OK, yeah, a meme

Pansi tagged me to write a 6-word memoir, which is: Too many words spoil the plot.

MEMOIR, n.  A look back at life as it might have been lived looking forward.  A memoir can be distinguished from an autobiography in that an autobiographer has research assistants and the memoirist makes do with only a ghostwriter.

Gametime

In ought-six, when I went on vacation, I left a game for you to play while I was gone. As before, I will leave you with one and, as before, you can feel free to make up your own, if you like.

This year's game is Designing Pia.

As some of you know, Pia, a friend of this blog since day one, is trying to sell her condo in Manhattan and move to South Carolina.  The process of fixing up the condo using New York contractors is apparently so maddening she can barely blog, so I though we could help with the other end.  In the comments section below, the first person can design Pia's Myrtle Beach floor plan, the next person can change the upholstery, move the furniture repaint rooms, move walls, etc.  

You're only as old as you feel, Jim- when you're a truck

I have driven this '51 binder coast-to-coast and back twice without maps, plans or spare parts.  The ignition was jerry-rigged outside of Louisville and the brake system was a set of dumbells I'd toss out the door under the wheels between Eastern Nebraska and Denver.  A highway patrolman pulled me over just before I crossed the Mississippi near Moline and offered to buy her.  Another pulled me over near Vail and threatened to arrest me for driving her.  She's got a three-on-the-tree transmission and a positive-ground 6 volt electric system and plenty of room to turn a wrench under the hood.  She lives here now where she provides a café for squirrels when my grapes are ripe.

ENGINEERING, n.  Unrefined ore awaiting the tinkerer's torch.

In which I come out of the closet.

Somehow, I never noticed the directory of conference attendees before. If I had, it still would never have occurred to me that anyone would actually read it. When I pre-registered for the conference I'm now home from, I found it funny they would ask for my title. Now, please understand a few things. The first is that the title "Executive Director" seems to fit people whose pomposity differs from my own. Besides that, the organizers of this particular conference know me. They've known me for years. They recognize me by name, by sight, by title and by growl. So when I filled in the Job Title line, I thought I was having a private joke between myself and whoever did the data entry. Between Monday and Tuesday I was asked at least a dozen times about my job description as listed in the conference directory. Some asked wryly how I like my new position, some asked with sincere curiosity, "What does a limericist do?"

It's true, my friends. I am a limericist. Here is the story of how I came to embrace my nature. I suppose each of the several loyal National Public Radio listeners has a favorite NPR show and mine is Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! For those who don't know, this is the NPR current events quiz show. It's much funner than it sounds. One of the weekly games is the Listener Limerick Challenge in which three limericks, based on the current events, are read to a caller with the last word omitted. If you can guess twice out of thrice what the last word was, you win a recorded message on your answering machine.

One week when I was listening I noticed that during the show's credits the host referred to "our Limericist." I marveled that our language is opulent enough to contain a noun for someone who writes limericks and that our economy is majestic and democratic enough to provide income to one. I felt something stir I hadn't known was there.

Now, friends, I enjoy Wait! Wait! enough that I look forward to listening all week and rarely miss a show, but the one weekly contest I never miss until the grave finds me, is Minka's Thursday Brain Teaser. One day, I was doing my morning blogging when I saw that Minka had posted a new brain teaser and there were no comments yet. But when I clicked the "comments" link, Indeterminacy had beaten me to the first comment. I decided that, I would take the time to, and I paraphrase Senator John Kerry here, become who I was.

LIMERICIST, n. A poet with hooves for feet.

There are many sizes of fame,
Many chances to claim your own name.
Each dignitary's
badge they are wearing
In meter and rhyme sounds the same.

New Reproved Wednesdays

Announcement: This week, we lay to rest the regular special guest Wednesdays. You people are lazy and make me sick. OK, actually I'm lazy and tired. I will be happy to have special special guest posts on upcoming Wednesdays when I hear from someone that they would like to do one, but no more standard special ones. I haven't really decided what features will go in this spot when there are no volunteers, but since, after almost two years, some of you haven't noticed that this site works poorly for tagging, today and future Wednesdays might offer the opportunies for me to scratch those itches you just can't reach on your own. Which is really why I was put here. Just to prove I haven't grown less warm and friendly, that's Al and I in Malibu, California on Sunday at the top, right.

OK, I'm much too fond of Mireille to not respond to her tag and, besides, she probably thought that stuff was perfume when she sniffed it. Here's the 4x4 meme resized to four by four.

Four Jobs I have had:
1. Cowboy.
2. Cook.
3. Construction Worker.
4. Floral Delivery (1984--1985.)
JACK OF ALL TRADES, n. Mistress of many.



Four places I have lived other than where I live now.
1. Northern Nevada.
2. South Chicago.
3. Lone Tree, Iowa.
4. Waleska, Georgia.
GADABOUT, n. A mobile mayor.


Four books I enjoy re-reading.
1. The Short Stories of Edgar Allen Poe.
2. Greek mythology.
3. The Bible.
4. Outer Dark, by Cormac McCarthy.
MYTH, n. Prior knowledge.



Four movies I could watch over and over
1. The Big Sleep.
2. Spartacus.
3. Unforgiven.
4. Shadowlands.
CINEPHILE, n. Viviphobe.

Home

HOME, n. The place of last resort--open all night.

2006 Update: A half-acre elysium where our failures never age, old follies never die, no lie is ever forgotten and every pet's a king. The smaller the home, the more inhabited.

Here is Walela's announcement:

We return to our regularly scheduled program...

Tomorrow, Waking Ambrose will return in the normal format. In the meanwhile, here are a couple photos from the trip and Walela has an announcement. Thanks to everyone for the story. I threw out my back acting it all out, but enjoyed it nonetheless. Thanks especially to those of you who protected my virtue. Click on Walela for the announcement.


Thanks to Ariel for showing me Budapest. This is a picture of us (right) looking down towards the Danube.





This is Strasbourg (above, left) from the roof of the Cathedral. Thanks to Maclean for not using the word "gauche" after four years living in France, especially with reference to his big brother who can still lift him over a Cathedral wall but preferred not to.


Finally, here's Prague.

Not that anyone asked...

...But here are six things weird about me. There are more. Thanks to Minka and Terry for not tagging me, you guys know me well. Or have forgotten that I was ever born. Either way, thanks. I'm not sure if the game below made for the two weeks of gleeful good times I had hoped for, although if it's still being played, play on. The puppet show continues two posts down.

Apostasy, n. Faith without ambition.
Curmudgeonliness, n. The love that dare not eat its prey.
Furry, adj. Overdressed for the beach. Well-suited for the company of wolves.
Insomniac, n. Someone who thinks when they should dream and dreams when they should turn left.
Social Phobia, n. An architectural defect of living rooms, ballrooms and bars diagnosed by the lack of alcoves, closets and coat racks.
Stillness, n. The evidence of depth, nobility or absence.

On other blogs this is a meme. Here it's more like self-love.

Couldn't stay away, could you?

OK, then let's play a game. This is, more or less, a backwards treasure hunt. The object of this game is to lead people back here to learn what's happening after confusing them so here are the steps:

1. Pick five sites in the blogroll to the right, whose author has left no comment on this post.
2. Leave the prescribed comment, with no explanation.
3. Come back and replace the prescribed comment in the comments below.

The idea is that people will see a nonsensical nonsequitur and react to it. As they browse around, they may see the same comment from you or a different one from someone else. Over time, if they are sharp, they'll realize that all the strange comments are coming from the Waking Ambrose community and being made on blogs in the Waking Ambrose community. If it works, when they get back, they laugh and join the game.

To keep it fun, the strange comments should change. So, if there are no comments below, you are first and your job is to leave the comment "I just saw an elephant fly" on five blogs. Then come back and leave a comment with a new sentence for the next person to leave somewhere. If there are comments below, use whatever sentence the last commenter left.


On Etiquette: Just in case some of y'all are of the unholdable tongue variety, if someone asks you what you mean by whatever you said, just keep still. You don't have to answer every question someone asks. Ask TLP. Also, if you're already playing and someone leaves a weird comment don't say yeah, I saw that on Waking Ambrose. It's a game. When I get back we all get to laugh at whoever received the most of these comments without leaving one here.

Sound good? OK, get to it. I'll be watching.

Story Thread

Please continue to write my story here. This is a simple instruction, I know you can do it.

Paso Por Aqui

OK, so the world's 10,000th most meticulous blogger forgot to ask someone to be a guest this week. Then I saw this so this week, I'll be the guest and Kyah will be the guest host. Anyone who says "Pretty please" can be trusted as a host, I think.

1. One book you have read more than once.

Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry I've read several times until Blue Duck, the murderous comanchero, started reminding me of the guy at the convenience store down the street.

One book you would want on a desert island.

Go Tell It On The Mountain, by James Baldwin because I've started it three times and each time left my copy on the bus when I was halfway done. If I were stuck on an island, I could blame crabs or a wave.

One book that made you laugh.

In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote. OK, how about Chronicle of a Death Foretold, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

One book that made you cry.

Winnie The Pooh, by A.A. Milne. I'm sorry but the way Winnie treats the honey pot makes me weep for all the love I've offered in this world that was stirred into tea and forgotten.

One book I wish I had written.

You tell me. If you had asked me I'd have said A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole, just to continue the cycle.

One book you wish had never been written.

Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst and Ray Cruz (Thanks, Puppybrose) I might have grown up to be cheerful. It wasn't too late.

One book that I am currently reading.

Midnight Blue Noon, by Dorene Lorenz.

One book I have meant to read.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde. I'm at that age.

One book that changed your life.

Black Boy, by Richard Wright. I remember reading it and thinking that I could see Wright's childhood world as if I'd been there and his only friend, only to reach the scene where he went to the library and read Riders of The Purple Sage by Zane Grey and recorded being amazed that through books you could live a different life. Wright was inspired by Grey to become a writer and inspired me to stay a reader.

Tagging. I don't tag. I think Memes are the devil's marketing survey. OK, Jenna Howard.

The Wednesday Guest feature will return next week. If you'd like to be a guest on this site on an upcoming Wednesday, please send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and just let me know. On or about the Wednesday before you are featured, I will send you a word for satirical definition which I will hope to see the following Saturday with a graphic. No profanity or novels are appreciated. Previous guests who continue to show up often may be asked again at any time so no relaxing.

Fatigue

FATIGUE, n. The condition of a philosopher after having considered human wisdom and virtue.

2006 Update: The substance of things intended, the evidence of things undone.

Fatigue

FATIGUE, n. The condition of a philosopher after having considered human wisdom and virtue.

2006 Update: The substance of things intended, the evidence of things undone.

Hermit

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

2006 Update: A sage whose ear and advice are fervently sought in matters of love and society.

The good and great, Kyahgirl and Puppytoes have started a social site, Central Snark. You all are invited to play with today's word here and spend long hours of warm companionship there before I hang myself.

And now a message from our sphynx: To explain the above and some recent abnormal abnormal behavior by our host, a few more words may be helpful or, at least, long.

Two things I have really enjoyed about this site. The first was finding a group of people who enjoyed coming here to play with wit and/or words. The second was having this site become a place where people came to see and share with friends they'd made online. My concern over the last couple months has been that the second development has been a danger to the first.

Longtime readers know that the cleverest, most apt definition is found on most days in the comments not the post. Those readers, if they arrive after around noon (California Hippy Time-CHT) may have to read through forty or more comments to find eight or nine which are on the topic among thirty that are mainly social. So as a moderator, I have been using sarcasm and hinting to try to balance the fun of wordplay with virtual philandery.

In an email discussion with Kyahgirl yesterday she generously offered Central Snark as a place where general bonhomie could take place without distracting from a topic. So I'd like to offer the following general guidelines:

To leave a definition, song lyric, poem, witticism, joke or rant inspired by the word of the day, I am delighted that you do so here.
To comment on a definition, song lyric, et cetera left by someone else, I am delighted that you do so here.
To respond to a comment made by myself or another reader on your contribution, I am delighted that you do so here.
To just say hi and maybe do something clever with your verifier, please do so here.

And

To fight, flirt, philander, meander, pontificate, elaborate, celebrate, socialize or otherwise carry on a conversation started here, I am delighted that you do so either on the site of the object of your fancy or at Central Snark where I can join you without the responsibility of moderation.

Let's see how that works.

It should be said that I am grateful for all of you who have joined the family here and have very much enjoyed both the intellectual and the social play here. My hope is only to insure that everyone continue to enjoy themselves in their own way. For the record, I'd much rather just accept a changed Waking Ambrose to turning on comment moderation or otherwise limiting conversation. I do hope to keep the two tracks from interfering with each other, perhaps by involving other sites in the dialogue.

No one will be asked to leave and no comments not left by spammers or psychopaths will be deleted. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. {/vainglorious yammering}

A Message From Satire Clause

Today we have a special Sunday guest

Hot Breath on a Red Neck

That darn Dddragon tagged my butt again. While I figure out how to block her IP address, here's my response to "say 20 things about yourself"

The words all apply to me somehow.

Four, adj. & n. The number of things there actually are about me. And the number of colleges I attended on the way to getting a bachelor's degree.
Ohio, n. The state in which I was born and spent the first and most productive ten months of my life.
Cuss, v.t. To express with irrelevancies the most urgent compulsions of the heart. I cuss a fair bit, just not here.
Misanthropic, adj. Gregarious toward stone, wind and beast.
Belly, n. The reservoir of accomplishment.
Scholarly, adj. Like, whatever.
Online, adj. Employed but not well.
Canine, n. Long in the tooth and quick with the tail.
Bible, n. A foundation of faith supporting the houses of heresy.
Lutheran, adj. Able to recite The Brief Order of Confession, Small Catechism and the Powdermilk Biscuits song.
Midwestern, adj. Able to judge corn by its silk and women by their denim.
Californian, adj. Eastwardly mobile.
Southern, adj. Precisely constructed of baling wire, barbed wire and prayer. (as southern engineering)
Road, n. The home to the misplaced, displaced and ornery.
Multilingual, adj. Possessed by more than one tongue.
Sobreity, n. The outward expression of inner toxicity.
Gladly, adv. In the manner of someone who appreciates a cause but not its purpose.
Tonedeaf, adj. Only too happy to sing for you.
Executive, adj. Well-compensated for allowing the efforts of others.
Recalcitrant, adj. NO MORE TAGGING ME!!! I'M TELLING MOM!!! (but I'm flattered you thought of me)

Tagged by a Dddragon

OK, I do wish someone I'm not crazy about would tag me. I'd tell 'em what for.

Here it is:

Impunity, n. Fame.

Sorry, that's it.

If anyone wants to be tagged to post the fifth or last sentence of your 23rd post, go to Dddragon's site for rules.

Chained by a friend

OK, I still think friends don't let friends meme, but Monika is a pretty good friend. The game is to give 5 pieces of useless information about yourself which in my case includes all of it. I won't chain anyone else, but this is kind of a fun one so invite any of you to follow suit.

Carnivorous, adj. Believing in both reincarnation and evangelism. I need to eat an animal at every meal.
Astronomy, n. The establishment of expansive and spherical role models. As I child I read everything I could find about Astronomy.
Asclepius, n.p. A semi-mythological doctor who learned from animals how to treat humans. I've always been more comfortable socially with animals than with people. At my first indoor job (The Carter Center (mid-20s) the story may still be told about my looking for a pad of post-its and growling at the supply closet.
Nomad, n. One who replaces shoes frequently and carpets never. I had had 10 addresses by the time I left home at 17. I probably tripled the number in the following seven years.
Walkabout, n. In world history, the most rational answer to colonization ever. I have spent time in Peru, Guatemala, Argentina, Australia, Germany, France and had residency in Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Georgia, Nevada and California and still can't explain what I was up to hardly anywhere.

Touched by a Weirsdo

Weirsdo tagged me for a meme, an honor I've avoided until now. I want a kiss from Pansi for doing this. Please no-one feel obligated to follow, I'm only doing it to prove my love for a plastic doll.

What 5 Things do you miss about your childhood?

Micronauts, n. pl. Metal toys with interchangeable parts replaced by electronic toys with interchangeable players.
Misogyny, n. The crescendo of a male's happiness when he can live without 'em. Act I.
Baseball, n. The national pastime of an overscheduled people.
Chuck, v. To throw in the unique manner of a child, at once idly and with malice, before reason's onset prohibits such contradictions.
Innocence, n. A vice of which children are falsely accused.
.
Rules: Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect: 1. Searchin' for a Rainbow; 2. Aint it Amazing? 3. Spit Noodle & Joey 4. The Pansi Files. 5. Waking Ambrose

Next select new friends to tag: 1. Pia; 2.Sar,; 3. Marwa; 4. Karma; 5. Prying1
No one is obligated to play.

"Friends don't let friends meme"

From the highlight reel

Generous was one of the first words to appear on this site, but needs to be recalled and applied to my friend Michael K. Willis. Michael was kind enough to review this site on one of his excellent blogs. For a long time, I've had a link up to his site which I use as an antidote for the caustic, cynical writing so often found in my comments section. (Of course I'm kidding.) Michael is a great writer who mixes serialized short stories, interactive posts and autobiographical vignettes on his Bread and Roses site. On his Neverending Rainbow site he offers sophisticated reviews of cultural offerings that a dirt-eater like me will nonetheless find interesting.

I chose the word generous to salute Michael because its the only word to characterize his writing. Not every story, whether autobiographical or fiction ends well for the characters, but you sure wish well for all the characters. The sympathy and optimism that Michael brings to his writing is rare and whats-her-name was a fool, buddy. He promises cynicism in his profile which I'm still waiting for.