Monday, August 07, 2006

Arbitration

ARBITRATION, n. A patent medicine for allaying international heat, designed to supersede the old-school treatment of blood-letting. It makes the unsuccessful party to the dispute hate two or more nations instead of one- to the unspeakable advantage of peace.

2006 Update: A formula for prevention of conflagaration by adding a prelate to litigation, where a litigant and a legatee agree to appointed referee because resolution of an allegation benefits by simplification.

47 comments:

Minka said...

I am gonna arbitrate the idea that this is far to difficult a word to contemplate when one has just woken up! At a later point today however I will do my utmost to engage both of my brain cells, and maybe those two will be able to find some common ground.
As for now, I do believe I am first and there is no arguing with that!

puppybrose said...

let's put this word, arbitration, on the table, and see if we can't find a way to convince you to come up with a term less challenging to anyone's brain cells on Mondays.

that said, i'll not argue with teh Penguin... she is, indeed, first! and i wish her brain cells all good luck whilst engaged in their effort to arbitrate a clever connotation for this word!

Minka said...

Thank you Puppytoes, they are still working on it I believe!

Joel said...

King Solomon: One of arbitration's all-time superstars. In fact, he is often refered to as the "father"of same.

Jenna Howard said...

arbitration? tht's a lot of blah, blah, blahing until someone throws a coffee mug and then it gets pretty exciting!

steve Pascover said...

No, son, Arbitration is . . .. Oh, never mind. where is my coffee

puppybrose said...

arbitration: process through which everyone wins and no one is happy.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Huh? What'dchyasay?

This is an arbitrary choice of a word for Monday. Kinda mean too.

Sar said...

Arbitration: The lucrative televised process of conflict resolution in which the stupidity of morons who can't think for themselves is displayed before the world.

See: Nanny 911 and Dr. Phil.

cj said...

arbitration a mythilogical process where both time and money is saved by hiring a mediator to take the other persons side.

:) Must have had a glass of pessimissim with my breakfast today.

Joel said...

Salary Arbitration: The process by which employers give work hard to discredit, diminish, and belittle the efforts of an individual employee they are determined to retain.

Minka said...

I got nothin'!
So I am quoting:

“International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one”

Ambrose Bierce

I´ve done well, no?!

Doug said...

Minka, I suspect in arbitration someone might argue that while you appear to be first, that's only a chronological assessment. I'll take your side, though.

OK, Puppybrose, you can do "Bellicose."

Clever, Joel. The "Father" of baby-splitting.

Jenna, that's probably the perfect definition.

Pop, why do I think you were about to correct me and prove my point in the same paragraph?

Nice, Puppybrose.

TLP, it was just bad page-turning on my part.

Sar, I knew I could count on you to bring reality TV into this somehow. Well done.

CJ, that's always a good beverage before stopping by this site.

Joel, it doesn't sound very rational when you put it like that. Should we mentally delete the word "give?"

Yes, Minka, you did good. It makes me wonder, since this was at the top of a left-hand page if there was another definition I should have included. If so, thanks for covering up my lazy negligence.

Logophile said...

Yup, there aren't even that many comments and every semi-clever thought I had has been improved on by someone else already.
Its Monday!

Joel said...

Doug...yes mentally delete "give" if you would please to compensate for my poor proofing and editing!

The Village Idiot said...

arbitration - a unilateral decision by someone else

Mutha said...

Geez Doug: Float like a butterfly sting like a bee.

I need another dictionary, legalize for this one...I'll be back.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Arbitration: Shooting from the mouth instead of shooting with guns. I guess. Maybe. I'm conflicted about this.

puppybrose said...

who are you calling BELLICOSE? and WHERE did i put my shovel?

arbitration: the foundation for strong-armed compliance under the guise of a compromising hand-shake.

ariel said...

I do believe parents know what arbitration is.

brian said...

Arbitration: When hearing the alarm clock at 5:30 am on Monday morning and realizing for the umpteenth million time that someone else signs your paycheck.

Jenna Howard said...

Jenna, that's probably the perfect definition.

Gasp! Swoon! Thud!

The Gnat's Trumpet said...

Arbitration: A false promise of cost savings; a form of dispute resolution under which litigants exchange one lawsuit concerning the merits of a dispute for multiple lawsuits, first regarding the validity of the agreement to arbitrate and then later regarding the validity of the arbitration award . . . and they still have to arbitrate the underlying dispute in the middle.

Joel said...

Arbitration follows constipation in the negotiation sequence of events.

LeesahEm. said...

arbitration-paying somebody to explain to you what you should have learned in kindergarten.

Doug said...

Logo, maybe you can negotiate having your coffee and laptop brought to you just as you wake up?

Joel, what "give?"

V.I., welcome back. Are you arbitrating with aloe vera?

Mutha, quoting Cassius Clay is always good enough and it absolves you from making even a little sense.

TLP, we can discuss your conflict like civilized adults.

Puppybrose, I just offered a simple word for you to define because I'm sensitive to your feelings about this being a Monday. What's with all the anger?

Ariel, it's called a good swift kick.

Brian, here's the bad news. I'm the guy that signs my paycheck and it doesn't make negotiating with the alarm clock the least bit easier.

Doug said...

Jenna, please. Pillow?

Gnat, sounds like a man who's been to law school.

Joel, I would say Arbitration follows instigation and causes constipation in delivering the allocation.

Masil, absolutely.

brian said...

Doug,

Then you should fire the person who negotiated your arbitration.

Arbitration: When delusion meets the illusion of the green grass syndrome, not to be confused with waking up in a strangers bed arbitrarily after a hard night partying.

First Nations said...

ARBITRATION: 1. birds in their little nests being made to agree on condition of red retribution.
2. talk softly, carry a bigger stick than anyone else; i.e. U.S. foreign policy

G said...

So, a rabbi, a priest and an imam walk into this bar...

tsduff said...

Goodness gracious - all of those big words give me a headache! I like definition:

mireille said...

So, attempting to find resolution of controversy outside the court system ... a means of circumventing paying reasonable and customary attorney fees ... AND a siphoning-off of the paralegals' trickle-down salary stream (although SOMEBODY gets paid in this whole thing)... um, wonder if the rootword "arbit" had any relation to the German "arbeit" ... just amusing myself with cascade-of-thought. Or something. Alliterative. You sign your own paychecks? Heh. xoxo

Jenna Howard said...

*lifts head, takes pillow* Thanks. *lowers head back down*

Arbitration is just melodrama with a fancy spin on it and the use of big words.

Mutha said...

Thank you Muhamad, Ali that is.

Alright, I'll be brave even though I've been absolved.

My Webster's says: Settlement of a dispute by lay judges. Lay judges? Pretty cushy job, don't ya' think? How much schoolin ya need to be a lay judge? And is it "lay" as in "lie" or as in "got laid"?

Shoot...I think I blew the G-Rating...I should have stuck with the Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card.

actonbell said...

Arbitration: what should not even happen at 5am--getting up earlier in this heat should not be controversial. *yawn*

And thank you for the birthday wish!

Doug said...

Brian, waking up isn't arbitrary, and I would fire him but I have vet bills to pay.

First Nations, it turns out you need a lot of sticks.

Great point, G. The middle east needs fewer arbitrators and more bartenders.

Terry, I love Calvin and Hobbes.

Mireille, a computer signs then but I authorize them. I'm afraid you're overqualified.

Jenna, "Melodrama" is four syllables. Can you dumb it down for me a little?

Mutha, I'll xerox you another.

Actonbell, I hope it was grand. Spot of birthday tea?

puppybrose said...

your response to Jenna was curiously timely. for (in that bellicose fashion i apparently have) i was *just* about to ask if arbitration--along with your multi-syllabic definition--was your little means for enhancing the content of this blog in order to elevate your own Flesch Keebler-Krackwhore-Kincaid Score... but after reading what yo said to her, i'm guessing the answer is "no".

puppybrose said...

yo... or *you*. yo know who yo are.

The Village Idiot said...

Hi Doug..

Its a pacific northwest beach. While the mornings were awesome, the wind picked up in the afternoon, so kite flying weather and the water...you need a full wetsuit, booties and a hood to stay in the water on a board, for any lenght of time, unless you are 8. Then it seems, it doesnt matter.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

arbitration - You lose.

Doug said...

Puppybrose, my ambition is to develop a first-grade vocabulary, yo!

I'm curious if you wore that cap, VI. Do they hunt aenemone?

So, Poobah, how is that different from litigation, legislation, impersonation, instigation or consummation?

Minka said...

arbitration is ...why bother, life´s too short! :)

Jenna Howard said...

Can I dumb it down, Doug? Yes.

Will I? No.

Indeterminacy said...

Arbitration: The determination of an arbitrary solution.

Doug said...

Icelandic Arbitration, n. The Holm.

Little Blue Pill, you're supposed to be easy, young lady.

Indie, Buckeye Arbitration, n. A two-headed coin.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Doug,
It isn't. Those are just synonyms.

Doug said...

I figured, Brer Poobah