Thursday, February 02, 2006


Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. In literature, and particularly in poetry, the elements of success are exceedingly simple, and are admirably set forth in the following lines by the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape, entitled, for some mysterious reason, "John A. Joyce."
The bard who would prosper must carry a book,
Do his thinking in prose and wear
A crimson cravat, a far-away look
And a head of hexameter hair.
Be thin in your thought and your body'll be fat;
If you wear your hair long you needn't your hat.
2006 Update: An historian's account of a soldier's death, scientific observations selected, a poet's regard for a martyr or the prediction of someone elected.

Happy Groundhog Day, to those who have winter!


Indeterminacy said...

Success: In the triumph of mediocrity, showing up as number one in the search results for "miserable failure."

Solace Cai said...

Sucess is, in essence the same as the phrase "On man's trash is another man's treasure."
(One man's sucess is another man's failure)

karma said...

you can wear my hat

soqqomy: what was practised on people if they got too successful in ye olde days in England

still life said...

Success (n) levels of self worth measured by hat size or circumference of head

Semisweet1 said...

That picture of forced meats made me a little ill. I thought there was no profanity on this website.

Sar said...

Though it can be measured one step at a time, it is overcoming the challenge and achieving the ability to take the first step that is success.

Sar said...

And for the record, I agree with Semi. BLECH!

weirsdo said...

The experience of teetering on top of a ladder whose lower rungs one has destroyed.

AP3 said...

Now I know what you mean about that "same dress" comment! That's funny. Ew, your picture is exceptionally gross! You win! Success!

Doug said...

Indie, Google gave me a biography of the current President. I guess I don't even stand out on that last.

Solace, again I see you're wise for your age.

Karma, devilish use of the verifier. I assume your gracious offer is to the comment after yours somehow?

Still Life, that is such good news to me.

Semisweet, forced meats are sacredish.

OK, OK, Sar, the picture comes down.

Weirsdo, I saw that movie. It's a goodie.

Aral, *bowing and deleting*

logo said...

Success~ keeping down my breakfast after seeing that pic....eeeeeoooww

Tom & Icy said...

fighting a windmill and winning

Mama said...

Success 1: Being long winded and not having your son roll his eyes halfway through your e-response.

Success 2: Being a departed 2005 soul who was commemorated by readers of the Washington Post.

Robert Hunter (Founder of Greenpeace).

Bob Hunter has gone to his final repose;
From cancer his health had been failing.
His passing was marked by his friends and his foes.
Respectively weeping and whaling.

George Atkinson (founded the first video store)

"He'll be reincarnated": That was the wish
For which his sad relatives yearned.
In fact, there's a charge of a buck and a half
For each day that he isn't returned.

I've got more but I'll stop here for fear that my success is limited to the second definition and not the first!

Doug said...

Logo, I deleted it. A hundred pardons for my low-bred humor.

Icy, brilliant! I wish I'd come up with that. Good girl!

Hey, Mama! Those are hysterical.

Manchego said...

Ground hog, Ground hog.
And the rodent has succeded in seeing his rodent shadow...which is not, for us, any great success.

Anonymous said...

Well, I didn't get to see the groddy picture. Sigh. I always miss out on the good stuff.

Success is keeping my condo clean for three weeks. just kind of takes my breath away never mind that I haven't tripped on a pile of books and nearly cracked my head on the coffee table while shattering the martini glass holding candles. Double success.

Success makes me throw my hands up and shout "I win!" just like when I conquered Adobe GoLive.

karma said...

good to see the anti-comments on the antipasto were a huge success.

oh, and hi everyone!

Miz BoheMia said...

Success... a slippery little sucker but catch it I WILL!

Semisweet1 said...

Mama P, I echo Doug. Very funny!

dddragon said...

Ah, success. I'm in a birthing twins mindset lately (won't bore you with the details). So to me, success was measured by days marked off the calendar and weights and inches recorded.

ariel said...

wow, Icy, great one!

success is a question of point of view. Yoko Ono always calls her failers in different arts her successes. it took me this many years to finally understand.

we have the same thing today but not with groundhogs but bears. we go to the ZOO to see what they do today...

ariel said...

oh and all those comments made me so curious of that picture. pretty please?

Minka said...

I got nothing, but I know several people who got somethign once upon a time ;)

"Do, or do not. There is no try."
-Star Wars-

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
-Herman melville

"An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it."
-Orlando A. Battista

Fred said...

Success: Making it through my Advanced Placement European History class without falling asleep.

Rio said...

success: an orgasm.. we can all see where my mind is today.. and everyother day. anyway i wanna see the picture too

mireille said...

to be comfortably centered within yourself, surrounded by beings you love, envying nothing and no one. xoxo

Omnipotent Poobah said...

success - The one thing I've been able to asidiously avoid my entire life.

a4g said...

Success, n. That which affords the rotting corpse a hand-polished, old-growth Cuban mahogany casket.

Anonymous said...

Doug, it doesn't sound like your having too much success keeping all your visitors happy...oh, and I saw the photo and my vote is to keep it down.

Accomplished Effort

Doug said...

Manchego, you must go outside more than I do.

Thrice congratulations to you, Jenna! Yikes on the new icon.

Karma, and if no-one said so, it's delightful to have you back.

Careful, Miz B, the VATs on that thing are sharp!

Semi, and I echo you echoing me.

Dddragon, that was an extraordinary success. The girls are great. *applause*

Really, Ariel? Bears? If they eat a blond girl, early spring?

Monika, thanks for bringing Yoda. The Melville quote is a little suspicious on Waking Ambrose but I trust your kind intent.

Fred, it's a bad sign if the teacher feels that way.

Good example, Rio.

Mireille, what a perfect way to get in the mood for the Super Bowl. You left out the buffalo wings, though.

Poobah, well done. That must be hard when you're omnipotent.

Yes, a4g, well done. The richest man in the graveyard is admired from above.

Anonymous, Another Example of pernicious vegitarianism I suppose.

Minka said...

Does Ambrose have a problem with Herman? I am just case he does i am sorry for bringing him up, but I love this quote and it fits perfectly!

Doug said...

Not that I'm aware of Monika, although he did with Oscar Wilde. I was referring to the fact that this site succeeds (when it succeeds) in imitation of Ambrose Bierce.

Anonymous said...

Yikes? Whadaya mean yikes?

actonbell said...

So many wonderful definitions! I succeeded in getting here later than ever before, and missing that picture. It's okay, I'm squeamish.
I agree with Mireille, success is happiness and contentment:)

Good night!

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I wrote something earlier but then blogger went dead or something.

Taking into account the root word means to follow through.
Succeed: living until you die

SquareGirl said...

Now what is this "Groundhog Day" that everyone is talking about? And this so-called "winter", I am quite sure it is something that people made up...

shayna said...

When the Democrats win in 2008 SUCCESS! :)~ YEAH BABY!!!!

mireille said...

oh, don't worry. I'm making this buffalo wings dip that involves cream cheese, tabasco sauce and chicken breasts. That sounds dirty. And what's forced meats? That sounds dirty. xoxo

Doug said...

Yikes, Jenna. Yikes!

Sleep well, Actonbell.

Alice, that's a victory beyond success.

Squaregirl, a California native maybe?

Shayna, politics? Winning is never success.

Dirty good, Mireille.

AP3 said...

I can't believe you deleted that prize-worthy grotesque picture! *sigh* Censorship!

ariel said...

are those people in Jenna's icon naked? yikes!

Indeterminacy said...

42 comments! My, what a successful post this was!

Doug said...

Aral, I'm the victim of political correctness run amok and a purveyor of craven cowardice. Want to guess my party?

Yikes, indeed, Ariel!

Indie, it's about giving the people what they want.

Em said...

Success: finally taking Doug's advice and learning the meaning of Rabbit Rabbit!