Friday, August 31, 2007


EVOLUTION, n.  The process by which the higher organisms are gradually developed from the lower, as Man from the Assisted Immigrant, the Office-Holder from the Ward Boss, the Thief from the Office-Holder, etc.

2007 Update:  The science in which the various things that swim, creep, walk and grow on vines are named superior to their predecessors.  Spin-the-bottle, as played by scientists.


Minka said...

evolution, gazillion years to complicate a human life

Anonymous said...

What failing companies always seek first, as in, "we wantevolution not revolution." This statement is usually followed by a bloody Friday.

Great updated definition Doug!h

Kyahgirl said...

I love the updated definition Doug. A person could almost think scientists have a sense of fun.

Have a great weekend. :-)

TLP said...

Evolution can result in mutations which apparently can lead to turtles wearing masks. Not sure how that makes them more fit to survive. (Maybe they can rob banks to earn a living and not be recognized. I mean, really, there are SO MANY turtles out there.)

ufrxmn: you forgot the x-men
(And so I did!)

Anonymous said...

Evolution: means for weeding out the rabble and/or Rubble. (sorry, but this word begs for at least one Flintstones reference.) ; )

Nessa said...

Love the updated version.

Evolution: The path from Heaven to Hell.

Minka said...

Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.

Warning!: It has been discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, that was simple but well-done. Like blue-green algae.

Thanks, Joel. That's the virtue of a small company- modest ambition and bloodless employees.

Kyah, I once saw a chemist at Disneyland.

TLP, I can see masks helping a turtle in the mating process.

It sure does, Neva. Once upon a time, at Deep Springs College there was a cartoonist who drew satirical comics of the goings on at the school. A certain curmudgeon-to-be was always depicted as Fred Flintstone.

Goldenib, so, EVOLUTION, n. Good intentions?

Funny, Minka.

Mother Theresa said...

Evolution: Subject soon to be replaced by Bush's New Biology.

The OE said...

Evolution: Three quarters of a complete 360 degree turn around, also known as waffling by politicians who once claimed to have revolutionary ideas. "The evolution of the City Councilman's election promises produced a lot of media attention but little other than partisan bickering because, in spite of his statements, he was mostly full of hot air."

Jamie Dawn said...

Micro or Macro??
I dunno.
It's all too complicated for me.
All I know is that every woman's chest goes through evolution. Or maybe that's just gravity.
Men evolve too over the years, but what happens to them is too emabarrassing to talk about.

Anonymous said...

"... are named superior to their predecessors ..."

But, Doug! That kind of value judgment is just what we who study such things are trying to avoid. That's how come, instead of "higher" and "lower", we have "derived character state" and "symplesiomorphy" and ... oh, never mind.

Yes, that is a word.

And I'll have you know that we scientists have far better uses for bottles. For example ... what? 'Scuse me a sec ... what gin? ... um, never mind about the bottles ...


Are we not men?

Jim said...

Evolution: Last time I checked, it rymed with revolution.

mireille said...

I like Fred Flintstone. He always reminded me of Ralph Kramden. Maybe Ralph evolved from Fred?

Also, why do I always snicker at the word organism? xoxo

Anonymous said...

So you don't believe in Evolution
Well... you know
We all want to change the world...

As most anthropologically leaning individuals will tell you, it is the transformation of the savage into a barbarian, and the progression of the barbarian into a civilized being.

Although not having children, and never having been one you might not know this.

I grasp at straws here as all dying men do...

TLP said...

Evolution: Rabbits do it rapidly. Rabbit rabbit dawg.

Doug The Una said...

Theresa, I bet everyone will have four ears and twenty mouths, huh?

OE,gassy politicians are selected four. That's why they have air bladders instead of lungs and a heart.

Jamie Dawn, that's how you know you were created by an intelligent designer who understood, at some point, you'd need to work for truffles.

Amoeba, thanks for the correction but better-informed value judgements is what science is about whether you people admit it or not. Man, I hope that word never appears here. Ah, and we are Devo. Especially the ones from Akron, Ohio.

Jim, it does. Like "Gun control" and "Sound of soul."

Wow, Actnbell. Those must have evolved from Senators.

Mireille, because you're a naughty, naughty young lady.

That, Cooper, is the anthropologist's confusion. Where does the worm come in? "We drift through life, grasping at straws, but what good is a brick to a drowning man?" -Rosenkrantz from Rosenkrants and Guildenstern Are Dead.

TLP, I think rabbits have perfected the art. Rabbit, rabbit.