Monday, March 03, 2008


EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. Following is a touching example:
Here lie the bones of Parson Platt,
Wise, pious, humble and all that,
Who showed us life as all should live it;
Let that be said — and God forgive it!
2008 Update:  The first marker, etched in stone, on the path to obscurity, the last being a statue made of bronze. 
Beloved husband, father, brother:
He'll be remembered like no other-
For honesty, wisdom, grace and vim-
'Til Wife, sister and son come lie with him.


TLP said...

Can I be first twice in a row???

Is this an omen? Write a sweet epitaph for me. Lie if necessary. Hell, of course it will be necessary.

Anonymous said...

EPITAPH, n. Shortened form of Latin epitaphium, a funeral oration (see "He's dead, Jim"). Death, like life, is more fast-paced these days.

Anonymous said...

In light of Amoeba's comment, if I had any say in William Shatner's epitaph it would read, Beam me up, Scotty.

Jamie Dawn said...

If each person's epitaph were written by the person who liked them least, then most people would opt not to have one.

Here's lies a selfish pig,
Don't take the time to dig,
Just toss him in the trash,
And save his wife some cash.

Anonymous said...

This is cheerful today. I'm feeling this one. When my bloody chinook migraine has killed me (pleasepleaseplease)...write me a pretty epitaph, Doug. Something limericky.

tsduff said...

Suffering blithering succotash,
I can't write an epitaph.
Who made up a word like that?
Put a feather in his cap.

Here lies someone
Good and dead.
Mule done kicked him
In the head.
Trail stops here
This is the end
Only daisies
Left to tend.

Minka said...

epitaph, n. Lobgesang with frills

Jim said...

Epitaph: Like engineer, I didn't use to know how to spell it and now I are one.

Epitaph: Like epitaph, I didn't use to know how to spell it and now I have one.

Epitaph: Part of mine should read (per my orders) "He wasn't born here, but he got to Texas as fast as he could"

Hobbes said...

The final word from your sponsors.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to Hobbes, I have just come up with my own epitaph, the thought I have had more often then any other when visiting this blog, I wish I'd have said that!

Cie Cheesemeister said...

On my old blog I had a picture of my tombstone. It said "Gone but not forgiven."
You can see what it says on Death Cheese's tombstone by clicking here.

Doug The Una said...

TLP, it's your basic goodness that impels us to lie about you.

It's all faster now, Amoeba, and much richer in advice.

Quilly, I'm sure the opportunity will present to vote online.

Jamie Dawn, I want that one!

Let's see, Jenn, how about
There once was a girl from calgary
Whose love she'd give away there free
But her company she spared
For just those who dared
To chase all the way up to the prairie?

Terry that was magnificent. I bow.

Haha, Minka. Ein greulich witze?

Jim, how about "He learned to talk like us and now to think like us." or "Adopted Texan gone native."

And every day is a newbreak, huh, Hobbes?

Quilly, you said it.

Cheesemeister, a very good friend once shared a parable of Muhammed with a similar feeling.

Anonymous said...

Wow. What an epitaph, Doug. Thanks! For free huh? I'm so easy.

Doug The Una said...

Jenn, that's just one of your fine qualities.

Ariel the Thief said...

Yep, Cie, that's one frightening epitaph.

Epitaph - my aunt told me that the writing on the tombstone of my grandparents was her idea. 'I heard it on the radio once', she said, 'and immediately wrote it down on a piece of paper to make sure I have it when I need it.' I was dying.

Tom & Icy said...

And then they died, the end.