Icthyologist

ICTHYOLOGIST, n. A. Jo. Redding.

2008 Update: An administrative theologian.

Incidentally, anybody know who Bierce was talking about?

The answer, supplied by the crack research team of Amoeba, TLP and Weirsdo:

The Unionville Chronicles

Fourteenth Canto

Gather round for the story, a storm's coming.  Or maybe that's just my father's voice.  Thanks, Pop,  and happy birthday.

The stagecoach master has the written text.  Do you know how many criminals, desperadoes and reprobates would like to get their hands on the written text of this pome?

Hedgehog

HEDGEHOG, n. The cactus of the animal kingdom.

2008 Update: A menber of the genus family Erinaceinae and mild descendant of the winged shrew (Erinye.) The hedgehog is the paragon of specialization, having found a bush under which to be an expert and eat bugs in the dark.

Hireling

HIRELING, n.  A mercenary wretch who serves another person for wages, as distinguished from the respectable functionary who receives a salary.

2008 Update: A plaintiff in the probationary stage.

Prophets of Doom, a limerick

Each of man's follies and fevers,

Bode the end of this vale of grievers.

Prophets of doom

Continue to loom

Eternal in the minds of believers.

CARLIN, GEORGE (1937-2008) American comedian who achieved greatness June 22.

Houseless

HOUSELESS, adj. Having paid all taxes on household goods.

2008 Update:  Lacking a gathering place for heirs or a shelter from envy.

For every evil, there's a cure

For gluttony, drink in place of food

For Envy there's allure

For Sloth there's the reflective mood 

For Lust, there's speech

For Wrath, a blow against the head

For Greed, there's reach

And for Pride, there is the dead.

Which is my way of wishing a happy birthday to the mouldering corpse of Ambrose Bierce.

Homeopathy

HOMEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

2008 Update: An art of healing which assumes that water remembers and patients forget, two well-tested hypotheses. Homeopathy has been in decline since it was discovered that litigators have better memories than water or libertarians.

The Unionville Chronicles

Thirteenth Canto

This week the reading is by Blogmother TLP.  Click on the pony charismatic  to hear the reading and thanks, TLP.  

Happy birthday to the elegant and dangerous Mireille.

To read, click on John Henry the Baptist bringing peace to a burro.

Weaknesses

WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.

2008 Update:  The collection of insecurities, appetites, addictions, agitations, temptations, frustrations, aspirations and allegations that machines, demons and neighbors provoke to distract us from our obedience.

Washingtonian

WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

They took away his vote and gave instead
The right, when he had earned, to eat his bread.
In vain — he clamors for his "boss," pour soul,
To come again and part him from his roll.

—Offenbach Stutz

2008 Update:  An American commoner far from home, hearth, hardship, heart and harp.  An ambassador plenipotentiary to the law from a mob.