research, reflection or a mosquito's wings. Any interruption of spin.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Before the Fall

Story #22, in which an evangelist offers his pitch for the bosom of Abraham.

To hear the story, interrupt the wedding before someone makes a big mistake.

If you want to read the appropriate passage, talk to my sister (right).

After great consideration, I have chosen to cross-post this story at Doug Drones On.

Friday, December 09, 2005


King, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
A king, in times long, long gone by,
Said to his lazy jester:
"If I were you and you were I
My moments merrily would fly --
Nor care nor grief to pester."

"The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,"
The fool said -- "if you'll hear it --
Is that of all the fools alive
Who own you for their sovereign, I've
The most forgiving spirit."
2005 Update: A male sovereign whose divine right and funny ears share a source. See Donkey.

Happy Birthday to King Stevie I of Portland

Left, Stevie Mooney, Crowned Head

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Iconoclast, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performance, and most strenuously protest that he unbuildeth but doth not reedify, that he pulleth down but pileth not up. For the poor things would have other idols in place of those he thwacketh upon the mazzard and dispelleth. But the iconoclast saith: "Ye shall have none at all, for ye need them not; and if the rebuilder fooleth round hereabout, behold I will depress the head of him and sit thereon till he squawk it."

2005 Update: 1. The servant of a superior false god.
2. Tomorrow's icon.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Special Guest Corpse

This week, it's my profound pleasure to have the late, great Ignatius M. Dedd as my Wednesday guest. I.M. Dedd offers the following definition:

Disdain, n. Can you believe this? This is my word? Disdain? Damn blogger. Can't come up with anything better that that? Of course, I guess he has to consider his audience. They're a bunch of bloggers, too. All sitting around their computers, needlessly prattling on about their lives. Where the hell is my vicodin?

About I.M. Dedd: The author of Dead Guy Lives is one of those gems of the blogosphere, producing a cartoon strip as witty as the best you'll find in your newspaper. His humor is broad, keen and edgy with droll illustration. More or less gallows humor for the guillotine set. Not only is Ignatius skilled and clever, he's a pioneer, having invented first person toilet humor and making fun of the President.

Published every Monday except when he sneaks it in on Sunday, I strongly recommend a weekly view. When justice is finally done and Dead Guy syndicates, you'll have to pick up one of those self-righteous alternative weeklies to see his work. Here are three of my favorites: Disaster, Korky (warning, pedophile humor here,) and Monster Envy, Part II. Thanks, Ignatius, for a great guest appearance and for burnishing my street cred.

How to be a future guest in this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Desert, n. An extensive and fertile tract of land producing heavy wheat and vintage crops in colonization prospectuses.

2005 Update: A hostile country destroying the hope, ambition and vitality of youth under unrelenting heat, dessication, gambling, golf and old folk.

Monday, December 05, 2005


Monologue, n. The activity of a tongue that has no ears.

2005 Update: An atom of political discourse which forms a salt in outrage.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Who Framed Rabbit, Rabbit

Story #21, in which Doug doubles trouble

To hear the story, play Shave and a Haircut for Roger.

To read the story, click on Tupac Amaru, inspiration of the Sendero Luminoso revolution.

It may surprise you to know that this story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On.

Friday, December 02, 2005


Part III in our three-part TLP celebration.

Universalist, n. One who forgoes the advantage of hell for persons of another faith.

2005 Update: A seeker of the salvation reserved for the inclusive.

And happy belated (I think) birthday to Spirit Dancer, who may share TLP's birthday. Masil, you hush up.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


As TLP week continues...

Unitarian, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

2005 Update: An empiricist pondering the great mysteries of life and faith such as how many angels can fit on the head of a pin with a coffee urn; when we die do our souls leave our bodies or continue to inhabit our remains at the Justice Committee meeting, or; how do we know Emerson wasn't gay?

Rabbit, rabbit.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

Friends, this week I'm honored to present Em, Lucy M, and Rainbow Lotus, sisters under a single skin. She offers the definition of Retrograde.

First, as a public service, Em provided the dictionary definition:
1. Moving or tending backward.
2. Opposite to the usual order; inverted or
3. Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.
1. Of or relating to the orbital revolution
or axial rotation of a planetary or other celestial
body that moves clockwise from east to west, in the
direction opposite to most celestial bodies.
2. Of or relating to the brief, regularly
occurring, apparently backward movement of a planetary
body in its orbit as viewed against the fixed stars,
caused by the differing orbital velocities of Earth
and the body observed.
Archaic. Opposed; contrary.
And now hers:
Retrograde, n. the letter grade I allot to
past items, persons, trends, etc that have been
brought back to serve present times. (One must wait at
least 7 years before something can be referred to as

Example from the 2005 Retro Report Card:
Grunge Jeans: C+ (Now that stores are selling the jeans torn, it's just not as personalized and cool anymore)
70's Funk: A
70's Mega Afro: A+
60's Ponchos: A++
Yoga Popularized: A++ (the 60's megayogacraze returns)
Platform Shoes: B- (Minus since they are just ugly, but they are still more comfortable than stilhettos)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: A+ (even creepier Umpa-Loompas)
Vegetarianism Popularized: A++ (Hippies and Animals rejoice!)
VW Beetle: B (It WAS Hitler's brainchild... so I can'tgive it an A, but it is cute)
Unitard Cheese Rock: B (The Darkness needs to put out more videos of wearing unitards)
Dr. Who: A+ (That New series deserves the +)
A "George Bush" as president: F (Boourns... now I fear
public transportation and leaving my home 500% more..)

About Em And Friends: Em was born on my 13th birthday and has caught up nicely as an old soul and a youthful spirit. Em suffers from a complex of disabilities/illnesses which would limit most of us but which catalyze in her a cheerful outreach, meticulous study, a fascination with things and people and places and the generosity to share her teeming personality. Her collection of collections is as comprehensive as most folks' collections. I should mention that today she has a critical hearing to determine whether her disabilities meet the Canadian standards that allow government assistance and I hope all of you will join in me in prayer and/or positive thinking that the outcome is good for her.

Em writes three weblogs, The Adventures of Em, a broad diary which rockets from fibromyalgia to Furby, Dead Conversations about her experiences as a medium and a professional site about her work as an astrologer, medium and tarot reader. As an example of her proficiency, she did a reading for today's birthday girl.

To read an abridged version of the birthday girl's starchart, click her picture: >tlpdevil

Thanks to Em for a great guest post and Happy birthday, TLP, adored and revered Blog Queen, matriarch of pezes, poets, wits and wags. I hope it's a great one. Wishing Em success and TLP silliness on this auspicious day.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Ethnology, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

2005 Update: A canon serving atheists in place of religion, to assure of moral superiority and the perdition awaiting the unfaithful.

Announcement: Asiansmiles is co-moderating an online debate: "Does God Exist," described as a Critical Thinking Event. A dedicated atheist and a devout evangelical Christian will debate between now and Christmas. The format includes message boards on which the debaters will post their arguments and rebuttals, a space for the judges and moderators, and a "peanut gallery" where all are welcome to contribute. It'll be nice to have this settled before Lent.

Asiansmiles was kind enough to invite me to judge so we can be pretty sure there will be points for flippancy even though there aren't supposed to be.

You may join the conversation either here (theist site) or here (atheist site).

Look for the welcome message from the Moderators. Actonbell, you know you want to.

Monday, November 28, 2005


Intoxication. n. A spiritual condition that goeth before the next morning.

2005 Update: A temporary allocation of moral, rhetorical and political superiority. Distinguishable from election by the duration of elevation and consistency of cause.

Big News!!! Sar now has her own website, Belle of The Brawl. Kinda hafta love that name.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Command Performance

Story #20, in which Doug humbly offers a little story upon the request of the Pez sisters and Pia.

To hear Doug's humble offering, click on Pavarotti.
To read Doug's literary submission, stop the queen from killing her poor and noble servant.

The story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Weirsdo has a new audiobiography up as well.

Friday, November 25, 2005


Glutton, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

2005 Update: A farm subsidy program with teeth.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


Gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

2005 Update: The foam shed by a wave at the tidal edge of an ocean of gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving, glorious friends.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This week it's my pleasure to introduce Julie Goes To Hollywood. Julie has given us the following definition:

Studio, n. 1. A large, gated parking lot where there’s no parking and where movies aren’t made, since they’re outsourced to Romania so there’s enough money to pay Tom Cruise on the back end. Generally run by twenty-four-year-old executives who think Casablanca is a great pizzeria in the Valley, and owned by a soulless Japanese conglomerate whose number-crunching principals only tolerate the ever diminishing profits in hopes of meeting Julia Roberts over sushi at Koi. 2. Exclusive manufacturers of overblown, computer generated summertime blockbusters for the kiddies; gross-out comedies targeting males fourteen to twenty-five; and popcorn thrillers about women in peril starring Ashley Judd. 3. A small, windowless apartment where aspiring screenwriters are affordably warehoused until such time as they either begin writing suitable material for Vin Diesel or give up and go home to Umatilla and stage another tired community theater revival of My Fair Lady.
ant. Sundance Filmmakers Lab, the suburban backyard of Ed Burns, every film school in America or anyplace where two geeks with a camera phone can make meaningful, memorable films for the price of an I-Book.

About Julie Goes to Hollywood: Julie belongs to that great cast of Hollywood aspirants without whom all low-wage labor in Los Angeles would be done by immigrants. Unlike many of her fellows, however, she knows what she's sacrificed to place herself in that line. A former travel journalist with an international portfolio, Julie came to Hollywood in order to publish her own voice in her preferred medium. She attended a leading film school and now shares the period between preparation and discovery in her weblog, Things They Won't Tell You in Film School.

Julie tells us stories not just about her aspirations and the long road to their fulfillment but also the rented bungalow, her neighbors, her dogs, her past, her friends, her losses, snark and entertainments. She writes about the whole Los Angeles the way they did when they were writing for Bogart. I recommend her site as a special advance preview of coming attractions.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Just send me an e-mail at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. On a future Wednesday I'll email you with a word to define and a request for a graphic. You'll have until the following Saturday to return your entry. The only rule is no profanity please.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Meander, n. [SIC] To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.

2005 Update: v.i. To follow the path of a pioneer or public engineer.

To all my friends travelling this week, a safe trip. Remember, red lights are for the little people.

Monday, November 21, 2005


Accountability, n. The mother of caution.
"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes,"
Said the Shah: "I do--'tis the only kind
Of ability you possess."
- Joram Tate.

2005 Update: The concern of a candidate for the mischief of an incumbent.

Note: Weirsdo has a new audiobiography on Doug Drones On.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


Story #19, in which a country girl expresses herself.

To hear a farmhand's story you usually only have to ask (below)
To read, hop up on the John Deere 5220, as used in the actual story.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On.

Friday, November 18, 2005


Governor, n. An aspirant to the United States Senate.

2005 Update: A leader elected to inspire a reluctant and indecisive legislature.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

2005 Update: Civilization's herald trumpet.

News Item: Waking Ambrose reader gets good press despite association. Our own Pia was recognized by the (click) Long Island Press today.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Special Celebrity Guest

Today, I triumphantly announce that Alice from Wonderland or Not is my Wednesday guest. Alice defined:

Insouciant, adj. Description designated to someone who gives the appearance of casual disregard for the seriousness of life but in reality merely realizes the truth - that life is just a play and it matters not if the audience applauds or boos as in the end either way you go home eat dinner and grab a beer.

About Alice: Alice is one of the truly surprising characters on the web. I'm a little sorry I assigned her insouciant, because I'm not sure if I can describe her without it, but her writing proceeds from light, clever and cheerfully flippant to the crisis in Darfur without segue. She's a charming scold, a thoughtful coquette, a down-to-earth jet-setter and a pithy francophone. You kind of have to read it to believe it. I might have added Princess, but there was no ironic modifier and y'all know how I keep to a system.

A rare but favorite feature of Wonderland or Not are her photoshopped gossip pieces through which she's claimed Karl Rove as a father and Billy Joel, Bill Maher and this writer as older loser (musician/comedian/lexicographer, as appropriate) boyfriends. I think I got her because her father doesn't approve of musicians or comedians. Most of her readers enjoy the humor in these pieces but really just like seeing her picture. The negotiations for me to pose for the photos above went pretty smoothly once she dropped requirement I wear a one-piece swimsuit.

By the way, Weirsdo has two new Audiobiographies up on Doug Drones On.

How to be a Wednesday Guest:
Just send me an e-mail at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. On a future Wednesday I'll email you with a word to define and a request for a graphic. You'll have until the following Saturday to return your entry. The only rule is no profanity please.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Compliment, n. A loan that bears interest.

2005 Update: A caress offered the ego, spirit or belly, whichever is nearest the pocket.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Kindness, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

2005 Update: The inspiration for a troubled conscience.

Thanks, friends, for the big blog birthday bash. Which of you put laundry soap in the pond?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Not Quite The Christmas Story

First of all, Happy Birthday to Lucy Em aka Rainbow Lotus!

Story #18, in which the blogangels announce the coming of the Dork King.

For the raconteur, click Doug at his peak of sophistication and refinement.

To read the story, pull up with Andy (left) and me.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Semisweet1 also tells a story illustrating his nickname.

But wait, there's more! My sister emailed me a request to put up this link which I'm told links to a blogged birthday card. As of this writing, I haven't seen it so I reserve the right to come back and delete if it's too embarrassing.

Friday, November 11, 2005


Pedigree, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.

2005 Update: 1. The evidence supporting television as the determinant of character.
2. That which ordains succession in a monarchy and election in a democracy.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


Allegiance, n. The traditional bond of duty between the taxer and the taxee. It is not reversible.
This thing allegiance, as I suppose,
Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,
Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.
2005 Update: Expediency.

Happy Birthday to Actonbell's husband, Ekim Road Runner Pez.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I am honored to present two guests, Ariella and her Alpha Female, Logo.

Ariella defined:
Alpha, n. The first, and incredibly flawed, version of an item; something clearly needing to be updated or replaced.

Logo defined:
Roam, v. i. To wander aimlessly, can be done if you want to, all around the world, without wings, without wheels

About Ariella: Ariella is a young, female Portuguese Water Dog living north of Seattle. She initially listed "emotional center of my family" as her occupation but now lists "providing a reason for my people to live." Definitely a career girl. Ariella is notable among housepets because while her website is clearly a dogblog, she is so without ego that most of her posts are not about her but her family. Relatively new to blogging, she began her site in September, and is already a popular writer, photographer and commenter. Witty for a long-haired dog, her first post included this line: "Forget the call of the wild, the accomodations and catering SUCK!" Ariella must be the most responsive memee in the world and does it very well.

About Logo: Logo is the mother of two, wife of one and Alpha Female to Ariella. It is in the latter capacity that we know her and, by Alpha Female, I mean servant. What we know Logo is really limited to what Ariella cares to share. Principal among these things are the facts that she rides motorcycles, loves the beach, feeds her kids Nutella and has a realistic understanding of the relative merits of dog, family and herself. Logo and her husband have lived in Greece and in Italy. The latter time abroad was with their two children who I'm certain will nonetheless grow up to be good, proper and well-adjusted Americans who don't whistle or pinch.

It's been a real pleasure having Logo and Ariella around on the blog circuit, and I appreciate that they each took time to enrich this site today.

Happy Birthday, Masil! Yes, I'm pretty sure this time.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Email me at dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after putting up the current week guest post I'll email you a word to define and request your definition and a graphic representing either you or your definition by the following Saturday. No profanity, please.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Electioneer, v.i. To stand on a platform and scream that Smith is a child of light and Jones a worm of the dust.

2005 Update: To redistrict.

Editor's note: I'm a precinct clerk, which means I'll spend the whole day offline securing the election process by chasing away scoundrels once they've voted. Be kind to each other and, to my American readers, please remember, no political activity within 100 feet of a voting booth. It's the law!

Monday, November 07, 2005


Imperialist, n. A political thinker to whom neither a kingdom nor a republic offers the hope of political preferment or other substantial advantage.

2005 Update: The political equivalent of a crap-shooter who, short a die, believes he can toss a seven by adding tables.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

On The Road Again

Story #17, another hitch-hiking story in which Willie Nelson comes up.
To hear me speak, click on Willie (the other one).

To read the story, start in Big Pine. Don't worry, there's time.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Sissy of The Pansi Files will tell her own story sometime Sunday.

Special Bonus track: Doug sings the KIBS (From Ridgecrest to Bridgeport and all along the Eastern Sierra) theme song. Click here.

Friday, November 04, 2005


Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy. The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song. In the one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential prayer; in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing, beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one -- the knowledge and the dream.

2005 Update: An age of heroism preceding a moment of sloth which augurs the dawn of reward.

Speaking of Karma, there is a new story up on Doug Drones On.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Executioner, n. A person who does what he can to abate the ravages of senility and reduce the chances of being drowned.

2005 Update: In the complex of law, law-making, law-enforcement and judicial review, the functionary whose role is clear and whose product is clarity.

Weirsdo has contributed another audiobiography to Doug Drones On.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

It is my honor this week to offer the following definition by S.A.J. Shirazi:

Development, n. The gradual deviation from what has been tested and has been working fine. It is process through which we wear new face.

About Shirazi: Shirazi is a blogger from Lahore, Pakistan who writes Light Within where he blogs about blogging, conversation, plus some really spectacular travelogs, like this one, which, having read,always have me ready to trade in my stuff and go. Shirazi is a very open and inviting moderator and many of his posts pose a question after which he typically gets out of the way to let his global readership discuss the topics. Light Within is as close as I'll get to watching The View.

Another notable, although less universal blog he writes, Lahore School of Economics, discusses events at the graduate school and would be an excellent resource for their students. A while back, Shirazi wrote about a conference there on Development Economics. As a former Economics student, I appreciate the resource a downloadable friend can be.

S A J Shirazi is a writer, educator, linguist, translator and blogger. His writing on Information Technology, travel, heritage, behavioral sciences, political economy, environment, public relations and management practices appear in Dawn, the News, the Nation, Spider, BootsnAll, CISPacrossCanada and other publications. Shirazi holds an MBA and linguistics (Russian) degrees. He has authored two books (Izhar, Ret Pe Tehreer) and translated Din Mein Charagh by Abbas Khan into Light Within. Pretty august dignitary I brought home to y'all.

Oh, and Eid Mubarak (today or tomorrow) to Shirazi and Marwa and any other Muslim reading this!

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Email me at dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after putting up the current week guest post I'll email you a word to define and request your definition and a graphic representing either you or your definition by the following Saturday. No profanity, please.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Candy, n. A confection composed of terra alba, glucose, flour and premature death.

2005 Update: An effective decoy for affection but, sadly, not for conversation.

Happy Birthday, Semisweet1, purveyor of fine chocolates. Yes, TLP, I'm sure this time.

Monday, October 31, 2005


vampiress_ghost_halloween_treat_md_clrGhost, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

2005 Update: An entity beyond death, rich in spirit and poor in flesh. Halloween's congressperson.

Boo, y'all! Happy Halloween!

Sunday, October 30, 2005


Fauna, n. pl. A general name for the various beasts infesting any locality exclusive of domestic animals, traveling menageries and Democratic politicians.

2005 Update: A dietary alternative to virtue.

Happy birthday to two of my favorite blogbuddies, Aral Peppermint Patty Pez and Masil Q..

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Mommy The Moocher

Story #16 in which Jazz Great Cab Calloway makes and keeps time.
To hear the story, click with Cab:

Folks, here's the story 'bout Minnie The Moocher (in print.)

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Doo-Doo Man of The Pansi Files will tell his own story.

Tomorrow there will be a special Sunday edition to say Happy Birthday to two of my favorite people.

Friday, October 28, 2005


Intellectual, adj. Employed on the Bulletin, in the department of Art, Literature and Agriculture; residing in Boston; near-sighted.

2005 Update: Commited to public radio and the certainty that reason bears the force of angels.

In a perfect conicidence with today's post, Blocahalela of The Pansi Files has posted her Audiobiography on Doug Drones On.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Platonic, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

2005 Update: In the United States, featuring bonds of affection and baseball. Robust.

Left, Doug Pascover, Platonic Lover

The Chicago White Sox are World Champions!!! Thanks to the White Sox Organization and all my friends who rooted for them to win the series!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Special Guest Wednesday

This Wednesday it is my pleasure to feature Pia Savage who offers the following definition this week:

Picaresque, n. A bitter person.
Picaresque, adj. Someone behaving in a childlike pouting manner. Like they swallowed a lemon.

About Pia: Pia writes the elegant, popular and fascinating Courting Destiny, a site that features primarily vignettes from Pia's life in prose as much a carnival as a New York City girl's existence. With emotion, image and metaphor, Pia takes routes that only someone who knew the streets and subways could follow with a surprise waiting at every corner and station. At times, Pia chooses to write about politics from a generally leftish slant or television from the perspective of whichever bloc thinks James Spader is king. When I was getting to know Courting Destiny she had written a few political pieces which led, through the magic of the internet, to unrelenting illumination from some of the dimmer quarters of the blogosphere. Rather than be distracted from the central purpose of her site, Pia got together with some of her blog friends to found a collaborative left-leaning political site, Bring It On!. Pia and her friends and those who aren't her friends can bring their political controversies there, which keeps the conversation on Courting Destiny lively, constructive, honest and engaged mostly.

Pia herself has been a mentor to me in the development of Waking Ambrose. One of the most important things I learned from Pia is how valuable comments can be in building both the community and the content of a weblog. I believe, and I bet my long-time readers will agree, that what's written in the posts on this site isn't half as much fun as the conversations that follow. I credit Pia for the insight that allowed me to take full advantage of you, good readers, to that end.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Email me at dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after putting up the current week guest post I'll email you a word to define and request your definition and a graphic representing either you or your definition by the following Saturday. No profanity, please.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Fog, n. A substance remaining after the last analysis of San Franciscan atmosphere- the sewer-gas, dust, cemetary effluvium, disease germs and other ingredients having been eliminated. Of these, however, dust is the chief; and as Mr. Edmund Yates, by combining the words "smoke" and "fog, gave to the London atmosphere the graphic name of "smog," we, in humble imitation but with inferior felicity, may confer upon our grumous environment the title of "dog."

2005 Update: Nature's talking point.