Thursday, October 26, 2006

Dullard

DULLARD, n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy have overrun the habitable world. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows; tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude. The Dullards came originally from Boeotia, whence they were driven by stress of starvation, their dullness having blighted the crops. For some centuries they infested Philistia, and many of them are called Philistines to this day. In the turbulent times of the Crusades they withdrew thence and gradually overspread all Europe, occupying most of the high places in politics, art, literature, science and theology. Since a detachment of Dullards came over with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower and made a favorable report of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion has been rapid and steady. According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians. The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral.

2006 Update: A well whetted wit, positioned and parodied.
2. A lexicographer by choice.

57 comments:

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Dullard: A person too dull to comment.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I wonder who was really first? A true dullard.

FelineFrisky said...

dullard: noun, idiot, fool, stupid person, simpleton, ignoramus, oaf, dunce, dolt; informal moron, cretin, imbecile, nincompoop, dope, chump, nitwit, dimwit, birdbrain, peabrain, numbskull, numbnuts, fathead, dumbo, dumdum, donkey, doofus, goof, bozo, dummy, zombie.

There's one in every family. Sadly, mine has MANY!!

Informal moron, LOVE that one! Do formal morons wear tux's?? D :}

a said...

Dullard: A talk radio host who claims Michael J. Fox is faking it.

Usage: "Hello my name is Darryl, this is my brother Dullard and this my other other brother Dullard."

brian said...

Huh????

Scratches himself and wanders out into the rain.

ariel said...

wow FelineFrisky! a lady needs to have handcream in her reticule and appropriate phrases for any cases in her mind when leaves the house.

puppybrose said...

Dullard: one who'd prefer to polish off another beer in front of the TV rather than shine up to a good book.

Joel said...

Dullard: A department store chain found mostly in the southeast and midwest...no, wait...that's Dillards. What was the question?

QuillDancer said...

Dullard? I've heard of them, but they seem to shy away from my company. ::looking around:: See? None here.

karma said...

a person who goes, 'D-uh' (Big Moose not included)

ikcotjwt: i c-c-caught a jolly wet tick

mireille said...

an author or editor of a dictionary I like lexicographers. I find them thrilling. Dullard? Mais non! xoxo

Jodes said...

i like what karma said.

puppybrose said...

Karma... don't you mean "D'oh"? (or is that just according to my own dullardly too-much-TV-watchin' sensibility?)

Old Mule said...

Dullard: W

(some one had to say it!)

Doug said...

TLP, it's never dull with you around. A word from you can transform a dullard into an economist.

Diane, it does seem like you know a lot of the words.

a, you're the first person I've heard claim that a dullard is a Rush.

Don't look up, Brian. I'd hate to hear of your drowning.

Ariel, that's funny. Wit and hand lotion are both preparations?

Puppybrose, DULLARD, n. Someone who upon first reading your comment thinks you're talking about sausage and beer. A PBR man.

Joel, when I lived in Georgia I once spent an hour on the phone explaining "But I didn't ask for a Dillard's charge card and don't want it." It isn't without reason that you connect the two.

Quilldancer, you can tell them because they have no reflection.

Karma, on behalf of the big moose community, I thank you for the carve out.

Mireille, thank the Lord for true Francophones. Someone has to.

Hey, Jodes! Me too.

Puppybrose, you were asking Karma but I have to think "yes."

Mule, someone was bound to.

a4g said...

Dullard, n. The paunchy, aging gasbag who keeps getting in the way when I try to see my reflection.

DewyKnickers said...

Dullard:

Those uncouth beasts who try to hit on Dewy with fulsome words, and bad intentions....diamonds? For moi???

DK xo

*wbxtzco*

what brilliant ecstasy carats observe

Anonymous said...

Durkheim's Disciple says...

The chattel of common conscience.

Sar said...

Okay since the obvious and prize comment is taken (right on Old Mule), I'll just add that snuppy's comments made me think of Homer Simpson. An affable Dullard if ever there was one. D'Oh!

Doug said...

a4g, he must head right over to your place as soon as he leaves mine. Sonofabitch.

Dewy, don't let the baubles distract you.

Anonymous, wow.

Sar, affable dullards are the spine and soul of a healthy society. I tell myself that over and over.

Kyahgirl said...

dullard, zzzzzz-z-z-z-z

wha-a? oh, sorry, nodded off there.

Logophile said...

ok, I will return with a definition but Doug, you cussed, and it make me to a spit take, good stuff.
Oh, and while we are discussing public figure dullards, Al Gore and Bob Dole when they were running for office. Something about campaigning squooshed the life out of those two, that is ok, Dean ended up with a some of it, YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!

Jenna Howard said...

Dullard? Dullard?!?

What kind of dullard still uses this word? It's so...so...so passé.

G said...

I'm onto you bierce boy (sorry A, couldn't help but borrow that one).

Dullard: The one who not only cuts off their nose to spite their face, but continues to try and reattach it.

QuillDancer said...

Dullard Dan Quayle, epitome of

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Dul-lard: dumb grease. Instead of cooking with Crisco, we'd do a slow burn with Quayle, a la Quilly's comment. Or if you want a burning Bush that's okay too.

Minka said...

dull ard: a modern painting to Minka...I just don´t get yellow triangles on blue canvases!

Diesel said...

One who is simultaneously at his wits' end and at their beginning.

puppybrose said...

Dullard: college grad workin' at McDonald's.

should we be concerned that our own (25 year old) son recently discovered the joys of PBR? sigh.

Sar... hello? i was referring to Homer Simpson! (D'oh! indeed!)

Karen said...

Dullard... hmmmm, i know... Dumbass!

i'll be good and not editorialize that one, ya know what i mean!?! {grin}

O Ceallaigh said...

DULLARD, n. Of course it is. Vegetable shortening is much shinier, especially if it's got a brand name. Results of consumption are the same either way, but who cares?

the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.

That's three hundred millions nowadays. Who elected W, twice, and his party into Congress ever since 1994. But what's new? After all, even when the Dullards were tenfold fewer than they are now, brain (as Bierce so eloquently pointed out) was so highly honored that it was exempted from the cares of office. As it was then, so it is now.

[entire body trembles]

Mo'a said...

I will come back tomorrow.

tsduff said...

Dullard: what I feel like before coffee.

Doug said...

Kyah, do you mind not snoring?

True, Logo. Those were not exciting campaigns. It takes a special individual to make politics less exciting.

A guy who's been dead 97 years, Jenna?

G, and uses a spoon for both.

Quill, that would be yet another example. You can see why I didn't offer a contest.

TLP, they go up real good.

Minka, sublimity just means nothing to you, I guess. Me neither.

Diesel, that's funny. Well done again.

Puppybrose, in answer to your question, the magic 8-ball says "without a doubt."

I do, Karen, and someone got there first anyhow. Your restraint gets better by the day.

O Ceallaigh, I love the line about exempted from the cares of office. The null hypothesis, that social wisdom is uncorrelated with the size of society, is safe.

See you then, Mo'a :)

Terry what I am before coffee. During and after, too.

QuillDancer said...

Doug, if you are a dullard, then I am an idiot, and I sir am not -- oh, damn, never mind.

Sar said...

D'oh!

You know, that seems entirely too excitable an utterance for someone considered Dullable, don't you think? I mean drone seems more apropos. Just sayin.

And btw, Doug, your Magic 8 Ball can kiss my pampered A$$.

;)

Anonymous said...

dull'ard--lazy speaker who's also not into gardening? see also, but I'm just too tired to do or think much.

Cindra said...

Dullard: one who finds no interest in anything other than their own boring opinions.

Doug said...

Quill? Oh, never mind.

Sar, the magic 8-ball was answering puppybrose's question about her son. It owes you nary a smooch.

Actonbell, a dullard is also someone who doesn't get the joke. It's been a long day but what's an 'ard?

You may be right, Cindra Jo but as for "a well whetted wit, positioned and parodied" didn't you like how old timey that sounds?

Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. You're kidding right Doug?

'ard would be a lazy speakers way of saying yard. But, I think I'm the dull one for not knowing that you actually did know that. So, never mind.

puppybrose said...

D'oh! i fear your 8-ball is right.

(Sar, sorry for the confusion! but you know i was being a sarcastic dullard up there, right??)

mireille said...

Pabst Blue Ribbon! Hah! xoxo Oh. You want relevance? um, you said it first.

shayna said...

How did they teach you to be just a happy puppet dancing on a string?
How did you learn everything that comes along with slavish funnery?
Tell me something, if the world is so insane,
Is it making you sane again to let another man tug at the thread that pulls up your nodding head?

How did they teach you to be just a happy puppet dancing on a string?
How do you manage to live inside this tiny stage you cant leave?
Tell me something, if the world is so insane,
Is it making you sane again to let another man tug at the thread that pulls up your nodding head?

A dullard strung on the wire.
When the masters gone you hang there with your eyes and your limbs so lifeless.

How did they teach you to be just a happy puppet dancing on a string?
How do you manage to speak, your mouth a frozen grin?

A DULLARD strung on the wire.
When the masters gone you hang there with your eyes and your limbs so lifeless.

Tell me something, if the world is so insane,
Is it making you sane again to let another man tug at the thread that pulls up your empty wooden head?

Your hollow head, your marble eyes, your wooden hands and your metal jaw pins
All wait in limbo for the man who knows how to move you this way.

cooper said...

Boeotia, I so want to go there. ;0

I don't think I've ever heard that word used in real life but I thank you for bribging it up because I have need of it.

dullard: yea, duh

cheesemeister said...

Dullard:
What a batty person is supposed to aspire to be.

Sar said...

Snuppy & Doug - Ooops and ooops again. I had my little one home sick today so I was blogging under the influence of distraction I'm afraid. Shame my silly snark was off the mark (*sigh*), but you know I always appreciate your collective sarcasm.

Sar said...

And 47 is MINE!

Doug said...

TLP, like I said. Long day. Long week. Didn't get it. Dullard.

Puppybrose, never discount the wisdom of the Magic 8-ball.

Mireille, relevance is the last thing I need. Flippancy over everything.

Shayna, it just happened.

Cooper, I'll show you around some time. I think it's a great word and lack of opportunity sure isn't why you don't hear it anymore.

Cheesemeister, and dullards aspire to battiness.

Sar, I'm glad you got that one.

cindra said...

Old timey is good.

QuillDancer said...

Dullard -- the Cox Cable minion I just spent 55 minutes talking with. Excuse me. I must go wash my brain to avoid further contamination.

Logophile said...

yeah, I'm back and I still have nothing better.

Does that make me... a,
NAH!

Indeterminacy said...

Dullard: The life of the party. (political party)

FelineFrisky said...

Ahem,......I am here! Where is Doug? Oh, time difference, so sorry - I'll try to be patient! sigh, it's not a kitty virtue, ya know. D :}

Sar said...

Uh waitaminute, *rubs eyes* did I just arrive BEFORE the day's new post? How did that happen? I want credit for this!

Indeterminacy said...

Hi Sar, there are a bunch of us waiting here to leave the first comment of the day.

a said...

Queue: 1) Between pee and arrr. 2) Gathered anxiously at yesterday's word looking for today's.

Doug said...

Haha, thanks Cindra. But back to me now.

Sorry, Quill. I've been there.

Absolutely not, Logo. Perish the thought if you have them.

Yup, Indie.

Sorry, Diane. Slow morning on the west coast.

Credit granted, Sar.

Gee whiz, Indie.

a, maybe I should have one of you call me when I'm being negligient. Sleep in until 4, Pascover? What are you thinking?